


You're still the best more or less, I guess

by eleasofia



Series: Lover Dearest (Arranged Marriage AU) [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Arranged Marriage, Developing Relationship, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Fluffy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I'm not tagging more because I don't want to spoil too much right away, Just comment or message me if you're concerned about something, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love, supportive friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2018-07-15 06:08:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 170
Words: 86,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7210994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eleasofia/pseuds/eleasofia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"And what about the kiss, do we need to practise that too?" Oikawa added teasingly with a shit-eating grin. The way the younger boy jerked his head away to hide his furiously blushing face made him chuckle. "Sh-shut up!" Kageyama managed to stutter. "My my, Tobio-chan, is this how you talk to your senpai?" Oikawa replied, feigning to be offended. To his surprise, when Tobio turned his head back around his face had already changed back to its natural colour and his gaze was firm. "No," he said confidently meeting Oikawa's eyes with a challenging look, "But it's how I talk to my fiancé."</p><p>Or the OiKage arranged marriage AU nobody asked for in which Kageyama suffers a lot because marrying the person you love isn't all that fun if they don't love you back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. [1]

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is the main story of my OiKage Arranged Marriage AU called "Lover Dearest" and pretty much consists of short chapters (average 400-500 words I think) detailing little daily life situations. It's mostly about progress, regression, and atmosphere, so prepare for lots of fluff and angst. Kageyama suffers, but there'll be a happy ending, I promise!
> 
> This work is now part of a series! You can find additional one-shots and short fics there!
> 
> Also, the title and this in general were inspired by the song "Lover Dearest" by Marianas Trench.

"Tooru, calm down, everything is going to be okay," his sister said in a soft voice, "At least they let you marry a man. That's what you wanted, isn't it?"

"Yes, but _no_! I wanted to decide _who_ I'm going to marry and not just which gender!" Tooru responded agitatedly.

"Otherwise they would've set you up with some woman, you know that. They didn't let me decide either," she replied.

"Yeah, I know! And it's absolutely not okay! This is the 21st century, and forced marriage shouldn't be a thing anymore!" he responded, growing angrier with every second.

"It's not _forced_ , it's _arranged_. You can refuse -"

"I can _not_ refuse! At least not without getting disinherited and losing everything and everyone dear to me. This is not an option, and you know that," he interrupted. When he had called his sister, he had hoped for more support. He hadn't expected her to be so.. resigning.

She ignored his protest and continued to try to calm him down, "At first, I wasn't happy about it either, but in the end, I got a loving husband and a wonderful son out of it. Nobody's trying to hurt you, Tooru, they're just making sure you're in good hands. Just wait until you get to know him. I think you'll get along well."

"Wait, what?!" Oikawa said absolutely bewildered, "You know him? It's already arranged?"

"Oh, they didn't tell you? But yes, it is. His father is working for our father's company," she answered.

"Wow, great, we have something in common!" Oikawa said sarcastically, "I'm going to _love_ him."

"There was another nominee. At least they settled for the one who's into volleyball too," she told him with a tone of voice that implied that he should be at least a little more grateful.

"How considerate of them," he murmured under his breath.

He knew his parents had made this decision having his best interests at heart. However, that his soon-to-be husband also loved volleyball meant that the chances they already knew each other were quite high. And Oikawa was pretty sure that there was nobody he knew because of the sport whom he would like to marry.


	2. [2]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm totally giving you two chapters at once because I'd feel bad for posting a fic having less than 400 words lol

Oikawa didn't really want to admit it, but he was not only nervous but also a little bit excited. He thought about it while he was standing in front of his mirror, tying his necktie. There was something incredibly surreal about the whole situation. Dressing up nicely and going out for some fancy dinner with his parents wasn't a big deal, and except for the weird tension he was feeling, nothing had been extraordinary so far. The only thing that made this day somewhat special was that he knew that he was going to meet the person he was going to spend the rest of his life with within the next hour or so.

He had already thought a lot about how his future husband might be like. And then he had started to think about what he wanted him to be like. Or who he wanted him to be. Or who he wanted him definitely _not_ to be. When he had talked to Iwaizumi about it, they had jokingly made up a scale ranging from ' _the love of my live_ ' to ' _Ushiwaka_ ' and discussed from where on he would refuse no matter what the consequences would be. In the end, he hadn't really decided on anything, because this scale would probably not even be applicable.

_How wrong he'd been._

Kageyama Tobio was right after Ushijima the second last person he wanted to see at the very moment. Actually, he was _always_ the second last person he wanted to see, but in this situation it just felt like some sort of cruel joke. The fact that he was standing right in front of him now, wearing a dark blue suit and a matching bow-tie, meant that from now on, he was going to see him every single day for the rest of his life. As long as he wasn't going to refuse, at least.

"No," he whispered to himself and stopped in his tracks.

But somewhere deep down he knew that this reaction was merely out of habit; it was more that he was extremely overwhelmed by the unexpected than that something inside of him was really begging him to back out. His father firmly placed one of his hands on his back and pushed him forward. There was only a split second in which he needed to decide what he was going to do. He had to completely rely on his instincts. However, somehow he managed to miss the chance to run. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I'm actually going to update this again sometime soon. I honestly already wrote like 3k words of this shit.


	3. [3]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay the response to this was way better than expected so you might as well get another chapter :P

After the first shock, which had made his facade crumble, Oikawa was back to being Oikawa. He knew that his parents expected him to be the ' _perfect son-in-law_ ', and he felt like he was quite successful at wooing Kageyama's parents. He was pretty sure that they still wanted him to marry their son after having met him in person now.

However, what he really wondered was what Kageyama was thinking. He really wanted to know if he had been informed beforehand about who he was going to marry or if it had taken him by surprise too. He wanted to know how he was feeling about it. The younger boy basically hadn't said a single word except for a greeting, and his facial expression wasn't giving away anything either. Oikawa's seemingly unshakeable confidence slowly started to waver. He had been so busy thinking about ' _rejecting_ ' that it had never occurred to him that ' _being rejected_ ' might also be a thing.

Oikawa observed him for a while. Kageyama was visibly frowning, but since he was always wearing that kind of expression, it didn't really have to mean anything. Besides that, he seemed to be listening quite attentively to their parents’ conversation while he was chewing on his food. Oikawa thought that it was weird that even his own parents forgot to involve him and didn't at least ask him some questions. However, Kageyama didn't seem to be bothered by it. Something was telling Oikawa that he might even be used to being left out.

He must've been staring, since Kageyama turned his head to face him after a while and their eyes met. Although something about being caught was embarrassing, Oikawa immediately felt relieved. For a brief moment, he could see a bright shimmer in Kageyama's eyes, which contrasted with the rest of his expression. While Oikawa was usually smiling and his eyes were telling a different story, for Kageyama it was apparently the exact opposite. He didn't dare to name the thing, but if he had to, he would maybe call it curiosity or anticipation.

For the first time this evening, everything started to feel real, like this was _really_ going to happen. There was no way he could be happy about this, but he knew that it could've been worse. Oikawa was so absolutely going to complain to Iwaizumi about it as soon as he was going to get home, though.


	4. [4]

After three weeks of not having to see Kageyama and no one mentioning the fact that he was going to marry sometime soon, Oikawa had almost forgotten about it. Well, or rather, he had pushed it to the back of his mind. Unfortunately, his parents were quite straightforward about it.

"Concerning your wedding," his mother said while they were having dinner, "You should get engaged soon."

Oikawa chocked on his food and needed to recover from a coughing fit before he was able to answer. "What are you trying to tell me with that?" he asked.

"You need to propose to him properly. Therefore, you'll need to buy an engagement ring," his father replied calmly.

"Why do _I_ need to do that?!" Oikawa responded. He was absolutely not amused.

"Because we approached his family. And besides that, we're more financially _stable_ than them," his mother said.

"Fine, whatever," Oikawa reluctantly agreed.

Buying a ring wasn't a big deal. His mother was going to pick one out anyway as well as she was going to pay for it. He absolutely didn't care about that. The problem was rather the proposal itself. He tried to get away with saying that he neither wanted his nor Kageyama's parents to be around, because this was a moment in which they needed to be alone. The way his mother had said "But do it _properly"_ was haunting him in his sleep ever since that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa's parents are hella rich and a little scary :D


	5. [5]

After thinking it through for a while, Oikawa had decided that _properly_ didn't equal _romantically_. Making an appointment had been easy. He had just texted Kageyama to come to the nearby park, and he had agreed without even asking why. When Oikawa arrived at their meeting point, the younger boy was already sitting on one of the benches. Oikawa sat down next to him, leaving a quite big empty space between them. Kageyama turned his head around as soon as he noticed him. They didn't greet each other.

"So," Oikawa started but had to clear his throat twice before he was able to continue. He was somehow nervous and couldn't even bring himself to look at Kageyama. Instead, he was staring straight into the park that was stretching out in front of them. "We're going to get married, right?", he asked after building up his courage.

"Yeah, I guess?" Kageyama replied, making it sound more like a question than like an actual answer.

"Give me your hand," Oikawa demanded and eventually turned to face the other boy, who looked genuinely confused but put out one of his hands a little shyly nevertheless.

"The left one, dumbass," Oikawa said, maybe a little too harsh.

Kageyama's eyes narrowed at the insult, but he complied. Oikawa pulled the little box with the ring out of his pocket, opened it, and reached for the outstretched hand. While putting the ring on Kageyama's ring finger, his own hands were shaking quite a bit. The thing that had put him off his stride was the look in Kageyama's eyes in the moment of realisation. It was the same he had seen during their dinner a few weeks ago. However, this time he was sure that it was some kind of anticipation; he'd even go so far to say that it might even be joy.

Kageyama was holding his left hand in front of his body and closely examining it and the ring. After a while, he clenched his fist, pressed it to his chest, and then turned his head to look at Oikawa instead. "T-Thanks," he stuttered, and it was almost just a whisper.

"You better take good care of it," Oikawa replied, because he didn't know what else to say.


	6. [6]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay wow, the amount of feedback I got for this so far is crazy and you're so amazing?! Seriously, I really, really didn't expect this. Thank you so much!! (And if you keep doing this, chances are high I'll keep updating daily :P)

Oikawa felt like it was somehow inappropriate to leave right away after proposing to someone. Kageyama didn't show the slightest inclination to go either, but the silence between them started to stretch out uncomfortably after a while. Just when Oikawa was about to excuse himself, because he had to study for a test or with some other cheap lie, Kageyama cleared his throat.

"I know our parents are basically going to organise everything, but, I mean, a wedding is a once in a lifetime thing.. d-do you have any particular wishes?" he said after a while.

With these words, Oikawa realised that, in fact, he was going to marry very soon and hadn't even spent a single thought on how he wanted it to be like.

"Do you have any?" he asked instead of answering the question.

Kageyama shrugged. "I think I care about the location," he said, "And the food. Maybe the music too, but mostly about the food."

Oikawa couldn't help but smile at the statement. "So where do you want to marry? And what food do you want?"

"I want pork curry, preferably with an egg on top," he answered immediately, and it seemed as if he was already a little bit more comfortable with talking to Oikawa, "And I don't really like Tokyo. It's.. too much. So I think I'd like to marry somewhere in Miyagi, and I'd like to invite my friends. It would be easier for everyone to come like that."

"I'm fine with that," Oikawa replied and wondered if this maybe was the first time he had easily agreed on something with Kageyama, "But what about the cake?"

"I don't really care about the cake," Kageyama responded but seemed to be thinking about it, "It shouldn't be too colourful, though, I think. And not too sweet either."

Oikawa just nodded. He knew that Kageyama wouldn't dare to ask another question, but he somehow felt the urge to talk more about this topic. It was the first time he was giving this stuff a thought, and, in a way, he took a liking to it. Kageyama was right, a wedding was a one in a lifetime thing, and since they were going to do it, they should make it as enjoyable as possible.

"I think I care about the music. I want it to be something classical, not something modern," he said after a while, "And I care about the dance."

Kageyama gave him a strange look before averting his gaze. "I can't.. dance," he whispered bashfully.

"Well, then you'll learn it. We would've needed to practise that anyway," Oikawa said, actually quite encouraging.

Kageyama didn't respond, but some of the tension in his muscles disappeared visibly.

"And what about the kiss, do we need to practise that too?" Oikawa added teasingly and with a shit-eating grin.

The way the younger boy jerked his head away to hide his furiously blushing face made him chuckle.

"Sh-shut up!" Kageyama managed to stutter.

"My my, Tobio-chan, is this how you talk to your senpai?" Oikawa replied, feigning to be offended.

To his surprise, when Tobio turned his head back around, his face had already changed back to its natural colour, and his gaze was firm.

"No," he said confidently, meeting Oikawa's eyes with a challenging look, "But it's how I talk to my fiancé."

In this very moment, Oikawa realised that dealing with Kageyama Tobio would be no walk in the park. He had expected him to be as compliant as always, silently taking all his shit with a frown and never fighting back. But if he was honest, that had been quite a naive thing to think.


	7. [7]

"Are you even trying?" Oikawa groaned after Kageyama had stepped on his feet for the umpteenth time that day, "My feet are getting sore just because you're such a clod!"

Kageyama responded only with some angry grumbling and let go of Oikawa. He was obviously frustrated but Oikawa couldn't let him quit _now_ after having tried for hours already. They had an upcoming wedding dance after all.

"Well, seems like I won't be dancing with my husband on my own wedding, what a shame. I wonder who else could take your place ~" he said provokingly.

The already familiar narrowing of Kageyama's eyes whenever he was insulted or teased was followed by him taking a step towards Oikawa again, gently placing one of his hands on Oikawa's shoulder and the other one in his open palm. His hands were sweaty and he was still stiff and moving awkwardly, but Oikawa felt that his motivation had come back. The way he furrowed his brow while he was highly concentrated and staring at their feet was _almost_ adorable.

Their next dance was already way better than all their tries before and after a while Kageyama even felt confident enough to raise his eyes. The moment Oikawa met Kageyama's intense gaze he almost messed up. They'd already been dancing for hours but suddenly they were uncomfortably close to each other. Hell, he could've even counted the other's eyelashes if he had wanted to.

The music stopped playing and with it their dance ended. Oikawa immediately let go and shouldered his bag.

"That's it?" Kageyama asked doubting that Oikawa would be content with just one successful dance.

"It's not like teaching an idiot like you is fun and I'm going to be stuck with you for the rest of my life so excuse me for today," Oikawa responded a little bit harsher than intended. 

He didn't want to see a reaction so he turned around to quickly make his way out of the empty apartment, leaving Kageyama behind in the middle of what was going to be their living room sometime soon.


	8. [8]

"Oikawa-san, wait!" Kageyama shouted after him and Oikawa came to a stop right in front of the apartment door. He closed his eyes and sighed before turning around and looking at the other boy expectantly. 

"Uhm," Kageyama started awkwardly and Oikawa was slowly but surely running out of patience, "Did you tell anybody about this?"

"About what?" he asked although he knew exactly what Kageyama was trying to ask.

"Well, _us_ ," Kageyama specified.

"So far I only told Iwa-chan," Oikawa answered still a little annoyed, "What do you want, _Tobio-chan_?"

"I don't want people to know that this is.. uhm.. arranged. I'm going to say I married you out of love and not because of our parents in case someone asks," he explained.

Oikawa laughed jeeringly. "And now you want me to do the same?"

"Yes, that'd be nice?" Kageyama responded making it sound more like a question than an answer. He was obviously a little bit confused by Oikawa's reaction. 

"Listen, I understand that you want to show off with me but I'm not exactly proud to marry someone like you. I'm not going to lie about the fact that I never wanted you. I don't want anybody to think my standards are this low after all," Oikawa said before turning back around again.

This time Kageyama didn't stop him when he was about to leave. He was just standing there staring at him in shock, unable to process and to properly react to what he had just heard.

On his way home Oikawa wondered if it maybe had been wrong to phrase it like this. But he definitely couldn't afford to waste his energy on sugarcoating his words. In the worst case Kageyama might refuse to marry him and sure, his parents would be angry at him for messing up the arrangement, but in the end it'd still be in his favour.

However, he was somehow sure that this wouldn’t happen. He had seen the hurt in Tobio’s eyes and he’d immediately known that he wasn't going to back out of this. And this was probably what scared him the most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RIP Kageyama's heart


	9. [9]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, thank you so much for leaving so many comments so far! I'm really glad you like this fic so much and your feedback motivates me a lot or in other words, writer's block is pretty much gone. I'll definitely continue to update here (almost) daily ^__^

The wedding was scheduled for the beginning of the summer holidays, the first Saturday to be precise. Kageyama found himself wearing a snow white suit and a light blue bow tie. He'd been ready for almost half an hour by now and only reluctantly left his childhood room at his parents' house when his mother frantically knocked on the door and shouted that they were going to be late. He hated that he had to wear white while Oikawa got to wear black and look a lot less ridiculous. 

"You look gorgeous, my son!" his mother exclaimed when she saw him while his father just awkwardly patted his back and looked at him full of parental love and fondness.

In a way he understood why his parents had picked someone like Oikawa for him; he was similar to his mother in a way while he himself shared a lot of similarities with his father. He was truly grateful for their support and that they hadn't urged him to marry someone they thought was a complete stranger to him.

On the short car ride to the little chapel they were going to get married at he wondered if he'd made the wrong decision. Actually, he'd been thinking about this ever since he and Oikawa had last seen each other. But in the end it wasn’t like Oikawa’s words had been something new for him. Of course, it had hurt to hear it like that but he’d already known that Oikawa felt that way about him. No, he wasn’t going to get cold feet now. It had been him who had made this choice in the first place after all.

When they arrived, all of their guests had already gathered. It didn't take long until everyone was seated but he wasn't allowed to go in just yet. He didn't believe in bad luck but his mother did, so she wanted to prevent Oikawa from seeing him before the wedding ceremony started. 

Kageyama was able to take a peek into the room and saw his family and friends all dressed up nicely. Tsukishima was looking on his mobile while Yamaguchi and Yachi seemed to be discussing something. Seeing Hinata literally bounce with excitement in his seat next to them made Kageyama smile a little.

"Are you nervous?"

He was a little startled when his father suddenly appeared next to him. 

"I'm okay," he replied and took a quick look at the clock on the wall. 

"It's time," his father said and held one of his arms out to his son.

Kageyama took one last deep breath before taking his father's arm and being lead to the altar.


	10. [10]

Oikawa had seen this kind of moment in so many movies already. He as the one waiting at the altar was supposed to tear up at the sight of his wonderful, wonderful groom. But he didn't. All he could see was this brat he knew since middle school walking down the aisle towards him. At least he was wearing a ridiculous snow white suit just like he had asked for. 

As soon as Kageyama had reached his place the pastor started to speak. He greeted their friends and families and talked about love but Oikawa didn't really listen. His heartbeat was so loud in his own ears that he couldn't think straight anymore. He had been pretty relaxed all day but now he was suddenly extremely nervous. He couldn't tell whether Kageyama was nervous as well or just really uncomfortable because all the attention was directed at them. To Oikawa he just seemed to be as awkward as ever.

"Do you, Oikawa Tooru, take Kageyama Tobio to be your lawful wedded husband?"

It startled him a little when he suddenly heard his name. For the first time today he directly looked at Kageyama.

He swallowed before answering. "I do."

"Will you love, respect and honour him throughout your years together?"

"I will."

The pastor turned and faced Kageyama who looked just as startled as Oikawa a few seconds ago. The same vows were repeated for him and he affirmed both of them as well. By now Oikawa was sure that he was nervous because he somehow managed to stutter although he had to say a mere four words.

Oikawa was handed one of the wedding rings while Kageyama shyly stretched his hand out towards him. The pastor once again told him what to say. 

“With this ring I pledge my commitment,” Oikawa repeated after him and grew really angry with himself because his voice was shaking just as much as his hands. 

Kageyama said the same vow while putting the other ring on Oikawa's finger. He stuttered once again, making Oikawa look at least a little more composed than his groom although he was way too nervous himself.

"By the authority vested in me, witnessed by your friends and family, I have the pleasure to pronounce you husband and husband **.** You may now seal your vows with a kiss."

Just by looking at Kageyama Oikawa could tell that he would have to kiss him or else absolutely nothing was going to happen. He didn't want everything to stretch out unnecessarily long so he took a step forwards and gently placed his lips on Kageyama's. It was an awkward kiss, probably the worst he's ever had, but his lips were unexpectedly soft and for a kiss this bad it was surprisingly pleasant. 

It lasted only for a few seconds since Kageyama was the first one to pull away. His cheeks were bright red and he obviously couldn't bring himself to look at anything except for his own feet. Oikawa grabbed his hand because he felt like that would be a thing that he was supposed to do now. He then turned to the crowd right in front of them and gave them his brightest smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I had absolutely no idea how to write this I used [this page](https://www.officianteric.com/) as a reference ;D


	11. [11]

They were so overwhelmed with gifts and congratulations and hugs and shaking hands that they didn't even find time to really interact with each other until they switched locations to take the wedding photos. It was once again awkward but over rather soon.

Oikawa laughed when the photographer told them that their pictures were going to look _amazing_ since they were such a natural couple; no forced smiles and all. It was ironic because Kageyama just wore his usual frown while Oikawa's smile was so bright and fake it was almost disgusting.

Before it was their turn to officially start the party with their wedding dance, Oikawa's father gave an embarrassing speech that made nobody but his mother tear up. At least Oikawa had managed to prevent his parents from showing pictures of them from middle school and high school; all of them volleyball related of course since no other photos showing them together existed so far. 

When the music started playing Kageyama was trying not to make eye contact with Oikawa once again. It was pretty obvious that he wasn't staring at their feet because he needed to concentrate, but rather because he thought of the last time they had danced. He didn't step on Oikawa's feet, not even once, but excused himself immediately after the first song had ended. 

Oikawa knew that it was his own fault but it still hurt to be left standing on the dancefloor at his own wedding party. He really enjoyed dancing after all and Kageyama maybe was a little stiff but since he didn't step on his feet anymore, Oikawa was actually fine with him as a dancing partner. He sighed before he went to grab some food and made his way over to Iwaizumi and the rest of his friends.


	12. [12]

"I can't believe you're married to _the great king_ now!" Hinata exclaimed excitedly when Kageyama sat down next to him.

"In general, I can't believe I'm married now," Kageyama responded before finally starting to eat, "And I can't believe I have to wear this ridiculous white suit."

Hinata just laughed at that. They comfortably sat together in silence while Kageyama ate and simply observed all the other people. It was weird how Oikawa was still shaking hands and accepting congratulations while no one approached Kageyama anymore.

"I hate the way you look at him," Hinata suddenly said and interrupted Kageyama in his thoughts, "I always have."

"Why?"

"Because _he_ is not looking _at you_ like that. He's going to hurt you, Tobio," Hinata said unexpectedly serious.

Kageyama couldn't help but curl his lips into a little sad smile. "I know."

"Sooner or later you would've found someone else to fall in love with," Hinata continued.

"Isn't it a bit late to give me that advice?" Kageyama asked, "But anyway, do you really think _I_ could get the person I love to marry me under normal circumstances? I've been given a chance."

"But you don't have to take all the chances you're given. This might have been a mistake."

"Yeah, I might have made the wrong decision but I'm willing to take this risk," Kageyama said before getting up, “Because one day he might be looking back at me the way I look at him.”

He had finished his first plate by now and headed over to the buffet once again to get himself a second serving of pork curry. He decided that since it was his own wedding it wouldn't be too rude to take two eggs on top this time.


	13. [13]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your support! Today I'll post two chapters because this one is a little short :)

"How many servings of pork curry is this now?" Oikawa asked with a grin that looked suspiciously fake.

Kageyama was currently chewing on his food and simply raised one hand showing him four fingers as an answer. He didn't even bother to make eye contact. Oikawa chuckled at how happy Kageyama seemed to be with simply getting to eat lots of his favourite food. After swallowing he turned to face Oikawa. 

"What do you want from me?" he asked a little warily.

"I want to dance with you," Oikawa replied after building up the courage to do so.

"Sure, just let me finish my food," Kageyama responded and directed his attention back to his plate.

"Really?" Oikawa said a little surprised by how easily he had been able to convince him.

"Yeah, why not?" Kageyama asked back a little confused.

"I thought you didn't want to dance more than necessary because you disappeared immediately after the first dance," Oikawa explained.

Kageyama shook his head. "I was just hungry."

Oikawa couldn't help but laugh. Maybe he really shouldn't read too much into Kageyama's behaviour; the one holding grudges had always been him and not Tobio after all. To kill the time until Kageyama was finished he sat down next to him and turned to face Hinata.

"Hello Chibi-chan, it's been a while."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Or maybe Kageyama's just really good at hiding that he's hurt?


	14. [14]

Around 4 am almost all of their guests had already gone home so they decided to leave as well. Kageyama's father drove them to the hotel they were supposed to spend their wedding night at. Oikawa's parents had picked it out for them and paid as well. When they entered the room Kageyama quickly noticed that it really was a bridal suite and must've costed a shit ton of money.

Oikawa dropped his bag and went over to the wardrobe to put his suit on a hanger. Then he started to undress further and Kageyama suddenly began to feel uncomfortable. In the end they had actually spent most of the night together but this now was very different from dancing while being surrounded by other people.

"Uhm," Kageyama started, still standing in the middle of the room and probably looking just as lost and out of place as he felt, "We're not going.. to have sex, right?"

Oikawa scrunched up his nose. "As if," he said and walked past Kageyama towards the bathroom.

Kageyama relaxed a little at that but was startled when he suddenly heard Oikawa shout something.

"Holy shit, we even have a whirlpool!"

He walked over to the bathroom as well and stood next to Oikawa whose eyes gleamed at the sight of the hot tub right in front of them. 

"It'd be a shame if we didn't use it, don't you think?" Oikawa asked.

" _We_?" Kageyama asked back.

Oikawa just shrugged. "If you just want to go to bed, I don't care," he said before crouching down and turning on the water.


	15. [15]

Oikawa closed his eyes and let out a content sigh when he slid into the hot water. The sun was already rising again and he was exhausted from the long night but the pleasant warmth made him relax. Kageyama looked pretty uncomfortable although both of them were still wearing their underwear and the tub was big enough for them to not touch each other. But honestly, Oikawa didn't really care. The only reason he let the other boy bath with him was that he had promised Iwaizumi to not be too much of a dick to him, at least not for their wedding night.

"What do you think, how many people already had sex in this whirlpool?" Oikawa asked with a smirk.

" _What?_ " Kageyama asked completely caught off guard. 

His face became red and Oikawa was pretty sure that it was because of embarrassment and not just because of the heat.

"It's a bridal suite after all. We're not the first ones to spend their wedding night here, idiot," Oikawa said and chuckled a little.

"I know, I'm not stupid," Kageyama mumbled angrily and showed him his typical frown.

Oikawa smiled a genuine smile at that. Teasing Kageyama had always been fun and it still was. At least he had _something_ to look forward to for all the years that were yet to come.

Since Kageyama had closed his eyes Oikawa took his time to examine him closely. He really didn't want to admit it but Tobio was attractive. However, he pushed that thought aside as soon as he noticed that the other might have fallen asleep. He splashed a little bit of water on him to test if he was awake and if not, to wake him up again. Kageyama was startled when some of the water suddenly made contact with his face and his eyes flew wide open. Oikawa just laughed.

"Hey, don't fall asleep and drown or it'll look like I murdered you!"

Kageyama narrowed his eyes and Oikawa didn't really expect him to take action. He was completely taken aback when a way bigger splash than his own a few seconds ago suddenly hit his face. It was almost 6 am and he was exhausted but someone ruining his hairstyle with water definitely meant war.


	16. [16]

"I hate you," Oikawa said with his head resting on his pillow and facing Kageyama. His hair was still slightly wet and by far not as fluffy as Kageyama was used to.

" _You_ started this," Kageyama replied matter-of-factly.

"But _you_ had to mess up my hair. That's unforgivable!" Oikawa whined.

"How was I supposed to know that?" Kageyama asked back and Oikawa gritted his teeth since he definitely had a point there.

"Whatever, good night," he said and turned around.

"Good night, Oikawa-san."

"Stop that," Oikawa said suddenly somewhat irritated.

"Stop what?" Kageyama asked genuinely confused.

"Stop calling me that," Oikawa replied while turning back around.

"And what else should I call you then?"

"Oikawa. Just Oikawa is fine. We're married now after all," he said reluctantly, suddenly not really sure anymore why he had even felt the need to give Kageyama this permission just a moment ago.

Kageyama simply nodded and stared at him for a while. Oikawa sensed that the other wanted to say something but couldn't find the words to do so right away. So he tried to be patient and waited.

"Shouldn't we.. uhm.. at least cuddle.. or something?" Kageyama managed to say after a while. He didn’t meet Oikawa’s eyes at all.

"No," Oikawa replied immediately and scrunched up his nose again, "Why should we?"

"Because.. _we're married now after all_ ," Kageyama whispered what Oikawa himself had said only a few seconds ago.

"But that doesn't mean I'll ever be affectionate in any kind of way towards you," Oikawa responded before turning his back to Kageyama once again and finally falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RIP Kageyama's heart 2.0


	17. [17]

"What the hell is _this_?!" Oikawa said and pointed at the anti-slip shower mat in Kageyama's hands, "We're definitely not going to buy it."

"Yes, we are. Safety is important."

"No, we're not. This thing is fucking ugly!" Oikawa responded slightly irritated.

Kageyama had to hold back an "and so are you" and simply proceeded to put the mat into their shopping cart. He absolutely didn't want to argue because he already had a terrible headache. They hadn't gotten much sleep last night and Oikawa's parents had been incredibly eager to go furniture shopping with them.

"How old are you even? You don't just fall in the shower," Oikawa continued with his protest.

"Yeah, I don't because I have _this_. But you will, because like hell I'm going to let you use it," Kageyama replied before grabbing the cart and walking away to end the discussion.

"Rude!" Oikawa whined and quickly followed him but fortunately didn't say anything else about the topic anymore.

"Where are your parents?" Kageyama asked after the short moment of silence between them.

"They said they were going to look for a bed for us," Oikawa answered still slightly pouting.

They didn't talk until they reached the section with the beds and met with Oikawa's parents who currently were closely examining a king-size bed and talking to one of the furniture shop's employees. 

"Ah, there is my son!" Oikawa's mother exclaimed and immediately started telling them all the details.

Kageyama couldn't really bring himself to listen because he absolutely couldn't understand how someone could get this excited over a bed. The only things he picked up were that this bed was today's special offer but couldn't be delivered until tomorrow afternoon. 

"Tobio, what do you think?" Oikawa suddenly asked and faced him. 

"Uhm," he said awkwardly and then slightly shrugged his shoulders, "It's fine, I guess?"

Kageyama noticed that Oikawa seemed to look a little disappointed. He didn't really understand why but he was sure that he had said something wrong.

"I'm fine with whatever you like?" he tried again and Oikawa really seemed to be a bit happier with this answer.

"We'll take it then. We can just sleep on the guest futons tonight."

Kageyama wondered whether Oikawa just agreed with his mother to make her happy or if he really wanted to have a double bed. Until just now he hadn't even considered sharing a bed but maybe he could take this as a positive sign. 


	18. [18]

It had taken them several hours but at the end of the day they had bought pretty much everything they'd need for their apartment. The bed as well as a couch were going to be delivered tomorrow afternoon but they had already taken the rest home with them. Oikawa's father helped them carry some of the things up the stairs before he and his mother left them alone.

They were standing in uncomfortable silence in their living room between moving boxes and all their furniture they had yet to put together. It slowly but surely dawned Kageyama that this was going to be his home from now and he wondered if he'd really feel less out of place once everything was furnished. Seeing how tense Oikawa looked he must have been thinking something similar. 

After a while Oikawa sighed. "I'm tired. Let's just order something for dinner and then go to sleep."

Kageyama nodded. It took them a while to decide what exactly they were going to have but once it was ordered the food arrived rather fast. Still lacking all kinds of tables and chairs they simply sat on the floor to eat.

While Kageyama was taking a sip from his drink he saw how Oikawa leaned forwards and stole one of the pieces of meat from Kageyama's box with his chopsticks. Kageyama narrowed his eyes at him angrily while Oikawa flashed him a challenging grin. For a moment he considered trying to steal something from Oikawa as well but decided that he was too exhausted for this and therefore only concentrated on protecting the rest of his own food.

Oikawa chuckled at Kageyama when he picked up his box and continued to eat outside of Oikawa's range and Kageyama couldn't help but smile himself. He couldn't deny that it was a little bit funny and he slowly felt himself relax. Even the silence didn't bother him all that much anymore.

"I'm done, you can have the rest," Oikawa said after a while and pushed his box over to Kageyama.

"Why are you stealing my food when you're not even finishing yours?" Kageyama asked a little confused.

"I just wanted to try yours," Oikawa replied with a grin while getting up from the floor.

"You simply could've asked."

"Yeah, but you would've said no."

Kageyama found himself smiling once again and even more so when Oikawa ruffled his hair before leaving the room.


	19. [19]

Kageyama woke up to a burnt smell and therefore got up rather quickly to check on Oikawa and their kitchen. Fortunately everything seemed to be fine except for the fact that whatever Oikawa was making didn't exactly look edible.

"What the hell are you doing?" Kageyama asked and startled Oikawa a little.

"Isn't it obvious that I'm making pancakes, idiot?" 

Kageyama looked at the slightly burned "pancakes" on a plate and then back to Oikawa in disbelieve.

"What?!" Oikawa snapped at him.

"Come on, let me do this," Kageyama replied and wanted to take Oikawa's place in front of the stove.

"You're not getting any of my food!"

"I don't want any of your _food_ because I prefer tasty meals," Kageyama deadpanned, "Now set the table."

"Rude! Don't boss me around like this!" Oikawa protested but Kageyama continued to make _actual_ pancakes without so much as looking at him. After a while Oikawa sighed and grabbed two plates and glasses from the cupboard when it suddenly hit him.

"But we don't have a table," he said and looked at Kageyama who immediately turned around to face him. It took around two seconds until both of them burst out into laughter.

Oikawa was still trying to catch his breath when it occurred to him that he'd never seen or heard Kageyama really laugh before as well as that he wouldn't mind if this happened more often from now on. 

"Set the floor then," Kageyama said after a while which caused both of them to laugh even harder. 

After having put everything they'd need on the floor Oikawa stood next to Kageyama and watched in awe how real pancakes were made until all of the dough was used up. 

"They look slightly better than mine," Oikawa admitted while looking at the plate Kageyama handed him. 

" _Slightly?_ " Kageyama asked at that and gave Oikawa another disbelieving look.

"Slightly," Oikawa confirmed with a big grin spread across his face.


	20. [20]

After six consecutive days of building furniture and unpacking boxes, their new apartment actually started to feel a little bit like home. It had taken them longer than expected since Oikawa's craftsmanship was pretty much non-existent which meant that Kageyama had done most of the work while Oikawa had only been assigned with easy tasks and unpacking. 

Deciding who was in duty of what had been unexpectedly easy. After Oikawa's attempt at making pancakes it was obvious that it'd be the best if Kageyama was completely in charge of cooking and all other chores were assigned easily as well. Kageyama had expected everything to be a bit more complicating as well as a little more exciting but in the end they adapted to the new situation pretty fast and pretty well.

They apparently had quite the similar understanding of how clean they'd like to have everything so they never argued about that. Sharing a bed was still a little weird but since it was such a big bed the tension Kageyama had felt in the beginning faded soon. Besides their shared bedroom both of them had an own room as well and Oikawa spent most of his time at home alone in his. 

Except for their usual bickering there wasn't much to talk about so most of their meals were eaten in rather uncomfortable silence until Oikawa started to find excuses why they couldn't eat together. All of Kageyama's attempts at starting a proper conversation failed miserably and whenever he asked Oikawa what he was going to do today he only ever got short answers and Oikawa never asked about him or his day in return. 

Oikawa had been mean to him many, many times ever since they knew each other. He had hurt him and made fun of him and Kageyama had hated it. But over the course of the rest of their summer holidays Kageyama learned that although Oikawa still happened to be mean from time to time, he definitely didn't hate him and that overall indifference was way worse than all the resentment he'd been prepared for. 

He had been pretty confident that he would be able to make Oikawa _hate him less_ or maybe even  _like_ _him_ , but he had absolutely no clue how to make him _care_.


	21. [21]

Kageyama woke up when Oikawa next to him stirred in his sleep. He shifted his position oh so slowly but it still felt somewhat sudden that he was _so close_ now, draping one arm over Kageyama's chest and burying his face in the crook of his neck.

After holding his breath for a few seconds he was sure that the other wasn't awake. It felt bad to take advantage of the situation but as he himself started to relax again and grew comfortable he couldn't resist the urge to put an arm around the peacefully sleeping body that was pressing against his own.

It was just a brief moment in which he was surrounded by the pleasant warmth, in which everything smelled just like him and in which he felt a tickling sensation whenever his breath met the sensitive skin on his neck. It was just a brief moment before Oikawa slowly rose his head from Kageyama's chest, sleepily opening one eye before both shot open in realisation.

"What do you think you're doing?" he spat angrily, frantically retreating to his side of the bed.

"You rolled over in your sleep," Kageyama whispered as a response. He still hadn't moved an inch, still laying on his back and now staring at the ceiling.

"You wish," Oikawa said derisively.

"Yeah," Kageyama replied to his own surprise, his voice breaking audibly although it had just been a whisper to begin with.

After a while it had become too exhausting to pretend that he wasn't hurt, so he had stopped trying. Kageyama somehow knew that it made Oikawa uncomfortable when he was honest like this. And he couldn't deny that he liked something about it. It kind of gave him the feeling that Oikawa might at least care a bit about him somewhere deep down.

He sighed and turned around so that he was now facing the wall and couldn't see the figure next to him anymore. Since Oikawa didn't make any noise nor movement Kageyama thought the other had fallen back asleep when suddenly he felt him shift again. The moment his blanket was lifted up the cold air made his flesh crawl. It was just a second though, until Oikawa pressed his warm body against his back and made up for the intrusion.

The touch was light and he put his arm around him as if Kageyama was something incredibly fragile. Or maybe something Oikawa didn't really want to touch, but he tried not to think about that possibility too much. Having Oikawa this close to him was extremely rare and those moments usually ended way too soon and too sudden.

Kageyama felt the urge to grip his hand tightly and press his back further against him but he knew that his greed might make him lose everything again. He didn't dare to move, not even when he heard that Oikawa's breathing had become even once again.


	22. [22]

Kageyama was hesitant to open the door to their bedroom, _his_ bedroom. It was weird how even after more than a month he still felt like intruding although this place was his home as well. And he still hadn't been able to figure out why they even shared a bed.

Naturally, they had moved in together but definitely not because they had wanted to. This had simply been inevitable. Sharing a bed however, had been obligatory. Kageyama had been confused but accepted Oikawa's decision. Sometimes he wished he hadn't since most nights felt like they were miles apart. How naive it had been to think that a simple thing like this would bring them closer together.

Although he planned on waking Oikawa up he opened the door as silently as possible. Slowly and with steps as light as a feather he made his way over to where the other was still sleeping peacefully. While standing there next to the bed and watching him sleep Kageyama could almost pretend that everything was fine and that he was living his dream with the love of his life; that waking Oikawa up would simply lead to a good morning kiss and sweet, sweet words, breakfast in bed, cuddling, more kissing, maybe even sex.

Lost in his thoughts he had reached out to touch Oikawa's bare back and gently caress it. However, before his fingertips could even reach the flawless skin, Oikawa woke up and Kageyama quickly pulled his hand away. There was no kiss but a weird tension in the air. Kageyama cleared his throat twice before he spoke.

"Breakfast," he said in a low voice, "I made us breakfast, it's ready."

Oikawa eyed him sleepily for a while before he yawned and made himself comfortable again. Kageyama started to feel very out of place and every second stretched out like an hour. They hadn't eaten together in days.

"Fine," Oikawa said after a while, "I'll come."

Kageyama felt relieved and immediately turned around to leave the room to escape the unbearable atmosphere when he suddenly felt a grip around his wrist.

"Wait," Oikawa added, "What about breakfast in bed?"

"You mean alone.. or togehter?" he asked while trying not to get his hopes up too much.

Oikawa just shrugged, "I don't care where you eat as long as you bring me mine."

He knew that this was about as good as it was going to get and well, it was at least _something_. They had never made it this far before and maybe the rest was yet to come.


	23. [23]

Kageyama's phone vibrated in his pocket. When he pulled it out he didn't only see an incoming call from Oikawa but also a few missed calls and unread messages. He must've made quite an unhappy face since the people to whom he had been talking started to laugh. With a sigh he answered the call.

"Where the fuck are you?! Do you have any idea what time it is?!"

He glanced at his wristwatch. "It's around 2 am and I'm a Tsukishima's birthday party."

"Wow, _great_! And you didn't think you should maybe let me know?!" Oikawa said angrily.

"I would've told you but you didn't ask and I didn't think you'd care," Kageyama replied as calmly as possible. 

"You know what?!" Oikawa continued quite exasperatedly, "Do what you want! I don't care!"

"Uhm, yes?" Kageyama responded a little unsure of what to say and found out that it had probably been the wrong thing since Oikawa simply ended the call. 

He stared a little puzzled at his phone before sliding it back into his pocked and directing his attention back to the group of people in front of him. 

"Girlfriend?" one of them asked him with a big grin. 

"Way worse, he's _married!_ " Hinata told them which caused them to erupt into laughter once again. 

Another guy patted his back. "I'm sorry man," he said, "She must be really pretty for you to get married at such a young age."

Kageyama didn't quite understand what was so incredibly funny about all that. He'd never really been comfortable around people he didn't know and especially not when they were drunk. Therefore he decided not to tell them that he actually couldn't care less about women and that his husband was, in fact, very pretty.


	24. [24]

When Kageyama came home from the party he was surprised to see the light still burning in their living room. As soon as he entered it, however, he found Oikawa asleep on the couch. He was still wearing his glasses and an open book was lying on his chest. The position he was in seemed to be quite uncomfortable considering the way his head was lying on the armrest. 

Kageyama carefully took his glasses off and the book from him, placed the bookmark that had slid to the floor between the pages before putting everything down on the little table nearby. He wasn't really sure what to do now because he absolutely didn't want to wake him up and make him even angrier but neither did he want to just let him sleep like this. For a moment he considered carrying him to bed but decided against it since he wasn't sure if he was strong enough. 

In the end he took advantage of the fact that Oikawa was a rather heavy sleeper and managed to somehow pull out the lower part of the couch in order to transform it into a bed without waking him up. Kageyama then carefully moved Oikawa so that he was lying in a more comfortable position and was able to fully stretch out his legs. He realised that Oikawa really was pretty heavy and it had been a good decision to let him stay on the couch.

After getting ready for bed himself Kageyama returned to the living room with their pillows and blankets from their bed and laid down on the other side of the couch. When he gently tucked Oikawa in and put a pillow under his head he suddenly shifted a little and Kageyama thought for a moment that he had woken him up but fortunately he just continued to sleep peacefully.

Relieved he turned off the light and fell asleep himself after only a couple of minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I know this chapter is kinda vapid but it was necessary. The next chapters will be more exciting, I promise! ^_^


	25. [25]

Kageyama woke up because one of his cheeks was being poked repetitively by a finger. When he sleepily opened one of his eyes he saw a very wide awake Oikawa sitting next to him.

"Why are we sleeping on the couch?" he asked while cocking his head to one side.

"Because you fell asleep here," Kageyama grumbled.

"I know, but why are _you_ sleeping on the couch?" Oikawa continued apparently amused.

Kageyama just groaned and turned around. "What time is it?"

"Around 8," Oikawa said.

" _Around 8_?! Why the hell did you wake me up this early?!" Kageyama asked indignantly when he realised that he hadn't even slept for four hours so far.

"You promised to make pancakes for breakfast this morning," Oikawa explained.

"I'll do that later, now let me sleep," Kageyama replied angrily.

"But I'm hungry _now_ and not _later_ ," Oikawa whined and pulled away Kageyama's blanket. 

Kageyama tried to get it back but didn't manage to since he still wasn't fully awake. He then decided to grab Oikawa's blanket instead but Oikawa had predicted it and was faster than him. It eventually resulted in a lot of rolling around and fighting over the blankets until Oikawa won by pinning Kageyama down below him. He had both of his wrists in a tight grip above his head and it seemed nearly impossible for Kageyama to break free. 

He stopped struggling after a while when he realised that having Oikawa on top of him was actually not all that bad. Usually Oikawa avoided most body contact with him but now they were really close and pretty much touching from head to toe. And Oikawa was warmer than a blanket for sure. 

"So.. what do you say?" Oikawa asked grinning down on him mischievously.

"Like hell I'm going to make you pancakes now!"


	26. [26]

Kageyama observed with mild disgust how Oikawa squeezed at least half of the syrup out of the bottle onto his pancakes. He really looked happy about the meal but right now Kageyama had problems to keep his eyes open. Any other time he would've appreciated that sight. However, the moment Oikawa took the first bite syrup ran down his chin and Kageyama considered to maybe take back his last thought.

The pancakes he had made definitely tasted as good as always but he himself couldn't really enjoy them since he yawned in between every bite he took. Oikawa was radiating pure energy and at the moment he was just way too active and too  _awake_ for his liking.

They ate for a while in silence and Oikawa was finished rather fast. However, it was probably Kageyama who was eating slower than normally. It was weird to be stared at while eating.

"Did something happen?" he asked after a while, "You're way too jittery today."

"God, _finally_ , I almost thought you would never ask!" Oikawa exclaimed and immediately got up from his chair causing it to almost fall over. 

Only a few seconds later Oikawa returned and held an envelop out to Kageyama who cautiously took it. He had to read the letter twice before he was fully able to comprehend and process the information. When he raised his eyes back to Oikawa who was standing right in front of him he suddenly felt the same excitement and energy as the other. 

Something about this moment was off and it might have been because of his lack of sleep or because of whatever else, but Kageyama did something he usually wouldn't dare to without even thinking about it. He got up and pulled Oikawa into a tight hug. To his surprise, he was embraced as well. 

After staying like this for a while Oikawa pulled back so that they could look at each other. 

"I'm happy for you," Kageyama said and Oikawa just smiled at him, "But that was to be expected. You're one of the best players; they'd be dumb if they wouldn't want you."

"I know," Oikawa responded with a grin, "But I haven't even started my last year of university yet so it's a little surprising."

Kageyama didn't really know what to reply to that so they just stood there and stared into each other's eyes. The silence started to get uncomfortable after a few moments and Oikawa seemed to realise that they were still holding each other. He finally pulled back completely.

"I'll be in my room. I have homework to do," he said and Kageyama wondered how such a warm smile could change into such a cold expression within the blink of an eye.


	27. [27]

"Say, do you want a present for your birthday or for Christmas?" Oikawa asked casually while they were having dinner.

Kageyama was a little surprised as well as confused by the question.

"It's too close together, I can't come up with two good ideas," Oikawa explained.

"Birthday," Kageyama replied after thinking about it for a moment, "It's not like _we_ have to give _each other_ presents for Christmas at all."

Kageyama knew that it would upset Oikawa to not get a present for Christmas from him, even if just a little. And really, Oikawa's facial expression changed a tiny bit before he started to smile a little too much. Kageyama had already spent so much time with him together that he couldn't be fooled by it anymore. 

"Fine," Oikawa said and indeed, he seemed to be a little bit pissed off, "Is there anything you want to have?"

"How about you try to be nice for once?" Kageyama replied and felt that his bad mood was showing as well, "Maybe cuddle with me when we go to sleep. And please don't try to cook something, I'd rather not have the kitchen on fire when I come home."

The look on Oikawa’s face spoke volumes. "That's all you get then."

"Alright," Kageyama said.

" _Alright_ ," Oikawa responded.

Kageyama immediately knew that Oikawa was trying to have the last word in this. It was pointless and he usually tried to avoid conversations like these but he was hurt and a little sulky and couldn't just let him win this time. 

"Fine," Kageyama said and gave Oikawa a challenging look.

" _Amazing_ ," Oikawa replied provocatively. 

"Wonderful."

" _Marvelous_."

Kageyama needed a short moment to think before he came up with another word, "Spectacular."

" _Outstanding_ ," Oikawa said in a honeyed voice and quick like a shot.

"Uhm.. terrific."

" _Splendid_ and seems like you're running out of vocabulary, my dear Tobio-chan," Oikawa replied still speaking in dulcet tones. 

He got up from the table with a big smirk on his lips and headed over to his room to work on an essay he had to hand in soon. Right when he was getting focused on his task he was startled because the door swung open without warning. Oikawa turned around and saw Kageyama standing in the door frame, showing him an angry frown.

"Excellent," he said a little too loud before slamming the door shut again.


	28. [28]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for not updating yesterday as well as for not replying to comments.. I was really busy and right now I'm way too tired so I'll just post this chapter and I'll try to make up for it tomorrow. Thanks for your support! ^_^

Ever since middle school Kageyama's birthdays had never been all that special and exciting to him. Basically, they were just normal days except for the fact that he got some presents and some people congratulated him. So far his 19th birthday wasn't any different from that either. 

Oikawa had kept his promise or in other words, he hadn't been mean to Kageyama within the fifteen minutes in the morning during which they both had been at home and awake. There had been no present and neither had he been especially nice to him. 

Since Kageyama didn't have many friends at his university barely anybody knew that it was his birthday. The only people who remembered were from the volleyball team but Hinata and Yachi had even made a cake and brought it for lunch. The rest of his friends who didn't go to the same university as him either called or texted him sometime during the day. 

And yet, he wasn't in a good mood. It wasn't a really bad mood either, but nothing was wrong so he felt that he should be happier. Actually, he had felt anxious all day long whenever he had thought about the evening. He really didn't want to get his hopes up too much just to be disappointed once again but he couldn't help but hope for the best. 

When he unlocked the front door and entered their apartment he noticed that all the lights were still turned off although Oikawa should have been home at least an hour ago. After taking his shoes off he made his way into the kitchen to get himself something to drink. 

The moment he turned on the light he saw that the table was set as well as two presents which were decoratively wrapped up, or at least Oikawa had tried to. When he approached the table to take a closer look at the gifts he saw a sticky note and couldn't help but smile.

_'Don't you dare unwrap the presents when I'm not home. I'll be back soon with take out.'_

Kageyama really didn't want to get his hopes up too much but everything seemed like Oikawa actually tried to keep what he had promised, maybe even had gone out of his way to make him happy.


	29. [29]

Just when Kageyama was done with showering and left the bathroom wearing nothing but boxer shorts, he heard the front door being unlocked and Oikawa showed up with the promised food. 

"I hope you didn't open the presents," Oikawa said and sounded actually cheerful. 

"No, I haven't," Kageyama responded and couldn't help but smile, "But it's actually not too hard to figure out what it is. I mean, the one that looks like.. a ball is probably.. _a ball_ , maybe a volleyball?"

"Tobio-chan, are you trying to mock me?" Oikawa asked and pretended to be scandalized. 

"If you didn't want me to figure it out, you maybe should've put it into a box to hide the shape," Kageyama replied and shrugged his shoulders.

"Tch, all you do is complain! Be a little more grateful!"

"Actually, all _you_ do is complain," Kageyama answered with a smirk. 

Oikawa snatched the towel Kageyama had laid around his shoulders away from him and hit him with it. "Go get dressed, the food is going to be cold if you don't hurry!"

When Kageyama returned to the living room his food was on his plate and Oikawa already sat at the table, apparently waiting for him. They ate in silence just like ever so often but for the first time in a while it was actually comfortable and not all that awkward. 

As soon as they were done Kageyama was finally allowed to open his presents. At first he opened the thing that had already looked like a ball and found out that it really was a volleyball. It definitely wasn't the most creative gift, not to say the most obvious thing someone could get him, but he appreciated it nevertheless. 

However, after opening the second gift and discovering that Oikawa had gotten him the training shoes he had wanted, he was genuinely surprised. He was pretty sure that he had only mentioned it once and only briefly; he hadn't even expected that Oikawa would actually listen but there they were, the pair of shoes he had wished for in the right size and in the colours he had wanted. 

"Thank you," Kageyama said with a warm smile and when he lifted his eyes he could’ve sworn that Oikawa’s cheeks were slightly redder than usually.


	30. [30]

When Kageyama walked into their bedroom Oikawa was already lying in bed but somehow closer to the middle of it than usually. He remembered that he had wished for him to cuddle with him for the night but he wasn't quite sure if Oikawa would actually do it although it looked a little like it.

He cautiously climbed into their bed as well and turned off the light at his nightstand. It might have been his imagination because he was hoping for something, but it felt like there was some kind of tension between them. However, nothing happened and they were pretty much just lying next to each other in the dark. 

Just when Kageyama started to feel disappointed and wanted to turn around to make himself comfortable enough to fall asleep, he heard Oikawa move. Shortly after he felt a hand under his blanket gently touching his arm. It was such a shy approach, almost as if he was asking for permission.  

Kageyama didn't really know what to do so he simply stretched out his arm towards Oikawa as well. This had apparently been the affirmation the other had wanted since he closed the distance between them further and then pulled Kageyama closer until they were only millimetres apart.

For a moment Kageyama could feel Oikawa's breath on his face and it was almost as if they were going to kiss. Oikawa really did snuggle closer but curled up and pressed his face against Kageyama's chest while hugging him tightly. 

A kiss would've been great, but he was pretty comfortable like this. Oikawa was warm and his fingers were rubbing little circles onto his back which he found to be extremely soothing.

"So," Oikawa mumbled sleepily against Kageyama's body, "I don't know what exactly you had expected but I hope I've been nice enough today."

Kageyama sighed contently and placed one of his hands at the back of Oikawa's head to lazily run his fingers through his soft hair. After a while Oikawa stopped caressing his back and his breath became even. Kageyama fell asleep soon after as well, feeling safe and with a genuine smile on his lips.


	31. [31]

Kageyama was woken up by Oikawa's obnoxious alarm tone which was blaring from his mobile. They were still lying on Kageyama's side of the bed, limbs tangled together but Oikawa didn't show the slightest inclination to move over to his nightstand and turn off the sound. Instead he just pressed himself closer to Kageyama and hid completely under their shared blanket.

"Are you not going to turn this off?" Kageyama asked in annoyance. 

"It's going to stop after a minute," Oikawa mumbled against Kageyama's chest. 

"Are you kidding me?!" he replied angrily and tried to shove Oikawa away from him.

However, Oikawa only tightened his grip around Kageyama's upper body and kept his eyes shut. When he realised that Oikawa really wouldn't move Kageyama tried to roll over to the other side himself. At first he struggled to make Oikawa let go of him but he eventually made it far enough to reach the phone and stop the sound.

It was suddenly quiet again and Kageyama just laid on his back for a moment. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw how Oikawa turned his back on him and curled up into a ball. He probably should have immediately noticed that something was off because Oikawa usually got out of bed right away but he was simply too tired.

"Do you plan on getting up anytime soon? I want to sleep for another hour," he said after a while.

"Yeah! Fine!" Oikawa replied irritated and practically jumped out of bed.

Kageyama just stared at him in confusion. Oikawa was now standing right in front of the bed and glaring down on him but Kageyama had absolutely no clue what he'd done to make him this angry all of a sudden. They hadn't even been awake for five minutes after all. 

"You know, I could've- No. Forget it," Oikawa murmured and swiftly turned around.

Kageyama didn't really think about what he was doing and grabbed Oikawa's wrist on impulse to stop him. "No, wait! What did you want to say?"

Oikawa yanked his arm away and intensified his glare. "Don't touch me," he said coldly before turning around to leave the room. 

Kageyama watched him go and wondered what the hell had happened just now. All he remembered was falling asleep blissfully happy and then waking up still comfortably close to Oikawa. But if he was thinking about it now, he noticed that he had assumed that Oikawa had enjoyed it as much as he had and maybe that was where he was wrong. So it had probably just been a birthday present after all. 

However, with one hand already on the door handle Oikawa paused once again. "You know, I could've skipped morning classes."


	32. [32]

"This was exhausting. I really hate dinner with your parents," Oikawa said as they were on their way home from the restaurant. The streets weren't that crowded anymore and it was a nice starlit night, although it was a bit chilly.

"You just hate having to pretend we're happily married," Kageyama responded, "My parents are okay, aren't they?"

He didn't need an answer to know he was right and he wasn't going to get one anyway. The wind was cold and Kageyama shivered. He was wearing nothing but a thin sweatshirt since the day had been sunny and warm. He had absolutely underestimated how cool the nights during springtime could be.

"You're freezing," Oikawa stated.

"Can't be helped," Kageyama replied.

The last thing he had expected was Oikawa to take off his jacket and put it around his shoulders. He wasn't really selflessly caring about him since he was still wearing a pullover over his dress-shirt but the mere act of kindness left Kageyama speechless. But there was no need for a conversation now anyway. The silence between them wasn't even uncomfortable anymore; it was just a normal part of their time spent together. There was something lonely about it but at the same time Oikawa's presence itself was already something comforting, something he enjoyed.

Kageyama knew that a 'thank you' wouldn't be appreciated so he just put on the jacket properly, pulling up the zipper all the way. With the next breath he took he was surrounded with Oikawa's scent and he couldn't help but smile a little. He wondered if he'd ever get sick of it but couldn't even imagine the day on which it wouldn't make him feel all warm and giddy anymore.


	33. [33]

Oikawa's sleep was disturbed by a weird tugging at the back of his t-shirt. At first he thought that it had just been his imagination, something in his dream or a movement Kageyama had made in his sleep. When he felt it again the second after he was pretty sure that the source of the tugging was Kageyama but it was definitely consciously. Oikawa turned around to face him.

"What?" he asked annoyed, "Do you have any idea what time it is?!"

"A bucket," Kageyama said.

"For real, Tobio, this isn't funny at all!" Oikawa started to complain.

"Yeah," responded Kageyama who actually looked pretty pained upon closer examination, "I'm going to throw up as soon as I move an inch."

"Oh," Oikawa said tonelessly. It took him another five seconds to fully comprehend the situation though. " _Oh!_ "

Suddenly wide awake he got up and hurried into the kitchen to get the cleaning bucket. He filled a bit of water into it, grabbed some tissues and practically ran back to their bedroom. Kageyama was still lying on his back, his eyes were shut and his lips pressed together tightly. Oikawa crawled carefully next to him and placed the bucket within reach.

"Can you sit up on your own?" he asked softly.

"Don't want to," Kageyama replied sounding like a stubborn child.

"Well, but you have to."

"But it's going to hurt," Kageyama whined and the sound made Oikawa shudder.

No matter what happened, Kageyama usually didn't give away much through the way he was speaking. Sometimes when he was hurt his voice would break and turn into a croaked whisper or when they fought he would get louder and his voice would shake with anger. However, all in all he normally stayed rather composed. Now that this wasn't the case it made Oikawa genuinely worry from the very second he had heard it. He swallowed.

"You'll feel better afterwards. It's inevitable anyway," he tried to reason with him although Kageyama was probably fully aware of it and only lacking the willpower to actually do it. Vomiting was incredibly unpleasant after all.

Kageyama took one last deep breath. Then he sat up and immediately threw up into the bucket which Oikawa was still holding. Oikawa saw tears forming in the corners of his eyes and gently moved his hand to his forehead to hold his bangs back. It felt quite warm which meant that nausea was apparently not the only problem. As soon as he seemed to be done Oikawa gave him the tissues to wipe his mouth.

"Can you walk?" he asked and Kageyama nodded.

He slowly got up and made his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Oikawa followed him to clean out the bucket. It took them a while to get there since Kageyama was quite unsteady on his feet. In the bright light of the bathroom he looked simply terrible and there really was no nicer way to describe the state he was in. Oikawa let out a sigh.

_'This is going to be a long night.'_


	34. [34]

"What do you want to eat?" Oikawa asked and earned the same disapproving look Kageyama had already given him a few moments ago when he had forced him to drink herbal tea to settle his stomach.

"You have a high fever and need to take medicine. But if you don't eat anything, you're absolutely going to throw up again, so let me rephrase that: What do you think you _can_ eat?" Oikawa said and felt like he was talking to a child.

"Maybe something like soup or cracker," Kageyama answered reluctantly after thinking about it for a while.

"We have neither," Oikawa replied with another sigh and got up, "Anything else you want?"

Kageyama made some kind of confused noise while Oikawa was already pulling up his sweatpants and searching for a pullover.

"No.. no, you don't have to," he said but it was a weak protest.

" _Yes_ , I have to," Oikawa responded strictly, "Besides, since we're sharing a bed you've probably already infected me with whatever you have and I'm expecting you to do the same for me as soon as I'm ill."

The first time since Kageyama had woken Oikawa up he seemed to relax at least a bit. He closed his eyes and a weak smile flashed across his face for a brief moment.

"That goes without saying," he replied softly.

On his way to the convenience store Oikawa thought that maybe, just maybe, he didn't really deserve someone as kind as Kageyama Tobio.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might have placed a curse on me with the last chapter because I'm now ill as well.. :/ I'll try to keep up the daily updates but I'm going to respond to comments and messages when I'm better :)


	35. [35]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your get well wishes! ^_^

Oikawa peaked into the bedroom just to find Kageyama exactly like he had left him there around fifteen minutes ago. Relieved that he was at least as okay as he could be right now, he made his way into the kitchen to prepare the food he had just bought.

He was a pretty bad cook but not so bad that he would screw up instant soup. Luckily it was really low maintenance so that he could run around and collect medicine, more tissues, a glass of water and other stuff from across their apartment and pile everything up at Kageyama's nightstand.

When everything was done he helped Kageyama to sit up and handed him the tablet with the food. He himself was holding a small bucket full of ice cream and was eating right out of it with a spoon. Now and then Kageyama glanced sideways at him while blowing at his still hot and steaming soup.

"Do you want ice cream? I bought some for you too," he said after a while.

"I do, but I don't think my stomach does," Kageyama replied and sounded genuinely sad.

Oikawa smiled to himself while he continued eating. They sat together in their usual silence until Kageyama was done and closed his eyes. However, he couldn't rest for too long because Oikawa shoved a pill and a glass of water into his hands. He obeyed immediately and swallowed the medicine.

"Do you think you can sleep like this?" Oikawa asked and Kageyama shrugged his shoulders.

"Probably not," he admitted, "But it's okay if you want to. I'll be okay."

"It's fine, we can sleep in late tomorrow anyway. Let's just watch a movie until your fever goes down, okay?" Oikawa suggested friendly, "Ah, but I choose."

"Whatever," Kageyama replied with a grin and added a "You sure love that movie" when Oikawa put the Area 51 DVD into his laptop.

"So what?!" Oikawa snapped.

"Nothing, I just noticed," Kageyama shrugged Oikawa's aggressive reply off.

Noticing little things like that about him could've been cute if he would've been someone else. But unfortunately he was Kageyama Tobio and therefore definitely not cute at all. And yet, Oikawa put his arm around his shoulders and ran his fingers through his hair until he fell asleep against him.

He didn't even let go of Kageyama when it got quite uncomfortable to be this close because he was sweating out his fever. He didn't want to wake him up again; he was more annoying when he was awake after all.


	36. [36]

After the movie had ended Oikawa stayed in the same position he has been in now for more than the last one and a half hours for a little longer. The arm on which Kageyama's head was resting had gone dead after a while. At first it had felt like pins and needles but by now it was simply numb, not even aching anymore.

He drowsily eyed Tobio who was sleeping so peacefully. Although he definitely had a blocked nose, his breath was even and Oikawa could feel his heartbeat where their bodies were pressed together. With a sigh he closed his eyes and rested his forehead on top of Kageyama's head for a moment before he finally pulled away his arm. 

Tobio was woken up because of the movement and dozily opened his eyes. He was barely able to stay in a seated position now that Oikawa wasn't supporting him anymore and seemed to be falling back asleep right away.

Oikawa gently nudged him. "Hey, you need to take a shower."

"Now?" Kageyama asked hoarsely. 

"Yes, now," Oikawa replied in a low voice, "It'll make you feel better."

"Sleep will make me feel better," Tobio said with his usual pout before leaning his head against Oikawa's shoulder once again. 

He reached out and weakly held onto Oikawa's t-shirt and Oikawa understood that it wasn't sleep that was making him want to stay in bed but rather his company. A part of him begged him to shove him away just to see the hurt in his eyes but he somehow couldn't. It might have been because of his lack of sleep, but he didn't even really know why he didn't want to be close to Kageyama anymore. Whenever they touched, like they did now, it actually didn't exactly bother him. What else it did to him, he didn’t know either.

Nevertheless, after a moment's hesitation, he pushed Kageyama away from him. The way Tobio looked even more miserable than before made him swallow hard. No matter how much he wished for it, he absolutely didn't want to take advantage of his vulnerability right now.

"You're gross and sweaty," Oikawa said after clearing his throat, "Go take a shower _first_."


	37. [37]

When Kageyama returned to their bedroom Oikawa had already changed the sheets and bedclothes and was waiting for him so that they could finally continue to sleep. Tobio looked pretty pale even in the low light that was coming from one of their nightstands and all his movements were slow and clumsy. The way he toddled over to their bed was almost adorable and Oikawa wondered what he would be like if he was drunk.

Kageyama crawled next to Oikawa but obviously didn't dare to touch him, too scared that he had mistaken Oikawa's words for a hint and to be rejected once again. And Oikawa considered just turning around for a moment. He was still somewhat reluctant but in the end he lifted up his blanket as a welcoming gesture. 

Tobio easily snuggled into Oikawa's arms as if it was the most natural thing in the world and Oikawa found himself involuntarily melting into the touch as well. As soon as he turned off the light it seemed to him like they were the only people in the whole universe. They were surrounded by nothing but the darkness of the night and it felt like they were swallowed up by it. 

Suddenly there was a weird feeling welling up in Oikawa's chest, making it hard for him to breathe. Automatically he tightened his hold around Kageyama, clinging to him as he was searching for some kind of support. He didn't know whether Tobio noticed that something was off, but he started caressing his back. It didn’t matter anyway since it was exactly the reassurance he needed to calm down, although he didn't even know what he needed to be reassured of. 

After a few shallow gasps he was finally able to fill his lungs with enough air again. He let out one last shaky breath before the rhythm started to become even and his heart didn't feel like beating out of his chest anymore. There clearly were some things he didn't know but one thing was sure. Without the smell of Tobio's shampoo, the sound of his laboured breathing through his stuffy nose, the warmth his body was radiating and the sensation of his fingers running up and down his spine he'd be far worse off right now, seeing nothing but pitch-black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kinda important, so if you didn't read carefully, you should consider reading it again :P
> 
> Also, I'm a bit better and therefore more or less back. I'll try to catch up with answering comments but I ran out of chapters so I need to concentrate on writing or else I won't be able to keep up the daily updates. I'm sorry that it takes me so long but I hope you understand!
> 
> And another thing: I have a [twitter](https://twitter.com/eleasofiaa) now! If I'm not able to update this fic for whatever reason, I'll probably post about it there and in general I'll talk about anime (mostly HQ though) and about my writing and things like that as well as other personal stuff and pretty much everything I shouldn't write into chapter notes or post on my tumblr ;D So yeah, feel free to follow me!
> 
> Thanks for your comments and your support, you're amazing! ^_^


	38. [38]

Oikawa was getting ready to serve, letting the ball spin between his hands a few times. Just when he really was about to throw the ball in the air and do his run up, he heard his mobile ring from his bag somewhere on the sidelines. He immediately dropped the ball and mumbled a quick apology while his friends shot him confused glances.

"Tobio?" he answered the call a little breathless.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt-" Kageyama started cautiously but was cut off by Oikawa.

"Is everything alright? Are you okay?" he asked worriedly. Maybe he shouldn't have left the house to play volleyball with his friends when Tobio wasn't feeling well.

"It could be worse, I guess," Kageyama said, "It's pretty much like last night."

"Did your temperature rise? Did you throw up again?" Oikawa continued to ask.

"Yeah," Kageyama replied.

"Which?"

"Both."

Oikawa let out a sigh. "Should I come home then?"

"That's what I wanted to ask you, when you'll be home, I mean," Kageyama responded. 

"I'll come back after we finish the game, alright?"

"Thank you," Kageyama said in a low voice, "And I'm sorry." 

"It's fine," Oikawa replied but didn't know what else to say to make him feel better, "Just try not to do something stupid until I'm home; don't fall in the shower and break your neck or something."

"But I thought _people don't just fall in the shower_?" Kageyama said immediately and Oikawa was pretty sure that he'd heard a faint chuckle.

"You little.. that's.. that's not how I meant that!" Oikawa protested which made Kageyama chuckle even more until it turned into laughter and then into a coughing fit, "And don't die because you're choking on your own spit, idiot!"

It took a while for Kageyama to recover but Oikawa waited patiently until he had found his voice again, "I won't, I promise."

"I'll see you then," Oikawa said with a smile before he ended the call and turned around to face his friends again. He was met with even more surprise than when he had sprinted off to answer the call. 

"Ohoho? Is there somebody trying to be a good husband?" Kuroo teased him, grinning mischievously.

"No! That's-"

"Aww, no need to be embarrassed, Oikawa!" Hanamaki added with a smirk.

"I'm not!" Oikawa cried out in frustration but he couldn't deny that he felt his cheeks burning. He didn't need to look into a mirror to know that his face was bright red. 

"It's fine, he'll get it sooner or later," Matsukawa said.

"Get what?!" Bokuto and Oikawa shouted simultaneously.

Oikawa looked at him in confusion and then to Iwaizumi who was smiling at him. When the others burst out into laughter, he decided that he definitely shouldn't have left the house to play volleyball with his friends today.


	39. [39]

It was late March when Kageyama found himself drowning in homework. The end of the term was near and there were a thousand essays to hand it and exams to prepare for. University was even rougher than high school and his sleeping schedule was messed up faster than he had expected it to be.

He was typing a sentence into his laptop when he heard a faint knocking on the door. Oikawa came in but waited patiently until Kageyama turned around to face him. 

"What is it?" he asked, looking up to him from his seated position. 

"Can you come to bed?" Oikawa asked in a low voice and without making eye contact.

Kageyama noticed that he looked pretty exhausted, maybe even sad. He was slouching his shoulders and his fingers were nervously fumbling with the hem of his over-sized sweater.

"Is something wrong? Did something happen?" he asked then, a little more gentle.

Oikawa shook his head. "I'm just tired."

For a moment Kageyama considered asking Oikawa if he was lying to him but decided against it since he wouldn't tell him anyway. "I have to write my essay," he said instead.

"Is it due tomorrow?" Oikawa asked. 

"Friday; but if I don't want to miss practice tomorrow, I have to get some more done tonight."

"I can help you with it tomorrow," Oikawa offered, "But let's go to bed now."

He gave him a pleading look and Kageyama couldn't help but sigh and close his laptop. While Oikawa went straight to bed he went to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Something was weird but Kageyama couldn't decide whether Oikawa was behaving like that because something was wrong or whether he was doing it to manipulate him in one way or another. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There won't be new chapters for the next three days because I'm on vacation but I wish you a nice weekend! Updates will continue normally from Monday evening on :)
> 
> Also, if you're caught up with the manga, I wrote an analysis for chapter 215 today and it's on my tumblr! :D


	40. [40]

When Kageyama entered the room Oikawa was once again lying suspiciously close to the middle of the bed and looking up at him innocently from his big brown eyes. As soon as he lay down Oikawa snuggled closer and buried his face in the crook of his neck. It was a pleasant surprise that for once Oikawa was the one seeking affection instead of making Kageyama feel like a burden to him but he couldn't help but stay cautious. 

He turned off the light and made himself comfortable, completely embracing Oikawa who was pressing himself as close to him as possible, holding onto him for dear life. Something had to be wrong.

"What happened?" he whispered against Oikawa's ear, "Don't you want to tell me?"

"I already told you I'm just tired!" Oikawa mumbled angrily against Kageyama's skin.

"You're not," Kageyama stated but decided to stop asking further questions. 

Oikawa would start talking if he wanted to and if he didn't, he definitely wouldn't. They lay together in silence and Kageyama just ran his fingers through Oikawa's soft hair and caressed his back. He could feel his breath against his neck and concentrated on they way his fingers were digging almost painfully into his body. 

"You're not going to leave, right?" Oikawa whispered after a while.

"Uhm.. no?" Kageyama replied confused, "Where am I supposed to go?"

"I mean, you're not going to leave _me_. You're going to stay with me, right? Till death do us part and all that, you know."

"Well, we're married. That's the plan, I guess," Kageyama responded, "Why do you even ask?"

"No particular reason," Oikawa said way too fast and less than convincing.

"What did you do?" Kageyama asked warily.

"Nothing! How often am I supposed to repeat that?! Stop asking stupid questions, Tobio-chan!"

" _You_ are the one who's asking stupid questions," Kageyama said, "Now answer me!"

"Like hell I'm going to tell you anything when you're talking to me like this!" Oikawa responded, sounding genuinely offended for once.

"Oh, so now you're admitting that you have something to tell me?" Kageyama asked and he couldn't help but think of a thousand terrible things Oikawa could've done. 

He already felt hurt and betrayed although he didn't even know what had happened, but Oikawa was behaving weird, really, _really_ weird, and that probably meant it was bad. 

"No! I don't!" Oikawa protested and it sounded a little desperate and a lot like a lie.

Kageyama didn't respond and simply tried to shove Oikawa away from him. They were fighting and that wasn't new at all, but usually when Kageyama felt like they could never be close to each other, there was some distance between them physically as well. But now Oikawa was clinging to him and no amount of pushing and shoving could separate him from the other. 

And he absolutely couldn't see that Oikawa apparently didn't want to lose him, that he definitely valued their marriage in one way or another. There was only fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this is a little late but I'm back now and I have some good old angst for you :)


	41. [41]

Kageyama was still trying to push Oikawa away from him when he heard a sharp inhale and felt the shaky breath he let out against his skin. And then he heard a muffled sob. The moment he realised that Oikawa really was crying, he stopped moving. It was the last thing he had expected to happen and he absolutely didn't know what to do. 

After a while he decided that hugging him would probably be the right thing to do, so he wrapped his arms around him once again. It didn't feel quite right because he still had a very, very bad feeling about this, but he wouldn't be able to sleep until they had talked this out anyway.

"Can you please tell me what's wrong now? I'm not going to leave you. I mean, unless you murdered or raped someone. I couldn't live with that," Kageyama said although he didn't knew if he would be able to keep this promise.

Oikawa didn't respond but reached for one of his hands. At first it seemed like he just wanted to hold it but when Kageyama tried to interlock their fingers, Oikawa pulled away a bit. 

"What is it?" he asked in confusion. 

Oikawa once again tried to guide his fingers to where he apparently wanted them to be and it took Kageyama quite a while to figure out what he was trying to do. 

"You're not wearing your wedding ring?" he asked when he finally understood, "Why?"

"I.. today.. I'm sorry.. I mean.. I don't know where it is.. but I looked fo-"

"So you lost it?" Kageyama interrupted Oikawa's stammering, "That's all?"

"I-I'm really sorry, I didn't-" Oikawa said but then stopped abruptly, raising his head and searching eye contact for the first time, "Wait, what do you mean _that's all_? It's terrible!"

Kageyama couldn't help but laugh. 

"And it's not funny either!"

"I just braced myself for something so much worse. I can't believe you were actually making such a drama just because you lost _a ring_. And you really thought I'd leave you because of that?" he said still a little amused.

"But it's not _just a ring_ , it's a very important ring because it's the symbol of our marriage!" Oikawa protested.

"Just because you lost it, it doesn't mean that you don't care. And you have to take that ring of at least twice a day for practice."

When Oikawa didn't respond and just pressed his face against Kageyama's chest once again, he continued, "Do you know where you could've lost it?"

"I think I still had it when I came home but I'm not sure.."

"We'll look for it tomorrow, okay? We'll find it."

"But I've already looked everywhere," Oikawa said doubtfully.

"That doesn't matter, you probably just overlooked it," Kageyama said reassuringly, "Are you okay now?"

"I'm better," Oikawa whispered, "It just feels weird to not wear it for this long. I feel like something is missing all the time."

Kageyama sighed while taking off his own ring and reaching for Oikawa's hand to put it on his finger instead. 

"What are you doing?" Oikawa asked surprised.

"You can wear mine until we find yours."

"Is that really okay?"

"Of course, if it makes you feel better, I'll feel better as well," Kageyama responded and only realised how cheesy that sounded the moment it had already left his mouth. However, Oikawa didn't seem to notice anyway.


	42. [42]

Kageyama couldn't fall asleep because Oikawa was still crying for some reason. He didn't understand whether it was because he was relieved and happy or because he was still upset. Or maybe it was because of something completely different he couldn't even think of. 

But it wasn't just Oikawa who was confusing him right now, it was mostly himself. The moment relief had washed over him and away all the fear and hurt, he hadn't started to feel like he usually did. Everything was sorted out now, it should be at least. 

And yet, Kageyama still felt like something was wrong. Although he had wished for Oikawa to care about him, he didn't really feel joy now that there had been more and more signs that he actually did. He couldn't help but think that the person who was crying in his arms right now wasn't the one he'd fallen in love with years ago.

Well, Oikawa was still somehow _Oikawa_ , but just now something had changed and Kageyama found that he actually wasn't in love with him, never had been actually. Because Oikawa didn't show weakness, Oikawa didn't cry, Oikawa wasn't nice to him, Oikawa wasn't worried and caring, Oikawa didn't have flaws and fears - except that he did.

There was no such thing as a perfect person and even if, Oikawa definitely wasn't one. Now that Kageyama finally understood, he wondered why it had taken him this long to figure it out. He hadn't even really known Oikawa before their marriage. All his looking up to him and idolizing him had made him blind to a lot of things he probably could've seen way earlier. 

He'd known that most of Oikawa's behaviour was an act but he'd never really tried to find out what was beneath the mask. All this time he'd been in love with someone that didn't exist, simply with all that he had wanted him to be. What he’d used to call love had probably been nothing but admiration.

One reason their whole relationship had been really dysfunctional from the very beginning was apparently that he had put Oikawa on a pedestal. Kageyama had made himself inferior to him although Oikawa didn't even see him as that. And he had probably never really hated him either, Kageyama just had never tried to understand why Oikawa was the way he was.

Now that he thought about it, he still didn't understand but at least he knew where he'd been wrong all along and could try to fix it from now on. They could talk this out one day as well, just as some other things that still needed sorting out. 

In the meantime Oikawa had calmed down and was either already asleep or very comfortable and relaxed. He was warm and Kageyama felt like this was the closest they'd ever been to each other, now that Oikawa had opened up to him, even if just a little.

While he was dozing off he thought about how exciting it was that he could fall in love with Oikawa all over again and that this time maybe, just maybe, it might even be requited.


	43. [43]

Oikawa woke up when Kageyama opened the curtains and a ray of light fell directly on his face. He was confused for a moment since he was pretty sure it was Thursday and the first thing in the morning on a weekday should be his alarm sound and not the sun. 

He couldn't think too long about it though, the memories from last night came back to him and he started to feel bad again. The ring on his finger reminded him that he'd lost his own and Tobio had to go without it now because he had been all whiny and emotional.

Iwaizumi had told him a thousand times that it was okay to drop his facade around Kageyama since they were married now and this was just the way it was supposed to be. But he was still having a hard time with it. They were not really close to each other after all and Tobio was probably already pretty done with his shit. 

Thinking about how he'd actually cried and how Kageyama had laughed at him for being dramatic made him cringe. He pulled up his blanket even more so that most of his face was hidden but it was pulled down again immediately. When he felt a hand in his hair he slowly opened his eyes. 

"Good morning," Kageyama said softly and sat down next to Oikawa on the bed, "I made breakfast."

"What time is it?" Oikawa asked still a little sleepy.

"It's 8; you still have enough time to get ready."

"But I set my alarm way earlier and you promised to look for my ring with me and now-" Oikawa started to protest agitatedly but was cut off.

"Calm down," Kageyama said and reached into the pocket of his jacket, pulling out a ring and holding it up in front of Oikawa's face for him to see.

Oikawa's eyes widened immediately. "You found it! Did you look for it alone? Where was it?" he asked excitedly.

"It was in the laundry basket and no, I just happened to see it when I wanted to throw some clothes into it," Kageyama explained.

"In the _laundry basket_?!" Oikawa said genuinely surprised, "How the hell did it end up _there_?!"

"Probably together with your training clothes," Kageyama said and shrugged his shoulders, "I thought that wearing the ring with a necklace might be safer because you don't need to take it off all the time like that. What do you think?"

"Yeah," Oikawa nodded in agreement and smiled a little, "That's a good idea."


	44. [44]

Now that everything was settled, Kageyama got up and headed towards the door. "Come on, let's eat then."

"Hey, wait!" Oikawa said without really thinking about it first.

Kageyama turned around and looked at him questioningly while Oikawa got up as well and walked over to him. He took off Kageyama's wedding ring and reached out for his hand to give it back. Of course he could've just placed it into the palm of his hand but he felt like sliding it back onto his finger just like he had on their wedding day.

"With this ring I pledge my commitment," Oikawa mumbled, looking bashfully at the ground. 

There was a painfully long moment before Kageyama finally grabbed his hand and put his ring back onto his finger as well. Oikawa heard him swallow at least three times before he repeated the promise as a whisper. 

Kageyama didn't let go of his hand immediately and Oikawa made the mistake to look up again. He was well aware that his own cheeks were red too but he was sure that he himself didn't look quite as adorable as Tobio did at the moment.

There was something extremely intimate about their eye contact and although it felt way too intense for Oikawa, he didn't look away. He felt vulnerable but also safe and reassured - and a little like being reckless. 

He leaned in quickly and fleetingly kissed the corner of Tobio's mouth. In the split second where he had been supposed to decide whether he wanted to kiss him on the lips or on the cheek he had failed to do even that.

When he took Kageyama's hand in his and pulled him along towards the kitchen, he wondered what the hell was even wrong with him all of a sudden. He just hoped that fleeing from their bedroom would change the weird atmosphere and everything would go back to normal as soon as they sat down to eat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise, I'll answer the comments soon but right now I'm way too tired and I'm glad that I managed to update at least.. You're all awesome, thank you very much for everything! ^_^


	45. [45]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who has a very weak immune system and is almost always sick? Yeah, that's me -.- But here's a new chapter!

Kageyama was staring at his laptop in frustration while Oikawa buried his face in his hands. 

"That's complete and utter bullshit, Tobio. Seriously, there's no way I can help you _finish_ this!" he groaned stagily, "We better start all over again before we waste even more of my precious time."

"And what about _my_ precious time?" Kageyama snapped at him, "I wanted to write the essay _yesterday_ evening."

Oikawa laughed sneeringly, "As if you would've managed to write down anything meaningful. I mean, it's not like you ever could. You should be grateful that I'm helping you."

"I'd be grateful if you were actually helping me, but we haven't written a single paragraph within the last thirty minutes and you're absolutely not helpful at all!" Kageyama replied exasperatedly. 

"What exactly am I supposed to do?! There's absolutely nothing to build on! If I was you, I'd rather not hand in anything at all than.. _this_ ," Oikawa said, flourishing his hands in the direction of the laptop.

"But _I_ am not _you,_ " Kageyama said angrily, averting his gaze from the screen to face Oikawa, "And right now I'm definitely better off without you."

Oikawa let out an angry snort and got up from his chair. Kageyama followed him with his eyes and could literally see his facade crumble until there was nothing left of his fake smile and when he looked him straight in the eye, he was met with nothing but coldness.

"Listen, I think you're forgetting something," Oikawa said eerily calm while slowly heading over to the door, " _I_ would be better off without _you_ , hell, _everybody_ would be. You're nothing but an obnoxious brat and I'm not with you because I _choose_ to. I'm not with you because I _want_ to. I'm trying to make the best of this situation but if you continue to behave like a little shit, this isn't going to work."

Kageyama was boiling over with rage and clenched his fists in an attempt to not give in to the urge to punch something or _someone_. He was well aware that he shouldn't let himself be blinded by his anger. Oikawa was good at hitting people right where it would hurt them the most, but he was just as vulnerable. He knew that the situation might spin out of control if he'd dare to say one more word, but he felt like being mean as well for once.

"You're trying to make the best of this situation?" he said and found that he could laugh just as sneeringly as Oikawa, "All you do is being rude and acting like a hot shot to cover up your own insecurities when all you really are is moody and whiny and when something is wrong, you come crying to me like a five-year-old. The one who isn't grateful is _you_. I'm putting up with so much of your shit. Seriously, I once thought you were great. I thought you were an amazing person and yes, I'm an idiot for letting you fool me for such a long time, but the only thing you have over me is that you're a born actor. That's it."


	46. [46]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still a little slow with replies but thank you for all your get-well wishes and I hope you enjoy the new chapter <3

Oikawa froze in his place and slowly turned around. He still seemed to be calm but when he started walking slowly towards the desk again, he looked like he was about to murder someone. It took a lot of self-control for Kageyama to not go on the run. 

When Oikawa stood right in front of him, he felt incredibly small in his seated position. However, when the other pulled him up by the collar of his shirt and pressed him against the desk, he didn't feel any taller either. 

Oikawa's face was way too close. His eyes were open wide and his creepy smile made him look like he had gone out of his mind. For a moment Kageyama really wasn't sure if he should be in fear of his life. He had seen Oikawa like this before but they'd never been completely alone in a situation like this.

"What did you say?" Oikawa breathed threateningly.

"I said," Kageyama swallowed hard and decided not to back down; he had already gone too far anyway, "You have nothing over me. You're just good at playing pretend. So stop acting like you're better than me because you're not."

Oikawa started to giggle. "Oh dear, I think I might have overestimated you. I really didn't expect you to be _this_ stupid."

Kageyama just shook his head. "You're not fooling me anymore; you can stop with this bullshit."

"Then can you please stop pretending that you know me?! Because you don't!" Oikawa said irately and suddenly, he wasn’t smiling anymore.

"Yeah, I don't! But because I realised that I don't know you, I understand that whoever you really are is probably not all that interesting. Right now I'm not even sure if I want to know you at all!"

For the first time Oikawa didn't respond immediately and the otherwise silent room was only filled by the sound of their heavy breathing. They were still staring at each other and neither of them wanted to be the first one to look away. 

Kageyama didn't understand what Oikawa was feeling or thinking but he was sure that he'd managed to strike a nerve and he was quite pleased with himself for being able to get this kind of reaction from him. He'd never imagined that he'd be able to make Oikawa speechless.

He noticed that Oikawa gripped his shirt tighter and just when he opened his mouth to eventually respond something, Kageyama heard - and felt - a phone vibrate. Oikawa let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes before reaching into his pocket and answering the call. 

It was absolutely surreal to see him change back to his usual and annoyingly cheerful self right before his eyes. Not even a second ago, he had seemed so dangerous and now he was smoothing the creases his grip had left in Kageyama's shirt almost gently with his fingers.

When Oikawa slung his arm around his neck and let his head rest against his shoulder, Kageyama relaxed as well. Now that he thought about it, it was almost laughable how they had started to fight just because they hadn't managed to be productive. But he felt better now that he'd been able to say a few things that he'd usually never dare to. 

The reality was somehow still a little bit altered and now that Kageyama was sitting there on the edge of his desk with Oikawa standing between his legs and leaning against him, he couldn't help but place one of his hands on Oikawa's lower back and pull him closer. And Oikawa didn't stop him. He just finished his phone call and even stayed like this for a while after he had put down his mobile on the desk. 

The tension between them had disappeared just as fast as it had built but Kageyama knew that even though they were apparently going to pretend that nothing had happened, something between them had definitely changed.

"We should get back to your essay," Oikawa whispered eventually and Kageyama wondered how long it would take them this time until they'd be at each other's throats.


	47. [47]

Oikawa had rested his head on the table in front of him and while he was nervously tapping a rhythm with his fingers on its surface, he eyed Iwaizumi and waited until he would get irritated enough to finally pay him attention. It didn't take long. 

"Oikawa, I swear to god, if you don't stop that immedia-"

"Iwa-chan," Oikawa interrupted him and watched how his best friend tried to stay calm and took in a deep breath.

"What is it?" he asked then, obviously still annoyed but interested nevertheless. 

"Would you say I'm moody?"

Iwaizumi started to laugh which made Oikawa scrunch up his nose in indignation. "You're pretty much the moodiest person I've ever met."

"That's mean!" Oikawa protested and started to pout. 

"But it's true," Iwaizumi replied with a grin. 

Oikawa narrowed his eyes. "And what about whiny?"

"Why are you even asking me this?" Iwaizumi asked instead of giving him an answer. 

"You can't just answer a question with a question; that's not fair! And I asked first!" Oikawa whined.

"Say, do you sometimes listen to yourself when you talk?" Iwaizumi retorted with a pleased smirk. 

For a brief moment, Oikawa's eyes widened in surprise when he realised his mistake. Then he went back to pouting and glaring at his friend, waiting for him to get back to his homework and disregarding their conversation. However, he didn't.

"So, who said you were moody and whiny?"

"Not talking to you anymore," Oikawa mumbled sulkily and averted his gaze. 

"It was Kageyama, right?" Iwaizumi continued completely unfazed by Oikawa's demeanour.

"Not talking to you anymore!"

"Did you have a fight?"

"I said that I am not talking to you anymore! Leave me alone and do your homework!" Oikawa said angrily and turned his head back around to look at his friend. 

Iwaizumi sighed. "You brought this up because it bothers you and I know that you secretly want to talk about anyway, so spit it out already."


	48. [48]

"I didn't think it was possible, but Tobio is even meaner than you," Oikawa grumbled after a while, obviously not quite accepting his defeat.

"What did he do? I mean, besides calling you moody and whiny?"

"To sum it up briefly, I'm not good at anything besides playing pretend; I'm annoying and not interesting; he wishes that he would've never met me and," Oikawa said and paused for a moment, looking truly hurt for the first time during their conversation, "I'm a cry baby."

Iwaizumi perked his eyebrows up in surprise. "What did you do to him?"

"Why would you ask that?! You're supposed to be supporting me!" Oikawa said angrily.

"Because I know that Kageyama would never say something like that just out of spite," Iwaizumi stated calmly, "You must've given him a reason - or probably way more than just one - to make him say things like that."

His best friend's words reminded Oikawa of the reason why he shouldn't have said anything. He started chewing on his lip while trying to think of some clever response that would get him out of this situation. In the end, he couldn’t come up with anything.

"What do you expect me to tell you? Should I list every mean thing I've ever said to him?" he replied eventually, "You know that this would take forever."

"It's fine as long as you know that. The fact the he has to resort to methods like hurting you to make you realise your mistakes is solely your own fault," Iwaizumi said coldly and ended their conversation by simply getting back to his homework.

Oikawa shuddered a little. He had expected Iwaizumi to be mad at him and to scold him but definitely not to just leave him alone with his thoughts. Somehow he didn't really know what to make out of it. 

"Thanks, that wasn't helpful at all," he grumbled grouchily without really thinking it through.

Iwaizumi put down his pen once again. "Listen, I never wanted to tell you this because I thought you were clever enough to figure it out on your own, but if you keep acting like this, there are only two possible outcomes for your life. Firstly, you'll be in an unhappy and unhealthy marriage until one of you dies. Secondly, he's going to be so fed up with you at some point that he wants a divorce. You'll be alone and your parents will be angry."

"The latter doesn't sound all that bad to me," Oikawa said still grumpily.

"You're wrong. I'm certain that if you ever let him go, you'll regret it bitterly. And when that happens, don't come crying to me." 

This time Oikawa didn't dare to bother Iwaizumi any further. He wanted to protest but he didn't really know what to respond to that and neither did he know if he could stand any more of his best friend's harsh words. Of course, he had wanted to talk to him about it but he had hoped to feel better afterwards. Right now he was just more confused than ever before.


	49. [49]

Kageyama was standing in front of the stove when he heard the doorbell ring. After a short moment of panicking, a quick glance at the clock on the kitchen wall told him that he wasn't too slow but their guests simply way too early. Just a second later Oikawa appeared in the door frame.

"Tobio-chan," he said cheerfully and Kageyama turned his head slightly to face him, "My parents are here and said I need to come down and help them carry something." 

Kageyama furrowed his brow. "What the hell did they bring that they can't carry it alone?"

"My birthday present of course," Oikawa said with a smirk but shrugged his shoulders afterwards and added, "Seriously, I have no idea but I'll be right back."

Kageyama didn't really waste any time on wondering what it might be and concentrated on preparing the food instead; he wouldn't be able to figure it out anyway. When Oikawa came back only a few minutes later, he looked genuinely happy and made himself comfortable on the kitchen counter right next to where Kageyama was cooking. 

"Doesn't look all that big and heavy," Kageyama said after he had spotted the small box in Oikawa's hands.

Oikawa opened it to show him what was inside.

"Keys?" Kageyama asked a little bit confused, still not quite sure what the present was but if he had to guess, he'd say that those keys were..

"Car keys! It's a _car_ , idiot!" Oikawa said, beaming with joy, "There was nothing big or heavy to carry; they just needed me to come down so that they could show it to me!"

"That's awesome," Kageyama said with a smile, knowing that Oikawa probably didn't really care about what he was saying and wasn't even listening anyway.

Just a moment later, he already jumped off the counter and declared that he was going to set the dinner table now. He said it so enthusiastically that Kageyama silently hoped that for once his good mood would actually last a little longer than usually.


	50. [50]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got pretty long compared to the others but I really didn't know where I could cut it in half, so here you go, have some more than usual today :D

Kageyama was happy when he could finally get up from the table to go to the kitchen and prepare the dessert. It was a nice evening and pleasant to sit on the balcony and watch the sunset while they were eating. Their balcony wasn't all that big but there was enough space for four persons to have dinner and sit together comfortably. 

However, the fact that their guests were Oikawa's parents didn't really give him the chance to relax. He still felt uncomfortable around them simply because he didn't know what they were thinking of him and how to take part in their conversation. They made jokes he didn't understand and in case he actually was asked something, he never knew what to respond. 

Being alone for a few minutes gave him a moment of peace. Oikawa walked into the kitchen at some point and looked into the fridge only to notice that they didn't have any more soft drinks and he needed to go and get some more out of the cellar. 

Kageyama was done with the preparations a little too fast for his own liking and therefore considered to procrastinate for a while so that he wouldn't be completely alone with Oikawa's parents at least. However, he felt like it'd be weird if he'd stay away much longer and he didn't want to leave an even worse impression.

Slowly he walked back to the balcony but stopped right before he would be within sight. He couldn't see his parents-in-law and neither could they see him, but he was within earshot for sure. And he absolutely didn't want to eavesdrop but he had heard his name and just frozen in place. 

"Do you think we've made the right decision? I know everything went well for his sister but what if it doesn't for Tooru?" Oikawa's mother whispered.

"He doesn't look exactly unhappy to me," his father responded in a low voice as well.

"But not exactly happy either and definitely not even the tiniest bit in love," she stated.

"It might just be that they're not showing it in front of us; that would be awkward after all, wouldn't it?" his father pointed out. 

"Or it might just be that we made our only son extremely miserable by forcing him to marry someone he never wanted to be with!" she said a little louder than before. 

"You were the one that said we should make sure that he's in good hands!" his father protested and apparently started to get irritated as well. 

"Yes, but I never wanted him to marry this guy! He's weird and the only good thing about him is that he shares one hobby with our son. But he doesn't have any other noteworthy qualities. What did you even think?! That they'd live happily ever after just because they both play volleyball?!" Oikawa's mother continued to nag nevertheless. 

Kageyama was startled when he suddenly felt a light touch on his shoulder. When he turned around, Oikawa stood next to him and looked at him wide-eyed. How spaced out had he even been that he hadn’t heard his footsteps?

"Are you okay?" Oikawa whispered and the fact that he seemed to be genuinely worried made Kageyama immediately feel a lot better although unshed tears were still burning in his eyes, making them feel - and probably also look - pretty watery. 

He nodded and held the tray with the dessert out to Oikawa in hopes that he would understand him wordlessly. Fortunately he did and immediately put down the bottles he was carrying to take it from Kageyama's hands.

"What's wrong?" he tried to ask again, still in a low voice, still softly, but Kageyama only shook his head, wiped his eyes with the hem of his shirt and took the tray back from Oikawa's hands.

They stepped back onto the balcony and sat down again to eat. Kageyama felt a little bad because Oikawa didn't seem to be all that happy anymore and didn't stop darting side glances at him now and then but it was something that couldn't be helped. 

Oikawa's parents continued to act overly friendly and were still laughing and joking a lot just like their conversation just now had never happened. Of course, they didn't know that Kageyama had heard them, but he definitely didn't need to wonder where Oikawa had learned to be this fake anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And since I haven't said that in the notes so far, I'm doing it now: Thank you for reading everyone! I don't have the words to explain how happy it makes me that on one hand, so many people are reading something I wrote and on the other hand, so many people enjoy Oikage! So really truly thank you <3
> 
> And I'll be replying to comments tomorrow, for now I'm going to bed :)


	51. [51]

Kageyama was relieved as soon as Oikawa's parents had left. All he wanted was to quickly clean up and go to bed. It wasn't even that late yet but the evening had been exhausting and he felt simply miserable. 

When Oikawa joined him on the balcony he expected him to help but he grabbed his arm and stopped him instead. They looked into each other's eyes and Kageyama wasn't sure what the other wanted from him. It seemed like a silent request for him to talk but he didn't know what exactly he was supposed to say and neither whether he even wanted to talk or not. 

"Let's go for a drive," Oikawa said after a while. 

"Uhm, okay," Kageyama responded a little surprised, "Sure, if you want to. Let's just finish cleaning up first."

Oikawa shook his head, "No need for that now. We can still do it later or tomorrow."

And with this Kageyama was pulled along by Oikawa but he was completely okay with it. They put on their shoes and Oikawa grabbed his purse and his keys before leaving the apartment.

When they reached the car, Kageyama realised he had imagined it completely wrong. He didn't know anything about cars but he could tell that it was brand new and must've been quite expensive. It was a little stupid since he knew that Oikawa's parents were pretty wealthy but nevertheless, he had expected it to be smaller and less fancy. 

But it wasn't like he'd complain about it. The car was comfortable and he had lots of space for his legs. The air was still filled with the smell of plastic confirming his assumption that it wasn't a second-hand car.

When Oikawa started the motor and drove into the traffic, Kageyama was pleasantly surprised that the engine noise was barely audible. The faint music that was playing on the radio could be heard clearly, creating some kind of peaceful atmosphere.

It was nice to stare just out of the window, looking at all the bright and flashing lights, knowing that there were so many people close to him and yet, Kageyama felt like he was miles away from all that hustle and bustle. 

He didn't like Tokyo; there was just too much of everything except for silence. On some days it was simply not bearable for him and he felt lost between all those people with their straight faces hurry-scurrying around as if all of them knew exactly where they were going, when he himself wasn't quite sure what he was even doing in such a place.

He missed the familiarity of his hometown, where he could recognise people he saw and they would recognise him as well, where he knew streets and parks and buildings like the back of his hand. Sometimes he even missed the solitude, the quiet of the nature and how he could go for a morning jog without having to meet anybody.

Kageyama was glad that Oikawa was driving towards the suburbs and the lights and people and skyscrapers around them got less and less. When he opened the window on the passenger side, he wasn't met with overwhelming noise but only with fresh air. 

He closed his eyes and let the soft summer breeze ruffle his hair. After a while Oikawa started humming along to the melody but failed miserably while trying to get the higher notes, but right now, Kageyama didn't mind it at all. 


	52. [52]

"Where are we?" Kageyama asked when they came to a stop.

"I don't know, but I thought it'd be nice to stay here for a while," Oikawa said and shrugged his shoulders before getting out of the car.

Kageyama did the same and followed the other to sit next to him on the grass. They both looked up at the sky and Kageyama noticed that the stars were clearly visible now that they were far away from Tokyo and its light pollution. And just when he thought about how nice the darkness and silence were Oikawa cleared his throat.

"So, what's wrong?" he asked gently but didn't avert his gaze from the sky.

"It's fine, really," Kageyama tried to avoid the conversation although he knew that Oikawa probably wouldn't be content with an answer like that. 

"It's not," Oikawa stated, "I know that something happened."

Kageyama sighed, "There really isn't much I could tell you."

"I don't care, tell me anyway," Oikawa said and after another moment of silence Kageyama eventually caved in.

"Your parents," he started uneasily, "They don't like me, right?"

Oikawa abruptly turned his head around, looking at Kageyama in bewilderment. "What? No! Of course they like you. They wouldn't have made me marry you if they didn't."

Kageyama smiled frostily, "But I'm weird and have only one noteworthy quality which is that I like volleyball and you do too."

"What? Why would you think that?" Oikawa said completely confused, "Wait, did my parents say something like that to you?"

"They didn't say it to my face but I accidentally overheard their conversation," Kageyama admitted.

Oikawa swallowed, not quite sure how to feel about it. On one hand, he was shocked, he had absolutely not expect something like that but on the other hand, it probably meant that his parents wouldn't be all that angry if he fucked up and they'd get a divorce. 

"And.. was that all they said?"

"No.. but everything else was along the lines of I'm making you miserable and you'll never be happy with me," Kageyama responded after a while, apparently having difficulty getting the words out.

"Oh, okay," was probably one of the least sensitive things Oikawa could've replied to that but he couldn't come up with anything better and so they fell silent once again.


	53. [53]

"But I guess that's just how things are, huh?" Kageyama said after a while and it sounded so bitter it made Oikawa cringe.

"Wh-what? No, that's not true!" he stuttered.

"Well, you didn't say anything against it when I told you. But it's okay, you don't need to lie to me to make me feel better," Kageyama brushed it off. 

"Uhm," Oikawa said suddenly at a loss for words, "I mean, you know, you.. you _are_ weird, I can't deny that and.. and I'm unhappy.. but I'm not exactly miserable! And you definitely have more than just one noteworthy quality!"

"Wow, you sure know how to cheer someone up," Kageyama said sneeringly, "And good job, you couldn't have made that any vaguer."

"No! Listen, Tobio-chan, I-I really mean it!" Oikawa said less than convincing, "Please believe me!"

"Oh, well then how about you tell me about my other noteworthy qualities for example?" Kageyama asked mockingly.

"You're.. you're patient.. and.. kind," Oikawa somehow managed to say but it only made Kageyama laugh and shake his head.

"That's all?"

"No, those are just the two most noteworthy ones.. and the ones I value the most," Oikawa said, not even sure whether he was lying or speaking the truth.

"Even if, that won't change anything," Kageyama said and got ready to get up.

Oikawa didn't even know why he was acting like that but he couldn't stand the whole situation. He tried to stop Kageyama from getting up by wrapping his arms around him and pulling him into a hug, hoping the tension between them would just disappear like it did the last time they had fought.

But this time, Kageyama knew that Oikawa's mere presence wouldn't give him hope. His smell wouldn't calm him down and his warmth wouldn't make him comfortable, so he got up and rejected Oikawa's touch.

While he was heading back to the car, for the first time ever since he had known that he could marry Oikawa Tooru if he wanted to, he thought that giving up and accepting that they'd never be able to make each other happy might be an option. 


	54. [54]

Everything had been weird lately. Although Oikawa had deemed it impossible, Kageyama had become even more reserved than before, and he himself had therefore focused even more on studying and practice, simply to flee the cold atmosphere at his home as often as possible. If he always came home late and spent a lot of time in his own room, he usually only had to bear the few awkward and silent minutes before falling asleep.

Today wasn't all that different from all the previous days - except for the fact that the first thing he saw after unlocking the door to their apartment was Kageyama, standing there as if he'd been waiting for him. Oikawa noticed that he was wearing jeans and a button-down shirt instead of his usual and more comfortable outfit consisting of sweatpants and a simple t-shirt.

"Hey," he greeted him, "Why so formal? What's the occasion?"

"So you really did forget," Kageyama stated, giving Oikawa a look that seemed to be a mixture of disappointment and anger.

"What?" Oikawa said in confusion, but Kageyama just continued to stare at him coldly until it occurred to him, "Don't say today is the.."

"..29th? Well, happy wedding anniversary," Kageyama said frostily and turned around, "Let's eat, it's already late and the food is getting cold."

Oikawa closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. He wasn't quite sure whether he should go and quickly take a shower or just follow Kageyama and have dinner with him although he was still sweaty from practice. Somehow he felt like whatever he was going to do, it'd be wrong anyway, so he decided to not let him wait any longer.

It took a lot of courage to walk to the living room because Oikawa knew that Kageyama had probably made an effort and cooked something special. And in fact, the food looked like something that could’ve beeen served in one of the fancy restaurants his parents loved so much.

The room was dimly lit, and it was really cliché but also kind of cute that Kageyama had apparently tried to make it into a candle-light dinner. However, at the moment the whole situation was just causing Oikawa uneasiness. He was feeling guilty and a little out of place, still wearing his sports gear. 

As soon as he sat down at the table as well, Kageyama started to eat. They didn't talk, and the silence was suddenly just as awkward as it had been in the beginning of their marriage. A while ago, it had already been so much better, and Oikawa wondered when and how and why they had made such a regression. 

Even when both of them had finished eating, Oikawa still didn't dare to properly look at Kageyama. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't come up with some smooth apology that would do this situation justice. He really had fucked up this time, and there was no way to change that. 

After swallowing for the umpteenth time, Oikawa finally managed to break the silence, "Uhm.. How about we put on some music?"

To his surprise, Kageyama smiled at him. "Sure," he said, got up immediately and headed over to where Oikawa’s old record player was standing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this kind of is a cliffhanger, so I'm really sorry that there won't be updates for the next two or three days because I'm at a friend's wedding. I'll probably be back Sunday evening or Monday morning but I might be back earlier since I'm feeling pretty miserable.
> 
> Thanks for reading, I'll reply to your comments as soon as I can! ^_^


	55. [55]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I really came home last night already and that's why here's a new chapter! But that also means that I'm (once again) not feeling well, so as you probably already guessed, I'll reply to comments as soon as I'm better. Thank you for all your nice wishes! ^_^

Oikawa furrowed his brows as soon as the music started playing. He was pretty sure that he knew this song, but he couldn't tell which of his records Kageyama had put on, and he usually recognised every single one of them immediately. 

"What is this?" he asked after a while.

"Your present," Kageyama said in response and held two more records up in the air so that Oikawa could see them, "And these as well."

The warmth that was spreading in his body was overshadowed by the feeling of guilt, but he got up and walked over to Kageyama nevertheless. He took the records from him and was pleasantly surprised that Kageyama had not only had a good idea, but also gotten him music that he really liked. 

"How did you know I'd like these?" Oikawa asked astonished.

"I wrote down all the names of the records you own and then let the shop assistant pick them out for me," Kageyama said and shrugged his shoulders a little.

"That was pretty clever," Oikawa responded with a grin and put the records down on the nearby shelf again. 

It seemed like Kageyama actually wasn't all that angry at him, but Oikawa wasn't completely sure about it, so he hesitated for a brief moment before eventually hugging him. But apparently it really was okay since Kageyama gently put his arms around him too, and they stayed like this for a while with the music softly playing in the background.

"Thank you, Tobio," Oikawa whispered and eventually let go again.

"You're welcome," Kageyama replied in a way that made Oikawa feel really guilty again.

"I, uhm.. I didn't forget. I mean, I _did,_ but only today. I have something for you as well," he said then and immediately went to get it from his room. 

When he returned, Kageyama was sitting at the dinner table again, looking curiously at him and the white envelop in his hands. 

"What is this?" he asked when Oikawa handed it to him.

"See yourself," Oikawa replied with a smile and watched how Kageyama opened it and pulled out two tickets for a V.Premier League game. 

The moment he realised what he was holding in his hands, his eyes widened and he turned his head to face Oikawa again with a jerk. "How the hell did you manage to get these?!"

"Well, I have connections, Tobio-chan," Oikawa answered a little mockingly.

Somehow Kageyama got up so fast and practically jumped at Oikawa while flinging his arms around his neck, that they almost fell over. But it was a nice and warm hug and probably the most genuine thanks Kageyama had to offer, so Oikawa relaxed and simply enjoyed their closeness.

"We're going together, right?" Kageyama asked eventually, and although Oikawa couldn’t see his face, he knew that he was smiling.

"Of course, as if I'd want to miss out on that!"


	56. [56]

With the end of the song and the start of the next one, Oikawa suddenly let go. Kageyama didn't want the hug to end just yet, but then he saw the way Oikawa's eyes gleamed and knew that this wasn't the end of their evening. And when Oikawa took his hand and pulled him along towards the middle of the living room, he knew that it probably was even just the beginning.

"What.." Kageyama said in surprise although he was actually aware that it was an invitation to dance.

Before he could protest, Oikawa had already brought them into position and pulled him closer. The way he was smiling and looking him directly into his eyes, sent shivers down his spine. 

"This is a nice song, isn't it?" he said in a low voice, "I think we should dance."

"Uhm.. I don't think this is a good idea," Kageyama replied a little insecurely.

"Aww, why not?" Oikawa whined dramatically, "It's our wedding anniversary! It doesn't have to be anything too complicated; just a little foxtrot maybe?"

"But it's already late, and I don't want to disturb the neighbours," Kageyama started to protest once more and tried to bring a little more distance between them.

"Tobio-chan, we're never loud. They can suck it up for once," Oikawa responded untypically carefree, and the next moment Kageyama was already pulled along, and his feet seemed to move on their own.

He was pretty surprised that he was still able to dance this well although he hadn't in a year. However, the exact second he thought about what he was doing, he stumbled and a memory came back to him of how they had danced in their empty living room, and Oikawa had been mad at him for stepping on his feet over and over again. But this time he just laughed.

Kageyama noticed how genuine and happy it sounded and hoped that he wasn't just imagining things, because for a moment, it actually felt like Oikawa was relaxed and content and having fun. It maybe even felt like they were actually celebrating and treasuring their relationship, like every single one of the past 365 days had been worth it.

It was a moment full of bliss, and Kageyama could feel his heart swell in his chest and how his lips curved into a shy smile while Oikawa was spinning and twirling him around in the living room of their apartment that, now that he thought about it, felt more like home than he'd ever expected it to. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess it was pretty obvious that they were going to dance.. no slow dance though :D 
> 
> And happy birthday, KoumbaKitty01 ^_^


	57. [57]

Oikawa didn't know how long they had been dancing already. He had noticed that the music had changed several times but he hadn't counted the songs, simply because he was too lost in the moment. It felt like it was never going to end but somewhere in the back of his mind was the knowledge that there was a last song on every record and he was sure, once they'd stop, the spell would be broken.

However, it wasn't the end of the last song that interrupted them, it was the doorbell that rung and so they came to an abrupt halt. Oikawa winced at the sound and Kageyama gave him a reproachful look. 

"I told you so," he said with a pout. 

"Yeah, yeah, you were right. I go," Oikawa replied with a heavy sigh before making his way over to the door.

It really had been mindless of them to dance this late on a weekday in their living room but if there was one day of the year on which he'd risk to get a complaint, it was today. When he opened the door the middle-aged women that was living one floor below them was standing in front of it, ready to ring the doorbell once again.

"I'm really, _really_ sorry," he said before she could even open her mouth and bowed apologetically, "We've been too loud, I'm sorry, we'll stop."

The women sighed. "What did you even do in there?" she asked warily.

"Ah, we danced," Oikawa said with his oh so charming smile, "Today's our first wedding anniversary and my husband got me new records for my collection and then we got a little.. carried away."

"Oh, congratulations! Well, then I don't want to disturb you any longer," she said, suddenly smiling as well, "Good night!"

"Good night! And once again, sorry, it won't happen again," Oikawa replied friendly before closing the door and finally being in private again. 

When he turned around, he saw that Kageyama was leaning against the wall next to their living room and had apparently listened to his conversation with their neighbour. 

"That was a near miss," Kageyama said.

"Aww, Tobio-chan, don't exaggerate. She wasn't even _that_ angry!" Oikawa protested.

"She _was_ , but then you wooed her with your princely charm and made her forget that she was supposed to be mad at you.. and probably her name as well," Kageyama responded dry-witted and completely unfazed by Oikawa’s demeanour.

"Say, are you making fun of me?" Oikawa asked teasingly and walked over to Kageyama until he was standing right in front of him, "You know that it's true, you can't deny it. I mean, it's the same princely charm with which I wooed you and made you dance with me just now."

Just when the words had left his mouth he realised how flirtatiously this must have sounded. Kageyama immediately turned away but Oikawa was able to see how he was blushing nevertheless.

At first it was amusing, but when Kageyama didn't reply and Oikawa noticed how damn close they were to each other, it became awkward. He didn't really know what to do to escape the situation but he figured that breaking the silence would be a start.

"Uhm, so.. Do you maybe want to watch a movie? Or do you want to go to bed already?" Oikawa asked and cursed himself and his voice for sounding so weird and insecure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I'm doing a little thank you thing for well, all the people I want to thank. It's mainly for my tumblr followers but you guys always leave comments and motivate me a lot and make me really happy, so I'm telling you about this as well. You can read everything about it [here!](http://kagejamas.tumblr.com/post/149002536335/hey-everyone-i-actually-meant-to-do-this-quite) But it's basically just birthday gifts :D
> 
> And even if you don't have a tumblr, it's okay if you sign up! Just write down "no tumblr" and tell me your AO3 name in the extra notes in the end, I should be able recognise you like this. If you want to (not necessary!), you can leave me another way to contact you (Twitter, Kik, Skype, MyAnimeList, YouTube..), so that I can let you know when I post your gift since I can't tag you in the post on tumblr when you don't have one ;D


	58. [58]

When Oikawa came back to the living room after he had showered, the couch was already pulled out and their blankets and pillows were there as well. He heard clattering of crockery and cutlery from the kitchen, so he figured that Kageyama was still busy with cleaning up and loading the dishwasher.

Oikawa could've helped him but he was pretty sure that Kageyama would be done in no time anyway and that’s why he rather picked out the movie they were going to watch and turned on the TV. After he was done and everything was ready, he sat down on the couch. 

Although he had expected it, even _waited_ for it, the moment Kageyama entered the living room Oikawa was startled. He didn't even know why he was still all tense and nervous when there was absolutely no reason for him to be so flustered. 

Kageyama turned off the ceiling light and sat down on the couch as well, leaving a rather big empty space between them.

"What are we going to watch?" he asked while making himself comfortable under his blanket.

"You'll see," Oikawa said with a little smile and started the movie by remote control. 

He had expected to be able to relax as soon as the TV broke the silence but although they were busy watching, the situation only continued to get more and more awkward. It was weird that Kageyama was still sitting in one corner of the couch instead of lying. After all, they had decided to stay in the living room for the night because Tobio was already pretty tired and like this he could just fall asleep during the movie.

"What?" Kageyama suddenly asked and startled Oikawa once again.

"What?" Oikawa replied completely caught off guard. 

It took him a second until he realised that he had probably been staring and hastily averted his gaze, turning a deep shade of red from embarrassment. Although he couldn't see him, he knew that Tobio was the one who was staring now. 

"I just wondered why you're not lying down. I thought you wanted to sleep," Oikawa said after he had tried to calm himself down more or less successfully.

"You know that I can't fall asleep during a movie," Kageyama mumbled as a response. 

"Oh, yeah, right," Oikawa replied and immediately cursed himself for giving such a dumb answer.

He had completely forgotten about the fact that Tobio was a rather light sleeper compared to him. But it made him wonder why he had even agreed to watching a movie nevertheless. 

"Anyway, lying down would still be nice, wouldn't it? And as long as you're sitting there, I can't stretch out my legs completely," Oikawa said and failed miserably at trying to sound reproachful. 

Kageyama eyed him warily but eventually moved away from his spot without another word. As soon as he lay down in front of Oikawa, the other also changed his position and built himself a little pile of pillows so that he would still be able to see the TV and not just the back of Kageyama's head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I'll answer comments tomorrow but right now I'm busy because I'm writing lots of new chapters ^_^


	59. [59]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I "only" managed to reply to around 2/3 of your comments today, I'll do the rest later or tomorrow (as well as answering some messages). So please don't feel ignored in case I haven't replied to you yet! <33
> 
> Here's the new chapter, I hope you enjoy! ^_^

Unfortunately, the situation had only become even more awkward. The couch was smaller than their bed which meant that they were pretty close to each other now, but still not close enough to be touching. It was weird how Oikawa hadn’t realised that the last time they had slept in the living room.

He wondered if Kageyama could feel his breath on the back of his neck or the warmth radiating off his body. Probably he couldn't, though, since each of them was wrapped up in their own blanket. But all of a sudden something about these thoughts was way more intriguing than the movie they were watching.

Instinctively Oikawa reached out with one of his hands to slip under Tobio's blanket but stopped at the last moment, suddenly not sure anymore if he was allowed to. There wasn't even an arm's length between them but somehow those mere centimetres felt insurmountable to him.

He closed his eyes, took in a deep breath and slowly counted to ten while mustering up some courage. It wasn't really possible to fuck up any worse than forgetting their wedding anniversary and neither could this evening get way more embarrassing and awkward than it already was. There wasn’t much left to lose anymore.

With the next exhale he quickly reached under Kageyama's blanket, slung his arm around his middle and pulled him closer. He low-key panicked when he felt Tobio tense up but the next second he already relaxed again and huddled up closer to Oikawa's chest.

When a few moments had passed and they had stayed close together in silence, he couldn't resist the urge to close his eyes and press his face against Tobio's neck, indulging completely in the comfort of his husband’s familiar smell.

After a while he felt Tobio shift and immediately feared that the other might distance himself from him once again. However, in the end he only turned off the TV before sinking back into Oikawa's arms. Some sort of relief washed over him and he would've never admitted it, but he couldn't deny that there was something about spending time with Tobio that he had missed badly over the past weeks.


	60. [60]

Kageyama woke up when he heard a loud noise. Sleepily he opened his eyes and turned on the reading light on his nightstand. Since Oikawa wasn't lying next to him in bed, he was pretty sure that it had just been him. However, he got up to take a look nevertheless.

Unsurprisingly, it really was Oikawa who apparently had just come home. Surprisingly, he was sitting on the floor having a remarkably hard time taking off his shoes. Also, he didn't even seem to have noticed that Kageyama was standing right in front of him. 

"What exactly are you doing on the floor?"

"Huh?", Oikawa replied a little startled and immediately turned to face Kageyama, "Oh, taking my shoes off."

" _On the floor?_ When right next to you is _a chair?_ " Kageyama asked incredulously.

"Uh, yeah, I fell," Oikawa responded cheerfully and not even a tad embarrassed and simply continued to try to untie his shoelaces.

Kageyama stared at him for a moment in confusion until he was almost fully awake again. He didn't know what time it was but definitely a couple of hours after midnight and he wasn't completely sure, but he thought that he could recall that Oikawa had said that he'd be at a party tonight.

"Are you drunk?" he blurted out when he realised what he had been missing out on. 

"Ah, just a tiny weeny bit," Oikawa said and giggled briefly. 

Kageyama couldn't suppress a smile at that but Oikawa didn't even notice since he was getting more and more frustrated over the fact that he couldn't take his shoes off. It really was an amusing sight, but Kageyama wanted to go back to bed sometime soon and therefore decided to help. 

"You know, you can probably just slip your shoes off without untying the shoelaces," he suggested and tried not to sound too much like he was talking to a three-year-old. 

For a moment Oikawa paused to look up at him sceptically but then he tried and succeeded. The look of astonishment on his face made Tobio almost laugh. He had never seen Oikawa drunk before and somehow he was not just very different from his usual put-on self but also simply _hilarious_.

When he tried to get up from the floor, he was still very unsteady on his feet but Kageyama reflexively reached out to stop him from falling once again. He had grabbed his arm and didn't let go again immediately since he wasn't sure if the other was able to stand on his own. 

Oikawa, however, drew himself up to his full height and used the few centimetres he was taller than Kageyama to look him straight in the eye from slightly above. His eyes were glazed over and the sly smile on his lips was familiar and yet, this time it seemed to be exceptionally natural.


	61. [61]

Kageyama had seen this kind of look on Oikawa's face a thousand times, the kind of look that indicated that he was about to do something really unpredictable. Instinctively, he let go of Oikawa's arm. It felt like he had once again gained control over his body - and probably over the situation as well.

Cautiously, Kageyama took a step back to distance himself a little from Oikawa. There was a voice in his head telling him that it was absolutely ridiculous to be scared just because he was drunk. However, on the other hand he remembered how he'd been at parties and seen many people get drunk and simultaneously really unpleasant and aggressive, sometimes even violent.

He had heard very often that people did things they'd usually never do when they drank too much but Hinata always said that alcohol just made it easier to overcome one's inhibitions - the beneficial and the obstructive ones equally. Kageyama wasn't sure if he wanted to see Oikawa overcome any of them right now.

But it wasn't like he really had a choice. Before he even knew what was happening, he was shoved and stumbled backwards until he hit the wall behind him with his back almost painfully. Oikawa was standing right in front of him, his hands pressed against the wall on both sides next to Kageyama's head to trap him. 

Just when he opened his mouth to protest and ask what the hell had suddenly gotten into him, Oikawa smashed their lips together. It was more an attempt of a kiss than an actual kiss since Oikawa's coordination skills seemed to be pretty impaired and Kageyama was too shocked to even move. 

The moment he realised what was going on, he closed his mouth as tight as possible and turned his head to one side to break free. He felt like his heart was going to jump out of his chest any second and he was sure that his face was bright red.

"What are you doing?!" he asked completely bewildered.

Oikawa just hummed and tried to force his head back into its initial position by placing one hand on Kageyama's chin. However, Kageyama resisted.

"Stop that!" he continued to protest but again, without success. 

"I really don't think this is a good idea," Kageyama tried once more but felt his resolve weaken immensely when Oikawa slipped his free hand under the hem of his shirt and started to press hot and wet open-mouthed kisses along his jaw-line and throat.

"Oikawa, we really shouldn't-"

"Oh come on, Tobio, don't be like that," Oikawa said, his voice unexpectedly husky, "It feels good, doesn't it?"

And when Oikawa pressed his whole body against Kageyama's and tried to kiss him again, he gave in. It wasn't gentle at all, rather messy and needy and still somehow uncoordinated but admittedly, it _really_ felt good. Oikawa tasted bitter and smelled of sweat and alcohol but at the moment, Kageyama absolutely didn't care.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he still thought that it was wrong and that he was taking advantage of the situation, that Oikawa might regret it in the morning and that it would change something between them for the worse, but he pushed those thoughts aside and for once, simply put his head on autopilot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	62. [62]

After a while, Kageyama was tired of repetitively being shoved against the wall behind him because it was rubbing his back sore but apparently he wasn't the only one who had thought about changing the location. Oikawa once again took the initiative but in the end Kageyama had to guide them through the darkness of their apartment. 

They almost blindly moved towards their bedroom but Kageyama barely noticed how he stumbled against different pieces of furniture along the way. He would probably get some nasty bruises from it but at the moment he couldn't really feel any pain because of all the adrenaline. 

Somehow they managed to reach their destination and just when Kageyama thought that they had to be close to the bed, he tripped over the edge of it and fell backwards. Oikawa let himself fall heedlessly on top of him, making him groan as the air was knocked out of his lungs. 

Kageyama wanted to change their position and lie down a little more comfortably but Oikawa literally didn't give him any time to breathe before kissing him again. He couldn't keep his hands off him either and only sat up to take Kageyama's shirt off, so that he wasn't wearing anything besides his boxer shorts anymore.

Somewhere between hallway and bedroom Oikawa had gotten rid of his jacket already and was now taking off his own shirt as well. Kageyama wondered whether he did it because he was drunk or because he just was the kind of person to undress himself without waiting for his partner to do so. 

But right now he was somehow impatient as well. When Oikawa visibly struggled with opening his belt, he gladly helped him and undid his pants and pulled them down as well in one go. Now just as naked as Kageyama, he practically threw himself at him again. 

Everything so far might have felt really good but skin on skin felt simply  _amazing_. Right now Kageyama just wanted to indulge in the feeling but in a way he was also worried how far this might go. And he wasn't sure whether or not he would be able to stop when he knew he _should_.

But he didn't worry too much about it; he couldn't really think straight anyway. Oikawa's lips were mercilessly sucking on the sensitive skin right above his collarbone and his hands were wandering all the way down his sides to his hips, gripping them fiercely and holding him in place. 

In a way it was still difficult for him to let himself completely go since he felt like Oikawa would never act this way towards him when he was sober - but he had tried to stop him, he _really_ had. And now that it was happening, he couldn't do anything but lean back and enjoy after all.

So he continued to run his fingers up and down Oikawa's back, touching him in a way he'd usually never be allowed to and kissed and kissed and kissed until his lips felt swollen and sore. Eventually Oikawa slowed down and his movements became more and more gentle until at some point he stopped moving altogether.


	63. [63]

When Oikawa woke up and opened his eyes, he was greeted by the morning sun shining directly on his face, making his head throb even more painfully. Quickly, he closed them again and tried to take in his surroundings by concentrating on other sensations. 

He had no idea where exactly he was but he was lying pretty comfortable in somebody's arms and.. on top of them? Also, he was wearing nothing but underwear. But that was about all he noticed at the moment.

When he tried to recall what had happened last night, he just made his head hurt even more. The last thing he remembered was that he had left the party to go home but.. had he made it home? Slowly, he opened his eyes again and gave himself some time to get used to the light. 

Fortunately, he was lying in his own bed with his husband and not next to some stranger. However, that didn't explain why he was lying _on top_ of him and why there was a trail of crimson red hickeys and bruises blooming on Tobio's skin. Well, actually it wasn't all that hard to figure out. 

Carefully, he tried to move over to his own side of the bed without waking the other up in the process. Tobio, however, stirred in his sleep and Oikawa stopped immediately but it was already too late. Their eyes met for a brief moment before Oikawa broke away and quickly scooted over to bring some physical distance between them. 

"Aspirin and some water?" Kageyama asked in a low voice after a while and Oikawa just nodded without daring to look at him again. 

When Kageyama got up and picked up his shirt from the floor, Oikawa saw the way their clothes were scattered across the ground next to the bed. He swallowed hard. From what he could see, it was highly unlikely that something different from what it looked like had happened. 

At least he wasn't completely naked. He doubted that he would've been able to put his boxer shorts back on, so that put him a little at ease. However, you never know. He was scared of the truth but he didn't want to stay completely clueless either.

The question was on the tip of his tongue when Tobio returned to their bedroom but instead of asking, he just took the pill and the glass of water from him and murmured a "Thanks". 

"We should go back to sleep then," Kageyama said softly and lay back down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a question: Do you want to read smut? I mean, like really explicit and descriptive stuff? Because I feel like it doesn't really fit into this fic and the chapters are too short to make it good anyway. I would still write sexual scenes (kind of similar to the last chapters) but only those that are necessary for the plot. It's not that I don't want to write smut but I think if you're interested in it, writing extra one-shots might be a better option. What do you think?


	64. [64]

Oikawa lay down as well but this time on his own side of the bed with his own blanket and pillow. He was still incredibly tired and his headache told him to just close his eyes and shut up but in the end he couldn't restrain himself. 

"We kissed last night, didn't we?" he blurted out eventually. 

It was the first time they really made eye contact since both of them had woken up and it cost Oikawa a lot of strength and self-control to not look away. 

"You.. don't remember?" Kageyama asked a little bit surprised. 

"Complete blackout," Oikawa admitted reluctantly.

"How do you know then?" Tobio asked warily.

"You, uhm," Oikawa started and awkwardly gestured towards Kageyama's neck, "Have _a few_ hickeys. I'm sorry."

"Oh, okay," Kageyama said with an astonished look on his face and turned a tad redder, "Do you, uh, want to know what exactly happened?"

"No, definitely not. But I should know, I guess," Oikawa replied with a strained smile. 

"Well, you were.. rather loud when you came home," Tobio started, obviously trying to choose his words as carefully as possible, "You fell when you struggled to take your shoes off and it took you at least five minutes until you managed to actually do it."

"That sounds awful," Oikawa groaned and hid his face behind his hands in embarrassment, "But the worst is that this actually sounds plausible."

"Yeah, that was the funny part," Kageyama replied with a little smile. 

"And the other part..?" Oikawa asked uneasily. 

"Well, then you kind of, uhm, shoved me against the wall and tried to kiss me?" Kageyama continued to explain, sounding incredibly insecure since he ended his sentence like a question. 

" _Tried_ to..?"

"I wanted to stop you.. at first. I just wasn't, uh, very successful," Tobio mumbled sheepishly.

"Wow, sounds great," Oikawa said sarcastically, simply lacking a better response, "And then?"

"We stumbled towards the bedroom and continued to, uhm, make out," Kageyama said awkwardly, his voice scarcely audible anymore and his face bright red by now.

"And.. nothing else?"

"Nothing else," Kageyama confirmed.

"That's good," Oikawa said with a relieved sigh.

"You just fell asleep at some point."

"I.. what? I _just fell asleep at some point_?" Oikawa asked pretty dumbfounded.

"Yeah, you just kind of.. fell asleep while kissing me," Tobio explained.

"Oh my god, no way, you're kidding me!" Oikawa said and started to laugh at that.

"I swear, I'm not!" Kageyama replied with a grin. 

After laughing for a moment, they calmed down and fell silent once again. Oikawa just stared at the ceiling and tried to process the new information. He was relieved that nothing really serious had happened but nevertheless, it had made things between them somewhat unnecessarily awkward and complicated. But honestly, he had expected everything to be far worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, thanks for all your answers to my question last chapter! Since most of you want smut, I'll do my best to write some. I decided that I will post it as a one-shot or in other words, there'll be some sexual stuff in this fic's main story but I'll only write what's necessary for the plot and post nice little extras for you ;)


	65. [65]

"Anyway, I'm sorry. That should've never happened," Oikawa said seriously after a while.

"I already guessed that you'd say something like that," Kageyama replied and actually sounded a little disappointed.

"It was just a matter of time until something like that would happen, though," Oikawa continued to just speak his mind without really thinking about it and only realised what he had just said, when Tobio looked at him in complete bewilderment. 

"I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but we've been married for more than a year now and since I'd never be unfaithful, I'm pretty lonely.. and sexually frustrated," Oikawa explained, a little more aggressively than he had intended to.

"And what makes you think that I don't feel the same?" Kageyama asked irritated and narrowed his eyes. 

"Oh, come on, as if you've ever had a relationship before," Oikawa said snidely. 

"Excuse me but since when do you have to have experienced something to want it? And besides that, when did I ever talk to you about my prior love life?" Tobio snapped at him angrily. 

"Seems like I touched a sore spot, huh, Tobio-chan?" Oikawa retorted teasingly. 

"Oh shut up! You know what? You really piss me off! You're always complaining and yet you never even try to change anything. Why don't you seriously try to make the best out of the situation for once?! Sometimes I really think you just want to be miserable and I don't know _if it has occurred to you yet_ , but you've been bothering me with your shit for more than a year now so could you please stop and just suck it up because it's fucking annoying!" Kageyama said in exasperation.

Oikawa was completely taken aback and just stared at him for a good minute. His head was still throbbing and he didn't feel like he could deal with this right now. The whole situation had suddenly gotten out of hand and all he wanted was to just close his eyes and stop at this point. But he knew he shouldn't. 

"So you say that in case I wanted to kiss you and touch you, I should just go for it?" he asked bluntly, cringing a little at his own words. 

Kageyama seemed to be just as embarrassed and simply nodded. 

"And you really think this is a good idea?" he continued to ask. 

"It's not like it can get much worse anyway," Tobio grumbled in response.

"Well, but I'm not sure if you can give me what I want."

"Oh god, do you listen to yourself sometimes!? What kind of arrogant bullshit is this even!?" Kageyama snorted, "Besides, you seemed to enjoy yourself quite a bit last night."

"I was dead drunk, I would've enjoyed just about _anything_. You should be happy that I came home to you instead of just hooking up with some random stranger," Oikawa said derisively.

"That doesn't exactly argue in your favour and by the way, I think _you_ should be happy that you came home instead of ending up somewhere else since you didn't really seem to be able to take care of yourself in that state," Tobio retorted. 

"Tch," Oikawa replied sulkily, "This discussion isn't getting us anywhere. We should just go back to sleep."

"Whatever," Kageyama said indifferently and just turned his back on Oikawa.

For a moment, he was hurt by this reaction since he absolutely hadn't expected it. However, he was exhausted and would still have enough time to worry about it after getting a few more hours of sleep. He was sorely tempted to just snuggle up to Tobio's back but he restrained himself, not wanting to let him win this easily. 


	66. [66]

Oikawa unlocked the front door as carefully as possible. It has already been a bit over a year and still he had never, not even once, managed to come home or go to bed late and not wake Tobio up. Today was a good day to try extra hard.

He still couldn't remember last night's events but he knew that they had been unpleasant and he wanted to avoid further awkwardness at all costs. To flee from the tension and more discussions he had left their apartment after waking up for the second time and spent the rest of the day with running errands and studying at the library.

Later in the evening, he had spontaneously showed up at Iwaizumi's place in hopes that he'd be home. Fortunately, he had been and so Oikawa had graced his friend with his presence as long as possible - or rather until Iwaizumi had sent him home - to make sure Tobio would already be asleep when he returned. 

When he entered their flat, all the lights were already turned off and he didn't dare to turn them on since he didn't know whether or not the door to their bedroom was closed. The darkness made him uneasy and tense but he tried to keep calm and just endure it.

Quickly, he took off his shoes and jacket and placed them near the entrance before he started to cautiously tiptoe towards the bathroom. By the time he had finally reached his destination and could turn the lights on, he felt relieved.

He got ready for bed in a timely manner and once he was done, took off his clothes and neatly folded them, so that they were prepared to be put down on the chair next to his side of the bed. Wearing nothing but his shirt and underwear, he turned off the light and again tried to grope his way through the darkness. 

The door to their bedroom was closed or in other words, there had been absolutely no need to blindly wander around. However, this night he really needed to be better safe than sorry. As silently as possible he pushed down the handle and slowly opened the door, slipped into the room and closed it just as cautiously behind him.

"I've been awake ever since you unlocked the front door," Kageyama suddenly said and startled Oikawa.

"Damn, Tobio! And you couldn't just stay silent and let me believe I managed to be quiet enough this time?" Oikawa replied indignantly.

"Sorry, I just thought you might want to turn the lights on.. After all, I don't want you to fall and hurt yourself already for the second time this weekend," Kageyama said, changing midway through from rueful to mischievous. 

"Oh, shut up!" Oikawa said and threw his pullover towards Kageyama in embarrassment. 

"For a moment I thought you'd throw a shoe after me," Tobio said and started to laugh, "But then I remembered that you can't, because you can't take them off!"

Taking a few steps forward, Oikawa reached Kageyama's side of the bed and even though it was dark, he managed to precisely shove the rest of his clothes in his face and press down as if he was trying to smother him. 

"You little shit!" Oikawa tried to say in all seriousness but Kageyama's muffled laughter made him chuckle as well, "You're never going to let me live this down, am I right?"

"Never," Kageyama replied with a grin after he somehow managed to get rid of the clothes covering his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, somehow it has become a bad habit that I only reply to comments every few days (and with messages I'm even worse, I'm so sorry!!).. but like always, I will answer eventually! I hope you enjoy the chapters nevertheless! ❤


	67. [67]

Kageyama managed to push Oikawa's arms aside so that the latter lost his balance and fell, luckily towards the bed. He landed on top of Tobio who immediately saw his chance to gain the upper hand in their little wrangling and took it by rolling the other off him and hitting him with his pillow. 

Everything happened a little too fast for Oikawa but once the pillow had hit his face, he somehow managed to grab his own and fight back. They rolled around for a bit, for the first time not fighting _over_ something but just enjoying their playful scuffle. 

When Oikawa accidentally scraped down the skin on Kageyama's sides with his fingernails, he felt him jerk and snicker for a moment. It took him a second to realise what that meant and he wondered why he had never noticed before.

"Ohh, don't tell me my dear Tobio-chan is ticklish?" he asked teasingly and with an evil grin.

"No? I'm not?" Kageyama responded less than convincing and Oikawa's hands immediately shot towards his sides and slipped under the hem of his shirt.

Kageyama desperately tried to roll away and get him to stop but it was no use. After a lot of squirming and writhing Oikawa somehow managed to get a firm hold of both of Tobio's hands and pinned his arms down above his head. He paused for a moment and tried to take in the sight below him.

It was too dark to really see anything but silhouettes but he knew that Tobio was lying on his back, staring at him in fearful anticipation. He was kneeling above him, pressing Kageyama's legs down on the bed with the weight of his feet. In this position it was a simple task to hold the other's wrists in place with just one hand and still remain in control.

Slowly, Oikawa reached out with his free hand to once again tickle him, starting out with his belly, just ever so lightly touching the skin, and then feeling his way up to his rips and so on.

At first, only suppressed and muffled giggles came from Kageyama's mouth while he still tried to wriggle out of Oikawa's hold. However, it didn't take long until laughter filled the room and his struggling got more and more frantic. 

"O-oi-ka-ha-wa-ha, sto-ho-hop!" he somehow managed to stutter out in between his giggling but Oikawa continued nevertheless and let him beg a little more. 

But eventually he stopped his movements and gave Kageyama a little rest. Tobio was breathing heavily and now that he sat still, Oikawa felt how his chest was heaving below him and how fast his heart was pounding. 

"Oh god, please don't ever do that again," Kageyama said as soon as he had calmed down a little. 

"Huh? What did you say? You like being tickled?" Oikawa replied with a smirk.


	68. [68]

When Oikawa's hands once again made contact with Tobio's already sensitive skin, the latter squealed and somehow thrashed around so much that he managed to get rid of Oikawa's hold, completely catching him off guard. 

He immediately tried to counter-attack but much to Kageyama's displeasure, Oikawa wasn't even nearly as ticklish as he himself. And with Tobio suddenly being in control, the whole fight became somehow pointless, at some point even awkward since it wasn't all that wild and distracting anymore without all the laughter.

When Oikawa became aware of the fact that they were touching each other and especially _how_ and _where_ they were touching each other, he was more than thankful for the darkness although he'd never really been fond of it. But he was sure that he was blushing like crazy and Kageyama didn't need to see him like this.

Tobio seemed to realise something as well or at least started to feel uncomfortable for whatever reason and so they came to a stop after rolling around some more. However, in hindsight, it hadn't been that much of a good idea since complete silence filled the room except for their laboured breathing. 

Oikawa felt Tobio's breath on his skin and how his fingers were still resting on his back - below his shirt, on his _bare_ back. His own hands were underneath Kageyama's shirt as well or rather, where his shirt was supposed to be since it had ridden up all the way so that his chest was almost completely exposed. 

Neither of them moved for a while but just when Oikawa thought that he absolutely couldn't bare the tension another second, Kageyama slowly moved his hands. It seemed like he wanted to remove them but instead he let them wander up and down, gently caressing Oikawa's back.

Oikawa felt a weird tingling sensation at that and let out a shaky breath. This wasn't the first time Tobio was touching him like this and neither was it the first time they had playfully fought and Oikawa had ended up lying on top of him.

Then why was this even worse than everything he had imagined could happen today? Wasn't this exactly the kind of awkwardness he had wanted to avoid by coming home late and sneaking in unnoticedly? Why was this happening?

Suddenly thinking of the conversation they had had in the early morning about how he was allowed to kiss and touch him if he wanted to, didn't help at all. Or maybe it did, since it wasn't like he'd be able to find another way to get out of this without making it even more embarrassing. And it was tempting, indeed. 

Tobio wasn't unattractive after all. Or well, _actually_ , if Oikawa was completely honest to himself, he was definitely attracted to him. When he tried to follow his own train of thoughts to find out what was holding him back, he couldn't even think of anything that made sense. He was an adult now and should be a little more mature than refusing to do something just because Kageyama Tobio was Kageyama Tobio. Or refusing to do something just _because_.

Maybe he wouldn't be able to completely lay off this bad habit right now but at least for once, he could try to free himself from all the old grudges that were weighing him down and give in. Nobody needed to know about it after all. There was nothing to be scared of, was there?

With the next exhale, he tried to relax his muscles a little and get more comfortable. He wondered whether or not Tobio had memories from their last night in mind but considering the position they were in and the tension between them, he could hardly imagine that he was thinking about something else.

Though you could never know. Maybe he was reading the moment all wrong and Kageyama was thinking about sleep or food or volleyball and not about anything sexual. But when he leaned down and faintly brushed his lips against Tobio's, he felt that they were indeed slightly parted and welcoming him.


	69. [69]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter 69 for you ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Oikawa pressed down with his lips a little more before breaking away again. It had been nothing more than a little peck and yet, it felt a lot different from the kiss they had shared on their wedding day. However, when he really thought about it, even then the kiss had been awkward but unexpectedly pleasant. 

Oikawa still felt Tobio's hand running up and down his spine, just brushing his fingertips against his skin, as if he was patiently waiting for Oikawa to make the next move. And so he did. This time he already felt a little more confident and even dared to tentatively move his lips against Tobio's.

Kageyama immediately kissed back and it wasn't just unexpectedly pleasant, it even was surprisingly good. It felt special and in a way, it felt more like a first kiss to Oikawa than the kisses they had shared before, maybe even more like the first kisses he had shared with others or the first kiss he had ever shared with anyone. 

He wondered if Kageyama felt the same. But he probably didn't, especially considering that they had made out just last night, only that Oikawa couldn't remember it. So maybe it really wasn't all that astonishing that Tobio didn't kiss all that bad and gingerly. 

And with the next movement, Kageyama sucked in Oikawa's bottom lip between his teeth and gently nibbled on it. Oikawa was once again pleasantly surprised and took it as an invitation to French-kiss him. The way Tobio moved one of his hands into Oikawa's hair, slightly pulling on it, just seemed to confirm that this was exactly what the other had wanted as well. 

They continued like this for a while and although it was somehow still slow and gentle, it was _intense_. Oikawa felt himself relax more and more but just when he started to indulge in the touch and the affection and the overall feeling, Tobio broke away to catch his breath. 

However, when Oikawa tried to bring their lips back together, Kageyama turned away. 

"Don't hold back," he whispered.

"I'm not holding back!" Oikawa protested.

"Then," he heard Kageyama say and then swallow hard, "You can be a little bit rougher."

Oikawa almost wanted to ask if he'd been _a little bit rougher_ last night but decided against it since he remembered the hickeys and bruises covering Kageyama's neck and chest. 

"I _can_ be or you _want_ me to?" he asked instead.

"I'm good with both," Kageyama simply replied.

This time Oikawa wasn't rejected when he tried to kiss him once again. However, just when their lips met he paused, leaving them to touch only slightly.

"The same goes for me, by the way," he murmured against Tobio's mouth.

"I know," the other responded and Oikawa could feel the mischievous smile on his lips the second before he kissed it away.


	70. [70]

"Kageyama, what happened to you?!" Hinata said more than just a little bit too loud, especially considering that he stood right next to his friend. 

The others in the locker room, who were also changing into their gym clothes, turned their heads towards the scene and Kageyama suddenly felt really uncomfortable with all those piercing looks directed at him. 

"What the hell?!" he replied angrily and showed Hinata his deepest scowl. 

"You.. you have a lot of bruises there!" Hinata explained while flourishing his hands.

"I don't, dumbass!" Kageyama said, still pretty irritated.

However, the next moment he realised what his friend was talking about and turned a deep shade of red. He tried to hurriedly put his shirt on to cover as much of his upper body as possible but Hinata came closer to point at the exact spots to prove him wrong.

"Of course! You -" he exclaimed but then suddenly stopped and looked up at Kageyama with wide eyes, "Wait, are these hickeys?!"

"Shut up!" Kageyama yelled at him in exasperation, well aware that everyone in the room was still listening to their conversation. 

"Oh, don't tell me that you-"

"Shut up, Hinata! Not now, okay? Just shut up!" Kageyama cut off Hinata's sentence and the change in his tone of voice from angry to pleadingly seemed to achieve the desired effect. 

So Hinata really did shut up and silently continued to get dressed but he didn't stop casting curious glances at Kageyama from the corner of his eye and neither did the rest of their teammates. The whole situation was extremely uncomfortable and the only way to escape the tension was to get changed and leave the locker room to get started with practice as quickly as possible. 

It didn't help much though. Nobody dared to ask him about it again but he noticed that some of the others were talking about him and the way everyone kept looking at him from time to time was definitely somewhat odd.

For the first time in years, Kageyama was actually relieved that practice was over and he was allowed to head home. He went without changing back to his street wear, just shouldered his bag and left. After around two minutes, however, Hinata came running after him.

"What about now?" he asked blatantly. 

Kageyama sighed. "Yeah, whatever, you won't stop bugging me until I tell you anyway, right?"

"Okay, so who is it?" Hinata asked excitedly, walking next to Kageyama with a slight jump in every step he took.

"What?" Kageyama asked confused and furrowed his brows, "What do you mean?"

"Well, who did this to you?" Hinata explained, once against pointing at his friend, and came to a stop after a few meters when he realised that Kageyama wasn't following him anymore.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Kageyama asked in bewilderment, "You do remember that I'm _married_ , right?"

"Uhm, yeah," Hinata said, "So it was the great king, wasn't it?"

"Of course it was him! Did you really think that I-"

"No! No, I didn't really think that! I just didn't know you were this close, so I wasn't completely sure!" Hinata interrupted Kageyama's question and tried to calm him down again. 

"Tch, whatever," Kageyama just replied and continued his way home. 

On one hand, he was relieved that Hinata just let him go and didn't bother him further but on the other hand, what Hinata had said still upset him. It wasn't even because his friend had assumed that he might have cheated on his husband but more because it had seemed more likely to him that he would've made out with someone who wasn't Oikawa, although they've already been married for more than a year.


	71. [71]

Kageyama was woken up by his alarm. Oikawa winced and immediately tightened the hold he had around Kageyama's waist. Fortunately, his mobile was within reach so that he could turn off the annoying sound without really having to move. That wouldn't have been possible in their current position anyway and even when he tried to prop himself up and get out of bed, Oikawa didn't let go of him. 

"Oikawa, I have to get up," he said and continued to try to free himself. 

"Just a few more minutes," Oikawa murmured sleepily, "It's Saturday, where do you even need to go?"

"Training camp and I told you about it a thousand times," Kageyama replied, "So let me go now!"

"Nooo, I don't want to!" Oikawa said in a whiny tone of voice and now even slung his legs around Kageyama's to trap him completely.

With a defeated sigh, Kageyama let himself fall back down on the mattress. "Five minutes, I don't want to be late."

Oikawa opened his eyes for the first time since they had woken up, looked directly at Kageyama and gave him a warm smile before he leaned forwards and pressed a fleeting kiss onto his lips. It definitely was a thing Kageyama wouldn't mind getting used to. Well, not the part where Oikawa managed to make him stay in bed for too long so that he was _always_ in a hurry now, but everything else.

He loved how Oikawa had suddenly started to smile more and that it mostly even seemed to be genuine. He loved the good-morning kisses and the goodbye kisses, the welcome-back-home kisses, the goodnight kisses and of course, all the other kisses as well. And every time Oikawa kissed him, it still felt special; it was still a surprise and a very pleasant one.  

It wasn't like they didn't argue anymore. They still did; that hadn't changed but whenever they went to bed in the evening, there were two arms welcoming and embracing Kageyama and everything just felt safe. From one day to the next everything suddenly felt so much more bearable; it felt like everything would be alright.

And it felt like they were finally somewhat stable. With almost one week so far this definitely was Oikawa's longest streak of not having any mood swings and of being actually nice and also very clingy and touchy-feely. Kageyama absolutely didn't mind that since he had lots of affection to give and he was happy to do so.

"You need to go to the hairdresser soon," Oikawa said and gently brushed back Kageyama's bangs and ran his finger through the rest of his hair as well.

"Yeah, I know," he mumbled and closed his eyes while just enjoying the touch. 

"But if you don't want to go, I could cut your hair instead," Oikawa then offered.

"Never, you're terribly clumsy when it comes to stuff like that," Kageyama replied with a grin and without having to see the other, he knew that he was frowning. 

"Rude, Tobio-chan," Oikawa said sulkily and then sighed, "And I guess you need to get up now."

While sighing himself, Kageyama attempted to get up for the second time today and really was allowed to. So he quickly started to get dressed and ready to leave.

Just when he wanted to return to their bedroom to say goodbye, Oikawa had already gotten up to see him off at the door. He was pouting intensely and fiddling with the hem of his shirt. 

"Don't make such a face, I'm only gone for one week," Kageyama said and put his bag down once again to hug Oikawa. 

"I'm only going to miss your food," Oikawa mumbled and buried his face in the crook of Kageyama's neck.

"There's enough in the freezer for you to have one warm meal a day and you can go and buy yourself breakfast at the bakery, you will survive," Kageyama replied with a grin. 

"Hopefully," Oikawa responded still a little grumpily but pulled away a little and gave Kageyama another quick kiss, "I'll pick you up on Saturday at 3 p.m. then, right?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next two chapters there'll be characters from the manga that haven't been introduced in the anime yet and probably won't be introduced in season 3 either. I'm not mentioning anything from canon, so it isn't really a spoiler except for the fact that there are new characters and maybe a little bit under which circumstances Kageyama got to know them. Just thought I'd warn you in case you want to skip those chapters!


	72. [72]

Oikawa stood in front of the sports centre at which the training camps for the national team were held regularly. He had never been here before and somehow he felt a little uneasy, maybe also a little bitter. Hopefully, Tobio would be on time and they could just leave because he really didn't want to talk to anybody else now. 

Unfortunately, as fate willed, the first one to leave the gym was no less than Ushiwaka himself and of course he had already seen him and it was too late to just go back to the car and text Tobio where he was. 

"Oikawa," Ushijima said with a nod. 

"Ushiwaka-chan," Oikawa replied with a fake smile, "What a happy coincidence! Say, do you happen to know if Tobio will be outside soon as well?"

"What do you want from him?" Ushijima asked warily. 

"I'm here to pick him up," Oikawa responded friendly but his annoyance was already showing a little. 

"Since when are you two friends?"

Oikawa perked his eyebrows up. "Actually, we're not _friends_."

"Then why-" Ushijima started to ask but was cut off immediately.

"We're _married_ ," Oikawa continued, "And I'm here to pick him up so that we can drive home to Miyagi and visit his parents; _my parents-in-law._ "

"Oh, I didn't know," Ushijima said surprised but the look on his face stayed almost completely unchanged nevertheless, "I guess he'll be here soon. He's probably just still talking to the others."

Just a few moments later the front doors swung open again and Kageyama left the building together with three other boys, two of them laughing together with him while the third of them was wearing a face mask although it was summer, so Oikawa couldn't see his mouth. However, by looking at his eyes Oikawa could tell that he had to be pretty done with their shit after having spent one week together with them at the camp. 

As soon as the group had approached them, the strange guy eyed Oikawa dismissively before turning to Ushijima. 

"Wakatoshi-kun, let's leave," he said and Ushiwaka just nodded before both of them turned around and left. 

"Don't mind him, he's always like that," Tobio then said and made Oikawa realise that he must've looked pretty startled.

"Oh, so that's _him_?!" the smaller of the other two guys suddenly exclaimed. 

Oikawa had apparently been kind of distracted by the weird and grumpy looking guy so that he hadn't even noticed that one of the other two was extremely small and obviously also quite excitable. 

"He really is pretty," the other one then said approvingly, rested one of his elbows on Kageyama's shoulder and leaned closer to him, "But you exaggerated when you said that he was prettier than me, _Tobio-kun_."

He had a sly smile on his lips and smoothly flipped his hair to the other side. Provocatively, he looked Oikawa dead in the eye while Kageyama blushed. The smaller boy also stared at Oikawa from his big and almost circular eyes, making him more and more uncomfortable. 

"Uhm, Oikawa, this is Hoshiumi-san," Kageyama finally broke the silence and pointed at the smaller one, "And this is Miya-san."

"Pleased to meet you," Oikawa replied sugary sweet.

"Nice to meet you too," Miya said cheerfully, "So, I've heard that you're a setter as well?"

"Yes, I am."

"How come we've never seen you before then? Did your team never go to nationals?" Hoshiumi blurted out.

"Unfortunately not," Oikawa replied through gritted teeth, "But _Tobio-chan_ , I think we should leave now. You don't want to be late for dinner with your parents, do you?"

Oikawa didn't even really give Kageyama the time to properly say goodbye and immediately took his hand, interlocked their fingers and dragged him away. When he turned his head around to look back once again, he was immediately met with Miya's fake smile. Oikawa was pretty sure that today he had somehow managed to meet that one person in the entire universe that's somehow even more awful than Ushiwaka.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might or might not have very low-key fallen in love with Miya, Sakusa and Hoshiumi and if you feel the same, please come and talk to me about them on [Tumblr](https://kagejamas.tumblr.com) or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/eleasofiaa), the lack of content is killing me T_T


	73. [73]

Kageyama was a little bit startled when Oikawa let himself fall into the driver's seat and shut the door a little too forcefully. 

"Is everything alright?" he asked cautiously while putting his seat belt on. 

"Sure," Oikawa replied tonelessly without looking at him and started the engine. 

"It's not," Kageyama stated, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, like I already told you," Oikawa said in a way that made clear that it would be the best for Kageyama to just stop asking. 

Kageyama complied with it and leaned his head against the window while they slowly drove out of the city towards their hometown. The silence between them wasn't exactly uncomfortable and it wasn't unusual for Oikawa to have those mood swings, but somehow he had hoped for something else. There hadn't even been a hug as a greeting, let alone a kiss, and suddenly it felt like the intimacy between them had vanished within this one week he had been away. Apparently nothing had been good or stable. 

"Those guys," Oikawa suddenly broke the silence, "Are they your friends?"

"Well, kind of.. I spend most of my time together with them when I'm at the training camp," Kageyama answered honestly, "Why do you ask? Are you angry because I didn't tell you about them?"

Oikawa started to laugh. "No, why would I? That's ridiculous; I just wanted to make conversation."

"But why are you angry then?" Kageyama asked.

"I'm not angry."

"Okay, maybe not angry but something is wrong and can you please just tell me what it is?" Kageyama continued to ask, by now almost pleadingly. 

Oikawa didn't reply at first, stared down the road ahead of him and gnawed on his bottom lip. Kageyama gave him the time to think and patiently waited for an answer. 

"You can't say that they've been exactly nice to me," he said eventually.

"Oh, uhm, you really don't need to take that personally.. I mean, Sakusa-san for example, the guy who left with Ushijima-san, he really is always like that," Kageyama tried to explain. 

"He did look pretty pissed off from the very beginning, but he only looked really disparagingly at me," Oikawa stated.

"Uhm, and Hoshiumi-san is just really blunt and.. energetic? Pretty much like Hinata actually," Kageyama simply continued. 

"I noticed," Oikawa said, "And they're even about the same height."

"Yeah," Kageyama replied, "And Miya-san just likes to tease and to rile up people, just don't let it get to you. And I never really know what he's thinking.. actually, he's pretty much like you."

"That absolutely doesn't make it any better," Oikawa said and tightened his grip around the steering wheel. 

"Why not?" Kageyama asked confused.

"It's fine, you don't need to understand that."

"But I want to understand it!" Kageyama said but when Oikawa kept silent, he knew better than to ask once again.


	74. [74]

"Wow, the food was really delicious! Now I definitely know where Tobio has learned to cook so well," Oikawa said with a charming smile. 

"Oh god, stop it, you're flattering me!" Kageyama's mother replied with a laugh while Tobio helplessly looked at his father who returned the look understandingly, "I didn't even know my son was such a first-rate cook!"

"Ah, he definitely is and he makes the best pancakes in the whole world for sure," Oikawa continued to gush over Tobio's cooking skills and the warm smile he gave him, made Kageyama blush slightly. 

"So, where do you want to sleep tonight? I just put clean sheets on our bed today, so you two could just sleep there for tonight," Kageyama's mother offered friendly. 

"Oh no, please don't put yourself out on my account! We can just share Tobio's bed and if there isn't enough space, I'll just sleep on a guest futon," Oikawa said selflessly.

"As if I'm going to let you sleep on a guest futon," Kageyama protested. 

"Well, I guess you have to sleep on it then," Oikawa replied with a smirk and made Kageyama's mother laugh once again. 

They all got up from the dinner table, headed upstairs and said goodnight. Tobio's father just brought them the futon into Kageyama's childhood room before closing the door and going to bed as well. 

"Do you really plan on sleeping on the floor?" Tobio asked, who was currently sitting on his bed. 

"Well, I don't plan on falling out of the bed during the night," Oikawa responded matter-of-factly.

"You can sleep next to the wall," Kageyama offered. 

"Well, I don't plan on kicking you out of the bed during the night either," Oikawa replied with a feigned smile and lay down, "Goodnight, Tobio."

He closed his eyes and waited for a reaction but for a while, he didn't hear anything. After a few minutes, Kageyama apparently got up, turned off the light and slammed the door to his room shut rather loudly, especially considering that his parents were probably already asleep. It took another moment for Oikawa to realise that Kageyama had left the room and closed the door from the outside since he didn't sense his presence anymore.

When he opened his eyes, it was pretty dark but there was still enough light falling through the window to cast creepy shadows on the walls. The room was too unfamiliar to him to be able to identify everything which left a lot to the imagination.

Lying on the floor, he suddenly felt small and defenceless and the fact that he was lying in the middle of the room didn't make it any better. There was no way for him to see all of his surroundings and it made him feel uneasy but at the same time afraid to move.

After what had felt like at least half an hour, the door opened again and Tobio came back. He had been away too long for him to just have gone to the bathroom and he still seemed to be irritated since he closed the door pretty noisily once again. Without a word he walked past where Oikawa was lying on the floor and curled up in his own bed.

Now that he wasn't alone anymore, Oikawa already felt a little bit better but sleeping on the floor didn't seem all that appealing to him anymore, so he tried to muster up enough courage to get up and quickly slip under Tobio's covers which pretty much equalled safety. 

Once he did it, he felt Tobio jerk in surprise at the touch and to his displeasure, Kageyama didn't hug him back. However, when he took his face in both hands and softly kissed his forehead and his nose before pressing a gentle kiss on his lips as well, Oikawa was embraced back. Eventually, his heartbeat slowed down to a normal pace and he could fall asleep.


	75. [75]

"Say, Kageyama," Yamaguchi started awkwardly and kept fidgeting on the chair he was sitting, "A few days ago I talked to Hinata on the phone and he told me that things are going quite well for you."

"Huh?" Kageyama said and just stared at him in confusion for a moment.

When he eyed his other friends, he noticed that Yachi seemed to be even more nervous than Yamaguchi and for some reason Tsukishima looked at him in annoyance.

"Your marriage," Tsukishima said with a sigh, "Hinata said you were _covered in hickeys_."

"Oh," Kageyama replied scarcely audible.

He felt his cheeks heat up which was an indicator that he was definitely turning bright red. It suddenly felt like everyone in the small coffee shop was staring at him and he really wanted to get up and just excuse himself although he knew that it was nonsense and no one except for his friends was paying attention to him. 

"So.. you're happy and in love now?" Yachi tried to ask delicately. 

"Uhm," Kageyama started helplessly, "Not really, I mean, it's getting better?"

Tsukishima perked up his brows. "So how did that happen? And what is it like now?"

"How did what happen?" Kageyama asked puzzled.

"Did he kiss you or did you kiss him?" Yamaguchi then explained the question. 

"Oh, uhm.. he kissed me," Kageyama replied sheepishly and took a sip from his cocoa. 

"And now.. do you kiss often?" Yachi asked with a friendly smile that somehow seemed suspicious to Kageyama although he couldn't exactly tell why. 

"I guess? I mean, now and then.. sometimes.. and as hello or goodbye. And also.. sometimes.. not?" Kageyama stuttered, not even sure anymore what he had wanted to say.

"But it's always _him_ who kisses _you_?" Tsukishima asked bluntly. 

"I guess?" Kageyama responded insecurely. 

"Did you ever reject him? And if yes, how did he react?" Tsukishima continued to interrogate him.

"No, I didn't," Kageyama replied warily, "But why are you even asking all those questions?"

Tsukishima turned his head and looked expectantly at Yachi and Yamaguchi.

"We just want to make sure everything is alright," Yamaguchi said softly and Kageyama felt his heart sink when he realised how forced and heavy-hearted his smile seemed to be. 

"But.. everything is alright?" Kageyama said uneasily and was still not able to understand what was going on, "It's better than ever before."

"Are you completely sure?" Yachi them asked gently but very seriously.

"What they are trying to tell you is that he's taking advantage of you," Tsukishima suddenly interrupted baldly, "He's simply using you to satisfy his needs. It's only about _him_ and not about _you_ , not even the tiniest bit. If you don't believe me, you should try and take the initiative for once and see if he'll reject you. Or reject him and see how he reacts. I bet he'll be angry."


	76. [76]

Kageyama didn't realise that he was staring wide-eyed and open-mouthed at his friends and neither how Yachi cautiously placed one of her hands on top of his. For a moment, his head was completely empty but after a while he started to notice how pityingly the others were looking at him. On one hand, he felt scandalised and betrayed but on the other hand, he was torn between laughing, crying and throwing up. He absolutely didn't like where this was going and it had caught him completely off guard.

"But that doesn't really matter.. I mean, I'm getting what _I_ want as well," Kageyama protested as soon as he had recovered a little from the shock. 

"You're not getting what _you_ want, you just happen to enjoy what _he_ wants as well and that's a big difference. You'll never be content with this and you know it as well," Tsukishima tried to reason with him.

"And you won't be completely happy as long as he's not happy too," Yamaguchi added.

"It's already been more than a year.. don't you think you should slowly start to accept that it's not going to work?" Yachi continued and shamefacedly stared down at her coffee mug when Kageyama pulled his hand away from hers. 

"You've planned this, right? We're only here today so that you can tell me to.. yeah, to what? What should I do in your opinion?" he replied irritated, deciding that anger was a way better reaction to this than any other kind of breakdown.

Slowly Yamaguchi pulled a blue folder out of his bag and slid it over to where Kageyama was sitting. He didn't even need to open it and really look at its contents to know that it had something to do with a divorce.

He immediately shook his head. "No, I'm not doing this. Definitely not. No. Never." 

"Tobio-kun.." Yachi interrupted him gently, "At least take a look at it, okay? It doesn't have to be now. Take it home with you and put it somewhere in a drawer until you're ready."

"You might change your mind later on and it's good to be prepared, isn't it?" Yamaguchi tried to make him agree as well.

"No, no, no, no, NO! I won't take this! I don't need this! I don't want a divorce!" Kageyama tried to protest once again but already felt his resolve to be angry instead of sad and hurt weaken. 

"Maybe you don't want it but what about him? He can't get a divorce because of his parents, so only you could do it," Tsukishima remarked, "Don't you think it's a little unfair like this? I mean, this is not just about you. You're never going to be happy like this and we don't want this for you but besides that, you shouldn't forget that, in a way, you're denying him happiness and love as well."

It felt like someone had just ripped his heart out of his chest and just so that he wouldn't have to hear more of this, he decided to just take this goddamn blue folder. After stuffing it into his own bag he buried his face in both of his hands and tried to calm himself down by taking a few deep breaths.

Starting to cry while sitting in a café was pretty much the last thing he wanted to do right now. Kageyama really liked this coffee shop after all and he knew that he'd never come back to this place if he'd embarrass himself like this. 


	77. [77]

When Kageyama came home, he was relieved that Oikawa wasn't back yet. The first thing he did was putting the blue folder away where the other wouldn't find it. After having hidden it properly in the top drawer of his desk, he took a long and hot shower and then started preparing dinner. A while later, just when he was setting the table, he heard the front door being unlocked and shortly after Oikawa entered the living room.

"Oh, that smells nice!" he said cheerfully.

"Good timing," Kageyama replied and turned around.

Upon seeing him completely, Oikawa furrowed his brows. "Are you alright?" he asked worriedly.

Kageyama nodded. "I'm just tired. It was a long day," he flat-out lied to Oikawa who apparently believed him without questioning it at all.

He then closed the remaining distance between them, cupped Kageyama's face with both of his hands and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips.

"Let's eat then. I'll shower after dinner and clean up so that you can just go to sleep, okay?" he asked softly.

And for a moment, it really made Kageyama forget. He just thanked him and they sat down to eat. Oikawa was making conversation with him as he usually did and Kageyama simply enjoyed listening to him ranting over pointless little things that had inconvenienced him throughout his day until they were done.

When Kageyama lay down in bed, he realised for the first time that little things like that had become not only strangely familiar to him but also important parts of his daily life. He'd definitely miss hearing Oikawa talk about irrelevances. And now that he was lying in bed, trying to fall asleep, he was able to hear the sound of his footsteps and the clattering coming from the kitchen and the sound of running water from the bathroom as soon as he was taking a shower. 

He'd miss the feeling of not being alone or if he was completely honest, he couldn't even really imagine living alone anymore. Their apartment had this familiar smell that he now associated not only with Oikawa but also with _home_. And he didn't want to leave this place that he'd learned to love over the course of the past year just as he didn't want to leave the person he was learning to love all over again. Not now, not _yet_.

Simply thinking of what his friends had said earlier that day and of that damn blue folder in his room made his heart break. Of course, he knew that they might be right but still, he'd been way closer to giving up a while ago and things had started to get better since then nevertheless. They'd already come this far.

Kageyama knew that his friends only had his best interests at heart but they didn’t know enough about their relationship to be really able to judge things correctly. It wasn't like he was refusing to get a divorce, he was just refusing to do it on his own initiative. Oikawa had never asked him for it, they hadn't even talked about it ever at all.

This marriage was an once-in-a-lifetime chance and he was lucky. He definitely wouldn't miss it or else he'd regret it until the end of his life, that was for sure. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so, so incredibly sorry for being so slow with replies to comments! But to be honest, I'm really overwhelmed by the amount I'm getting and I'm barely managing to have a new chapter ready everyday, run my blog and answer messages.. in other words, I'm a mess and I have no idea what to do first because there are more than 40 things on my to-do list (if I include my real life responsibilities there are more than 50 things to do, RIP ME) 
> 
> I'm sorry, please have patience with me, I'm not forgetting about you and I'm incredibly thankful for everything ❤


	78. [78]

Kageyama wasn't quite sure if he'd already been asleep but anyways, now he definitely wasn't. He hadn't heard Oikawa open and close the door to their bedroom and neither had he heard his footsteps, at least until he had apparently stumbled over something and was now cursing under his breath. 

"Want to turn on the light?" Kageyama asked sleepily. 

"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you up," Oikawa replied and seemed to be pretty disappointed because of his failed attempt. 

"It's fine and it's already some kind of miracle that you didn't wake me up when coming in," Kageyama responded slightly amused by Oikawa's frustration.

"Yeah! But then I had to mess up," the other said and continued his way towards the bed through the darkness. 

Surprisingly, he didn't walk over to his own side of the bed but simply lifted up Tobio's blanket and slipped under it, lying down on top of him. 

"You're heavy," Kageyama said teasingly but embraced him nevertheless.

He nuzzled his face into Oikawa's shoulder and simply enjoyed his warmth and their nearness. Around one year ago it had been inconceivable that Oikawa would ever be affectionate with him; he had even said to his face that he'd never want that. But unexpectedly, things had turned out fairly well by now. 

"Oh shut up," Oikawa replied and made him by pressing their lips together. 

It was a slow kiss, a gentle one, at first at least. But after a while Kageyama realised that this was meant to be more than just a goodnight kiss. He turned his head away to catch his breath and when Oikawa tried to kiss him again, he held him back with his arms. 

"What's wrong?" Oikawa asked in confusion. 

Kageyama swallowed before answering, "I told you I was tired. I wan to sleep."

He wondered whether he was doing that because he _really_ was tired or because of what Tsukishima had said to him. Maybe it was a mixture of both. 

"Oh, come on Tobio, don't be like that," Oikawa replied temptingly and leaned in to kiss him once again. 

And likewise once again, Kageyama stopped him. "I said no," he replied as resolutely as possible. 

There was a moment of silence between them but then Oikawa snorted angrily and retreated to his own side of the bed.


	79. [79]

Kageyama knew, for a fact, that Oikawa was sulky but nevertheless, he scooted closer to him and tried to put his arm around his waist. However, before they even really touched, Oikawa grabbed his arm, stopped him and turned around to face him once more. 

"What do you think you're doing?" he asked almost derisively, "Do you really think I'd cuddle with you now?"

"What?" Kageyama asked back completely caught off guard. 

"Did I stutter? What about this was unclear to you?"

"So you're saying that if I don't make out with you, you're not going to cuddle with me?" Kageyama asked and huffed in disbelief. 

"Well, apparently you're smarter than I thought you were, _Tobio-chan_ ," Oikawa replied mockingly. 

"For real? You're trying to extort me?" Kageyama asked completely bewildered. 

"Oh dear, call it extortion, call it what you want. I call it _reality_ ," he said condescendingly and Kageyama felt the urge to break out into laughter. 

He kept quiet though. Oikawa's audacity simply left him speechless this time and he surely had to be some kind of masochist for giving in and kissing him. Or maybe he just wanted to know whether or not Oikawa would keep his promise in the end. 

The kiss tasted bitter like defeat and for the first time his heartbeat didn't speed up and their intimacy left him completely unfazed. It was somehow pleasurable nevertheless but he was absent-minded, not really into it, and thought about why he'd even ever want to kiss a mouth that spat such filthy and hurtful things at him. 

Oikawa kept his word but now that he was lying in his arms, Kageyama was sure that he would've been better off sleeping alone this night. However, the worst about everything wasn't even that he had knowingly and willingly yielded to Oikawa or that Tsukishima had been right with what he had said. No, the worst about it was simply that apparently things weren't even half as good as he had thought they were. 


	80. [80]

Kageyama remembered how he had told Oikawa that he was nothing but a great actor a while ago and felt the need to laugh at himself for seriously having believed that things had changed since then. Oikawa being affectionate equalled by no means Oikawa showing his true self. Hindsight is easier than foresight and well, now that he was looking back at the last few months it was almost ridiculous how naive he had been.

Nothing had changed, not even after last night. Oikawa continued to treat him like he always did; being all friendly as long as he wanted something and got it but adding in some rudeness now and then. Kageyama wondered how someone this smart and sociable could at the same time be this inconsiderate and ruthless. He wasn't even sure whether Oikawa pretended that everything was alright or whether he seriously didn't notice that something was wrong.

This was probably the first time that Kageyama was  _really_  angry at Oikawa after all. And he was not just sorely disappointed or hurt but  _infuriated_. He's been so patient and kind and he had tried so hard and this was the thanks he got? Maybe he really deserved better than him or at least better than that, better than being treated this poorly. 

So he came to a conclusion and simply got up from the bed and grabbed his pillow and his blanket. Oikawa who was sitting next to him and reading a book looked at him in surprise. 

"Where are you going?" he asked. 

"I'm going to sleep on the couch tonight," Kageyama said expressionless. 

"What? Why?" Oikawa asked obviously confused. 

Kageyama took in a deep breath before answering, "Because you're an egocentric asshole, that's why."

"What did you just say?!" Oikawa responded in complete bewilderment. 

" _Did I stutter?_ " Kageyama retorted sarcastically and perked up his eyebrows. 

"What the fuck is wrong with you all of a sudden?!"

"Oh god, you really have the audacity to ask me this question? Or are you just less smart than I thought you were,  _Oikawa-san_?" Kageyama replied derisively and he really would've loved to laugh at the gobsmacked expression Oikawa was making but decided that this might be a little too much and simply turned around to leave the room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, it's me again, talking in the chapter notes. Unexpectedly, I've been ridiculously productive these past few days (compared to usually, I mean ;D) so here's a few news:
> 
> 1) Nothing about my tumblr blog has really changed besides that I now have a new main blog or in other words, if someone with the url [@eleasofia](https://eleasofia.tumblr.com) is following you or whatever, yup, that's me!
> 
> 2) NSWF art blog on tumblr [@kiyoomis](https://kiyoomis.tumblr.com) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> 3) I totally forgot to post this but I made a playlist on Spotify for this fic! Just a few songs that inspired me or that I associate with OiKage and this fic, so [check it out](https://kagejamas.tumblr.com/music) if you want to! I'll probably continue adding songs to the playlist.


	81. [81]

"No, no, no, no, no, wait! Please don't go! Tobio, stay with me! Please!" Oikawa said, got up from the bed as well, hurried after him and put his arms around Kageyama's middle to stop him from leaving. 

Kageyama tried to break free but when he felt how Oikawa pressed his face between his shoulder blades and how his hold on him was rather tight, his struggling turned out more half-heartedly than he had planned on. 

"Why should I stay? You don't care about what I want or need or my feelings. You don't care about  _me_ ," he then said instead. 

"Th-that's not true and you know it!" Oikawa protested but Kageyama snorted at that. 

"No, I don't and you're definitely not treating me like you care and I'm fed up with this."

There was a short moment of silence before Oikawa could think of something to say. "Let's just go back to bed, okay?" he eventually asked softly and tightened his embrace even more. 

This time, Kageyama succeeded when trying to break free and turned around to face Oikawa. Surprisingly, he looked really shocked, maybe even distressed, and it made Kageyama’s resolution waver a little.

"No, this is not how it works, Oikawa. I will not just go back to bed and pretend that everything is fine. We need to talk about this," he said as firmly and resolutely as possible. 

Oikawa closed his eyes and pressed his lips together tightly. "I know," he said through gritted teeth as if it was extremely difficult for him, "But I.. need to think. Let's go back to bed and we'll talk about it tomorrow, okay?"

The way Oikawa asked him sounded pleadingly and Kageyama wasn't sure whether he could trust him or whether this was an act as well. On one hand, he was really determined to consequently stick to his decision to sleep in the living room tonight but on the other hand, he saw the chance that maybe, just maybe, they would really be able to talk this out.

"Promise me," he said with a sigh. 

"I promise that we'll talk about it tomorrow," Oikawa said seemingly in all seriousness, "Now come here, will you?"

And reluctantly, Kageyama gave in.


	82. [82]

The next day, Oikawa came home late and the very moment Kageyama had received the text letting him know that Oikawa was going to have dinner with his friends tonight, he had really wanted to believe that it was just a coincidence. However, when he eventually came home, he was just as cheerful as always.

"Sorry that I'm home this late," he said with an apologetic but also very fake smile when he entered their bedroom and pressed a fleeting kiss onto Kageyama's lips, "I'm going to take a quick shower!"

So Kageyama spent at least another fifteen minutes sitting alone in bed and waiting to finally talk to him. He really didn't want to get his hopes up too much but last night it had really seemed like Oikawa was acknowledging that there was something to talk about it, maybe even that it was his fault and that something needed to change. 

But once again, that had been quite a naive thing to think and he only realised it when Oikawa joined him in bed as if everything was fine and they were just going to sleep now. 

"Goodnight then," he said and leaned in to kiss Kageyama again but he was shoved away. 

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Kageyama asked angrily. 

"Oh, Tobio, come on.." Oikawa said suasively. 

"No, don't give me that bullshit! You promised me that we'd talk today!"

"But what do you even want to talk about? You want me to be nicer to you, I got it, okay? Have I been mean to you today? No? See, everything is fine," Oikawa replied conciliatorily and tried to get Kageyama to drop the topic.

"No, that's not all this is about," Kageyama said and shook his head in disbelief, "You really didn't understand anything."

All of a sudden, he somehow wasn't even really angry anymore as if he had resigned to the fact that Oikawa didn't care and never would. So he leisurely got up from their bed, grabbed his blanket and pillow just like on the day before and got ready to leave the room. Oikawa noticed what was about to happen and wanted to make him stay. 

"Don't touch me," Kageyama said unflinchingly, almost expressionless, and Oikawa immediately shied away from him, not daring to try to stop him from leaving once again and so he simply watched him go in silence. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't tell for sure yet but I probably won't have time to write until Monday so there might not be a chapter tomorrow, I'm sorry!


	83. [83]

Oikawa woke up in an empty bed. It wasn't unusual since on Thursdays Tobio was always long gone when Oikawa's alarm rung and he was not only a heavy sleeper but Kageyama was also pretty good at sneaking out of their bedroom without waking Oikawa up.

However, as soon as Oikawa was pretty much fully awake, he remembered that he had been alone in bed for the whole night. Kageyama had closed the door behind him when he had left for the living room but now it was open, signalling that he was already gone nevertheless.

Sleepily, Oikawa got up and dressed before he strolled to the kitchen. He definitely felt a little bit bad because of last night's events but he still had a whole day left to plan what he'd say to Tobio in the evening and to think about what kind of apology he'd probably accept after all. 

Oikawa was surprised when he noticed that his breakfast was neither on the kitchen table nor on the counter but as soon as he didn't even find anything for him to eat in the fridge, he was irritated. Well, okay, he probably deserved that and it was the first time that Tobio had done something like that but it meant that he had no time to dawdle anymore or rather, he _really_ had to hurry now if he wanted to buy something for breakfast before his morning classes would start.

It was a shitty day, one of those on which you wished that you'd just stayed in bed and the fact that the days slowly started to get shorter and the nights became chillier didn't help either. At first, Oikawa was glad that he came home to an empty apartment and had enough time to himself to take a shower and concoct an excuse. 

When he was done, it was already past 8 and he slowly started to get uneasy. He usually wasn't one to panic quickly but something just felt really wrong to him. There was no note telling him that Kageyama wouldn't make it home for dinner tonight and neither any messages nor missed calls on his phone. 

After waiting for another fifteen minutes and wondering if he had just forgotten that Kageyama had some kind of appointment today, he felt how uneasiness started to turn into worry. He wasn't sure whether he was worried that something bad had happened to Tobio or that he'd been dumped but after working up the courage to do so, he called him. 

It felt like he was listening to the dial tone for an eternity and just when he was about to hang up again in frustration, the tone sped up and signalled that his call had been rejected. For a moment, he stared at his mobile in bewilderment. Then he talked himself into believing that it had just been a technical error and tried again. 

His second call was declined almost immediately and the third time he called, he didn't even get to hear a dial tone anymore and could do nothing but listen to Tobio's voicemail before hanging up once again and burying his face in his hands.


	84. [84]

A few moments ago, Oikawa had been incredibly hungry whereas upon realising that Kageyama was apparently ignoring him on purpose, he absolutely didn't feel like eating anymore. It took him unusually long to regather his thoughts and then another while until he found the strength to actually get up from the kitchen table.

Slowly, even anxiously, he walked to their bedroom and opened Kageyama's wardrobe just to see that a lot of clothes were missing. It wasn't like everything was gone but it was definitely too much for all of it to be in their laundry basket. When he went to Kageyama's room, he saw that most of his books and folders where gone as well.

In a way, he was relieved that definitely nothing bad had happened to him since he was still able to decline calls and had apparently planned on not coming home for a while but then again, he had apparently planned on not coming home for a while and Oikawa definitely didn't feel relieved at that. 

He was exhausted and forced himself to go to bed. Tomorrow was going to be a long day and pacing around the room and tearing his hair out wouldn't bring Tobio back to him at the moment anyway, so he could just as well lay in bed while worrying and maybe even get some rest.

And so far, he could still assume that this was just to create a little distance between them and probably also to give him a warning, something to think about. Oikawa knew that he deserved it but he felt betrayed and forsaken nevertheless. Suddenly, their apartment seemed so much bigger and colder and darker.

After lying sleeplessly in bed for what felt like hours, he grabbed his phone from his nightstand and tried to call Kageyama again. It was something he wouldn't have done under normal circumstances but right now he absolutely didn't care if he'd be embarrassed later. 

He just wanted to hear his voice and even though it was just his voicemail once again, it was at least a little bit comforting. For a moment, he considered leaving him a voice message but in the end he kept quiet. As much as he felt like apologising right then and there in hopes of seeing Kageyama again as soon as possible, he knew that this was something he needed to do in person, even if that meant that he had to wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, OH MY GOD THANK YOU FOR 1000+ KUDOS I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!! I mean, honestly, I never expected that and it's just so.. amazing? I mean, it's a great honour but what makes me the happiest about it is that it's the first OiKage fic on AO3 to reach 1k kudos and I've always wanted this ship to get more recognition and I feel just so.. satisfied. I'm not content with this little triumph and I'll definitely continue to write but still, I'm incredibly happy and without you this wouldn't have been possible, so thank you all so much! ♡
> 
> And besides that, there are almost 70 comments in my inbox right now and I have no idea how and when I can reply to them, so as always: I'm not ignoring you and thanks for your patience, you're all lovely and I hope everyone of you has a good day! ♡


	85. [85]

Although Oikawa had planned on waiting patiently until Kageyama was willing to talk to him again, he couldn't stop himself from at least texting him. It felt weird and awkward and he didn't know what to ask except for "Where are you?" and "How are you?" because he knew he definitely shouldn't be pushy or reproachful at the moment but he didn't want to give him the impression that he didn't care either. 

After four days and leaving at least ten silent voicemail messages because he never knew what to say, he decided to go and ask Iwaizumi for advice. He didn't want to call him and explain why he needed to see his friend right now immediately, so he just took his stuff and went to his house.

"Wow, you look like shit," Iwaizumi said as a greeting. 

"Thanks, I know. Can I come in?" Oikawa replied without bothering to fake a smile and just entered the flat without waiting for Iwaizumi to step aside. 

"So, I guess you haven't really slept in a few days. Why?" Iwaizumi asked as soon as they had sat down on his bed.

"I'm alone at home," Oikawa responded truthfully.

"Where's Kageyama?"

Oikawa gave his friend a pained smile at that. "I don't know."

"What? You don't know? How can you not know where he is?" Iwaizumi asked in bewilderment. 

"Because he packed a bag and left while I was asleep and now he's rejecting all my calls," Oikawa explained matter-of-factly.

Iwaizumi perked up his brows. "And why would he do that?"

"Oh, come on, Iwa-chan," Oikawa said slightly irritated, "You already know that it's because I fucked up."

"But shouldn't you be happy about it? I mean, that's what you wanted after all, isn't it?"

For a moment, Oikawa looked at him in confusion until it slowly dawned on him. "I never wanted to marry him but now that I did, I never said that I wanted to get rid of him again."

"Well, that's new to me," Iwaizumi said genuinely surprised, "So you'd say you like him and you want him to stay with you?"

Oikawa thought about it for a moment. "I wouldn't exactly say that.. it's more like I don't dislike him and I don't want him to leave."

"For fucks sake, Oikawa, if I would've married someone with that attitude, I would've left them long ago!" Iwaizumi responded aghast at this. 

"I don't need you to lecture me, Iwa-chan, I just want to know what I'm supposed to do now!" Oikawa replied increasingly angry. 

"Well, at first, mind your attitude.."

"And then?"

"And then find out where he is," Iwaizumi continued. 

Oikawa suddenly snorted. "Oh wow, you're such a big help," he said sarcastically, "But how the hell am I supposed to do that?!"

"Have you tried calling his friends? I mean, he's probably staying at a friend's place, isn't he? And he's the type of person that would never skip practice, so he can't be too far away. I bet he's still going to university everyday, you could just try to find him there," Iwaizumi suggested. 

"I don't have any of his friends' phone numbers," Oikawa admitted in a low voice, "But I do know when and where they have practice, so I guess I could try that."

"See, it's not all that hard," Iwaizumi said and tried to sound encouraging but it didn't seem to work.

"This is going to be the most embarrassing thing I've ever done," Oikawa groaned and buried his face in his hands, "Do I really have to show up in person and ask where my husband is?"

"Well, I don't see another solution at the moment, as long as you want to find him soon and make him stay with you, that is. I mean, he can reject your calls, so he's probably fine. Alternatively you can just wait until he comes home to take the rest of his belongings with him," Iwaizumi said in an undertone of peevishness. 

"I'll do it tomorrow," Oikawa said eventually with a sigh and got up from Iwaizumi's bed to go back home and plan his next move.


	86. [86]

Oikawa was standing right in front of the gym and kept nervously checking the time on his phone every few seconds. Practice should've been over five minutes ago which absolutely shouldn't make him this anxious but a part of him even wished that no one would come. If he'd wait for a few more minutes and didn't get the chance to speak to Tobio or one of his friends, he would be able to go home with a clear conscience because he had _tried_. Not even Iwaizumi could scold him for that.

However, the first one to leave the building was their manager, a small blonde girl that definitely was one of Kageyama's friends. So Oikawa forced himself to walk over to her and ask for her help. 

"Oikawa-san?" she said in surprise even before he had approached her, "What are you doing here?"

"Uhm, yes, hi," he started awkwardly and cleared his throat, "Say, do you have seen Tobio?"

"No, I haven't seen him in  a while," she answered a little confused, "Why do you ask? I thought he was ill?"

Oikawa stared at her open-mouthed for a moment before he was able to regain his composure. "How do you know he is ill? When was the last time you saw him? Have you been in contact with him since then?" he asked, completely ignoring her question.

"The grand king! What are _you_ doing here!?" 

Yachi and Oikawa were startled by Hinata's voice when he approached them cheerfully. 

"Is something wrong?" he asked as soon as he realised the glumness. 

"Do you know where Tobio-kun is?" Yachi then asked softly and Oikawa was grateful for it. 

"Is this a trick question?" Hinata replied warily and looked at Oikawa, "He's home because he's ill, of course."

"And how do you know that?" Oikawa asked unsmilingly. 

"Because he sent me a text that he's ill and won’t come to practice and classes for a few days?" Hinata replied, making it sound more like a question than an actual answer. 

"When was that?" Oikawa kept interrogating him. 

"That was Saturday," he responded.

Oikawa furrowed his brows. "Wait, so you've seen him on Thursday and Friday?"

"Yes, of course. We even went together to morning practice on Friday because he slept at my place the night before. He said something about how he just wanted to get away from home for a night or two but that he didn't want to talk about it," Hinata explained and gave Oikawa a questioning look. 

"Okay but that day, Friday, when was the last time you saw him? Did he say or do anything.. unusual?"

"What's even going on here? Are you a cop?" Hinata asked slightly irritated, "Or did you do to something to him? Wanna fight, huh?"

"Hinata," Yachi said rebukingly, "He's _worried_. And last Friday we were on our way to the gym in the afternoon when someone called him. After that he said that he needed to go home now and we should tell the coach."

The moment Oikawa was able to comprehend what that meant, he buried his face in his hands. He tried to stay calm but he felt how the panic slowly took over.

"What's wrong?" Hinata asked in complete bewilderment. 

"He didn't come home this day, did he?" Yachi whispered tonelessly.


	87. [87]

"Okay, who exactly are we visiting now?" Oikawa asked uneasily while the three of them were walking up the stairs of an apartment building. 

"Tsukishima-kun and Yamaguchi-kun," Yachi answered friendly and Oikawa nodded as if he knew who they were and just hoped that he'd recognise them as soon as he saw them. 

"And you think that they might know where Tobio is?"

"I'm not sure but maybe they know something and even if not, they definitely have an idea what to do next," Yachi explained. 

When they reached the fourth floor of the building, one of the apartment doors was already open and a tall blonde guy with glasses as well as a smaller one who Oikawa recognised because he had been Karasuno's pinch server, were standing there, ready to welcome them. 

"To what do we owe the honour of this visit, _grand king_?" Tsukishima said sarcastically while they entered the flat and Oikawa gritted his teeth. 

"We don't know where Kageyama is!" Hinata blurted out and Oikawa was grateful that he was drawing all the attention so that Tobio's friends were mostly distracted from his own nervousness.

"Hinata and I have last seen him Friday afternoon and his phone seems to be turned off, so we can't contact him," Yachi explained further. 

"Did he say that he planned on going somewhere?" Yamaguchi asked and looked questioningly at his friends and Oikawa. 

"He said that he would go home before he ran off," Hinata replied, "But he hasn't been home since..?"

"Thursday morning," Oikawa finished his sentence.

"Have you reported him as missing to the police?" Yamaguchi asked worriedly but Oikawa just shook his head.

Tsukishima suddenly snorted and earned deprecating stares from Yamaguchi and Yachi because of it. "In a lot of cases where the husband or wife reports their spouse as missing, the person just ran off with someone else."

"You think that Kageyama dumped him," Hinata said scandalised and pointed at Oikawa, "And left with another guy?!"

"That's not what I said," Tsukishima replied with a smirk in Oikawa's direction, "I just meant that the police probably wouldn't take this seriously."

"I doubt that he'd do something like that. I mean, he wouldn't just abandon university and volleyball and besides that, he definitely lov-"

"Kageyama just isn't the type to do something like that, I agree" Yachi cut him off hastily. 

"I don't think he'd do that either.. or at least that's what I want to think," Oikawa said in a low voice.

So far this conversation hadn't really helped him and he was sure that he'd go home with a bad feeling. Another sleepless night was awaiting him and because of it a lot of time to imagine how Kageyama had left him for someone else and honestly, if that should really be the case, he knew exactly with whom he was. 

"Would you be bothered by it if he was cheating on you?" Hinata asked bluntly. 

"What?" Oikawa asked in complete bewilderment, "Of course!"

There was a moment of awkward silence between them and he was just about to ask them if they knew something and just didn't want to tell him but then Tsukishima suddenly spoke again. 

"Have you considered that by ‘home’ he didn't mean your apartment here in Tokyo but ‘home’ as in Miyagi where his parents live?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I feel like I'm always telling you the same thing in the end notes but I'm still doing my best to have a new chapter ready for you every day and that's what I'm prioritising. I have so many comments in my inbox here on AO3 to which I haven't replied yet as well as a shit ton of unanswered private messages on tumblr and this will still take me a while. That's why I just wanted to say thank you once again in a note. Thank you for your support and all the congratulations! ♡ ♡ ♡


	88. [88]

Oikawa was repetitively walking from one end to the other of the living room while holding the phone in his hand. His thumb was hovering over the green call button. It was already pretty late so calling his parents-in-law and asking them if his husband was with them didn't actually feel like an appropriate thing to do. However, on one hand he definitely couldn't wait another night but on the other hand, he couldn't bring himself to actually call and therefore it kept getting later and later. 

It wasn't only that what he was about to do was going to be incredibly embarrassing, he was also really scared. The mere thought of admitting to Kageyama's parents that he didn't know where Tobio was made him cringe but eventually he had to do it. 

"Ah, Oikawa-kun," Kageyama's mother greeted him friendly because she had apparently recognised him by the number on the display.

"Good evening Kageyama-san, I'm really, really sorry and -"

"It's fine, dear, don't worry," she said surprisingly understanding but she also seemed to be quite exhausted, "I guess you want to talk to Tobio?"

"Yes, please," he replied almost breathlessly since he was incredibly relieved that Kageyama really seemed to be at his parents' place. 

"He's already asleep and he hasn't slept much these past days, so I don't really want to wake him up again," she explained, "But I can tell you everything."

"O-okay?" Oikawa responded insecurely.

He felt bad knowing that Tobio hadn't been sleeping well and he definitely expected something bad. However, his mother didn't seem hostile so he wasn't even sure if Kageyama had told her anything at all.

"Tobio has already said that you might not be able to be here for the funeral because of university but he hasn't told me yet," Kageyama's mother continued and Oikawa suddenly had absolutely no clue what was going on anymore, "So, do you think you can make it?"

"Uhm, I'm sorry," he started awkwardly while trying to process what he had just heard, "I don't even know when it is. I think his mobile's turned off, so I couldn't contact him."

"Oh, I didn't know, I'm sorry," she said surprised, "Well, it's 11 a.m. on Friday, so I guess it'd be good if you could be here Thursday evening."

"Okay," he replied and nodded although she couldn't even see him, "Tomorrow I have a test I can't miss but the rest of the week isn't all _that_ important. I mean, Tobio would never admit it because he doesn't want me to skip classes and practice but if he needs me, I could already come tomorrow evening or on Wednesday."

"Oikawa-kun, I really don't want you to skip classes either and it's no problem if you can't come earlier but if it's really okay, I think you should," she said firmly.

"Okay, then I'll be there," he responded immediately because he really wanted to see Tobio again as soon as possible and all that he had been waiting for was an invitation.

He wondered whether or not Kageyama would be okay with it but this was simply something he would need to find out and although he doubted it, maybe Tobio would even be happy to see him. That was at least what he hoped for.


	89. [89]

For a moment Oikawa hesitated. Up until now he had never felt this insecure before knocking on a door or ringing the doorbell, not even on the first date he's ever had when he had known for sure that the girl's parents would open the door. Right now the person behind the door was no other than his own husband and he definitely shouldn't be this scared. Or maybe he should because whatever was going to happen behind this door was going to determine whether or not he would be able to call him his husband any longer.

There was no way he would chicken out now so he raised his fist and knocked faintly. When he didn't get a reaction, he took in a deep breath and opened the door to Kageyama's room nevertheless. Tobio was lying on his bed, facing the wall, so he couldn't know who had entered the room. Even though Oikawa could only see his back, he noticed that he looked pretty miserable. 

"I said I want to be alone," Kageyama grumbled angrily although it seemed like a pretty weak protest. 

Oikawa ignored it and took a few more steps forwards until he reached the bed and sat down next to Kageyama.

"Mom, what about _alone_ did you not underst-" Tobio said even more irritated now, turned around and sat up, "Oikawa?!"

The shock and surprise were written in his face as he stared at him. Oikawa was shocked as well, though, when he saw how puffy and red Tobio's eyes were and how weak and pale he looked. He really hadn't expected him to look _this_ miserable.

"Hey," Oikawa said softly, unsure of what exactly he was supposed to respond.

"What are you doing here?" Tobio asked him and Oikawa couldn't tell whether it was supposed to sound hostile or not.

"Isn't it obvious?" he asked back and looked Kageyama directly in the eye.

"No," Tobio replied firmly, "It's not."

"I'm here to get my husband back. I want to apologise properly and talk to you about everything," Oikawa said in hopes of a positive reaction.

However, Kageyama averted his gaze and shook his head. "You're doing it again."

"What am I doing?" Oikawa asked genuinely confused.

"Being an egocentric asshole," Tobio explained, "My grandma just died! Do you really think I want to deal with this right now?!"

When Kageyama turned back to look at Oikawa again, there were tears glistening in his eyes and Oikawa's first impulse was to abort the mission and flee. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not to sound pushy and pathetic but in case anyone wants to send me Haikyuu headcanons (or whatever else that doesn't require me to think a lot before replying to it, seriously) on [tumblr](http://kagejamas.tumblr.com/ask) to distract me from being miserable, that'd be pretty cool. Thanks for reading and your support, I love you ❤


	90. [90]

"I'm sorry, you're right, I'll leave you alone," Oikawa said and hastily got up from the bed to go but Kageyama grabbed his wrist and held him back, so he complied and sat down again. 

"Let's just talk about this later. I mean, when we’re home," Tobio whispered eventually and cautiously leaned his head against Oikawa's shoulder, burying his face in the crook of his neck.

Instinctively, Oikawa hugged him and pressed him closer to his chest. And it felt truly good to have Tobio with him again, to be able to run his fingers through his hair, to caress his back, to take in his scent and feel his warmth. He didn't like the fact that Kageyama was crying but at least he was in the position to comfort him and not the reason he needed to be comforted. 

So he simply cradled him in his arms and enjoyed that he hadn't lost his trust because of everything that had happened. Of course, there were still a lot of things that needed to be sorted out but for now, he hadn't lost him completely and that was the only thing that mattered at the moment. He still had the chance to fix this and he would.

"I was really worried, you know," he mumbled into Tobio's hair after a while, not even really aware that he was saying it out loud, "And I missed you, my dear."

"Did you just call me ' _my dear_ '?" Kageyama asked astonished at the pet name and leaned back a little to look Oikawa straight in the eye.

"No, I totally didn't," Oikawa replied immediately when he realised what he had actually said just now and hoped that his cheeks didn't turn as red as it felt like to him.

"Yes, you totally did," Tobio answered back with a giggle and seemed to be quite delighted.

"Don't you dare laugh at me," Oikawa responded and tried to sound threatening but had to smile himself, "Oh, shut up!"

"How about you make me," Kageyama replied with a sly smile and only broke their eye contact to glance at Oikawa's lips for a second. 

Oikawa wondered when he had learned how to flirt like this but it didn’t really matter, he didn’t plan on complaining about it anyway. So without hesitation he leaned forwards and gave Tobio the kiss he had apparently wanted and he himself had definitely wanted it just as much.


	91. [91]

"Can I tell you something?" Kageyama mumbled against Oikawa's chest.

They were lying under Tobio's blanket, huddled up against each other and wearing nothing but underwear and their shirts. It was warm and comfortable and Oikawa was trying to make as much body contact between them as possible and pressed Kageyama, who was curled up against him, even closer.

"Of course," he replied softly and continued running his fingers gently up and down his back and pressed a kiss on top of his head. 

"When we got married, I didn't want my grandparents to know that it was an arrangement because I didn't want them to worry about me. Do you remember?" Kageyama started and Oikawa nodded as a response, "Just a few hours before my grandma died, I talked to her alone for a while. She asked me how I was doing and somehow I couldn't lie to her and told her the truth."

"How did she react?" Oikawa asked because Tobio had stopped talking for a moment. 

"She told me that she and my grandpa didn't even know each other until their wedding day," Kageyama continued, "It has been an arrangement as well and they always seemed so happy and in love, so I had never assumed that. She said that she had been against it from the very beginning but my grandpa has always been good to her and it took years but then they were happy like really, truly happy. And then she told me that I don't need to worry because love takes time and it comes with the little things. Love can mostly be found where we expect it the least."

"That's true, I guess," Oikawa said because he didn't really know what else to say. 

He knew exactly what Tobio was aiming at with that and he definitely couldn't blame him for it. Of course he was thinking about it, thinking about their marriage and about his future, about happiness, about _love_.

"In her case at least but sometimes.." Tobio whispered, "Sometimes I really don't know if I'll be alright as well."

Although it had just been a whisper Oikawa had heard how Kageyama's voice trembled and it broke his heart. 

"Of course you will be alright. _We_ will be alright," he then responded and tightened his embrace even more. 

"Are you for real?" Kageyama asked warily. 

"Yes, I promise," Oikawa replied firmly, "I might be an egocentric asshole from time to time but-"

"From time to time?" Kageyama interrupted him.

"Okay, I might be an egocentric asshole," Oikawa corrected himself, "But I'm not a complete idiot. I don't want to screw this up. And you know what people say, the first year of marriage is the hardest and I think we've managed that pretty well, don't you think?"

Kageyama snorted. "I guess my definition of ' _well_ ' differs from yours then."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably no updates for the next 2 or 3 days because I'm not home. I'll hopefully be back with a new chapter on Saturday or Sunday! ❤


	92. [92]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, I'm sorry for taking this break! I've really tried to write during those past days but I couldn't focus and didn't want to deliver a half-assed chapter. I'm feeling a bit better but over the time I wasn't really active, a shit ton of things has piled up, so I'm still slow with replies and I'm sorry for that. I will do my best to continue the daily updates but I don't want to promise at this point already. However, today I have an extra long chapter for you. Thanks for your patience! ♡ ♡ ♡

"Oh, come on. We're not in love; we didn't marry because we wanted to. Considering these circumstances, it could've been way worse and it's getting better, isn't it?" 

"Would you do it again?" Kageyama suddenly asked in all seriousness. 

"What?" Oikawa replied completely caught off guard.

"If you could go back in time and decide anew, would you marry me again?" Tobio asked once more and looked at Oikawa expectantly. 

"Wh-why are you asking this? I-I don't know," Oikawa stuttered insecurely as a response.

"So you wouldn't," Kageyama stated. 

"No!" Oikawa immediately protested, "No! That's not what I said!"

"But it's what you meant and it's fine, I didn't expect it to be any different," Tobio said and obviously tried to seem completely unfazed by it but failed.

"But.. would _you_ do it again?" Oikawa asked cautiously although he wasn't even sure if he wanted to hear the answer. 

"Of course," Kageyama replied in all honesty, "I made a conscious decision back then and I'd do it again."

It took a moment until Oikawa was able to process what he had just heard but as soon as he did, the only logical reaction to it was bewilderment. "Wait.. what?! What do you mean by ' _conscious decision_ '?!"

"You didn't know?!" Tobio responded, now pretty confused as well, "I thought you knew that my parents didn't force me. They told me about the offer and I agreed."

"You.. you agreed?! Why the hell would you agree to marrying someone you don't even know?! That's insane!" Oikawa said in disbelief and sat up to properly look Kageyama in the eye.

"I didn't want to at first but I changed my mind as soon as I knew who I was supposed to marry," Tobio continued to explain and sat up as well, "I saw a chance and took it."

Oikawa stared at him completely gobsmacked. "You saw a chance and took it?! You could've refused.. you _should've_ refused and then married someone else out of love!"

Kageyama snorted at that. "Do you really think that I'd be happier if I had declined? To be able to marry out of love I would need to find someone I'm in love with who loves me back. And even if that would happen, that doesn't mean it would be a happy marriage. I would also need to find someone who shares my interest in volleyball and understands that the sport is going to always be my number one priority."

"So basically you made sure you would neither end up alone nor with someone worse?" Oikawa tried to make sure.

"Basically," Kageyama responded and nodded.

"And the odds that we'll fall in love with each other are better than that someone who doesn't understand you and your priorities will ever do so," Oikawa continued, "And also better than the chances that you'll ever find someone who'd like to marry you."

"Hey, that last line was unnecessary," Kageyama said jokingly to defend himself but it was obvious that he was hurt by it.

"I know, I'm sorry," Oikawa replied with a soft smile, "But I didn't mean it. And although your decision still sounds pretty insane to me, I think I kind of understand why you made it."

"You do?" Tobio asked genuinely surprised.

Oikawa nodded. "The day we first had dinner together with our parents, I saw you standing there and knew that it was going to be you and I just wanted to run as fast and far away as I could because you were definitely the second last person I had wanted to see there. But for some reason I didn't. I can't say that my decision had been conscious but in a way, I think I've always known that you're far from the worst that could've happened to me."

"But who was the very least person you had wanted to marry?" Kageyama asked curiously.

"Are you kidding me?! This is all you have to say to this?!" Oikawa responded scandalised.

"Thanks for letting me know that I'm not the worst thing that has ever happened to you?" Tobio tried again.

"You know what? Maybe you really are the worst thing that has ever happened to me after all," Oikawa feigned to be angry and let himself fall down on the bed again. 

Tobio followed suit and lay down next to Oikawa, facing him directly. "For real? Even worse than _'Ushiwaka-chan'_  ?" he asked with a provocative smirk and perked up his eyebrows. 

Oikawa just scrunched up his nose in disgust and made Tobio giggle with it. After that, it took only a few more moments until he felt himself relax and a little but genuine smile appeared on his lips as well. Although this was probably one of the hardest days during their marriage, there had been so many easier days on which Tobio hadn't even laughed nearly as much as today. 


	93. [93]

Oikawa was standing in front of the mirror in Tobio's room while he was trying to neatly tie his necktie. The only sound filling the room was the pitter-patter of the rain hitting the window. The sky was gray and it was cold and the overall atmosphere made him feel like the protagonist of some kind of shitty, cliché-ridden movie. Of course the day of the funeral had to be a rainy day. 

When he was done with his tie, he turned around and saw that Kageyama was still sitting on the edge of his bed. He hadn't moved since Oikawa had started to get dressed and was gazing into space, his expression completely vacant. While he himself was pretty much ready to leave and only had yet to put on his jacket and his shoes, Tobio wasn't even nearly done. 

His dress shirt was still unbuttoned and his suit trousers and tie were still lying next to him on the bed. He didn't exactly look like he was going to get ready anytime soon, but with a glance at his watch, Oikawa knew that he needed to. They had enough time left to leisurely get dressed but, they'd have to skip breakfast. Oikawa was pretty sure, though, that Tobio wouldn't be able to eat anything anyway.

With a sigh, he went over to him and kneeled down right in front of him which made Kageyama snap out of his trance. Gently, but skilfully and fast, Oikawa started to button Tobio's dress shirt and then put his tie around his neck, carefully tying it for him as well. As soon as he was done with that, he took one of his hands and cautiously pulled him to a stand, so that he would be able to put on his pants.

Kageyama's movements were languidly and awfully sluggish, but eventually, he was more or less ready to leave as well. The look of vacuity in his eyes made Oikawa's heart ache. It was obvious that Tobio was devastated and in deep mourning, and apparently, it was all too much for him so that he simply shut down.

Carefully, Oikawa adjusted Kageyama's shirt collar and worriedly looked him straight in the eye while doing so. Tobio was still just impassively enduring everything, but when Oikawa pressed a kiss to his forehead and then brushed his bangs back with his fingers to make them fall more neatly, the hint of a smile appeared on Kageyama's lips for a moment.

He then rested his arms loosely around Tobio's waist so that he was hugging him but could still see his face. Kageyama raised one of his hands and ran his fingers through Oikawa's hair as well before leaning forwards and pressing their foreheads together. He closed his eyes and sighed, and Oikawa couldn't help but smile at it.

"My hair looked just fine," he whispered.

"I know," Tobio replied, also talking in a very low voice, "But I wanted to touch it."

"Yeah, I know," Oikawa replied and hugged Kageyama tightly. 

The day was still cold and gray and rainy, but somehow he didn't really mind anymore. As long as they were together, there would always be some kind of warmth and quiet bliss, and it would even get them through way darker days; that was for sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Tooru, you have it bad for him, _really_ bad, why can't you see it? I guess Tobio isn't the only one who can be totally oblivious..
> 
> And yeah, hey, it's me again, I'm (kind of) back, I guess? Anyways, here's a lot of notes:
> 
> 1) Sorry for the long hiatus. A lot of unexpected things happened lately that needed to be dealt with, and then I got really ill (and I'm not completely fine yet, but it's getting better), and having doctor appointments nearly every day takes up so much time and strength.. ugh. Anyways, I don't want to promise anything yet, but daily updates should be back from now on!
> 
> 2) I made an edit for the fic! I only made [a post on tumblr](http://kagejamas.tumblr.com/post/150933883886/youre-still-the-best-more-or-less-i-guess) and totally forgot to share it here with you, whoops :D
> 
>   
> 
> 
>   
> 3) As some of you probably already know, some super amazing people are organising an [OiKage Zine](http://oikagezine.tumblr.com/) and first of all, I want to ask you to share the information if you can and/or even apply yourself. I _really_ want to make this happen!
> 
> Also, I plan on applying myself and wanted to show them three chapters from this fic as an example of my writing. However, I absolutely can't decide which ones, so I just wanted to ask you if you have any favourite chapters/scenes/moments from this fic? You don't need to give me the numbers but maybe just a short description of what you remember. That'll make it definitely way easier for me to choose!
> 
> 4) Thank you so much for your support, as always. Regarding AO3 comments and private messages (especially on tumblr and skype) and all that other stuff, I have absolutely no clue how and when I can reply to them, but I will eventually. I'm really sorry for the long wait and that I tend to just disappear kind of often and that I can't stick to my schedules and all that stuff. I didn't forget you and you're amazing! ♡ ♡ ♡


	94. [94]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to those who told me about their favourite scenes from this fic! It's still hard to decide since I'm supposed to submit something that's max. 1,5k words long, but it'll be fine ;D

Oikawa was sitting at his desk in his room and was trying to study for one of his upcoming exams. Even though it was already pretty late and he was exhausted, he was still wide awake, however, solely because of the amount of coffee he had drowned within the last hours. At least it was Friday and he would get to sleep in tomorrow.

The thought of finally being able to slip in a warm bed as soon as he would be done with the next topic was all that was keeping him going by now. Hopefully, Tobio would already be in bed then so that Oikawa would only need to snuggle up to him and could fall asleep. Even though something about it was still unsettling, Kageyama had definitely become Oikawa's main source of comfort and relaxation. 

Of course, they still had their little arguments now and then, but things seemed to be going really well for the first time. Simply talking about things was a solution for most problems they had that was as effective as it was easy. So things had started to work out rather smoothly and Oikawa would even go so far to say that they were close. 

As he had spaced out while thinking about other things than his studies, he had started to stare out of the window, or rather, at his own reflection since it was dark outside and he couldn't really see anything besides himself and his room. And then within the blink of an eye, he couldn't see anything at all anymore. 

It took a moment for him to realise that the darkness had suddenly found its way into his room as well. He tried closing and opening his eyes several times, looking around frantically, but it didn't change anything. Slowly, his breath became heavier and instinctively, he hugged his knees up to his chest and just froze in place.

All of a sudden, he felt incredibly lost and small and vulnerable and just when the panic was about to overwhelm him, he heard a door being opened and familiar footsteps that couldn't be anybody's but Tobio's. And for a second, he was so sure that he'd come looking after him, but then he realised that Kageyama didn't exactly have a reason to do it, and, in fact, the sound of the steps became fainter again.

After the short moment of relief, the panic came back even worse, and within seconds, Oikawa couldn't tell if he was going to cry, to throw up, to faint, or all three of them at once. Pressing his face closer to his knees, he hoped for the light to come back or for him to wake up from a dream, but nothing happened, and he felt like the darkness was slowly consuming him, _choking_ him.

He vaguely noticed that his whole body was shaking when he felt a tugging at his arm as if something or someone was trying to make him let go of his knees and pull him down from his chair. There was a faint flickering of light somewhere in the room, and he heard his name being whispered softly; probably to lure him, to trick him into thinking he was safe.

Although he felt weak and wanted to give in, he did his best to struggle against it. However, at some point, he was pulled down with a lot more force and actually fell. Suddenly, there was a strange warmth surrounding him, and when he finally stopped struggling, he recognised a familiar smell and finally snapped back to reality. 

The flickering light was just a candle on his desk and the person that had been tugging at him and saying his name over and over again was not some kind of evil, but simply Tobio. And Tobio was lying on the floor with him, holding him in his arms and trying to calm him down. 

Oikawa didn't know whether it was because of the relief or the last bits of lingering fear, but he started to cry. He hated how the only sound filling the room was his loud and gross sobbing, but that didn't really matter right now. The only thing that mattered was that he wasn't alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me that you remember that I've hinted at this in several chapters before :P


	95. [95]

"How about we go to the living room, and I light all the candles we have, and then we'll wait there for the power to come back?" Kageyama asked softly after a while, and Oikawa nodded.

Somehow the tone of voice in which Tobio had said it sounded so much like he was talking to a child that Oikawa didn't know how to feel about it. The only thought that came to his mind was that he'd probably be a good father, which was, frankly, one of the oddest things for him to think at the moment. When he realised how ridiculous and absurd the whole situation was, he started to laugh. 

"Are you okay?" Kageyama immediately asked worriedly.

Oikawa rolled on his back and pressed the heels of his hands onto his eyes to dry them and calm himself down again. "Yes," he said, "I mean, no, but yes, I am."

Even though it was too dark to really see Tobio's expression, he knew that he was looking at him in confusion. Probably, Kageyama was even wondering if Oikawa might have gone mental, considering his sudden odd behaviour. 

"Let's go then," was all that Tobio said, though.

They got up, and while Kageyama was carrying the candle with one hand, he used his other free hand to hold Oikawa's while they were walking towards the living room. As promised, Tobio lit all candles that he could find, but always staying within Oikawa's field of vision. When he was done, they huddled up against each other on the couch, and Kageyama wrapped a blanket around them. 

Finally, Oikawa felt himself completely relax and could let go of the last remaining parts of his anxiety as he buried his face in the crook of Tobio's neck. They were holding hands again, and surrounded by Kageyama's warmth and smell, he truly felt safe. Actually, the whole moment could've even been considered romantic, given that the whole room was filled with lighted candles.

"You should've told me that you're afraid of the dark," Tobio eventually said and broke the silence. 

"And why is that?" Oikawa replied with a little snort. 

"Because I would've gone to your room first."

"But it's embarrassing. I'm not a little child anymore," Oikawa protested bashfully. 

"So what?" Tobio responded, "It's not embarrassing, and I wouldn't laugh at you for anything like that."

"But still, talking about it is embarrassing to me, and you can't change that," Oikawa mumbled against Kageyama's neck.

"So you don't want to tell me if there's a reason for it, do you?" Tobio then asked.

"If you’re asking me like this, no, I don't want to."

"And will you do it anyway?" Kageyama continued.

Oikawa swallowed hard as he considered if he should. It was true; he didn't want to tell Tobio the story. However, the more he thought about it, the clearer it became to him that it was more that he didn't want talk about it _at all_  than that he didn't want to tell  _Kageyama_ the truth.

"Y-yeah, I guess," he said eventually, unsure if opening up to Tobio even more would be the right decision after all.


	96. [96]

"Have you ever seen photos of me as a child?" Oikawa asked.

"Only from middle school," Kageyama replied truthfully.

"I mean pictures from earlier, from elementary school for example," Oikawa explained, "Believe it or not, I was really small for my age and pretty skinny and weak compared to the other kids, and I had to wear braces. And I have absolutely no clue why my parents let me wear the most _hideous_ glasses in whole world. So I'm very glad you haven't seen pictures, and you never will."

"Oh my god, seriously? Next time I see your parents, I will ask them to show me some," Tobio said teasingly.

"Tobio-chan, can you please let me preserve the last bit of dignity I have left?" Oikawa groaned but had to smile a little, simply because he liked it whenever Kageyama was in a playful mood. 

"Oh, come on, what's your problem? Even if you've been a rather unsightly child, at least since middle school you’ve been pretty handsome," Kageyama said but lost his train of thought for a moment when he realised that he had just very bluntly complimented Oikawa, "Don't you know the story of the ugly duckling that turned out to be a pretty swan?"

"Shut up, will you?!" Oikawa protested completely scandalised and leaned back a little to take a look at his husband to make sure that he wasn't going to say anything else before he continued with his story, "Well, you've probably already guessed it, but I wasn't exactly the popular kid back then. But one day, a guy from my class invited me to his birthday party, and I was _really_ excited, because I've never been invited to a birthday party before. And he was one of the really cool guys, who had a lot of cool friends, so I really thought that I was going to have so much fun, the time of my life, you know?"

"But you didn't," Kageyama stated and put both of his arms around Oikawa so that he was completely embraced.

"Of course not. But I was only 7 back then, so I absolutely didn't expect it to take a turn for the worse," Oikawa replied bitterly, "Anyways, the party actually didn't start out all that bad. I felt a little out of place, but the fact that I've been invited made me feel so accepted and confident that I didn't really dwell on it for long."

"That's normal, I guess," Tobio said at that, "I mean, I'm 19 and I still feel out of place all the time, but I don't dwell much on it either, because, of course, being invited means that it's okay for you to be there."

Oikawa giggled a little, "But you’re totally different from me."

"Hey, I'm just trying to be supportive!" Kageyama protested angrily. 

"I'm sorry. I know, and you're doing a good job," Oikawa said with a smile and gave Tobio a gentle kiss on the cheek before leaning his head back against his shoulder.


	97. [97]

"After a while, we started to play hide and seek," Oikawa continued, "That guy lived in a really big house, three floors and a basement, so there were lots of great places to hide. As soon as we started, the birthday boy's best friend told me to come with him. He wanted to show me a good spot, because it was my first time at the house, and I thought that it was pretty nice. We went downstairs to the basement, and he told me that I should just hide in the storage room. I did, but he didn't join me. When I asked him why, he told me that two people hiding together was stupid, because like that two would get caught at once. Then he left the room to hide somewhere else. The door slammed shut and it became dark."

He stopped speaking and seemed to space out for a moment. Kageyama gave him the time he needed and just shifted a little bit to get more comfortable. He thought about how he had wanted to give up on this a while ago and how ridiculous that seemed by now. He had gained Oikawa's trust, and the intimacy and nearness they had was something he'd never experienced with anyone else before. Maybe this marriage had been arranged, and none of it would've ever happened under normal circumstances, but that didn't mean that anything of it was _fake_.

When he started to run his fingers through Oikawa's hair, the other moved a little as well and spoke again, "So it was dark and cold, and I was pretty sure that there were lots of spiders and woodlice around, and I didn't dare to touch anything because I was _so afraid_ of what I might be touching. But well, maybe this was one of the best places to hide, but also a very obvious choice. Someone was going to find me soon, and during the next round I would just hide somewhere else. I mean, I couldn't leave the storage room again right away just because I was scared or else the others would’ve thought that I was uncool and wouldn't have wanted to play with me anymore, right?"

"So you waited although you were uncomfortable right from the beginning?" Kageyama asked after a while when Oikawa, once again, didn't continue to speak immediately. 

Oikawa nodded. "I waited, but I had no watch or phone, so I didn't know how much time passed. I told myself that it only felt like I've been in there for a very long time, because I didn't like the place, so I waited some more. At some point, when nobody came to get me, I even actually decided to give up. I thought that if I'd get caught in the process of finding a new hideout, I'd just tell the others that I had wanted to get something to drink, or some other cheap lie. It was the perfect plan, except for that the door wouldn't open."


	98. [98]

"Wait what?! Does that mean they locked you in the basement?!" Tobio asked in complete bewilderment.

"I never asked, so I don't know whether it had been by mistake or by design," Oikawa replied in a low voice, "Anyways, at first I still thought that it was my fault; that maybe I wasn't pushing or pulling hard enough, or that there was another door and this wasn't the exit. However, nothing seemed to work out, so I wanted to scream for help so that somebody would hear me and come to get me, but suddenly, I felt like I was being choked. My throat was really dry, and I just.. _couldn't_ make a single sound. In hindsight, I'm pretty sure I was having a panic attack."

"And.. how did you get out in the end?" Tobio asked breathlessly.

"Eventually, mother came to get me, and that was when the others realised that I was missing, and I was finally found. After this, I didn't go to school for a while. But only a few weeks later, Iwa-chan and his family moved to our neighbourhood, and we became friends, so things started to change for the better. But still, I think those few hours I sat in this storage room in the dark really fucked me up somehow."

"Of course, I mean, this was some kind of.. traumatic experience?" Tobio replied a little insecurely, "And it explains why you have trust issues and care so much about your reputation and your appearance, and why you're always playing pretend. You don't want others to see you as weak or vulnerable."

"Sometimes I really like you better when you're being simple-minded and slow-witted," Oikawa said with a sigh and pushed Kageyama back so that they were lying on the couch instead of sitting.

It was obvious that their conversation was over, but Kageyama didn't mind. He was pretty content with how much Oikawa had confided to him, and besides that it simply made him happy, it also helped him to understand some things. 

"Tobio?" Oikawa whispered after the moment of silence between them. 

"Hm?" Kageyama hummed questioning. 

"You're.. you're not going to leave me, right?"

"No, I'm not going to leave you," Tobio answered firmly, "And I'm not going to lock you in a dark room either, before you ask me that as well."

"Meanie," Oikawa said sleepily, only pouting slightly instead of being extremely scandalised like he’d usually be, "Don't you dare ever mention that in front of anyone else."

"I won't," Kageyama replied softly. 

For another moment, they lay together in silence, simply looking at each other, and Kageyama realised that something had changed. He couldn't exactly tell what it was, but it probably had something to do with how relaxed Oikawa seemed to be. It wasn't just the calm and quiet kind of relaxed but rather that he was radiating the feeling of safety, openness and trust.

Their eye contact started to feel more intense than ever, and Kageyama felt as if Oikawa was trying to say something but couldn't quite bring himself to actually do it. Eventually, he was the one to break away by closing his eyes and swallowing hard before opening his mouth to finally speak what has been on his mind. 

The faint "Th-thank you" coming from Oikawa's lips was definitely the most genuine and heartfelt thing Tobio had ever heard him say, and the kiss that followed was slow, and deep, and gentle, and simply the best kind of _breathtaking_.


	99. [99]

"When do you meet up with your team?" Oikawa asked while hectically trying to make his hair look acceptable.

Tobio was sleepily sitting on the edge of their bed and just watching instead of getting ready himself. "We meet at 10:30," he replied.

"That's not fair!" Oikawa protested, "Why do I have to be at the gym almost _one hour earlier_ than you?!"

Kageyama shrugged his shoulders and yawned. "Why do I have to be awake already although I have to be there almost _one hour later_ than you?"

"It's not my fault that you always just wake up!" Oikawa said, by now done with his hair and throwing things into his sports bag.

"I don't 'just wake up', _you_ wake me up," Tobio responded but tried to not make it sound too reproachful, not wanting to rile Oikawa up too much.

"Whatever," he just responded, probably not even really listening anymore because he was thinking of his upcoming game. 

Kageyama knew what it was like to be in this state of mind, he knew it very well. During the last few hours before an important game the reality felt somehow altered, and it was like some kind of filter was blocking everything that wasn't related to volleyball out. He too had an important game soon, but today was different. He knew he had to focus and that he should do the same Oikawa was doing, shutting everything else out, but he just couldn't. 

"I'm leaving now," Oikawa said and made Kageyama snap out of his thoughts, "See you later."

"Wait!" Tobio almost shouted after him before the other could leave their bed room.

Oikawa turned around again and looked at him questioningly. "What is it? I'm in a hurry."

For another moment, Kageyama just sat on their bed and looked at his husband. He knew that Oikawa was becoming impatient, but he just couldn't say what was on his mind. At a loss for words, he got up and walked over to him.

"You haven't properly said goodbye yet," he mumbled, a faint blush spreading on his cheeks. 

Oikawa chuckled at that and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. "You're an idiot, Tobio-chan," he said mockingly, "What's with this? I'm not going on a vacation; it's more like I'm going grocery shopping. We're going to see each other in an hour again, after all."

"So what?" Tobio replied with a pout and bashfully averted his gaze. 

Oikawa used the hand with which he wasn't holding onto the strap of his bag to turn Kageyama's head back and kissed him on the lips. 

"I'm leaving now," he said again, this time slowly and emphasised, while directly looking at Tobio, "See you later."

"See you later," Kageyama replied, but when the front door clicked shut, he was still standing in the same spot, suddenly feeling lost and forlorn. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. He needed to shake off all unnecessary thoughts and regain his composure quickly or else he wouldn't be able to win today.

_'But, at the end of the day, will we be okay?'_


	100. [100]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, chapter 100! Thanks for your support! I started replying to comments, but it'll still take me a lot of time until I'm done with all of them. There are still more than 175 in my inbox, and they keep getting more with every new chapter. That's why also thanks for your patience! Today's chapter is a bit short, because it's some kind of introduction chapter for the next (and almost final) arc of the story. Tomorrow's chapter will be longer again! And besides that, I have [Instagram [eleasofiaa]](https://www.instagram.com/eleasofiaa/) now, so check it out if you want to ♡ ♡ ♡

The game was about to start, and Kageyama was unusually nervous. Hinata looking as if he was about to throw up any moment and Yachi trying to calm him down already made him feel like he was a high school student once again, but when he let his gaze wander and saw Oikawa on the side of their rival team, it brought back a lot of feelings he thought he had long forgotten. 

Yes, they had really seen each other again around one hour after Oikawa had left their home, but it was exactly like Kageyama had expected it to be. Of course, they hadn't talked. Actually, Oikawa hadn't even deigned to look at him, not even after he had shaken hands with Kageyama's team captain, not even when they had been lining up to bow to each other right before the game, not even now that they were standing on opposite sides of the court, merely separated by the net. 

Kageyama didn't really know what to wish for. He was definitely going to do his best to lead his team to victory and advance to the next stage of the tournament. Oikawa was going to do the same, he knew it, and it was supposed to be like this. However, they hadn't talked about what was going to happen after this game, and Kageyama couldn't escape the feeling that no matter who was going to win, home wouldn't feel like _home_ anymore, at least for a while.

Just imagining that Oikawa's team could win and how he'd rub it into Kageyama's face afterwards was terrible, and he knew that Oikawa was going to be this cruel for sure. Kageyama wouldn't do that to him, but he probably didn't even have to to make him completely, to put it mildly, unapproachable.

But there was no room for these kinds of thoughts now. He couldn't permit himself to make mistakes because he was distracted. His feelings for someone who probably wasn't even returning them in the same way wouldn't hold him back. That was his resolution, and he would deal with the consequences afterwards. 

Even though a negative outcome seemed inevitable, he had a little bit of hope left. Volleyball was always going to be his number one priority, but if there was one person in the whole world who would understand that, then it was Oikawa. That's why maybe, just maybe, he was worrying way too much, and both of them were mature enough by now to not be at each other's throats for once. Maybe.

 


	101. [101]

Kageyama wasn't listening to what his coach was saying and just automatically bowed to their audience as the others did so as well. He didn't hear his friends talking and laughing; he didn't see the way Yachi was the only one glancing at him worriedly while the others were celebrating.

All he saw was Oikawa, with his head held high, comforting his teammates and like ever so often, playing pretend. Maybe this was one of the qualities that made him such an excellent captain, and back in high school, he had admired him for his strength. However, back then he hadn't thought about what he was going to be like once he was home, and now he had to and it broke his heart. 

When Kageyama saw that Oikawa's team was leaving, he immediately went after them. He didn't care that his own team was still having some kind of mini team meeting; he had done everything humanly possible to win this game, and he decided that this was more than enough for now so that the others wouldn't be too angry at him for suddenly running off. 

"Oikawa.....-san!" he shouted after him as soon as he was within earshot, remembering in the last moment to be polite.

He wasn't used to talking to him like that anymore, but considering that they still kept their marriage somewhat secret, it would've been inappropriate for him to address him just by his last name, and right now he really couldn't afford making him even angrier. Oikawa turned around, saw him, furrowed his brows, and gave the rest of his team a hand sign, telling them to go ahead. 

"What do you want?" he asked angrily, looking at Kageyama as if he was nothing but a nuisance. 

"I," he started, suddenly not really sure what he had actually wanted to say, "I just wanted to talk to you."

Oikawa snorted at that and shook his head. "You know what? Go to hell, Tobio-chan."

"I know that you're angry but-"

"Then why the hell are you bothering me, huh?" Oikawa interrupted him indignantly.

"Because," Kageyama started, a little at a loss for words but mostly feeling helpless, "Because we're married? Because I care about you?"

"And what does it matter, being married? I don't care about you, never have and never will, so leave me alone," Oikawa replied derisively.

Kageyama inhaled sharply, trying to just swallow the hurt and the anger, because he knew reacting like that would just make everything worse. "I know that you're just saying that because you're angry," he said as calmly and composed as possible. 

"You're wrong," Oikawa responded snappishly, "I'm not just saying it because I'm angry. I just stopped _playing nice_ because I'm angry."

"No," Kageyama said and shook his head in disbelief, "You don't mean that."

"Oh yes, I do mean that. I don't care about you. I don't care about this, and I wish I would've never met you. My life would be so much better without you," Oikawa replied, and Kageyama didn't know what to do or say.

If it would've been Oikawa screaming at him, crying, hitting him, or whatever else, he could've brushed it off as angry. However, he was calm. He was calm, and that made it sound so much like the truth. It suddenly felt like everything was slipping away, every ounce of trust and intimacy they had build over the past months just running through his fingers like sand. He wanted to hold on, so instinctively, he took a step forward, but Oikawa immediately took two backwards at that. 

And as if his words hadn't been enough to hurt him, Oikawa was looking him directly in the eyes while taking the necklace he was wearing and ripping it off. The thin silver string slid to the ground, and the ring it had been holding followed with a clank and landed right at Tobio's feet. There was no way to misinterpret this gesture.

Oikawa just turned around and started to walk away, slowly, as if he was completely unfazed by all that had just happened, as if he hadn't just shattered everything they had by simply opening his mouth, as if he hadn't just left Kageyama behind to pick up the pieces of what had almost felt like happiness, maybe even like _love_.


	102. [102]

Kageyama jerked when he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder and turned around to see who had approached him.

"Kageyama, are you alright?" his captain asked and looked at him worriedly, "Why did you talk to this guy? What did he want from you?"

Now that Tobio had snapped back to reality, he immediately bent down and picked up the ring as well as the torn necklace. There was a faint blush spreading on his cheeks as he wondered for how long he had already been standing in the same spot, awkwardly looking off into the distance.

"Could you hold this for a moment, please?" he asked politely, voice unexpectedly firm, and gave the other what he had just gathered from the floor. 

"What happened, Tobio-kun?" Yachi said when she suddenly appeared on his other side, but he ignored her question as well. 

While he was fiddling with the clasp of his own necklace, their captain eyed the ring in his hands in confusion. "This is a wedding ring," he stated after a while and rolled it between his fingers to read the engraving, " _Bigger than the both of us - Kageyama Tobio._ "

There was a short moment until it dawned on him, and he looked at Kageyama in complete bewilderment. "Holy shit, wait, does that mean..? Does that mean you're married to _him_?!"

" _'Bigger than the both of us'_ , what's that even supposed to mean?" Hinata asked, who had joined them in the meantime as well, "And what's engraved into your ring? You never showed us!"

Kageyama shook his head and laughed bitterly while taking off his necklace. "This really isn't anything you need to know," he said and reached for Oikawa's ring to thread it on his own string as well in order to not lose it.

"Oh, I bet it's something really embarrassing and cheesy!" Hinata said teasingly and grinned at him. 

"Actually," Kageyama started dead serious, "It's pretty accurate and none of you business."

There was a moment of silence in which the others seemed to finally fully comprehend the gravity of the situation. Yachi put her hand on Kageyama's arm to comfort him, and Hinata quieted down for now as well. They all looked pretty helpless while Kageyama just stared at the two rings lying on the palm of his hand.

"Did he.. did he throw his ring at you?" their captain eventually asked after awkwardly having cleared his throat at least three times. 

Kageyama clenched his fist until his knuckles started to turn white at that and bit his bottom lip. He had swallowed all the anger and hurt successfully, but now that he was hearing it from somebody else, he felt everything well up again.

Replaying the situation in his head wasn't even what eventually made him break down and cry, though; it was the thought that he finally needed to accept that this was a lost cause, no matter how hard he tried. 

It felt like the rings in his hand were mocking him, jeeringly laughing at him, because they had known all along, and he should've too.

_'As good as it gets - Oikawa Tooru'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for ripping your hearts out, but his is the moment where you have to go and listen to "Lover Dearest" by Marianas Trench. That's the song that inspired this fic and gave it its tilte. Even if you're not going to listen to it, you should take a look at the lyrics...... you might understand some things, get some hints, you know, I like dropping hints a lot... :P


	103. [103]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of updates these past days! Maybe you've already seen it on my Twitter, but I realised that I've made a mistake in planning the next chapters of this fic, so I needed to think hard and plan the plot again differently, and that took me a bit. I think I've got everything figured out now, so updates should continue as usually! 
> 
> I'm still answering all your comments and messages, and by now, I seriously wonder if I'll ever be done with it, but I'm on it. Also, thanks again to those who told me about their favourite scene from this fic! In case you care, the most votes had the scene where Oikawa lost his wedding ring and tied on the second place were their wedding day, their first wedding anniversary, and the talk right before the funeral. 
> 
> And last but not least, I drew an OiKage picture ^_^ [[Tumblr](http://kagejamas.tumblr.com/post/152124837694/some-fluffy-oikage-x-please-do-not-repostedit) | [Twitter](https://twitter.com/eleasofiaa/status/789551023400574976) | [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BL1jRzTD70f/?taken-by=eleasofiaa&hl=en)]

When Kageyama came home, Oikawa wasn't there anymore. He had heedlessly thrown his sports bag into a corner and not even bothered to unpack it. It was obvious that he had just stopped by to get some fresh clothes and immediately left again, but Kageyama had hoped to see him nevertheless. However, the message was clearer than ever.

But he wasn't the one who had done something wrong, so he definitely wouldn't make the first step towards him by calling or texting. By having tried to talk to him immediately after the game, he had shown that he cared; hell, he had even _explicitly said_ that he cared. And unfortunately, he couldn't deny that he cared, but maybe he could try to forget about it for a while. 

Firstly, he took a long and hot shower and when he came out of the bathroom, he already felt a bit better again. His eyes still felt a little weird, but they weren't all that puffy and red anymore. Leisurely, he walked towards the kitchen and poured himself a glass of milk. While he sat on the counter, he thought about how nice it was to be the one at home this time, and not the one that had to run away and stay somewhere else. 

He was surprised when his phone suddenly beeped, since he had totally forgotten that he had turned off the silent mode. His first thought was that it must be a message from Oikawa, but all he saw were a few unread texts from his youth national team group chat. They were talking about when and where they were going to meet up, and who was going to bring what, which made him realise, that today was a party and he was invited too.

Kageyama hadn't promised to come in the first place, so it wouldn't be rude to decline, and he considered it for a moment, but then he remembered that he had planned on forgetting that he cared and sitting alone at home on a Friday night would probably do him no good. He sent a quick text letting the others know that he was going to come as well; going to a party and seeing his friends would probably be a nice distraction after all.

After having finished his glass of milk, he headed to their bedroom and opened the wardrobe. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to dress, but it was a house party at the apartment Ushijima, Sakusa and Komori shared, so the guests would probably mostly be athletes as well, and no one would judge him if he'd just show up in sports wear.

However, he somehow felt like dressing nicely, and eventually decided on a black pair of jeans and a dark blue button-down shirt, which was matching the colour of his eyes. He didn't have a nice watch or another fancy accessory to add to his outfit like Oikawa always did when he was going out, but he probably looked better than all the last times he had gone to some sort of social gathering. 

Satisfied, he left the house after putting on a jacket and taking his keys, phone and wallet with him. The door shut close behind him, and he realised that it actually felt really good to just do whatever he wanted without telling anybody where he was going and when he would be back.


	104. [104]

"What's that?" Kageyama asked as he watched Komori pour cola into a glass that was already filled with a little bit of clear liquid. 

"That's just cola and vodka," the other replied, "Do you want to try it?"

He handed him the glass without waiting for a response, and Kageyama eyed the drink suspiciously. "Is that tasty?"

"Well, it's a little bitter compared to just cola, but it doesn't taste bad in my opinion," Komori replied and shrugged his shoulder.

Kageyama wasn't really convinced, but he took a cautious sip nevertheless. However, he immediately grimaced in disgust as he could taste the alcohol, and Komori took the glass back from his hands. Miya, who had been watching the scene and poured himself a drink in the meantime as well, laughed at Kageyama and earned himself an angry glare with that. 

"So you don't like it, huh?" he asked, still chuckling a little. 

"That tastes like shit," Kageyama mumbled with a pout, "Is there anything else I could drink?"

Miya arched his eyebrows at that. "By anything else.. do you mean something non-alcoholic or something _alcoholic_?"

The way his friends were looking at him in anticipation was making Kageyama nervous. Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to ask after all.

"Did something happen?" Ushijima suddenly asked, and Kageyama jerked a little in surprise, since he was standing with his back to the kitchen door and hadn't heard the other enter the room, "You usually don't drink."

"I haven't even answered yet," he responded defensively, a little caught off guard by the blunt question.

"It was pretty obvious what you were going to say," Komori said, and Miya nodded as well. 

Kageyama knew that he should just answer honestly. If he wouldn't, the others would bug him about it for the rest of the night, and like that it would be impossible for him to forget about the whole thing. "I had a game today," he said eventually. 

Ushijima nodded. "I know, and you won, didn't you?"

"You don't really look like you want to celebrate something, though," Komori stated.

"Doesn't he always look like this," Miya remarked with a grin, but immediately became serious again when he noticed that the others weren't in the mood for jokes. 

"We played against Oikawa's team," Kageyama explained further, and his friends seemed to understand immediately.

"And now he's angry at you? Did you have a fight?" Ushijima asked at that.

This time, it was Kageyama who nodded. But he didn't want to explain things, so he had no idea what to say. Probably, he wouldn't even be able to tell them about it without revealing that their marriage had been an arrangement, and right now, he didn't want to be comforted and pitied; all he wanted was to have a good time.

"Actually, I just want to forget about this for a while," he said eventually.

"I think we still have some liquor somewhere. You can mix it with juice; that tastes sweeter," Komori suggested after a short moment of silence.

Kageyama was thankful that the others didn't ask any further questions, but he knew that they wondered. And he could see in their eyes that they felt sorry for him nevertheless.


	105. [105]

Kageyama was sitting together with his friends and simply listened to their conversation. He was comfortable like this; no one ever bugged him about not being talkative enough. Usually, he felt out of place at all kinds of social gatherings, as long as they didn't have anything to do with volleyball at least, but here he had found a group of people who made him feel like he belonged. 

For once, he wasn't the quietest or the bluntest or the weirdest. Ushijima was definitely even more straightforward than he himself, and Sakusa was oddly scared of coming in contact with germs and always looked so annoyed that no one even seemed to realise Kageyama's own awkwardness. And besides that, the rest of their little group was way too flashy and totally stealing the show anyway. So Kageyama didn't even mind that there were some other people, which he only knew briefly or didn't knew at all, at the party as well.

He took another sip from his drink. It didn't taste as bad as the mix of vodka and cola he had tried earlier, but he didn't really like it either. It was still a little too bitter, so he couldn't drink slowly and enjoy it but neither down it with a few large gulps. However, when he was about to finish his second glass, he didn't really mind the taste anymore, and a pleasant warmth started to spread in his body. 

The moment after, he found himself laughing together with the others at Hoshiumi, who was trying to catch some kind of candy with his mouth and failed miserably at it. Somehow everything felt a little differently to him; being with his friends suddenly was even easier and felt more naturally. He noticed that Ushijima was giving him a weird look, but he didn't dwell on it too much. 

When the doorbell rung, Hoshiumi was the first one to jump to his feet and practically sprint towards it. The others followed him, so Kageyama got up as well, but instinctively grabbed Miya's arm for support when he felt his head spin. 

"Are you okay?" the other asked and perked up his eyebrows.

Although Kageyama knew that this situation should be awkward and that he'd usually be embarrassed, he nodded as if nothing had happened. "I felt a little dizzy for a moment," he said and gave Miya a crooked smile.

Kageyama didn’t get an answer, but couldn't really interpret the look on his face either. At least until he suddenly noticed that he was still clinging to Miya’s arm. Immediately, he let got of him, which made Miya laugh, but once again, Kageyama didn't really feel awkward or embarrassed, and it made him laugh as well. In a way, it felt like he was observing himself without being in control of his body, and it was like watching someone completely foreign to him. 

Miya shook his head, a smirk still on his lips. "Who would've thought that two drinks would make you this drunk?"

"I'm- I'm not drunk!" Kageyama protested unconvincingly. 

"Of course you're not," Miya replied a little mockingly and started to walk towards the door, "Come on, let’s join the others!"

It wasn't like Kageyama didn't notice that Miya was low-key making fun of him, it was more that he didn't care. He felt good, and confident, and comfortable, and there was a wide grin on his lips that probably looked pretty creepy, but he didn't care about that either. So he left the room as well to see who had newly arrived at the party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, for the delay once again :| I have no idea why it was soooooo hard for me to write this chapter, but I finally finished it.. Oh and, Happy Halloween! :D


	106. [106]

Kageyama usually didn't care about most people, especially not about people at parties. However, right now, he was really excited to see who had arrived. However, since all of his friends were standing in the hallway, his view was blocked, and only when Miya stepped aside, he could finally see. Actually, at the moment, _everything_ was extremely exciting to him, so without thinking about it, he flung his arms around Chigaya's neck. His friend hadn't been prepared for that, so both of them stumbled a little bit backwards, but after the first shock, Chigaya returned the hug.

"How much did you give him to drink?" he asked then as if Kageyama wasn't even there. 

"Miya," Ushijima said firmly and shot him an angry glance.

"I wasn't trying to make him drunk," Miya said in his defence, "He only had two drinks. I didn’t know that it would be too much!"

Kageyama wasn't quite sure what he had thought about until just now, but eventually he realised that his friends were talking about him. So he broke away from the long hug and turned around to face the others.

"What's wrong?" he asked genuinely confused, "I'm fine."

"Everything's okay as long as you're feeling good, but your behaviour is a little.. weird," Chigaya said, smiling friendly nevertheless.

"Well, actually, isn't it kind of _normal_?" Komori asked with a grin.

The others laughed at that, and Kageyama furrowed his brows because he didn't understand the joke. Since he was still thinking about the meaning behind Komori's words, he didn't notice that some of the other former Shiratorizawa players were approaching their little group.

"Tobio-chaaaaan~" someone suddenly said, and Kageyama was startled by the nickname that nobody except for Oikawa used for him, and turned around.

"Here's a call for you," Tendou said with a smirk and gave him his phone, "It's cute how you're still on first-name basis, even now that we're already adults. I wish I had a Senpai who loves me this much."

"Is this Oikawa?" Ushijima asked before Kageyama could even process what he had just heard.

When the other nodded, Ushijima immediately tried to take the phone away from him, but with a graceful twist, Tendou dodged and handed it over to Kageyama, who was still a little perplexed. For a moment, he just stared at the display and tried to understand the situation. His mind surely felt slower than usually, and he barely realised how his friends explained the situation to Tendou, and how Ushijima lectured him for not handing the call over to him instead.

He absolutely couldn't concentrate like that. The others were too busy talking anyway, so they didn't even notice when he sneaked away and sat down on the floor somewhere quiet and dark. Now that he was alone, he took in a deep breath before finally raising his phone to his ear.

"Oikawa?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's cute how y'all thought that Oikawa would show up at the party... as if I'd make something that obvious happen hehe :P


	107. [107]

"Seriously, I knew that you were stupid, but who the hell just leaves their phone somewhere where other people can answer it?!" Oikawa said, and Kageyama immediately realised that this wasn't going to be a friendly conversation.

"What do you want from me?" he replied warily and tried to brace himself for the worst. 

"And do you know that there is such a thing as securing your phone?!" Oikawa continued angrily, completely disregarding Kageyama's question, "You can use a pattern, a PIN, a password, hell, even your fingerprints!"

"Did you call me just to be rude or what?" Kageyama responded bluntly, maybe even bravely, considering how mad Oikawa already was.

"No, I called you to ask if you were home," Oikawa actually answered, "But apparently you're not, unless you're throwing a party at our place at least."

"And why would you ask that? Did you want to come home and apologise to me?" Kageyama asked mockingly.

Oikawa laughed derisively. "As if! I wanted to make sure that I can stop by and get some more of my things without having to see your face. I've already had enough of it."

"And how long is this going to last this time?" Kageyama asked with a sigh.

It was weird, but he wasn't even all that bothered by it anymore. Of course, he didn't feel great, but this wasn't new to him. And it was probably also because of the alcohol; it made him speak faster than he could think, and right now he couldn't take Oikawa seriously at all.

"What?" Oikawa replied a little caught off guard.

"I mean, when are you going to come crawling back to me, begging on your knees for forgiveness, just like you always do after you throw a tantrum like that," Kageyama explained baldly.

"What?!" Oikawa repeated himself, "I think you misunderstood something here. I broke up with you. I'm going to get my things and stay somewhere else. I'm leaving. It's over, _once and for all_. You can do whatever the fuck you want, but just stop bothering me, okay?"

This time it was Kageyama who laughed. "This is ridiculous. _You_ were the one who called me just now, remember?" he said, and the next thing he heard wasn't Oikawa's voice, but the sound that signalled that the call had been ended.

For a moment, Kageyama stared at his phone and tried to process what had just happened. He knew somewhere deep down that he should be devastated because he couldn't deny that this felt different than Oikawa's usual mood swings and angry outbursts, but his head was mostly empty.

It didn't take long until his phone rang again, though, and Oikawa's name appeared on the display once more. Kageyama was well aware that he shouldn't answer the call, turn off his phone, enjoy the party, and just ignore Oikawa like he had done the last time they had fought like this. Sooner or later he was going to come back anyway, and he could simply wait for that. However, he somehow felt confrontational.

"What is it now?" he said as a greeting and made sure to sound as annoyed as possible.

"When will you be home?" Oikawa asked coldly.

"Oho, already changed your mind?" Tobio replied sneeringly.

"You wish, huh, Tobio-chan? But just as I already said, I don't want to see you. And it's my good right to ask; after all, I'm your-" Oikawa said but suddenly stopped.

"Hm? You're my what?" Kageyama asked provokingly.

"Your flatmate," he responded after a short moment of silence, "I'm your flatmate."

Kageyama couldn't help but literally burst out into laughter at that. "We are _flatmates_ now? Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Can you just answer a question for once?!" Oikawa snapped angrily, and Kageyama knew that his patience was already wearing really thin.

"Can I?" he asked rhetorically and pretended to be thinking, "Maybe. But I'm not going to, because it's none of your business anyway."

"Oh my god, since when are you so full of yourself?! Did your little victory get to your head?" Oikawa replied completely bewildered, and Kageyama could see in his mind's eye how he was running his fingers through his hair in annoyance, "Just tell me where you are, and when you're going to be back. _Now_."

"Just as I already said, it's none of your business."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is 50k words long now, yay! Thank you so much for your support! <3


	108. [108]

"At least tell me who answered the phone earlier!" Oikawa continued, by this time pretty frustrated, "He seemed to know me, but I don't know who he is."

"Ah, you didn't recognise him?" Kageyama replied, feigning to be surprised, "Do you remember that red-haired guy at Shiratorizawa? The one who is a close friend of Ushijima-san and pretty good at guess-blocking?"

"Oh wow, so that's the kind of people you're hanging out with now? I thought you might be out celebrating with your team, but no. I didn't know the _king_ was back and doesn't want to spend time with ordinary people anymore. Sorry that I'm not good enough for you," Oikawa said and suddenly sounded bitter and spiteful instead of just mad.

Kageyama had consciously tried to rile Oikawa up to the point where he'd lose his composure just for the fun of it, but all of a sudden, the conversation had changed from one of their stupid superficial arguments to getting to the bottom of their relationship problems, and that definitely hadn't been his intention. Although it had meant to be just a hurtful remark, even his drunk self noticed that there was way more to it.

"Yes, you are not good enough for me," Tobio replied nevertheless and in all seriousness, "And right now I'm spending time with people who treat me with the respect I deserve."

"I also treat you with the respect I think you deserve, so where's your problem?" Oikawa responded nastily. 

"And what did I do to make you think that I basically don't deserve any respect at all?!" Kageyama said suddenly way more emotionally than he had planned on and felt that this whole issue was getting more to him than he had thought in the first place.

The situation was spinning out of control, and Kageyama was talking without a filter, saying things he probably should keep to himself. This wasn't leading anywhere, especially since Oikawa had been in the mood to hurt him right from the beginning. But maybe he needed to hear it, so that he could finally let go. And maybe he needed to _say_ it, too.

"You've always been a cheeky little brat; just my naive, stupid, cocky, annoying, simple-minded junior. And it's unfair that someone like you is blessed with so much talent; it's seriously such a waste. Ever since I met you, you've been nothing but a nuisance. So to answer your question, your mere existence is already enough to piss me off. It's not only that _I_ would be better off without you, _the whole world_ would be."

Briefly, Kageyama considered if he should give Oikawa the chance to take it back, but the impulse to fire back was stronger, and he still felt how the alcohol was clouding his mind. He knew that Oikawa was furious, and that he had provoked him too much, but his rational thinking was simply unavailable at the moment. Or maybe he just wanted to be mean, impulsive, and ruthless as well for once.

"Wow," Kageyama said, his voice shaking, "You know what? I once thought that you were amazing, but now that I've gotten to know you, I regret wasting my time on you. I wondered why you were always hiding behind some facade, but seriously, you should be happy that you're this good at playing pretend. I don't think I've ever met anyone else with such a disgusting personality. You're a nothing. The people who don't get to know you won't remember you because you're just another pretty face, and the people who do will try to forget about you and your nasty attitude as fast as possible. God, I feel so sorry for all those who have to deal with you for more than a few minutes. Nobody likes you, not even your friends. I'm pretty sure even Iwaizumi-san is just sticking with you because your parents are friends, and because he pities you. You're going to lead a miserable life and die alone, and it serves you right. You might think that I'm upset because you decided to leave me, but I'm not. The only thing that upsets me right now is that I didn't dump your sorry ass months ago. I should've-"

Nearing the end of his little monologue, he felt a lump forming in his throat and how the tears were welling up, but they stayed unshed until his phone was suddenly taken away from him. Instinctively, he tried to get it back, but he was held in place. The moment he realised that he was surrounded by his friends, who were trying to comfort him, he eventually burst out crying.


	109. [109]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry for the lack of updates recently. I've been stressed and not feeling very well, but at least I've done a lot of planning for this story in the meantime. I'm actually quite scared that I won't be able to give this story the end it deserves, which is probably one reason why I didn't feel like I could continue writing. But I'll just force myself through this and hope it won't be disappointing for you.
> 
> Also, if you're interested in joining an OiKageOi Group Chat, you can find more information [here](http://kagejamas.tumblr.com/post/153312397889/hello-my-fellow-oikagekageoi-shippers-i-had-the)! ❤

"Oikawa?" Ushijima said firmly into the phone as he left for a quieter place.

"What?" Oikawa replied, apparently pretty caught off guard, "Ushiwaka-chan?!"

Ushijima frowned at that. "Can you please stop calling me that?" he asked calmly and politely nevertheless.

"Give the phone back to Tobio!" Oikawa demanded neither calmly nor politely. 

"No, you are not going to talk to Kageyama anymore today. He is drunk, and I won't let him say more things he will regret."

"And who are you to decide this?!" Oikawa said spitefully, "I hope you didn't forget that I'm _his husband_ , and you better hand him back his phone right now or.."

"Or what?" Ushijima said bluntly, and when Oikawa didn't answer for a while, it was clear that there wasn't even an idle threat he could utter.

"Why do you even care about this?! Mind your goddamn own business!" Oikawa snapped at him eventually, at a loss for a better response.

"He is my friend," Ushijima replied matter-of-factly, "And I don't want anybody to make him upset."

Oikawa's laugh at that was high-pitched and sounded pretty exasperated. "Aww, that's cute, but he is an adult and doesn't need someone to baby him, and I doubt he asked you for it."

"Of course he doesn't," Ushijima replied with furrowed brows, unsure of what else to reply to this.

Fortunately, at that moment, Komori came looking for him and took over the phone when he realised that things weren't going very well.

"Hey," he started casually, "I don't think we've ever met in person, but from the few things I've heard about you, you seem to be pretty awful. I advise you to not contact Kageyama again tonight, or let's rather say, preferably never."

With that being said, he lowered the phone and simply hung up on Oikawa. " _This_ is how you handle things like that," he said, facing Ushijima.

"That was cruel."

"That was _necessary_ ," Komori replied, "You know what he has done and said. In the end, it's none of our business, but we let Kageyama get drunk, so tonight we need to at least protect him from himself."

"Don't you think this just now made things worse?" Ushijima asked incredulously.

Komori shook his head and turned around to go back to the others. "There is no way you can properly talk to unreasonable people like him. Nothing good will ever come of it."


	110. [110]

Completely disregarding the fact that Kageyama actually never seemed to be big on a lot of physical contact, Chigaya sat down next to him and hugged him tightly. And just as expected, drunk Kageyama was way more touchy-feely than sober Kageyama, and gratefully leaned against him.

Miya sat down on the other side of him and started to caress his back, and even Sakusa joined their little circle. He still kept his distance and did nothing more than comfortingly placing a hand on Kageyama's leg, but it was probably the most intimate and affectionate gesture one could receive from him. 

After a while, Kageyama mostly stopped sobbing into Chigaya's shoulder, and Miya decided to break the silence. "You really look like you could need another drink."

"To me he looks more like he needs a lot of ice cream and some distraction," Chigaya remarked. 

"We could go to my room and watch a movie, and I also have some old match recordings," Sakusa supposed to Kageyama.

Suddenly, there was laughter, and when they turned around, Ushijima and Komori came back into the room.

"Aren't you only trying to escape the party, Sakusa?" Komori asked teasingly.

"So what?" Sakusa mumbled and frowned deeply, which made his friend only laugh even more.

In the meantime, Kageyama had mostly pulled himself together again, and was rubbing his eyes, trying to wipe away the last remains of his tears. His eyes were red and puffy, and he looked really miserable, but he gave his friends a wobbly smile.

"All of that sounds good," he said faintly, "But I'm also really tired. Maybe I should just go home."

"Do you really think this is a good idea?" Ushijima asked doubtingly.

"Yeah," Chigaya added to that, "I'm pretty sure you could just stay here for the night."

Kageyama slowly shook his head. "I just want to go home."

"You're too drunk, we can't let you go like this," Ushijima objected immediately. 

"I can take him home," Miya offered, and Kageyama didn't notice how his friends weren't as happy about that suggestion as he was himself.

"I don't really think this is a good idea either," Ushijima voiced bluntly what all of them had been thinking and earned himself a nasty look from Miya.

"Oh, don't worry! I've already sobered up quite a bit, and I didn't plan on staying much longer here anyway," he replied cheerfully and gave them his fakest smile.

Komori had already opened his mouth to protest when Kageyama suddenly spoke for himself. "That'd be really nice. Thank you, Miya-san," he said genuinely grateful.

The others just exchanged a few more concerned glances before all of them opted for staying quiet and hoping things would go well. 


	111. [111]

The train ride back home to Kageyama's place was quiet. There were still some people on the streets despite the ungodly hour, but this was Tokyo after all. The nights had already started to get colder again, so most people were just trying to get to their destination as quickly as possible, and the rest was simply too busy with themselves to really pay attention to them.

Kageyama had leaned his head against Miya's shoulder and was staring out of the window into the darkness. It was still visible that he had just cried, and he looked terribly exhausted, but in a strange way also very at peace with himself and the world.

The silence between them hadn't been awkward, at least not until they reached the doorstep to the apartment complex Kageyama was living in. For a while, Kageyama just stared blankly at Miya, and Miya stared back, unsure of what would be appropriate to say and what wouldn't.

However, before either of them could say anything, the door behind them flew open. Too lost in the moment, neither of them had heard the footsteps, and both of them jerked in surprise and abruptly turned around to face the intruder. 

The first of the three who was able to react was Kageyama. He simply turned around to look at the wall behind him. Of course, he knew that it looked pretty stupid and came off as childish, but he really didn't want Oikawa to have the chance to delight in how miserable and tear-stained he looked. At least it was a powerful demonstration of how determined he was to ignore him.

Oikawa huffed angrily, shouldered his bag, which seemed to be quite heavy, and just walked past them. Miya reacted a few seconds later, but immediately went after him and grabbed his arm to hold him back.

"Let go of me!" Oikawa spat angrily and yanked his arm away. 

Miya lifted his hands up conciliatorily. "Woah, chill buddy, I just want to talk to you."

"I am _not_ your buddy, and I do _not_ want to talk to you, so if you'll excuse me now," Oikawa replied derisively and turned around once more to leave.

"You know, it's not what it looks like," Miya almost shouted after him and made Oikawa stop in his tracks again.

"Oh god, are you for real?!" he asked and laughed bitterly, "Please spare me the explanation and just go and.. do your thing."

"I know that you're jealous," Miya continued unwaveringly, "And I'm not trying to make things between you two even worse, so if you tell me to back off, I will."

"You know nothing," Oikawa said disdainfully and shook his head, "Please, just do as you like, it's not like I care. He's all yours."

He turned around to walk away once more, but this time, Miya didn't stop him anymore and just watched him leave. When Oikawa was out of sight, and it was obvious that he wouldn't come back anymore, Miya went back to Kageyama, who was still standing in the same spot, staring at the wall. 

"I'm sorry," Miya whispered, unsure of what else to say, but Kageyama just shook his head.

Since he couldn't see his face, he didn't know whether this meant that Kageyama refused to accept his apology, or that he didn't need to be sorry. In hopes that it was the latter, he mustered up the courage to speak again.

"Do you.. want me to bring you upstairs?"

"Yes," Kageyama replied barely audible, but it was an immediate reassurance. 

"And.. do you want me to stay the night?" Miya dared to ask bluntly.

For a moment, he thought that he shouldn't have said that after all, but then Kageyama slowly turned around to face him, and gave him a small nod.


	112. [112]

"But things between you two will be okay again, right?" Miya asked and looked Kageyama, who was lying next to him, directly in the eyes.

Kageyama huffed at that, turned to lie on his back instead and stared at the ceiling. "What makes you think that?"

"Well, this isn't the first time that you had a fight, which escalated a little," Miya explained.

"Seriously? This is what you call _a little_?" Kageyama replied perplexed, "I think it's different this time."

There was a moment of silence between them until Kageyama's phone, which was lying on the nightstand, buzzed a few times, indicating new text messages.

"Shouldn't you read them?" Miya asked when Kageyama didn't show the slightest inclination to check his phone.

"It's probably _him_ , and I don't want to deal with this right now," Kageyama responded and closed his eyes.

"Then at least open the messages, so that he sees that you've read them and waits for your reply," Miya suggested at that.

Kageyama chuckled a little. "That's incredibly petty."

"Well, right now is the time to be petty, Tobio-kun," Miya replied with a grin, and Kageyama eventually rolled over and grabbed his phone.

Indeed, the messages were from Oikawa, and after he had unlocked the phone and opened the app, he saw that he had sent a video accompanied by a few very ironically sounding texts about how he should enjoy his night, and that Oikawa would be doing the same. Immediately, he had a very bad feeling about this and somehow knew that this was going to be gut-wrenching.

"What is it?" Miya asked when he noticed that Kageyama had basically frozen in place.

He closed up on Kageyama until he was able to look at the phone's display as well. After another moment of hesitation, Kageyama finally tapped the video, so that the file would load and play. 

* * *

_Oikawa appeared on the screen and next to him sat a girl. They seemed to be at a bar or a club; there was a loud background noise and the place was dimly lit._

_"So, would you please tell us which day is today?" Oikawa asked sickeningly sweet._

_The girl looked at him in confusion for a moment and then a bit insecurely at the camera, but did as she was told nevertheless. She was pretty, had long black hair and big dark eyes, but the way she was talking was so fake and cutesy it made Kageyama cringe._

_"Hm, very good, and now tell us, what's your name, darling?'"Oikawa continued, smiling brightly and being visibly successful at charming her._

_"I'm Yuko," she said with a shy blush and snickered a little, "But why.. why are you recording all this?"_

_"Oh, this is for my fans. I need something to upload on Instagram, so that the whole world can know about this beautiful girl I'm going to kiss right now," he replied smoothly and winked._

_"K-kiss?" was all that Yuko was able to stutter before Oikawa smashed their lips together and ended the video shortly after._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is it that breaks with a crickety-crack? You heart, of course! ~


	113. [113]

There was a long silence. Neither Kageyama nor Miya was able to show a reaction to what they had just seen. At first, Kageyama felt just empty, but after a while he realised that this wasn't just the shock, that this wasn't going to _change_.

His feelings had already been a mess, but now he had definitely reached the point at which he just started to feel numb. He knew that he should've been incredibly hurt and devastated, but oddly, neither new nor stronger emotions had mixed in with all the frustration that had already been there since their fight at the gym. 

Of course it hurt, and of course he was _shocked_ , but he somehow wasn't really _surprised_. It felt like he had known that this would happen one day all along; like it had been inevitable anyway, and he had just managed to drag everything out until now. The thought that there was no way this could ever be fixed again came to his mind, and he realised that maybe he didn't even want it to. 

Several minutes must've had passed, since Kageyama's phone screen simply went back to black. Finally, Miya decided to break free from their state of shock, took the mobile away from Kageyama's hands, and pulled him into a tight hug. 

"I'm so sorry," he whispered but didn't receive an answer. 

"What are you going to do now?" he added after a while, "Do you plan on.. paying him back?"

Kageyama immediately freed himself from the embrace and created some distance between them, so that they could look directly at each other.

"No, that's not going to make anything better," he said firmly, maybe almost angrily, "But I don't see any reason why the fact that I'm married to _him_ should stop me from doing things I want to do anymore."

Miya was still looking at him with what could be concern but also insecurity, and it almost made Kageyama laugh to see him like this. He knew all too well that deep down people like him or Oikawa weren't even nearly as confident and smooth as they pretended to be. The surprise in Miya's eyes when Kageyama smiled at him was even more satisfying. 

"So, are we going to kiss now, or what?" he asked bluntly.

"What?" Miya replied completely caught off guard. 

"That's what you wanted, isn't it?" Kageyama explained, probably a little too confident for his own good.

"I don't want you to do anything you might regret, so I don't know if we really-"

"The only reason why I could regret this is if it would change things between us," Kageyama interrupted him, and Miya, once again, looked at him perplexed.

"Between _us_?!" he asked in confusion. 

"Yeah," Kageyama said casually, "This is probably not going to happen again, and I don't want things between us to be awkward afterwards. I like spending time with you and the others."

Miya laughed a little at that. "Don't worry, I didn't expect you to already be looking for you next husband."

"Even if, I would never choose you," Kageyama retorted, "You're just like him. You talk way too much and say a lot of shitty things."

Miya had already opened his mouth again to protest, but Kageyama didn't want them to continue this awful conversation any longer. Right now was neither the time to talk nor to think, so he decided to take the initiative and shut him up by finally meeting his lips with his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Kageyama is still pretty drunk and no, I'm not going to explicitly write out the whole MiyaKage kissing scene because this is still an OiKage fic. There'll only be what's necessary for the plot, so mostly dialogue and thoughts. And if you were hoping for a full MiyaKage kissing scene, I'll definitely write more MiyaKage in the future but just not as a part of this AU :D


	114. [114]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delayed update! I hope you enjoy nevertheless ~

Kageyama couldn't really tell whether kissing Miya was better than kissing Oikawa or not. It was just _different_. Miya's body was warm, especially where skin pressed against skin, and he could still taste the lingering flavour of alcohol in his mouth. His smell was nice and Kageyama liked the way he was being pressed into the mattress. There was a hand in his hair, firmly holding him in place, but not pulling hard enough to actually hurt him, and fingers running up and down his sides and stomach, making his flesh crawl, but in a good way.

He clearly enjoyed it, but it was exactly what he had expected to happen should he one day get involved with Miya after all; no more, no less. And maybe it was because he was still a bit tipsy and also very exhausted, but he didn't feel warm and fuzzy like he usually would, and also not like actually doing _anything_. He was simply lying on his back, his arms loosely wrapped about Miya's torso, and letting himself being kissed. 

A part of him wanted to pull the other closer, but he knew that the lack of intimacy and familiarity between them couldn't be compensated by physical closeness. And while he definitely thought that Miya was nice and attractive, that was just about all that he was to him. There was no connection, no bond, no emotions. He got lost in the moment, but instead of being found, he was alone with his thoughts. He didn't feel anything; or maybe like crying. 

When Miya's fingers slid beneath the hem of his boxer shorts, he instinctively grabbed both his wrists to hold him back. His reaction must've been weird and panicky since Miya furrowed his brows and sat up, so that he was straddling him now.

"What's wrong?" he asked, still not removing his hands from where Kageyama was holding them in place.

"Nothing," Kageyama replied with a frown.

"Nothing? What's with this then?" Miya responded slightly irritated and tore his arms away with unnecessary force, throwing his hands up in the air for emphasis.

"I don't want this," Kageyama said calmly.

"So you’re a little goody two-shoes after all," Miya mumbled while turning away and leaving his position on top of Kageyama to sit a bit apart from him instead. 

"What did you say?!" Kageyama replied peevishly and darted a killing glance at him.

"I said that you're oh so goody-goody while your beloved husband is somewhere out there whoring around, screwing some random-" Miya said but was interrupted by a hard slap in the face. 

Kageyama froze in place and stared at his hand. He was shocked at how Miya thought about Oikawa, but more importantly, at how he had lost control and his body had moved completely on its own. An apology would probably advisable, but he felt more like giving vent to his anger and letting Miya know that he shouldn't dare to talk like that about Oikawa ever again. 

"I'm sorry, this wasn't exactly sensitive, I guess," Miya said sheepishly while stroking his hurting cheek.

It took Kageyama by surprise, so the words he wanted to say never left his mouth. Miya didn't seem to be angry at him, or actually maybe even calmer than before.

"No, it wasn't," Kageyama responded grumpily instead, hugging his knees tight to his chest to stop himself from shivering. 

The chilly night air was filling the room and now that he was sitting on the bed and not pressed to the other's warm body anymore, he started to feel cold.


	115. [115]

"I just don't get why you'd be married to a dick like him. I know, things must've been better in the beginning, but-"

"Things haven't been better in the beginning," Kageyama interrupted Miya once again. 

"I understand that you're angry at him right now, but aren't you exaggerating a bit?" Miya tried to reason with him.

It seemed like he was a bit impatient and more mimicking a caring friend than really being one. Kageyama felt stupid for not having noticed that immediately, too distracted by the feeling of actually being wanted. He was definitely starting to sober up, and with the fading of the alcohol's impact on his body, he was mostly left with exhaustion and a mixture between regret and apathy.

"Just because it feels as if things have been bad for a long time already, it doesn't actually mean that they've been. And there must've been a reason why you got married after all!" Miya continued when Kageyama didn't reply to his previous question.

"Well, yeah," Kageyama retorted snappily, "Our parents thought that it'd be a great idea."

"Wait, what?!" Miya responded in bewilderment.

"But whatever, I neither took you home with me to have sex with you nor to pour out my heart to you, so let me spare you the details," Kageyama continued completely unfazed.

Miya's laugh at that was short and piercing. "Woah, what's with this attitude all of a sudden?" he asked with a snort, "And fine, spare me your life story, but what the hell did you think asking me to stay the night would lead to?"

"I didn't ask you to," Kageyama retorted quick like a shot, "And right now, sex is not what I need."

"Oho, and what do you need then?" Miya asked derisively, obviously feeling sore.

"I need comfort and not someone who is just taking advantage of the situation," Kageyama replied coldly.

In the beginning, he had only been angry at himself for being so stupid and falling for such bad advances, but with every word Miya said, he also got pretty angry at him. At this point, it didn't even matter anymore whether Miya cared about him and his feelings at all, because right now, he clearly cared more about himself and his own interests than anything else. 

"So this is what you think of me?! Wow," Miya said completely aghast at Kageyama's words, "Don't try to put the blame on me. I told you that you'd regret it but you insisted-" 

"I simply thought you were different," Kageyama cut him short and slowly scooted away from the other, "But apparently, I have a really bad taste in men."

There was a moment of silence between them. Miya was staring at him in shock while Kageyama got up from the bed and put his shirt back on as well as a dressing gown to warm himself up again. 

"You know where the door is, so feel free to see yourself out," was the last thing Kageyama said before leaving the bedroom and locking himself in the bathroom.


	116. [116]

Kageyama was sitting on the bathroom floor, wrapped up in his dressing gown, listening carefully, and hoping for the front door to close with a loud noise soon, indicating that he was all alone again. Whether he had been squatting in the corner next to the bathtub for one minute or ten, he couldn't tell. He had completely lost track of time and couldn't even remotely say what time it was either.

Instead of a sign that Miya had left, he got a sign that he was still there when he heard a faint knock on the bathroom door and then saw the door handle being pushed down.

"Please open," Miya said, apparently standing outside the room.

His voice was raised a bit, but only so much that he would be heard inside. Besides that, he absolutely didn't sound angry anymore. Kageyama didn't react nevertheless.

"I'm sorry," Miya tried again, "Please open and let me talk to you."

Kageyama felt a bit pathetic for hiding, but he was too exhausted to care about it at the moment. Like always, he hoped that the problem - in this case Miya - would simply go away if he just waited long enough.

"Come on, I'm not going to do anything to you!" Miya said, sounding slightly frustrated by now, "Do you want to have anything? I'll bring you something to drink."

"No! Just go away!" Kageyama practically shouted and immediately regretted that he had actually answered, but the part of him that just wanted this awful day to be over so badly had apparently taken over control.

"Okay, I'm just going to make you hot chocolate," Miya replied awfully cheerful - and awfully a lot like Oikawa would.

Although he didn't know where the energy came from, within seconds Kageyama was on his feet again, unlocked the bathroom door and peeked out.

"I said no!" he repeated again and glared at Miya.

It took him a moment too long to realise that Miya had apparently just hoped for him to open if he pretended to leave his place right in front of it, and within that moment, Miya had gotten his foot in the door and Kageyama had lost his hiding place.

A part of him wanted to protest, but what he wanted far more than that was rest. The effort he would need to put into solving his problem with Miya was a price he didn't want to pay right now, because if he was honest, it didn't really matter if they'd be able to talk this out or not.

This wasn't Oikawa he was talking to, and he wouldn't be facing those problems again, because there would never be an "again" in the first place. There was no reason to waste his time and energy on a relationship that didn't even exist; he should've learned that by now. Miya seemed to be genuinely sorry, and he himself hadn't really been fair either. So if they could just leave it at that, he'd actually be fine with it.

The moment he was hugged and realised that it actually felt nice was when he completely relaxed and accepted his defeat. He didn't find the strength to hug Miya back though, but he figured he didn't have too.

"What are you doing?" he mumbled weakly against Miya's chest, too tired to speak any louder.

"I'm comforting you," Miya replied softly, "That's what you wanted, isn't it? And I'm sorry, I just got angry because-"

"Because you didn't get what you want. I know," Kageyama interrupted him, "Believe me, I'm way more used to this kind of behaviour than I'd like to."

"I guess you were right about your bad taste in men then," Miya responded with a little smile, scooped Kageyama up, and carried him back to the bedroom.


	117. [117]

He was already standing in front of the door for more than half an hour. It was only a few minutes after 6 in the morning, which was definitely way too early to be showing up at a friend's place on the weekend, but it wasn't like he really had a choice.

Of course, he was only hesitantly ringing the bell, already flinching when thinking about the lecture he would receive for it, but he was freezing, he hadn't slept in more than 24 hours, the last time he had eaten was way too long ago as well, and he didn't have anywhere else to go.

"I swear to god, you better have a damn good reason for ringing this early or I will kill you," he heard his friend's voice blare from the intercom.

"Iwa-chan," was all he was able to reply. 

He hated how pathetic and weak he sounded and that no matter how much he had tried to stay composed, he absolutely hadn’t been able to. If he had ever hit rock bottom in his life, it definitely was now.

"Oikawa?" Iwaizumi answered obviously surprised and definitely a lot more awake than just a few moments ago.

He didn't need to give an answer to that since the door was being opened for him. With a sigh, he shouldered his bag anew and started climbing the stairs to get to his friend's flat.

"What the fuck, Shittykawa?" was Iwaizumi's incredibly friendly way of saying good morning, "You look terrible."

"Thanks," Oikawa replied dryly while entering the apartment, "I feel worse than I look."

With a loud thud, he placed his bag on the floor, took his shoes and jacket off, and pretended to not notice that Iwaizumi was staring at him, trying to process what was going on.

"What's this supposed to mean? Oikawa, why are you here?" he asked warily after a while, "What happened?"

Once again, he sighed and rubbed his eyes to try to stay awake. "Will you let me take a shower first? I'll tell you over breakfast," he said with a fake smile, which cost him nearly all his strength.

Iwaizumi nodded mechanically, but kept staring at him wide-eyed. If anything was worse than getting scolded by his friend, it was this genuinely worried reaction, because it meant that he basically was an open book. But it was too late to change that anyway.

Once he had entered the bathroom and locked the door, he quickly took off his clothes, stepped into the shower and turned on the water. It was nice to be surrounded by warmth after being out in the cold for quite a bit. However, a simple shower couldn't make him stop feeling absolutely dirty and gross.


	118. [118]

Oikawa was unenthusiastically chewing on the food Iwaizumi had prepared for him. He knew that he had to be hungry, but his gut ache felt more like it was because of drinking a quite big amount of alcohol on an empty stomach than because of not having eaten in a while. 

Besides that, the food felt somehow tasteless to him, although it theoretically was his favourite. His mouth was too dry to swallow, but he kept staring at his plate and eating slowly just to avoid a conversation; or at least he hoped so.

"Oikawa, tell me what happened," Iwaizumi said firmly.

"Believe me, Iwa-chan, you don't want to know," he responded and still didn't dare to meet his friend's eyes.

"This only makes me want to know all the more."

Oikawa continued to eat and basically ignored the last statement until the plate was being pulled away from him. He made the mistake to look up in surprise, and now that he was actually meeting Iwaizumi’s eyes, he saw that he wasn't only concerned but also angry by now. Oikawa sighed.

"Is a short version okay?"

"How long is the short version?" Iwaizumi asked at that and perked up one eyebrow.

"One sentence?" Oikawa replied, making it sound more like a question than an answer.

"Which one?" Iwaizumi said demandingly. 

Oikawa gritted his teeth before finally answering. "I fucked up."

"How about you tell me something I don't know yet?" Iwaizumi responded with a frown.

"That's mean, Iwa-chan, why do you always think that I'm at fault?" Oikawa said, feigning to be offended, but it was a weak display. 

"Because if it wasn't your fault, you wouldn't be quiet. You would've started complaining the very moment I opened the door for you," Iwaizumi explained matter-of-factly, "Now give me the long version."

"But Iwa-chan-"

"No, Oikawa," he immediately interrupted his whining, "If you come to my place at such an ungodly hour and expect me to let you in and take care of you, you have to tell me why."

The look Iwaizumi was giving him left absolutely no room for any contradiction, so Oikawa sighed again. He felt uncomfortable, being looked at like that, and the words he needed to say absolutely wouldn't leave his mouth. 

"Can't you.. guess?" he asked after a while, his voice coming out weirdly high-pitched in the end.

"It's about Kageyama," Iwaizumi replied quickly like a shot, "You had a fight."

Slowly, Oikawa nodded, "That's not all though."

"Well, tell me the rest then," Iwaizumi said still unexpectedly patient.

"We had another fight," Oikawa continued, "Over the phone."

This time it was Iwaizumi who sighed. "Get to the point."

"He," Oikawa started another sentence, nervously gnawing on his bottom lip, "He cheated on me."

"He _cheated_ on you?!" Iwaizumi asked in bewilderment, "When? How do you know? Is that the reason you had a fight?"

"It was last night, after the fight, or well, I don't know, maybe that wasn't the first time. But he took home another guy, and I met them," Oikawa explained bitterly.

"Okay, wow," Iwaizumi replied still aghast at the news, "That sounds really unlike Kageyama."

"As if you know him well enough," Oikawa snapped angrily but fell silent as soon as Iwaizumi shot him a killing glance.

"So what happened between then and now?" Iwaizumi asked, and Oikawa quickly averted his gaze at that.

The way he was bashfully looking down was already telling since the guilt was written in his face.

"You thought paying him back would be a good idea, am I right?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Iwa-chan knows Oikawa so well ~


	119. [119]

"So you hooked up with some random girl, and you went home with her? And then you sneaked out while she was asleep, like the asshole you are, and came to my place to complain?"

"Don't make it sound this terrible!" Oikawa protested after Iwaizumi's summary of last night's events.

"Besides that you were a jerk to that girl, you literally just cheated on your husband. There is no way I could make this sound as terrible as it is!" Iwaizumi retorted angrily.

"Iwa-chan, that's mean! I did _not_ cheat on him!" Oikawa talked back.

"Ah, you didn't?" Iwaizumi said sarcastically, "Sorry, I didn't know that screwing someone else wasn't considered cheating in your world."

"Of course it is! But you can't cheat on someone you're not in a relationship with!"

Iwaizumi laughed, completely perplexed at Oikawa's statements. "God damn it, you are _married_ to him, Oikawa, _married_!"

"So what?!" Oikawa replied snappily, "That doesn't mean anything. It's not like there has ever been anything more than what it says on the paper between us. And besides that, I literally dumped him a few hours earlier, so I have all the rights in the world to do whatever I want."

"You dumped him?!" Iwaizumi responded even more in shock, "You.. you had a fight, and you dumped him? And when he takes home another guy, it's cheating, but you can do whatever you want?"

"I don't care about him. He can do whatever he wants," Oikawa replied confidently at that.

"You.. you don't care about him?!" Iwaizumi said and shook his head in disbelief, "You're not making any sense at all!"

"Of course I'm making sense!" Oikawa responded, voice raised in annoyance, "It just means I'm finally free. I don't care if my parents will hate me for it, but I can't stand being married to him any longer."

There were a lot of things Iwaizumi could've responded to that; he could've pointed out all of the contradictions between the things Oikawa had just said, how miserable he looked and felt, and how much Kageyama's alleged infidelity bothered him. However, he also knew that Oikawa needed to rest and to sober up, because right now, he was simply useless.

"So, you'd say that you did nothing wrong?" he asked instead of all those other things he could've said. 

Oikawa shook his head, apparently really believing in his innocence.

"Interesting," Iwaizumi replied maybe a tad too mockingly and slowly got up from the kitchen table, "The short version of this was that you fucked up, but now you didn't do anything wrong, huh?"

"Where are you going?" Oikawa asked in surprise and completely disregarded Iwaizumi's previous remark, "Didn't you want to hear the whole story?"

"This is none of your business, and I would want to, but I don't believe a single word you say anyway," Iwaizumi said coldly, and Oikawa gasped audibly that, "You should rest, and maybe I’ll give you another chance to explain this mess later." 

"So does this mean I can sleep on your couch for a while?" Oikawa asked hopefully.

"Yes, but there's one condition."


	120. [120]

"And you're really sure that you're okay with being alone?" Miya asked a tad mockingly but couldn't hide his worry after all.

"Yes, I am fine," Kageyama confirmed once again with a nod, "I just need to rest."

There was a moment of silence between them, and they were just looking at each other. Miya was casually leaning in the door frame, and Kageyama was standing right in front of him, eying him sleepily.

"You know, you can always call me if you need something," Miya offered, now in a more serious tone of voice.

"Thank you, but you know that this isn't going to h-"

"-to happen again?" Miya interrupted him with a sad smile, "I know that. You made your point very clear after all, but it's still frustrating."

"Frustrating?" Kageyama asked genuinely confused at that.

"I really like you, and it's frustrating because you're only 19 and already married, and especially because it was an arrangement. It's honestly such a waste," Miya explained, still smiling, but by now it was almost painful to look at.

"I-I don't know if that helps, but," Kageyama started insecurely and took in a deep breath to calm himself down, "I love him. And I don't mean I fell in love with him sometime during our marriage, but that I've always wanted him, ever since middle school."

It took a moment until Miya was able to fully comprehend what he had just heard. "But.. isn't that a good thing then?"

"That I love him doesn't mean that he wants to be with me or that he'll ever feel the same," Kageyama replied bitterly.

"But he's lucky to have you, and I hope that he'll realise that one day," Miya replied, and even though he sounded sad, it was apparently really heartfelt.

There was one last lingering moment before he gave Kageyama a brief kiss on the cheek and left without turning around again, marking the definite end of whatever there had been between them last night. With a sigh and his head still aching, Kageyama closed the front door and leaned against it, closing his eyes.

Not even a minute later, he was startled by the ringing of the doorbell. He expected Miya to be standing in front of the door when he opened it again, but instead he was suddenly facing Iwaizumi. 

"Please tell me that the guy I just met downstairs isn't the one you took home," he said with one raised eyebrow.

In shock, Kageyama's first impulse was to slam the door in Iwaizumi's face, but the other was faster and literally already had one foot in the door. Besides that Iwaizumi was stronger than him anyway, he didn't want to seriously hurt him, so Kageyama just gave up.

"Did Oikawa-san send you?" he asked with narrowed eyes and looked at Iwaizumi warily.

"No, he didn't send me, and thanks for your hospitality," Iwaizumi replied sarcastically but entered the apartment nevertheless.

"What do you want from me then?" Kageyama continued to ask, still suspicious of the other's intentions.

Iwaizumi sighed heavily. "I really wanted to stay out of this, but I think we seriously need to talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you were dying to know about this one condition all this time... I'm sorry, I guess you'll have to die a little (a lot) more until I'll tell you ~
> 
> Jokes aside, I love y'all and thanks for the amazing feedback, even though I rarely reply at the moment. I read and appreciate every single one of your comments and messages, and I'm incredibly grateful. In case I won't be able to update again soon, I already want to wish you a merry Christmas <3


	121. [121]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, it's announcement time :D
> 
> First of all, I've turned off anonymous commenting for the time being. I'm really sorry for that, and I'm already really sad because I'll probably miss out on a lot of amazing comments from you, but I needed to do that in order to avoid things I really don't want to deal with right now. I'm not feeling well, especially not mentally, and I'm trying to shield myself from everything and everyone who will make me feel even worse. I decided to rest until the end of the year, which means I'll still write if I feel like it, but I'm tired and overwhelmed and I think I need a break from being social. Feel free to contact me nevertheless, though! I might not reply anytime soon, but I appreciate all comments and messages a lot, and it always makes me happy to hear from you guys, no matter what it is about. Especially to those who always comment anonymously, you know my tumblr, twitter and instagram, so feel free to hit me up there, or just create an AO3 account :P
> 
> And besides that, I'll do some kind of (Christmas) giveaway on tumblr soon! I won't tell you what it is just yet (it's not really exciting tbh), but check out my blog in case you're interested. It only makes sense for those who have a tumblr though. 
> 
> Thanks for everything, you're amazing <3

"Stay out of what?" Kageyama asked in confusion.

"Stay out of whatever problems you and Oikawa have," Iwaizumi replied calmly, "I only talked to him about some minor issues now and then because I wanted you two to figure things out on your own, but now everything's escalating, and I can't sit idle and just watch."

"Oh, so you're our new self-proclaimed couple therapist or what?" Kageyama replied snappily.

"No, I'm just Oikawa's best friend," Iwaizumi sighed slightly annoyed, "And I'm just trying to help."

"I’m sorry, but right now there's a million other things I'd rather do than talk to my soon-to-be ex-husband's best friend about our marital problems. And if you're his best friend, why aren't you with him instead of me right now, huh!?" Kageyama retorted.

"I just want to hear your version of what happened yesterday. Oikawa might be my best friend, but I'm pretty sure that he isn't always completely honest with me," Iwaizumi explained, "And as I already said, I usually want to stay out of this, but it’s different this time. You're both absolutely not acting like yourselves anymore, and I won’t just let you destroy each other any further."

"Since when are we destroying each other?" Kageyama asked a little calmer than before, but still quite defensively.

"Ever since you know each other," Iwaizumi replied quickly like a shot, "And this has to end."

The words felt like a punch in the gut to Kageyama, and he suddenly started to feel even more uncomfortable. "And what exactly is that supposed to mean? What did he tell you?"

"That you had a fight, that you cheated on him, and that it's over once and for all," Iwaizumi responded, "And I'm here to confirm this."

"Oh wow," Kageyama replied sarcastically and laughed in disbelief, "He sure has a talent for making himself look like the victim in any situation. And you're here to confirm what? That it's over? That it's all my fault?"

"To confirm that the story he told me is true, but mainly that you're not going to get back together," Iwaizumi admitted.

"You don't have to worry about that. It’s not like I'll forgive him anytime soon; not after he said the most hurtful things he could think of, threw his marriage ring at me, picked another fight with me over the phone, picked a fight with 'the guy I took home', who, by the way, was nothing more than _just a friend_ that brought me home, sent me a video of him kissing some random girl, and all of that within the last 24 hours," Kageyama said bitterly.

For a moment, Iwaizumi just stared at him in bewilderment, but he managed to regain his composure pretty fast. "So it was him who cheated on you and not the other way round? But most importantly, I'm not here to make sure that you won't forgive him _anytime soon_ , I'm here to make sure you'll stay away from him _forever_."

"What?!" Kageyama asked irritated, "You seriously think you can come here uninvited and tell me to stay away from him?! You're not even giving me a reason or an explanation! And I'm afraid you'll have to discuss everything else with Oikawa-san then."

He turned around to leave in order to show that the conversation was already over to him, but Iwaizumi grabbed his arm and held him back. "I already said that it's because you're not good for each other. And I'm asking you to not take him back and stay away from him because I'm not sure if he'll really stay away from you."

"No, you're saying that _I'm_ not good for _him,_ " Kageyama replied indignantly and freed himself from the other's grip, "And I liked it better when you were still staying out of this instead of trying to 'help'!"


	122. [122]

Kageyama let himself fall onto the bed, and even though the way his face made contact with the mattress was quite uncomfortable, he just stayed like this. It was as if all strength had left his body all at once, and there was no way he could even move a finger. At least his heart was still beating, and he was still breathing, although a bit heavily.

He hoped that he would just fall asleep, or preferably even unconscious, because like that he'd not even be able to have bad dreams. It was painfully obvious that he needed a break, especially one from being himself. In a way, it felt as if he had lost himself somewhere along the way, and the moment Iwaizumi had said that he wasn't acting like himself, he had realised exactly that. 

Saying that he wasn't sure if he still liked himself like this would simply be a lie. Yes, he was hurt and still thought that it was his good right to be angry, not only at Oikawa but also at Miya and now at Iwaizumi as well, but that didn't mean he could just take his mood out on others and engage in conduct that was impulsive, aggressive and plain rude. 

Even only briefly thinking back to some of last night's events made him cringe and bury his face even deeper in the mattress. It was one of those moments that made him want to disappear on the spot, leave the country, change his name, and never look back. There was hurt and anger, but also regret and shame, and actually even a tad of sympathy for Oikawa because it felt like he started to understand why he was acting the way he often did.

It took a lot of effort to convince himself that right now was not the moment to make rash decisions and to be impulsive and petty again. He was dying to call Oikawa and just try to make up with him again for the sake of pissing Iwaizumi off, but Kageyama knew that this wasn't what he really wanted, and he was too proud to do that anyway.

He couldn't help but wonder why Iwaizumi had paid him such a strange visit, though. Somehow he had always appeared to be sensitive, reasonable and supportive, and Kageyama doubted that he had just imagined that. There simply had to be some deeper meaning to his words although right now all they seemed to mean to him was that he was bad for Oikawa.

In a way, Iwaizumi was probably right, but considering how much he had tried to make it work while Oikawa had only tried to hurt him, it felt unfair. He didn't want to take the blame for something that wasn't his fault. Of course, he hadn't always made the right decisions, and there had been situations in which he had been mean as well, but he didn't want to feel terrible because he had allowed Oikawa to rile him up too much just once.

Finally, he rolled on his back and took in a deep breath. Things had been difficult from the very beginning, and he knew that he might be better off without Oikawa after all. And even though it hurt, and he didn't want to admit it just yet, he also knew that Oikawa might be better off without him as well. There had been no need for such an ugly ending to this, but in the end, he hadn't managed to draw a line under it without a fight like that. 

Kageyama knew all that, but the bed was still too big for just him, as well as the apartment, and he wondered how life would go on for him now that he had to let go of a dream he had chased ever since middle school. He wondered how life would go on for him now that everything was falling apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, yes, I sure love making the last paragraph of a chapter as melodramatic as possible..


	123. [123]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, happy new year and I hope you all had a nice winter break! I'm sorry for the long lack of updates, but a series of unfortunate events (yes, the reference is intended lol) happened, and after having taken a break from writing over Christmas, I happened to become very ill once again, so I've basically spent all of 2017 in bed feeling miserable so far. 
> 
> I pulled an all-nighter last night, though, and read this whole fic again to remember what I was even writing about and finally continue, so here's finally a new chapter! I don't want to promise anything, but I think I'm now back with (more or less) regular updates. Also, anonymous commenting is turned on again! 
> 
> And I'm so sorry for basically never replying to anything anymore, but I am at a point where I have to acknowledge to myself that I can't handle it. I appreciate every single one of your comments and messages; I read all of them, and they make me incredibly happy! If you have specific questions, I'll do my best to answer them in a kind of timely manner, but as a general reply to all the other stuff: I love you all, thank you so much for reading and taking time out of your day to actually leave feedback! This truly means a lot to me, thanks a lot <3

Oikawa stirred in his sleep and couldn't sense anyone near him, so he turned around to search for the familiar warmth next to him. He woke with a start when he grasped at nothing and almost fell off the couch. Now that he had opened his eyes and was fully awake, he remembered where he was, and a second later, he also remembered why. 

With a groan he rolled on his back and rubbed his eyes. His head was hurting, he was thirsty, and he had no idea what time it was, so he eventually got up despite not feeling like moving at all. He wanted to check his phone, but he couldn't find it at first, and once he did, he realised that it was dead. The wall clock in the kitchen told him that it was early afternoon already.

After having gotten himself some painkillers and a glass of water, he slowly made his way through the flat. He vaguely remembered that Iwaizumi had left shortly before he had fallen asleep and after having checked every room it was clear that he wasn't back yet. It was for the better like that probably, so Oikawa just went back to bed without being scolded for it immediately.

He felt guilty because usually he wouldn't let a single day go by without training or going for a run or at least doing a quick workout at home, but right now everything just hurt, and he just wanted to rest and maybe also to wallow a bit in self-pity as long as he still could. His body definitely needed a break too, and it wasn't like there were any upcoming tournaments he needed to be fit for after all.

Now that he was thinking about yesterday's events again, he kind of wished he'd drunken even more. It was bad enough that he remembered the game and the conversation he'd had with Tobio afterwards in all detail, he really didn't need last night's memories as well. Oikawa wondered why he had reacted all that hotheaded to Kageyama's approach, though, considering that there actually hadn't been anything to be especially angry about.

Yes, this had been the last game of his university volleyball career, but after the exact same person had crushed all his hopes and dreams in his last high school game as well, he'd been able to walk away with his head held high, dignity mostly unimpaired. It truly was unfortunate that he had never, not even once, managed to participate in a national tournament with any of his teams up until now, but he had a great national, maybe even international, career in competitive sports ahead of him.

What had been different this time? He didn't get to think much longer about it, though, since he heard how the front door was being unlocked. Oikawa's first impulse was to completely hide beneath the blanket and pretend to be asleep, but he knew that he wasn't going to fool anyone, especially not Iwaizumi, so he remained just the way he was, anxiously anticipating the next conversation.

To his surprise, it never happened, and Iwaizumi didn't even deign to look at him. At first, Oikawa was relieved, even happy about it, but after a while of getting the silent treatment, he understood that it meant more trouble than endless interrogations and being scolded even could. He _really_ had fucked up this time.


	124. [124]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please excuse all eventual typos and grammatical errors, it's almost 3am, and I'm not exactly awake anymore :D Anyways, here's another chapter. I'm sorry that it took me this long once again, as well that it isn't the most exciting chapter, but it sets up for the next events, so please bear with me. I hope you enjoy and thanks for reading, as always! ^_^

Staying at Iwaizumi's place for more than just a night or two was starting to feel like living at a cheap motel. Not that Oikawa exactly had a lot of stuff with him, but there was no place where he could permanently store his belongings, so he had to resort to living out of his bag. Almost half of the books and folders he needed for university where still at the apartment he had been sharing with Kageyama, as well as most of his clothes.

He had to wash and wear the same three sets of clothes over and over and over again, and although he knew that most people probably didn't even pay half as much attention to him as he'd like them to, he felt as if everyone had already noticed; that they were staring at him, that they were talking about him. Even if anyone had noticed that he had been looking terrible lately, they probably blamed it on their early loss in the preliminaries. But actually, this didn't make it any better.

Going back home wasn't an option right now, but he definitely needed to do something, _anything_ , if he didn't want to lose his mind anytime soon. On the spur of the moment, he grabbed his car keys and left Iwaizumi's apartment. Oikawa had to walk quite a bit until he reached the spot where he had parked his car since Iwaizumi was living in a pretty popular neighbourhood. And he probably should've taken a jacket or a pullover with him because the afternoons were pretty chilly already, and the trees had already started losing their leaves.

With a beep he unlocked the car and started to examine the boot closely, but couldn't find anything he hadn't seen already. In frustration, he slammed it shut again with a little too much force. However, he didn't plan on giving up just yet, so he inspected the glove box, but also to no avail. He wasn't even sure what he had expected to be in there, but he had definitely hoped for something more exciting than just his car documents, some tissues, and bubble gum.

For some reason he was bitterly disappointed, although he had already known that he probably wouldn't find some long forgotten clothes in his car; it was way too clean and tidy for that after all, but it upset him nevertheless.

Just when he already wanted to return to the apartment, he decided to take a look at the back seat as well, and especially below the other seats. They almost never were more than just two people in the car, so it was the least likely to discover anything there, but in fact, well hidden below the passenger seat, there was a black sports bag. Oikawa felt his heartbeat speed up when he realised that it most definitely wasn't his own; he couldn’t remember having ever used it at least. And even though this probably wasn't a good idea, he decided to take it with him.


	125. [125]

Suddenly, Oikawa felt as if he was five years old all over again and excited to unwrap his Christmas presents. It was incredibly hard to stay composed and wait with looking inside the bag until he was indoors. Once he had arrived in the living room, he opened it and emptied its contents onto the couch, which currently also served as his bed. The clothes, which the bag had contained, of course, were Tobio's and not his own, and some of them had obviously been worn. At least there had been no used and smelly gym clothes inside.

For a moment, Oikawa didn't move. It was a mixture of being somehow shocked and afraid, but also utterly tempted. In the end, he gave in and grabbed the pullover nearest to him. It was a simple over-sized sweater, already a bit washed-out since Tobio used to wear it quite frequently, but still dark blue and cosy. The fabric was soft, and even though Oikawa knew that this was the absolute worst thing he could do with it, he pressed it against his face and inhaled deeply. 

The smell was familiar and would've usually calmed him down, but right now all it did was overwhelm him. His exhale was already shaky, and it took only a few more breathes until his facade eventually crumbled. Oikawa saw little dark wet spots form on the pullover in his hands before he even really realised that he was crying. He had been well aware that he wouldn't be able to hold this back forever, but he had managed to live and function normally for almost two weeks. And if he hadn’t been this foolish, it could've been even longer.

Although it still wasn't an option, he really considered going back home for a second. He didn't have much time for that, though, since he heard the front door being unlocked, and as Iwaizumi's footsteps got nearer, he internally cursed his friend for his great timing. Oikawa didn't need to turn around to know that he was now standing right behind him, staring at him in bewilderment. 

"Oikawa?" he asked warily the moment after, "Please tell me you didn't do anything stupid."

Oikawa sighed and tried to regain his composure, and although that didn't exactly work, he turned around slowly, still clutching the sweater close to his chest. He knew that his smile wasn’t going to convince anyone, especially not because there still were tears running down his cheeks, but he forced himself nevertheless. Iwaizumi's eyes widened at the miserable sight in front of him, and Oikawa slightly shook his head. 

"Not yet," he whispered, "But I really want to go home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, it's me again, talking in the notes:
> 
> First of all, thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I'm still sorry for the lack of updates, but I'm trying my best. On one hand, my health isn't exactly top-notch, and on the other hand, I have to admit I got a little distracted by the new season of Voltron :D
> 
> I hope you're all doing well, see you next chapter! :)


	126. [126]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, sorry, took me a while once again.. anyways, here we go:

"I told you to not come crying to me once you regret letting him go!" Iwaizumi said, but the soft expression on his face didn't match the scolding tone of voice.

"Iwa-chan, actually," Oikawa started to protest, "I've been already here, and you just happened to have a very bad timing."

Iwaizumi sighed. As long as Oikawa was still able to be this self-opinionated, he was probably going to be alright, though. He had caught him at one of his weakest moments, and although the feeling seemed to linger for a while, Oikawa was back to his more or less composed self in less than a few minutes. Bottling up his feelings like that all the time was definitely a bad habit, but sometimes Iwaizumi couldn't help but be astonished at Oikawa's self-control.

"So, what do you plan on doing then?" Iwaizumi asked eventually.

"Well," Oikawa said absentmindedly, staring out of the window until he continued, "I can't run away forever, so I guess I need to talk to him."

"And what are you expecting from that? What do you even want to say to him?" Iwaizumi asked warily, definitely not thrilled by Oikawa's plan.

Oikawa shrugged his shoulders and turned away, obviously squirming under his friend's intense gaze. "I don't know," he admitted eventually.

"So you still think you did nothing wrong?" Iwaizumi continued to ask.

"Yes," Oikawa said and earned himself a death glare, "And no. I mean, I did the right thing, I just did it the wrong way."

Iwaizumi's eyebrows perked up in surprise. "What do you mean by that?"

"This thing," Oikawa said, flourishing his hands as he was searching for the right words, "This.. whatever it was, that we had, it just needed to end. He was driving me insane. I mean, the situation right now is driving me insane, too, but at least I fucked up so bad there isn't even a way of fixing things anymore, so I won't go back on my decision even though I might want to. It's tempting at least."

There was a moment of silence between them before Iwaizumi cleared his throat and spoke again. "Do you.. do you _love_ him?"

Suddenly, a sad smile was playing around Oikawa's mouth, but his lower lip was trembling, and Iwaizumi saw how tears started to well up again and pooled in the corners of his eyes. Besides that Oikawa had been looking really miserable for the past weeks, he had seemed unapproachable and brooding, but right now he just looked exhausted and vulnerable. 

"That doesn't matter," he replied eventually, "Not as long as I can't help but hate him simply for who he is at times. He doesn't deserve this."


	127. [127]

Oikawa hesitated for a moment before putting the key into the lock with shaking hands. He was relieved that the lock hadn't been replaced and his key still fit, but he noticed that the door wasn't locked, meaning that somebody was probably home. And this certain somebody was probably Kageyama Tobio, and while in a way he wanted to see him, he didn't want to see him _right now_. 

That was a lie, obviously, but he was way too nervous and didn't feel like he was ready for this, but there was no going back now anymore. Slowly, he opened the door and stepped inside. He was met with comfortable warmth and the incredibly pleasant and familiar smell of his home, and it immediately made his heart ache. And then he heard footsteps coming closer and closer until Kageyama stood right in front of him.

It was surreal, and that was still an understatement. Oikawa suddenly felt unable to move and all he could do was stare at his husband. The first thing he noticed was that he looked _alright_. Absolutely nothing about him seemed to be off; he was wearing his usual training clothes like he always did at home, and he didn't look exceptionally tired or sad. And that hurt even more.

"Oh, wow, so now you really come crawling back to me, huh?" Kageyama said derisively before Oikawa could even open his mouth.

He had planned on being civil and sorting things out like sophisticated adults, but Kageyama didn't seem like he wanted to have a friendly chat with him, so Oikawa decided that there was no need for him to be nice either. It was a stupid decision, and one made out of fear and hurt, but being impulsive was a bad habit he couldn't lay off that easily.

"What makes you think I came back for you, _huh_?" he spat back at Kageyama and shot him a nasty glare.

"Well, then be my guest!" Kageyama replied sarcastically, "Just get whatever you need and fuck off again."

Kageyama was already turning around and walking back towards the living room, but stopped immediately when Oikawa responded. "Unfortunately there is something I need to talk about with you."

"What is it?" Kageyama asked dismissively, but slowly turned around again, "Keep it short at least, will you?"

"I," Oikawa started but swallowed hard when their eyes suddenly met, "I can't sleep on Iwa-chan's couch forever."

Kageyama let out a huff at that. "Ah, I get it. One of us has to move out, and that's going to be me."

The way he said that made Oikawa shudder. Yes, he knew that this was the reality, and he had come here with that in mind, but hearing Kageyama say it suddenly made it way worse. Instead of replying with words, he simply nodded, not even daring to look at the other anymore. 

"Give me a day, and I'll be gone," Kageyama replied apparently completely unfazed and casually shrugged his shoulders, "It's not like I ever really belonged here anyway."


	128. [128]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your lovely comments! And since a lot of you started to doubt there'll ever be a happy ending I want to assure you that I wasn't lying when I said that this was going to be an "Angst With A Happy Ending" fic :D

Of course, he had known that this was going to happen sooner or later, and he would've probably never actually felt prepared for it, but Oikawa really showing up out of the blue had caught him off guard. Kageyama walked back to the living room and then entered the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water. The grip around the glass was so firm that his knuckles turned white as he gulped everything down in one go. 

His heart was still beating way too fast, and he felt out of breath with no calming down in sight. The sound of Oikawa rummaging through his room or their shared living room was the only thing he could concentrate on, and all he could do was wait for him to leave again and hope he wouldn't decide to walk into the kitchen. 

After a few more tense minutes, he heard the front door bang shut. And then he was alone again, relaxing suddenly and sliding onto the floor. For a while, he sat there with his back against the kitchen counter and tried to catch his breath again. On one hand, he was boiling with rage, but on the other hand he, felt like crying or maybe throwing up. 

Oikawa still had a way too big impact on him. Yes, after having been head over heels for him for many years, he really couldn't expect himself to stop caring after just a few weeks, but he hated it nevertheless. But moving out and therefore not being reminded by absolutely _everything_ around him that he had once lived together with Oikawa was probably a pretty good step towards eventually moving on. 

Suddenly, Kageyama felt like the walls were closing in on him, and he absolutely didn't want to spend any longer at this place than necessary. He got up a little too quickly, and his head spun for a moment, but once he had regained his balance, he went into their bedroom and started to pack up his things.

He emptied his part of their shared wardrobe and started to stuff everything into several sports bags. After that, he headed to his own room, the bathroom, and the living room and kitchen, and gathered the rest of his belongings. Once he was done, he realised that he had too much stuff to carry everything on his own, and without a car and with that many bags he wasn't going to go anywhere anyway.

Kageyama hesitated for a while since the thought of ever coming back to this apartment made him wince. But in the end, he decided to shoulder the two bags with his most important things and just head out for the night at least. It might be very unpleasant, but he'd survive coming back once with a little help to get the rest of his stuff, and after that he'd be gone for good.


	129. [129]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day! :D

Kageyama's timing was excellent. He had left in the heat of the moment without actually thinking about where he would spend the night, and when he realised that and pulled out his mobile to call someone, he noticed that its battery was dead. After contemplating going back to charge his phone and make calls, he decided to just chance his luck instead.

When he arrived at the apartment complex and wanted to ring the doorbell, someone left the building and held the door open for him. Thankfully, he entered and walked up the stairs until he reached the right flat. After ringing, he prayed that someone would answer the door, and after a moment he actually heard faint footsteps approaching.

The door then swung open, and Yachi was standing in front of him. It was only around five in the afternoon, but she was already wearing her pyjamas and her hair was a little mussed up as if she had been sleeping until just now. Maybe she had napped on the couch or fallen asleep while studying. For a moment, she just eyed him and his two sports bags with a rather blank expression, trying to process what was going on.

"Tobio-kun?" she asked in surprise but stepped aside to let him enter, "Why are you here?"

"Do I come amiss, or can I crash here for tonight?" he asked at that, and Yachi naturally ushered him in.

"Did something happen?" she asked more concerned now and furrowed her brows as she watched Kageyama take off his shoes and hang up his jacket. 

"Well," he started his sentence and made a sour expression, " _He_ suddenly showed up and told me to move out."

"He did _what_?!" Yachi replied in complete bewilderment, "Just like that?! Oh god, I'm so sorry! And now you're supposed to live _where_?"

Kageyama shrugged his shoulders a little uneasily, "I don't know. I'm pretty sure I can get a room at the student dorm again, though, and I've already packed up all my things; I just need to go back once more to get the rest."

Yachi nodded understandingly, but still a little shocked. "Okay, you can definitely stay here for now, and I'm pretty sure we all can help you with your other belongings."

"I thought about calling Tsukishima later to ask him if I can borrow his car tomorrow," Kageyama added onto her thoughts. 

"Yes, that's a good idea," she said with a weak smile, "But come on, for now put down your bags and let's cook something for dinner, shall we?"

"Sounds good to me," he replied, returning the smile, even if only sorrily, and followed her into the kitchen.


	130. [130]

"You've got to be kidding me!" Tsukishima exclaimed way louder and more agitated than he usually got, "That _asshole_ showed up and told you to leave within _one day_?"

"No, he told me to leave, but _I_ said I'd be gone within one day," Kageyama rectified calmly, not exactly sure of how to handle an angry Tsukishima.

"And why would you do this?!" Tsukishima asked in bewilderment, "Why would you let him do this to you!? Why would you do this to _yourself_?!"

"I," Kageyama started but swallowed hard, a little at a loss for words, "I panicked?"

Tsukishima let out a shaky breath, and Kageyama could see him pinch the bridge of his nose in his mind's eye. "Yes, of course you can use my car, but I'm not going to lend it to you, I'm going to come with you, so that in case he shows up again, you're not going to panic but give him hell, got it? God, seriously, don't let yourself get pushed around like this!"

"I think saying that he would just leave was hard enough for him," Yachi intervened at that, "Am I right, Tobio-kun?"

Kageyama nodded, although Tsukishima couldn't even see him through the phone. 

"Yes, yes," Tsukishima agreed with her and seemed to calm down a little, "It's alright, it could've been way worse. But there's also a lot of room for improvement, so we have to work on this. I won't be content until that jerk finally gets what he deserves."

"I don't think that's necessary," Kageyama said at that and felt how Yachi looked at him in surprise, "He's going to regret this. I'm not the one who fucked up, it's him. And I'm also not the one who lost something, that's him as well. I’m better off without him, and he's getting what he deserves anyway; we just need to sit back and watch."

"Wow, that's cold, even for you, _King_ ," Tsukishima replied provocatively, and Kageyama took the bait.

"Huh, what was that?!" he snapped at him angrily.

Tsukishima chuckled a little. "It's good to have you back; that's all."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" he asked in confusion, looking at Yachi for help.

"I think he means that this was something you would've usually said. I mean, _usually_ as in before this whole.. marriage thing started," Yachi tried to explicate a little uneasily, "You used to be pretty rational and somehow also.. very predictable? Your world only revolved around volleyball, your team, and your friends."

"Remember when you told Hinata that you wouldn't toss to him because you only toss to people who won't bring down the team?" Tsukishima asked before Yachi could try to explain further, "Why did you let someone who was only going to bring you down become so close to you?"

"I," Kageyama started, but paused and furrowed his brows as he pondered on it, "I thought that it'd be worth it."

"Did you really _think_ that?" Tsukishima asked, "Or were you a victim of your _feelings_?"

"The latter, I guess," he admitted weakly after a moment of silence, "I have spent so much time trying to please _him_ , I totally forgot to think about what would make _me_ happy."

"It's good that you see that now," Yachi said softly and carefully placed one hand on Tobio's back. 

"That's what you were trying to tell me when we were at the café, and you gave me the folder with the divorce papers?" he suddenly realised.

"Yes, exactly," Tsukishima said.

"Thank you, for, uh," Kageyama was struggling for words, "Trying to help me realise this?"

"Don't mention it," Tsukishima replied uneasily, not really used to this kind of heart-to-heart talk either, "It's just good to have you back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you love Kageyama having lots of awesome supporting friends as much as I do ^-^


	131. [131]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as always, thank you for all your support and comments! I'm sorry that I can't reply to everyone, but I'm reading all of them, and they make me very happy! Also, thank you so 2k+ Kudos, that means a lot to me! I'm really happy that OiKage isn't as unpopular as it always feels like ^-^
> 
> And besides that, I know that comments like "I'm disappointed that you stopped updating daily" just mean that you love this fic and want to know what happens next, but this really puts pressure on me and makes me uncomfortable.. I'm just a normal human being, and I guess with updating daily for a while I probably spoiled you too much. I have personal reasons for not being able to update that frequently anymore, and I hope you understand that. So yeah, saying things like that will most definitely not make me update faster, it will only result in me feeling bad. Thank you for understanding <3

"And you're really going to store all this stuff at Yachi's place until you get a new room at the dorm?" Hinata asked disbelievingly and gestured towards the huge amount of bags in front of them.

"Do I look like I want to?" Kageyama replied with a frown, and he knew that it wasn't even an actual answer to Hinata's question, but it was definitely an accurate depiction of how he felt at the moment. 

"I'm sure it's going to work out somehow," Yachi reassured them, although she didn't exactly sound as if she believed in her own words.

"And if it doesn't work out, we can still store some stuff at our place, right Tsukki?" Yamaguchi tossed in and looked at Tsukishima in hopes of getting an approving nod or the like.

"The problem is not where he's going to store the stuff," Tsukishima said and furrowed his brow as if he was deep in thought, "It's rather that I have no clue how all this stuff is supposed to fit in the car together with five people."

"I'm sure we can figure something out," Yamaguchi responded optimistically, "Let's just bring everything downstairs for now!"

There was no objection, and everyone grabbed a bag or two, and started to head to the car. Tsukishima was the last one to leave the apartment, or so he thought at least, since when he turned around to close the door behind him, he saw that Kageyama still lingered.

"What are you waiting for?" he asked, and Kageyama seemed to snap back to reality with a jerk.

"I," he started caught off guard, "Nothing."

Just when he wanted to head out through the door as well, Tsukishima blocked the way and looked at him questioningly. "What is it?"

"I already told you it's nothing," Kageyama snapped at him unfriendly, and his friend perked up an eyebrow in surprise.

"Yeah, obviously, you're totally fine," Tsukishima said jeeringly.

"What the hell did you expect?!" Kageyama said angrily, raising his voice a little, "That I'd walk out of this place full of joy?!"

"Well, you did say that you're better off without him just yesterday, if I may remind you," Tsukishima pointed out mockingly. 

"Knowing the truth doesn't necessarily make it any easier, you know?!" 

There was a moment of silence between them, and Kageyama had to close his eyes and take in a few deep breaths to calm down again. He was trembling and biting down on his bottom lip hard enough to almost draw blood. 

"So what were you thinking about doing then?" Tsukishima asked in all seriousness after a while.

"I thought that," Kageyama began but paused to gather his thoughts for a moment, "I thought it'd be over once I'd walk out of here. But it won't be, right? I'm still married to him. What am I supposed to do?"

The last question came out way more pathetically than he had intended it to, but he was too emotionally exhausted to even care right now. There had been times when showing weakness in front of Tsukishima would've meant lifelong mockery, but even though they were still often teasing and snapping at each other, he knew that they were friends and that he could rely on him. This whole issue was taking a heavy toll on him, and Tsukishima clearly knew that as well.

"You know exactly what to do," Tsukishima replied calmly and put down the bags he had been carrying again. 

"I honestly don't think I can, though," Kageyama whispered.

"Of course you can't," Tsukishima replied with a lopsided sneer, "Paperwork has never been your strong suit after all."

Kageyama glared at him, trying to look as intimidating as possible, but he couldn't help but smile weakly. Something about Tsukishima seemed to always piss him off, but even more irritating than that was that he'd really come to like this side of him.

"Was that only meant to be an insult or were you trying to tell me something with that?" he grumbled out.

"Just make sure he finds it," Tsukishima explained with a smirk, "That'll get the message across just fine."


	132. [132]

_'Coming home shouldn't feel this strange'_ , Oikawa thought as he stood in front of the door to his apartment, unsure whether he really wanted to unlock it or not. He had to, though, and he knew it. He had put it off for as long as possible, but three days had already passed since Tobio had promised to be gone, so Oikawa didn't have to fear another encounter, and Iwaizumi didn't have any mercy on him anymore. If he wanted to have a roof over his head this night, he needed to suck it up.

It was funny because as frightening seeing Kageyama seemed to him, entering the flat and seeing him and all of his belongings gone was way worse. It was his own fault, so of course he had to deal with the mess he had made, but it hurt nevertheless. Eventually, he put the key in the lock and opened the door. 

Upon entering he didn't notice much of a change at first. Yes, the coat rack was pretty empty, and there weren't many shoes standing around in the entry area, but it looked more like Kageyama had tidied up and less like he had moved out and would never come back. After setting down his stuff and taking off his jacket and shoes, Oikawa slowly walked down the corridor. 

The living room wasn't much emptier than he remembered it either. A few things were missing, for example the warm blanket that usually lay on the couch and some books and magazines from the shelves, but that was about it. Tobio disappearing didn't seem to have left much of a blank space behind at first glance. He noticed that some of their kitchen appliances were gone too, but it wasn't like he even knew how to use them, so that wasn't much of a loss to him.

Walking into the bathroom made him uneasy. Although it wasn't empty at all, the cosmetics had gotten noticeably less. A while ago it had definitely looked like two people were sharing the flat, but now there was only one toothbrush and one razor left, and Oikawa felt sick to his stomach. And he had definitely never expected to be actually upset that the goddamn ugly anti-slip shower mat was gone, but he was, and he couldn't help but laugh at himself. 

In the bedroom he was greeted by a bed that was way too big for a single person. The nightstand on one side was empty, and so was approximately half of the huge wardrobe. It was agonising to even look at anything, but Oikawa knew that the worst was yet to come. It looked like Tobio had made an effort to leave no traces behind, and being inside the room, which had been completely full of him not long ago, wasn't appealing at all.


	133. [133]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your sweet comments! ^-^

As expected, the room, which had formerly been Tobio's, was empty except for a blank shelf and the equally blank desk. It looked a lot like it had when they had just moved in and had yet to put together all their furniture so that they could start unpacking their things. Oikawa thought about how they had sat on the floor in between moving boxes and eaten together, not even roughly aware of what they were going to go through in the coming year. 

It was painful to think about it. Maybe there had never been the possibility for a happy ending for them, and he knew he hadn't even wished for one back then, but they had both been so clueless and naive in the beginning, absolutely not prepared for how much their lives would actually change. 

Moreover, Oikawa definitely hadn't been prepared for how much he himself would change because of it too. Even though it was over now, and Tobio was gone as if he'd never even been in this apartment and in Oikawa's life, he had influenced him in a lot of ways. There was no way he'd ever be able to forget about it.

Oikawa felt drained and a fatigue no amount of sleep would ever be enough to make up for. It was as if the mere sight of Tobio's empty room was enough to slowly but surely suck the life out of him, and as much as he felt like wallowing in self-pity, he knew he needed to close that door and go on with his daily life. For a last time he glanced around the room, and just when he was about to leave, he spotted something on the desk.

At first it seemed like Kageyama had forgotten something, but as he stepped closer, Oikawa thought that the blue folder lying in the middle of the table top maybe was meant to be exactly there. A part of him felt like opening it would invade Tobio's privacy, but deep down he knew that he had been supposed to find it, and that he was supposed to read it too. In fact, he was just scared of what he might see.

For a moment, he considered just spinning on his heel and putting it off for another day, but that would only mean he'd have lots of time to worry about it and overthink things. If he'd open the folder, though, he would maybe find that it was full of notes from one of Kageyama's classes at university. Then he'd be relieved and could spare himself a lot of torture. 

Cautiously, he reached out to open it, and as he did, he immediately knew what it was. He didn't even have to really read anything on the first page because nothing had ever been more crystal clear in his entire life. His hands were shaking, and he closed his eyes, feeling how his breathing started to become shallower and faster. 

Thankfully, the desk chair was right next to him, so he could flop down on it when he started to get dizzy and his legs couldn't support him anymore. Oikawa put his head back and ran his fingers through his hair, tearing it almost painfully. He felt tears well up, and there was a lump in his throat. Everything was spinning and blurry, his chest felt tight, and as much as the whole world probably hated him, he definitely hated himself more.

But his body hated him probably the most, making him suffer through a whole panic attack without passing out, leaving him alone with his mind and his agony, and the knowledge that all was his own fault. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I like being dramatic :D


	134. [134]

"So," the woman in front of him started and glanced down at the folder lying on the desk, "Oikawa-kun, why are you here?"

Oikawa was sitting across from her, arms defensively crossed in front of his chest. "Because it was my best friend's condition for letting me sleep on his couch for a while."

"Hmm," she hummed acknowledging and scribbled something on the paper, "And why did you have to stay at his place?"

"Because I'd rather die than have to spend another day in a flat together with.. my husband," he replied snappily and scrunched up his nose in distaste.

"And why is that?" she continued to asked completely unfazed. 

"Is this an interrogation or what?" Oikawa said angrily instead of answering the question.

"It doesn't have to be one, but if you won't reply to any question with more than a mere sentence, there's nothing _I_ can do to change that," she replied calmly and tried to make eye contact with Oikawa, but he refused to look up, "Fine, then how about you tell me how come you're married at such a young age already?"

Oikawa let out a huff at that. "My parents thought it'd be a good idea to marry me off when they found out that I.. like men as well."

"And then they didn't just marry you off to a woman?"

"Fortunately not," Oikawa replied, shaking his head slightly, "I somehow managed to explain to them that I might be attracted to women, but that I can't see me ever really falling in love with one. That's why they looked for a husband for me."

She made some more notes and nodded encouragingly, urging Oikawa to go on with the story. He took in a deep breath and closed his eyes for a brief moment before eventually continuing. 

"My father is running a business, and one of his employees has a son only two years younger than me. So basically my father told his father, and his father told him, and he said why not, and then we got married."

"Your parents made you marry him, but he agreed to marry you of his own free will?" she asked, one eyebrow perked up in surprise.

"Yes, he did. He was thinking that this was as good as it was going to get for him, so why not take a chance," Oikawa explained and shrugged his shoulders.

"Did you know each other prior to this arrangement?" she queried further. 

"Yeah, we did," Oikawa said and nodded, "And that's the problem, I think."

"Why is that a problem?"

"Because if I hadn't already known him, I probably could've been a little nicer to him, in the beginning at least," he explained, looking out of the window for a moment before continuing, "We're kind of.. rivals? I mean, even if I wouldn't have met him in middle school already, that wouldn't have changed, I guess, but maybe we could've gotten to know each other without that context and constantly being at each other's throats."

"Then tell me more about your past," she said, for the first time not articulating her inquiry as a question.

Oikawa sighed, and relaxed a little in the armchair he was sitting in, tilted his head back, closed his eyes, and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have finally managed to draft out the end of this fic in great detail, or in other words, I'm more or less going to just write it down from here on out. There's only like 4-5 chapters left where I'm still unsure what I'm _exactly_ going to write; for the rest I even have almost all dialogues thought up already. Don't get me wrong, we're near the end, but not _that_ near. My draft for what's to come next is separated into five more major "arcs" (one of them starting with this chapter), and I don't think I can write that in less than 50 chapters actually.. of course, I can't tell for sure, and maybe I have an amazing idea at some point and change things up again a little, but I guess this is not going to end within less than 15-20k more words... yeah, that means I've basically "only" written 3/4 of this story so far. So much about the formal stuff... 
> 
> And besides that, as you can probably already guess from this chapter, it's going to be really (emotionally) heavy from here on out. I really want to touch on all the issues their relationship has on a very fundamental basis, including everything from canon, especially the things which make people say that OiKage is "abusive". I'm confident I can work around this, show immense character and relationship development, and kind of provide a "solution" (at least in the context of my AU). I hope this is going to turn out the way I want it to - I've really been worrying a lot about not being able to give this fic the end it deserves, to give _you_ the end you deserve - and I will do my absolute best to make that happen.
> 
> Thank you so much for your support, and I hope you'll enjoy the rest of this <3


	135. [135]

"We're both playing volleyball, the same position even. And we've both always aimed at becoming professionals. I was a third year in middle school when he joined the team, and of course he wasn't at my level yet, he's two years younger than me after all, but," Oikawa explained with a sour expression, "But he is awfully talented, so we were neck and neck pretty soon after. We've gone to different schools and universities from then on, facing each other in several games, and then at some point he was so far ahead of me, there's no way I could ever win against him anymore."

" _You_ can't win against _him_ anymore, or _your team_ can't win against _his team_?" she asked at that and looked at Oikawa insistently. 

"I," Oikawa started, a little caught off guard at first, "I can't win against him anymore. Me and my team maybe could, I think."

She simply nodded and took a few notes. "You're graduating soon, right? What about your dream of becoming a professional?"

"I already signed a contract a while ago, so I'll be playing V.League in a few months," Oikawa responded and couldn't help but sit up a little straighter, proud of himself and this achievement, literally a dream come true.

"But you feel inferior to him?" she continued to ask, and Oikawa slumped again, the look on his face turning bitter again.

"Maybe," he said waspishly.

"And does he feel superior to you?"

There was a moment of silence until Oikawa had recovered from the question and finally found his voice again. "I don't know," he murmured.

"Are you sure?" she asked, once again perking up an eyebrow questioningly. 

"I," Oikawa said but paused again, furrowing his brows as he thought about it, "I don't think he does. I think he looks up to me, actually."

"So the one who is making this rivalry unhealthy is you," she deadpanned.

" _What?!_ ", Oikawa nearly screeched, his head shooting up from the floor to stare in bewilderment at the women in front of him.


	136. [136]

"Excuse me?" Oikawa asked as soon as he had calmed down a little, heart still beating fast against his chest nevertheless.

"A rivalry isn't something that's necessarily unhealthy. It's actually very essential to competitive sports. But you're bringing a lot of negative emotions into your relationship," she explained.

"But-"

"Let me finish," she cut off Oikawa's protest immediately, "This is not an accusation. We're just getting to the bottom of your problems. You are smart, so I'm pretty sure you already know that a lot of your thoughts are irrational and destructive. You have a lot of insecurities, and right now you are your own worst enemy."

For a moment, Oikawa stared at her wide-eyed and open-mouthed. Then he buried his face in his hands and let out a shaky breath he hadn't even known he had been holding. He knew that she was right, and he also knew that he had known these things for quite a while already, but it was another whole damn thing to actually acknowledge them. 

Slowly, he looked up again, trying to stay composed, but his voice came out unsteady nevertheless. "And what am I supposed to do?"

He really hadn't mean to sound this pathetic and desperate, but now that his defences were down, and his facade had mostly crumbled, there was no point holding back. 

"Oikawa-kun," she started softly, but not pityingly, "I can't tell you what to do, but I can help you figure it out yourself."

"And how long is this going to take?" he asked weakly.

"I can't tell you that either, but we'll definitely have to meet and talk a lot more until you'll get to that point. You're an athlete; you know that things such as improvement and healing are processes that can't be accelerated or forced. You need to be patient."

"Ah well," Oikawa replied with a little smirk, "Good thing I'm _such_ a patient person."

She returned his smile. "I think this was enough for our first meeting. Until next time, I want you to think about everything we talked about today."

Oikawa nodded again, and when she stood up, he rose from his chair as well, and they shook hands. It was a relief to be able to finally leave again, and while he felt unexpectedly exhausted, he also felt a little bit lighter already. He hated to admit it to himself, and he would never admit it to anybody else, but Iwaizumi had been right about this.

He had only begrudgingly agreed to see a psychologist, but he already knew that this was probably going to really help him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably no update tomorrow because it's my birthday and I'll spend the day with friends and family. Looks like I'll be able to update sometime this weekend again though! Thank you for reading and all the sweet comments! <3


	137. [137]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the lovely birthday wishes! <3 Here's the new chapter and it's slightly longer than the usual ones, but splitting it up felt wrong. It also took me forever to finish this because I tried to put so much information and thought process into such little words, I hope everything gets across just fine :D

Oikawa was lying flat out on the bed, his face pressed into the mattress. Somehow he had come to love this position; it resembled his mood perfectly after all. Unsurprisingly, his life had decided to simply go on as if nothing had ever happened. He had already had this realisation while he'd still been staying at Iwaizumi's place, but that had at least felt a little like an exceptional state.

Ever since he was back to living at his _home_ , he felt even worse. Yes, Tobio really hadn't left much behind except for some cosmetics he had forgotten or decided he needed them no longer, and, of course, a folder with divorce papers, as if it was the most normal thing in the whole world. Oikawa had left it exactly where he had found it and not entered the room ever since, but that didn't mean he was able to forget.

It was one thing that there weren't any of Kageyama's belongings around anymore, but absolutely _everything_ in this place remembered Oikawa of him, of _them_. There was nothing he could do to change that, and hence he hadn't gotten a single minute of rest and tranquillity during the past week. University was stressful, and when he wasn't despairing because of some dumb shit he had to do, or practiced until he felt like he was going to die right there at the gym, he thought of Tobio. He was gone, but somehow he wasn't gone _at all_.

It hadn't actually helped to hear once again that this mess was entirely his own fault. Well, okay, maybe it did help, _would_ help in the long run, but right now he just felt even more miserable than before his first talk with his therapist. The appointment had already been a couple of days ago actually, but he absolutely couldn't get it out of his mind.

Oikawa hadn't even told her much, just some basics, and yet she had immediately managed to touch on all the sore spots. That was her job, and it meant she would be able to help him faster, so he probably should be glad, but he really wasn't. Mere three-quarters of an hour talking to this woman had not only made him relive himself throwing his wedding ring at Tobio's feet in his mind's eye over and over again, but also dug things up from way before that. 

He really hadn't thought about this in a long, long time, but one of his very first interactions with Tobio had been the younger asking Oikawa to teach him something, and he then trying to hit him in the face. In hindsight, he had always only thought about himself. He had regretted losing his composure like that bitterly, and he had truly been sorry for overreacting, but now it occurred to him for the first time that Tobio's reaction had been weird too. He should've been afraid of Oikawa after that, or he should've at least thought less of him. But somehow he hadn't. This incident basically hadn't changed anything between them.

They've been in this together from the very beginning. Kageyama had kept genuinely looking up to Oikawa, which had just caused him to feel even worse about himself. He had already felt inferior back then, and he had been scared; scared of being overtaken by the genius setter, scared of being forgotten and left behind, scared of being useless, scared of being _worthless_. And Tobio had probably felt inferior to him as well, but instead of trying to drag Oikawa down, he had tried to become a better version of himself. Kageyama had always fanned the flames and definitely loved the competition, but Oikawa had too, still did actually.

So yes, while Kageyama had been able to learn from his mistakes and taken full responsibility, Oikawa was the one bringing something unhealthy into their relationship; it had been him all a long. Not that it hadn't mattered years ago already, but being married had added more depth to their relationship, and instead of being able to separate his own insecurities which were inextricably linked with _his rival_ from the person that was now _his husband_ , he kept bringing everything that should stay on the court into their personal life, into their _home._

He had let it eat away at him over years and not even once tried to really find a solution.


	138. [138]

"It takes two to tango," Oikawa said a little more enthusiastically than planned and blushed at that outburst, "Uhm, I mean, I've always only thought _about myself_ and then kept these thoughts _to myself_ , but of course that didn't work out well because I'm not alone in this."

"Hm, I see you did your homework," she replied with a small smile while taking notes, "Go on."

"I think I told you that we've been on the same team in middle school, right?" Oikawa said but stopped and looked at her to assure himself and continued when she nodded, "I've been a bad Senpai and a bad teammate to him. I always refused to help him or teach him things, even though he kept asking me on a daily basis. I'm always seeing an opponent in him, even when we are supposed to be partners."

"I assume you're not only talking about middle school but also referring to your marriage?" she asked.

"Yes," Oikawa replied and thought about his next words for a moment, "We keep fighting over the lead when we should be working together. But it really is like tango; it doesn't matter who leads and who follows, whether the roles always stay the same or you switch things up, in the end both are going to win. Outside of dancing it's fine to argue, probably even normal, but while you're dancing you need to be able to put your differences aside or else you're both going to fail."

"This is quite an interesting metaphor. Do you like dancing, Oikawa-kun?" she asked pensively.

"Yeah, a lot actually," Oikawa replied a little bashfully, not even sure why. 

"I see," she responded with a smile and continued to write into his file, "And what's your conclusion?"

"My conclusion?" Oikawa asked a little dumbfounded. 

"Your final words on this," she explained patiently, "You can do a lot of thinking and then say a lot of clever things without ever learning from them, that's why you need to draw a conclusion and then act it out."

"Makes sense," he mumbled to himself and furrowed his brow while thinking about it. She was making him see things that had been staring him in the face all this time, and admittedly, it was a little frustrating, but he really felt as if he was making more progress within weeks than he had on his own during the past years. 

"I used to wish for him to disappear or that we never would've met, but I don't think I ever really meant that," Oikawa started after a while, gnawing on his bottom lip, "And I hate to admit that, but I think I just wanted all my negative feelings to be gone, but instead of working on that, I just found an outlet for all my frustration."

"That's good; a fault confessed is half redressed," she said when Oikawa didn't continue speaking.

He shot her an annoyed glance but swallowed down the snarky remark that was on the tip of his tongue. "I need to stop impulsively doing and saying things out of spite," he said instead, "And probably _confess more faults_ , am I right?"

"And to whom? To me?" she asked, ignoring Oikawa's attitude.

"No, to whomever they concern," he replied, "And while I'm already at it, I should probably apologise, too."

She nodded. "Yes, that sounds good. But I don't think you're ready for that just yet."

"And why not?" Oikawa asked a little offended. 

"Because doing that means taking a lot of blame and responsibility for hurt feelings, and I'm not sure if you can do that calmly," she explained unperturbedly, "Getting into another argument while trying to fix things is definitely going to improve everything for the worse."

Oikawa grit his teeth, but there was nothing he could offer in reply to that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now you should look up "Queer Tango" if you don't know what it is :D


	139. [139]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long pause and thanks for your patience and support! <3

"Are you sure you're okay on your own?" Yachi asked worriedly, but Kageyama just shrugged.

"I'm fine," he mumbled, not exactly convincingly. 

"Oh yeah, sure you're fine," Tsukishima chimed in sarcastically, "That's why your room is so clean, and you look so happy and energetic."

While saying that, he gestured at various areas of the room, where dirty laundry and dishes were piling up, and eventually at Kageyama, who was lying in his bed. Kageyama groaned and turned around, pulling his blanket up over his head and burying his face in his pillow.

"Leave me alone, jerk," Kageyama said, but it lacked spite and was scarcely audible since his pillow muffled most of the sound. 

"Well, at least you still sound like yourself," Tsukishima replied with a snort and expected something to come flying his way, but disappointingly, Kageyama didn't move a muscle. 

"Maybe we should leave then?" Yamaguchi suggested meekly and looked at the other two for help.

Tsukishima simply nodded approvingly, but Yachi still seemed to be conflicted, worrying her lower lip. "You two can go ahead, I'll stay behind for a bit longer," she eventually decided. 

Surprisingly, Kageyama didn't protest, and neither did he say goodbye nor react when Yachi sat down on the bed next to him. 

"You didn't look that miserable when you were still staying at my place," she said eventually and broke the silence.

Kageyama sighed and actually turned around to lie on his back and look at her. "Going back to living in a dorm made this whole thing feel very.. final," he said quietly after a moment. 

She nodded understandingly. "Do you miss him?"

"It would be weird if I didn't miss him, wouldn't it?" he said thoughtfully, "But he probably doesn't miss me at all."

"I think it's actually pretty likely that he misses you," Yachi said gently, "You've spent a lot of time together after all."

"Well, it sounded more like he was very happy to finally be rid of me and not like he'd miss me being around, but I appreciate your sentiment," Kageyama replied bitterly.

"Do you really think so? Wasn't he always saying an awful lot of things he didn't really mean?" Yachi kept asking, "When you told us about what happened, we all focused on telling you how sorry we are for you and that he can go to hell, but don't you think that he was upset and hurt too?"

"Yeah, obviously, but he's _always_ upset and hurt because of whatever and takes it out on me. I never really know what's going on unless I can somehow figure it out myself. And I still have so many open questions," Kageyama said and covered his face with his hands, "And I feel guilty."

"Why? Why would _you_ feel guilty after all he has done to you?" Yachi asked in bewilderment and got even more confused when Kageyama removed his hands from his face and smiled.

"I didn't tell you everything that has happened," he admitted bashfully, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Yachi said softly, "Do you want to talk about it now?"


	140. [140]

"I told you about the video of him kissing someone else that he sent me that night, right?" Kageyama asked and Yachi nodded, "Well, I gave him tit for tat." 

"You sent him a video of you kissing someone else?!" Yachi shrieked, and Kageyama hurriedly shook his head.  

"No, I'm not _that_ petty," he replied, "But I kissed someone else too." 

"You kissed someone else," Yachi stated as she tried to process the new information and stared at Kageyama completely gobsmacked, "You.. but why would you feel guilty for that?" 

Now it was Kageyama's turn to be stunned. "What do you mean why would I feel guilty for that?! I did it at least partly out of spite, took advantage of someone else's feelings, and I've been unfaithful!" he said indignantly.  

"The only one you've been unfaithful to is yourself because you betrayed your own values and principles," Yachi replied in all seriousness. 

"And what about my _husband_?"

"Your husband who treated you badly, broke up with you, and sent you a video of him kissing someone else," Yachi retorted, "And you've been drunk and upset; you really shouldn't beat yourself up over that." 

"Okay," Kageyama said eventually but still looked a bit appalled, "Even if I wouldn't feel guilty about that, I took advantage of someone, so I'm not a tad better than Oikawa-san, and that's even worse." 

"Okay, first of all, _who_ did you even kiss? And how did you take advantage of them?" Yachi asked when she realised that she was still missing some important details.  

"Miya-san," Kageyama said through gritted teeth after a moment of silence.  

"Oh, didn't he always have a thing for you?" 

"Well, that answers your second question then, I guess," Kageyama replied bitterly.  

"Did you say that you feel the same about him to get him to kiss you?" Yachi asked at that. 

"No, I'd never do that," Kageyama responded immediately and vehemently shook his head. 

"Then what did you do that you say you took advantage of him and his feelings?"

"I," Kageyama started but paused to think about it for a moment when he realised that he wasn't even really sure about it, "I did it although I knew that it would mean way more to him than it would ever mean to me."

"Did he know that as well?"

"Yeah," Kageyama said thoughtfully, "I made pretty clear that this wasn't going to happen again beforehand."

"Then there's absolutely nothing to feel guilty about, Tobio-kun," Yachi said softly.

"But-"

"No _but_ ," she interrupted him immediately, "He is an adult just like you, and you were fair because you let him know what he was getting into. You're not responsible for anyone. He made this decision, and he's the only one who had any right to do that. If you would've simply rejected him because you didn't want to take advantage of him, that would've been patronising and even more hurtful." 

There was another drawn-out silence between them until Kageyama eventually nodded. "Thank you," he whispered and closed his eyes. 

"There's no need to thank me," Yachi replied just as quietly, "But you're welcome."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, can't believe I updated two days in a row although I'm on hiatus :O I can't promise to keep this up for now, but I'm still working on this story as much as I can! I'm reading all your comments, and I'm super grateful for all your support and interest in my writing! You're awesome <3


	141. [141]

Kageyama woke up feeling more energetic than he had in quite a while. He wasn't feeling perfectly fine, but at least he actually wanted to do something to distract himself from feeling bad instead of lying in bed all day pitying himself. Just because he felt like the world had ended for him, it actually hadn't, and he had important exams to study for and other duties. There really wasn't any time for him to slack off. 

After getting up and ready for the day, he grabbed a few books he needed to return and went to the library. The time on the train was just enough for him to get an overview of what he needed to learn and do, when it was due, and eventually he figured out which new books he would need to lend. Everything was going really well, considering he had accomplished more within one hour today than he had during the past weeks. Maybe it was going a little too well.

 Once he had successfully returned the books, he decided to stay at the library and try to look into some of the books on his list to figure out which would be suited best for his purposes. It was a little tough to find all the ones he wanted to read since lots of them were obviously on loan or in use by other students, but piece by piece he was able to collect them. 

Just when he had pulled another book out of the shelf in front of him and wanted to leave the aisle, someone else turned the corner, and they bumped into each other. It took Kageyama a moment until he realised why the situation felt kind of familiar, but then he damned his life for being like one of those clichéd movies and quickly stepped back again. 

The expression on Oikawa's face made it obvious that he was just as surprised, maybe even as shocked as Kageyama. Why the hell did they have to accidentally _literally_ bump into each other at the library anyway? How likely was that even? Well, considering it was the closest library to both Kageyama's university dorm as well as the apartment they had shared and Oikawa was probably still living in, it was not all that unlikely. And additionally, they both kind of studied the same thing, which explained that they had been looking for books in the same section.   

Oikawa hadn't said a thing and just stared, so Kageyama decided he didn't have to say anything either. His mood had been a bit brighter for once, and of course, just then _someone_ had needed to come along and ruin it. Without another look he wanted to walk past Oikawa, and just when he thought he had successfully escaped the awkward situation, he felt a hand close around his wrist. 

"Wait," Oikawa said, and it sounded more like a plea than a command. 

Before Kageyama was even able to violently rip his arm away from the grip, Oikawa had already let go and was looking at him in expectation. 

"What do you want?" Kageyama asked coldly.  

"Can we talk?" Oikawa asked, and Kageyama searched for an ounce of sneer in his voice or his expression, but couldn't find even the slightest hint. 

"What about?" he responded warily and continued to eye him suspiciously, "I don't have anything to say to you." 

"Then just hear me out for a moment," Oikawa replied sternly, "Please." 

Kageyama knew that this wasn't going to end well. A part of him wished for Oikawa to beg for forgiveness, to apologise, to try to fix things, but even if he would do exactly that, there was no way he should accept it. This wasn't more than a hopeless dream, and he knew it. People didn't change this quickly, and the same old story would start all over again. No, thank you.  

"I'm not exactly prepared for this because I didn't expect to see you today, so please bear with me," Oikawa started to speak.  

He had obviously taken Kageyama's silence as a permission to go on, and now it was too late to back out of it without being cruel. Actually, the strange seriousness in Oikawa's demeanour made him curious, so Kageyama wanted to hear what he had to say anyway.


	142. [142]

"First of all, I don't dare to beg for your forgiveness, and I won't ask you for another chance. I don't deserve it; I don't deserve _you_ ," Oikawa continued, furrowing his brow as he concentrated on what to say, "I'm sorry for a lot of things, too many to list them all right now, and of course you deserve better than this, but I want you to know that I have reasons for acting the way I did."

"So are you trying to tell me that you're an asshole but like.. an asshole with issues?"

Oikawa grit his teeth and scrunched up his nose. "Well, I'd prefer a different wording, but yeah, you got the gist of it, and I'm trying to work on that. I know that my reasons for treating you badly don't excuse anything, but I felt like I'd owe you an apology and an explanation."

"And what is the explanation? Why do you hate me so much?" Kageyama asked at that and damned his voice for trembling. 

"I don't hate you," Oikawa replied quickly as a shot, "I can't take back most of the things I said to you because I meant them, but I never hated _you_. I just hated what you're embodying, still hate it, to be honest." 

Kageyama frowned in confusion. "And what the hell is that supposed to mean?" 

"That is supposed to mean that I always thought you were incredible, and that I envy you. You're everything I'll never be, and I hated that. And I confused that with hating you. You're amazing and talented, and I've just always been jealous. And being jealous has made me bitter," Oikawa explained and for the first time during their conversation lowered his head to avoid eye contact, "And that's why I lost my temper when you approached me after _that_ game."

 "I always thought you were incredible too," Kageyama suddenly blurted out, and Oikawa looked up again in mild shock, "What truly matters is not what you are blessed with, but rather what you're able to draw out. That's what coach Hibarida always tells us, and I think he's right. Besides that you are blessed with a lot, you're able to draw the best out of yourself and others as well. That's amazing, and I've always wanted to be able to do that too." 

Oikawa averted his gaze once more, this time to look to the side, and a faint blush spread across his cheeks. He chuckled softly. "Who would've thought that you were able to say such wise things, huh?" 

For a moment, Kageyama felt upset that Oikawa was mocking him again, but at the same time, it was kind of nice. This was probably just about as much heart to heart talk both of them were able to have at the moment, so maybe it wasn't all that bad that the unusual seriousness had vanished again.  

His frown didn't leave his face, though. "I meant it," he protested, "I really admired you, like, a lot.. too much even, I guess." 

"Well, our relationship has always been quite.. complicated," Oikawa replied with what could've been considered a smirk, "I wonder how I managed to trick you into thinking marrying me would be a good idea, though. And I'm sorry for that too, by the way." 

Now it was Kageyama's turn to grin. "Oh, no, I always knew that it was a terrible idea; I just did it nevertheless." 

Oikawa's smirk widened for a moment, but then it disappeared completely. He apparently didn't know what to say, neither where to look nor what to do with his hands, but after a tense moment of more or less awkward silence, he cleared his throat. 

"That was everything I had to say for now," he said quietly, suddenly very serious again, "So thanks for listening." 

"Thanks for telling me," Kageyama replied unsmilingly as well.  

"Take care, Tobio-chan," Oikawa responded and turned around on his heel.

He left too fast for Kageyama to say a goodbye as well, so it was suddenly only him again, standing alone with his book in his hands in a silent aisle of the library. 

_'What the fuck..'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little reminder that there is a playlist on Spotify for this fic: [more information. ](http://tooruoikawas.tumblr.com/post/159185707374/little-reminder-that-there-is-a-playlist-for-my)


	143. [143]

Kageyama didn't know whether it had been seconds or minutes or maybe even an hour since Oikawa had left in a rush, but it didn't matter anyway. Of course, he was gone again just as suddenly as he had appeared, but even within these few moments he had been able to have a huge impact. It really wasn't fair, but it really wasn't anything new either.

Heart still beating relentlessly in his chest, Kageyama couldn't help but stare into space for a while longer, trying to get a grip at himself again. The library was silent, but he didn't hear that someone was approaching him nevertheless and therefore was startled when a librarian suddenly asked whether he was okay or looking for something in particular. Quickly, he apologised and made his way over to one of the tables. There was no way he'd be able to concentrate on his studies after what had just happened, so he buried his face in his hands and took in a deep breath. 

And even weeks later, when he came back to the exact same place to return his books and find once again new ones to take home with him, he was still tense and somewhat confused. There was this voice inside his head telling him that giving up on Oikawa would be wrong, and that he'd regret it. It was telling him that he had already made an extreme effort, so if he'd just quit now, all the trouble would've been for nothing. It was telling him that he'd go on living asking himself _'what if'_ every second, every minute, every hour of every day and night. And it was driving him insane.

These thoughts almost never left his mind, and his last conversation with Oikawa was playing back again and again and again in his head. At times he didn't even trust his own memories since everything about that day just seemed so absurd. But now that he was back at the library, the memories felt more real than ever, even though the reality seemed to be a little bit altered at such a quiet place in the middle of Tokyo. 

He hated that some kind of hope was still in him, refusing to die out and let him live his life in peace, but on the other hand, he knew that he just wasn't quite ready to let go of something that had been incredibly important to him for several years by now yet, especially not because he still saw potential and knew that things and people were constantly changing, so he just hoped they'd change for the better. 

Suddenly, there was a loud ringing echoing through the otherwise deserted and silent halls, and for a moment Kageyama didn't even comprehend that it was his own mobile that was disturbing him. Quickly, he tried to fish it out of his pocket to decline the call and stop the awful noise, but when he saw the caller's name on the display, he froze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much for reading! There are actually quite a few things about my writing and stuff I want to tell you, but it was way too much to fit into an author’s note, so I decided to make a post on tumblr. So yeah, If you enjoy my writing and want a few updates, go ahead and **read[here](http://tooruoikawas.tumblr.com/post/159384756899/writing-updates-stuff)**! Thanks ♡♡♡


	144. [144]

It took Kageyama a moment to realise that he couldn't just wait for it to be over because of the obnoxiously loud noise, so he ended up declining the call in hopes that no one was going to come his way and scold him for disturbing the silence. Hectically, he gathered all his things and left without even borrowing new books. Once he was outside, he took another look at his mobile and let out a heavy sigh before eventually calling back.  

"Ah Tobio, did I disturb you?" 

"No, no," he said quickly, "I've just been at the library and couldn't talk." 

"Oh, I see! Well, I'm glad you're studying diligently, but a mother wants to hear from her son at least now and then, you know?" she said reproachfully, but couldn't hide that she was also genuinely upset. 

Kageyama truly felt bad about distancing himself from his parents and pushing them away whenever they had approached him lately. His family's support meant a lot to him, and it was exactly what he wanted and needed at the moment, but he couldn't find the strength to tell them the truth just yet. 

He had told his friends that he didn’t want to worry his parents, but actually he was just scared and even a little ashamed. Logically, he knew that there was nothing to be ashamed of, but he felt like he had failed at something important nevertheless.  

"I'm sorry," he replied meekly, "I've been very.. occupied lately." 

"I bet you must be really looking forward to the holidays then," Kageyama's mother said cheerfully, "And your father and I even have a surprise for you." 

"What?" Kageyama asked more in shock than in excitement and felt the dread pool in the pit of his stomach. 

"We both have the days around your birthday and Christmas off, so we will come visit you!" she continued light-heartedly, but Kageyama just closed his eyes and felt the need to bang his head against the nearby wall. Of course he had known that his was going to happen sooner or later, but he really, really would've preferred _later_. 

"Oh, that's nice," he said and cringed because it didn't sound genuine _at all_ , "I just.. uh.. have to.. discuss this first? You know?" 

"Yes, of course, we understand! Oikawa-kun must be very busy as well with his graduation coming up," she responded understandingly. 

"Yeah, he is," Kageyama said tersely, "If it's too much for him, I'll just come home over the holidays." 

"But what about him then? Wouldn't he be upset if you’d leave him alone over Christmas? And wouldn't you be sad if you couldn't see your husband too?" his mother asked genuinely confused. 

It took a lot of self-control to not be bitter and give himself away by making a sarcastic comment on how Oikawa definitely was absolutely _dying_ every second he had to spend without him. Just swallowing it down and letting his mother's questions pass without comment was a better solution for now. Once he'd start telling the truth, he definitely wouldn't be able to stop anymore, and he didn't want to do that over the phone, and especially not while he was in public. 

"I have to go back to studying now. I'll call you as soon as I know more, okay?" he said and didn't even wait for a reply before ending the call.


	145. [145]

It was starting to get pretty cold outside, especially in the early mornings when it was still dark. The days had gotten shorter too, and Kageyama suddenly felt tired and drained while walking to the gym for morning practice instead of energetic and excited. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that he hadn't properly slept all night, racking his braid trying to figure out what to do.  

"Good morning, Mr. Cheerful, how come you're looking even happier today than usually?" he heard someone say, and it took him a while to realise that it was directed at him. Too lost in thought, he hadn't even seen Tsukishima coming, but now his friend had caught up with him. 

"Shut up," Kageyama retorted, but it lacked spite.  

Tsukishima didn't say anything else and just let out a condescending _'tsk'_. They walked together in silence for a while, but it wasn't really comfortable. Eventually, it was he who spoke again.  

"You know that this is my way of asking what's wrong," he said through grit teeth while looking away.  

"You know that this is my way of saying I don't want to talk," Kageyama replied a little too snarky, and regretted it immediately. "My parents announced that they're coming for a visit," he added shortly after. 

"And what's so bad about that?" Tsukishima asked at that, "I thought you were on good terms." 

Kageyama let out a huff. "Well, that's not the problem. It's more that they think they're going to stay at _our_ place, but _our_ place doesn't exist anymore. _We_ doesn't exist anymore." 

"For real? You still haven't told them yet?" Tsukishima replied shaking his head, "You really should. The longer you wait, the worse it's going to get. Besides, it's not really like you have a choice anymore."

"Well, actually.." Kageyama said but didn't finish his sentence.  

"Actually?" Tsukishima questioned him, raising an eyebrow.  

"Actually nothing," Kageyama replied firmly, trying to end the conversation at this point. 

He knew that he wasn't going to fool Tsukishima of all people, but he hoped the other would just let it slide. They had almost arrived at the gym when he realised that Yamaguchi wasn't with them, which absolutely didn't make any sense to him. He and Tsukishima shared a flat, and they always walked together to the campus. 

"Where is Yamaguchi?" he asked in confusion and unintentionally managed to distract Tsukishima with it.  

His friend laughed at him, and only seconds later he heard footsteps approaching fast from behind and felt hands on his shoulders as Hinata pushed himself up to jump as high as possible.  

"He told us that he needed to finish and hand in a project this morning and would meet up with his group before practice, idiot!" Hinata pretty much screamed into his ear, and fighting him to take the insult back made Kageyama forget about all the worries and dread at least for a moment. 


	146. [146]

Oikawa was sprawled out on the floor with the phone stuck between his head and his shoulder. He was feeling pretty overwhelmed since he was almost literally drowning in all the work he had to do for his classes. All his books and notes were scattered over the whole living room, and sometimes all he was able to do was lie down and stare at the ceiling because it was the only blank spot, which didn't remind him of exams coming up, in the whole damn flat.

In order to prepare properly for the tests, he didn't attend most classes anymore; they weren't exactly mandatory after all. And ever since losing earlier that year in the preliminaries, he didn't have any volleyball tournament to train for, so the coach had basically banned him from the gym. It was stressing him out, not being able to play at the moment. He knew that he didn't have time for it anyway, but he needed it as a compensation for all the time he spent studying.  

"Stop whining and get back to work, Shittykawa," Iwaizumi said over the phone.  

"I'm not whining, Iwa-chan!" he replied in the whiniest voice he had to offer, making his friend sigh, "And I can't concentrate." 

"Then do something that makes you relax, and get back to studying later," Iwaizumi replied a little softer now, "Get a hot shower, something to eat, and a little sleep." 

By now he didn't even know for how many days he hadn't left the house. All he did was stay at home, and learn and learn and learn. He didn't know for how long he hadn't eaten anything other than delivered fast food. The trash definitely needed to be taken out too. Maybe he should really just take a long and hot shower and dress in something else than just boxer shorts, cosy socks, and a washed-out, over-sized sweater. Hopefully he'd feel better afterwards. 

He was just slowly sitting up, when he was startled by the sound of someone ringing the doorbell. 

"Thanks, I guess I'll do that," he said to Iwaizumi while getting up, "And sorry, I have to hang up now, someone's at the door." 

After Iwaizumi had said his goodbye as well, Oikawa ended the call and put his phone away while walking over to the front door. When he was only a few steps away from it, he suddenly heard someone putting a key in the lock and opening the door on their own. He didn't understand what was happening, and just stopped in his tracks, staring at the door to his apartment in shock.  

There weren't many people who owned a spare key, and one of them was Iwaizumi, who definitely was at his own place right now. The only other person was.. 

"Tobio-chan?!" Oikawa pretty much shrieked in absolute and total bewilderment.  

"I'm glad you're happy to see me," Kageyama replied while letting himself in and closing the front door behind himself with a naturalness that left Oikawa speechless.  

It simply felt as if he was coming _home_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again.... ;)


	147. [147]

"What the-" Oikawa said once he had found his voice again, "How dare you?" 

"How dare I what?" Kageyama replied completely unimpressed.  

"How dare you just show up out of the blue?!" Oikawa continued scandalised at Kageyama's lack of guilty conscience, "You _do_ have a phone, don't you? You could've at least called!" 

"I called you at least ten times, but the line was busy, so I decided to just come over. I _did_ ring the doorbell before coming in though, didn't I?" Kageyama retorted. 

"Oh, right, I talked to Iwa-chan," Oikawa muttered more to himself than to Kageyama and then crossed his arms in front of his chest like a truculent child, "But anyways, what do you even want from me?!" 

"I just-" Kageyama started to explain but was cut off again immediately. 

"Wait, let me get properly dressed first," Oikawa said and turned around to leave in the direction of the bedroom.  

"For real?" Kageyama replied incredulously, making Oikawa stop in his tracks, "I mean, you don't have to. This won't take long, and I've already seen you dressed worse.. and less." 

Oikawa spun around on his heel, which definitely was a pretty bad decision considering he could already feel his face heating up, but at least he saw that Kageyama was just as red. The whole situation was more than just odd and unexpected, it was utterly confusing and awkward. Mostly, he had just wanted to escape for a moment to calm down and buy himself some more time to think about what the hell this was supposed to mean.

He took in a deep breath before asking again. "Okay, what do you want?" 

"I want a favour," Kageyama said calmly, "I want you to leave the apartment to me for a few days around Christmas." 

That was, in fact, a surprise. There had been a lot of things Oikawa had imagined to happen, but this definitely wasn't one of them, not even close to anything he had expected. Actually, this was ridiculous, and absolutely and completely absurd, a joke. 

"No way," he replied laughing, "Why the hell would I do that? And what do you want to do here? Throw a big birthday party, huh?" 

Kageyama frowned. It was the first time his expression changed since he had entered the flat, and Oikawa immediately regretted his choice words and tone of voice. Talking like that wasn't exactly how you make someone forgive you after all. 

"No," Kageyama replied and gave him a deep scowl, "My parents thought it'd be nice to pay _us_ a visit."


	148. [148]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that i'm still so slow with updates ahsdksdglkl i really gotta get my life together somehow.. *sighs*   
> anyways, here's a new chapter. i hope you enjoy!

"So you haven't told them that you're living in a dorm room, merely big enough for one person, and can't host them?" Oikawa assumed, and Kageyama nodded grudgingly, "But why exactly would that be _my_ problem?" 

"Because as soon as I tell _my_ parents that you pretty much kicked me out, they'll talk to _your_ parents," Kageyama explained angrily, "And I don't know, but I figured that might be a problem for _you_ too." 

Oikawa contorted his face. "I hate to admit it, but you have a point there. But can we maybe discuss this and try to find a more pleasant solution than me spending Christmas god knows where?" 

"Well, do you have a better idea?" Kageyama simply asked and looked at Oikawa demandingly. 

"You tell them they can't come?" Oikawa suggested after thinking about it for a moment. 

Kageyama just cocked his head to the side in disbelief. "Seriously? That's your best idea?" 

"Okay, okay, then.. how about you.. tell them to stay at a hotel?" 

"That won't change that they want to see _us_. Unless you're out of town for whatever reason, that's not going to work," Kageyama replied, shaking his head.  

"For real though, why the hell would I be gone over Christmas _and_ your birthday? What the hell could be that important? It's fucking Christmas, _everyone_ is busy, and there won't be training camps or excursions or whatever! This makes no sense at all!" Oikawa replied in annoyance. 

"Well, then, do you have a better idea?" Kageyama responded, raising his voice as well.  

For a moment they just stared at each other, and the apartment was filled with silence except for their laboured breathing. Oikawa didn't want to start a fight, so he bit back the snarky remark on the tip of his tongue. This wasn't worth it.  

"Just stay with me then," he said instead once he had calmed down a little, "Let your parents come over, and we'll both be here. It's just for a few days, isn't it?" 

Kageyama raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Are you sure? I mean, isn't that like.. the worst idea of them all?" 

"Probably," Oikawa replied with a grin, _'But it's also the greatest opportunity to fix things.'_  

"This isn't exactly convincing," Kageyama noted sceptically, and Oikawa noticed that he had kind of been spacing out.  

"I'm sure we'll manage," he replied quickly, "We're good at playing pretend." 

"I'm sick of playing pretend, though."

"Then we'll manage without it," Oikawa corrected himself hastily. 

"More like we'll manage to be at each other's throats and show my parents how bad things actually are," Kageyama said with a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose, and after taking a closer look at him, Oikawa realised that he actually looked pretty exhausted. 

"No," he protested resolutely, "That's not going to happen. I'm sick and tired of fighting with you." 

Kageyama definitely looked somewhat surprised, but he remained still wary. "I thought you were sick and tired of me in general?" 

Oikawa vehemently shook his head. "I'm not. That's what I've been trying to tell you at the library as well. I'm just sick of being reminded that I'll never be as talented as you, but I'm not sick of _you_ as a person, not at all." 

There was a moment of tense silence, and Oikawa hadn't even realised that he had started staring at the ground until he noticed that he was too scared to look up again.  

"My friends are going to kill me for this," Kageyama eventually said, and when Oikawa raised his head, he saw a little smile on his husband's face. 

He smiled back. "Iwa-chan is going to kill me for this too." 


	149. [149]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm back! Sorry for the (once again) long break, but I've been travelling a lot and barely home. Here's a new chapter though, and I've written some more already, so expect more frequent updates for a while ~

Kageyama was wide awake and dead tired when his alarm rang. It was awfully early considering that he didn't have any classes to attend today. For the first time in several years he had barely slept the night before his birthday because he had been way too excited. He really wished that the thought of presents would've kept him up all night, but it was mostly a mixture of nervousness and maybe even fear. 

There were a lot of things to do before his parents would arrive, so he got up immediately and started to get ready for the day. The train ride to his old home passed by in a blur, and once he arrived at the apartment building, he just stood there and stared at the door bell nameplate for a while. His name was still written on it, and yet, he hesitated.  

Too scared to ring, he eventually decided to just use his keys. It felt weird, like he was intruding, but he had managed to show up out of the blue just lately, so he could definitely do it again, especially since Oikawa knew that he was coming over this time. That absolutely didn't ease his tension, but there was no way he'd chicken out last minute and tell his parents the truth.  

After unlocking the door and entering the flat, he was once again welcomed by the familiar smell of the place. Over the time he had lived there, he had developed at strong sense of home and belonging, so although he was still asking himself why the hell he would go back just to get hurt all over again, it felt just right. He wasn't going to forgive Oikawa and take him back anyway, so he figured he'd be fine. 

While Tobio was taking off his shoes, he heard the bathroom door swing open and Oikawa emerged, wearing sweatpants, a tank top, and just one sock. He was holding the other one in his hand.  

"You ealy," he said hardly understandable because of the toothbrush in his mouth. 

Kageyama couldn't help but smile a little, and immediately looked down to hide it. To cover it up, he just pulled out his phone and checked the time. 

"I'm not," he replied smirking when he noticed he was pretty much exactly on time, "You're just too slow." 

"Thas no fair," Oikawa replied while scrunching up his nose in annoyance. 

The gibberish accompanied by some toothpaste foam and spit dripping down his chin made Kageyama chuckle, and Oikawa spun dramatically around on his heel and returned to the bathroom. Once Tobio was alone again, he let out a sigh. He had expected that at lest the first few moments would be terribly awkward, but all of his nervousness was gone by now. 


	150. [150]

Kageyama was trying to make the apartment look a little more as if he was actually living there too. He hadn't brought much for the few days he would stay, but hopefully enough to fool his parents. In the meantime, Oikawa had started unpacking the newly bought groceries, so that Tobio would be able to start cooking, and then continued with cleaning up the living room. 

Suddenly, the doorbell rang followed by a loud knock at the door. Without any second thought, Oikawa walked over to the entrance area and opened the door for their uninvited guest, expecting just a neighbour or the mailman.  

"Iwa-chan?! What are you doing here?" Oikawa yelped in surprise and awkwardly and absolutely not casually leaned against the wall next to the door, trying to block Iwaizumi's view of the inside of the apartment. 

"I was close by and just wanted to check on you. Today is Kageyama's birthday after all, and I thought you might be lonely," his friend replied, then raised one eyebrow and looked at him sceptically, "Is everything alright? You look a little.. rattled?" 

"What? Yes, yes, of course, everything is fine! I have no idea what you mean!" Oikawa responded cheerfully and felt how he slowly started to panic. 

"Well then, are you going to let me in?" 

Oikawa reluctantly stepped a little aside, "Uhm, yeah, sure, if you insist." 

He knew that he had a habit of nervously fumbling with the hem of his shirt and also that Iwaizumi knew about that too, but he couldn't help it although it made him look even more suspicious. 

"Are you busy?" Iwaizumi asked as he was stepping inside and was met with the warmth of the apartment as well as the nice smell of food, "Are you cooking something?" 

"Cooking something?" Oikawa repeated kind of dully, "Cooking something! Yes, I'm cooking something, so I'm, uh, busy." 

His friend didn't reply for a moment and just kept looking at him warily. Of course he knew that something was off, and Oikawa had absolutely never been good at lying to his best friend. 

"You're not," Iwaizumi stated. 

"Excuse me?!" Oikawa replied scandalised. 

"You're not cooking anything. Besides that you're behaviour is extremely weird, you _never_ cook. No one who is in their right mind would even let you close to the stove, so what the hell is going on, Shittykawa?"  

Iwaizumi hadn't raised his voice so far, but the question sounded a lot like a threat, and Oikawa knew that his patience was wearing thin. Instinctively, he turned his head to the side to look in the direction of the kitchen where Tobio was currently cooking something, and almost yelped when he realised that he, in fact, wasn't. 

Kageyama was quietly leaning against the wall right next to him but still out of Iwaizumi's sight. Besides that he was pressing his hand to his mouth to apparently keep himself from laughing, he was holding a notepad up for Oikawa to see.  

_'you're preparing his christmas present'_ , was written on it in Tobio's bad handwriting. 

"Oikawa, what the hell?!" Iwaizumi asked once again, this time pretty angrily, and tried to walk past him. 

"Stop! Wait, please," Oikawa replied pleadingly, "I'm.. I'm sorry, okay? I'm preparing your Christmas present, so you can't come in right now!" 

For a moment, Iwaizumi kept observing him closely, trying to figure out whether Oikawa was lying or actually telling the truth, but apparently he accepted the explanation. 

"Why didn't you just tell me that in the first place?" he responded with a sigh, "Then let's just go to your room, okay?" 

"Ohnonononono, that's not a good idea either!" Oikawa tried to intervene, but it was too late and Iwaizumi had already started moving forwards. 

The moment the words had left his mouth, his friend turned around to face him and saw Kageyama standing right behind him, quickly hiding the notepad behind his back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shit's about to go down my friends....


	151. [151]

For a moment, Iwaizumi looked at Kageyama in surprise, but then he furrowed his brow and glared at him angrily. "What the hell are _you_ doing _here_?!"  

"Standing," Kageyama deadpanned, and Oikawa felt as if he had suddenly gotten into something he was not capable of understanding. 

Sure, he had known that Iwaizumi would be angry if he found out about this, but he had expected that the anger would be directed at him and not at Tobio, and yet his friend didn't seem to even remember that he was still standing right there between them.  

Besides that, this behaviour was way too hostile - Iwaizumi had always come to Tobio's defence when it came to their relationship after all - and Tobio usually was very polite and wouldn't act this defensive over a simple question. 

"I thought we had an agreement," Iwaizumi replied aggressively to Kageyama's snarky remark, and Oikawa was pretty sure he didn't know of any kind of agreement between his husband and his best friend. 

Tobio huffed. "Yes, exactly, that's what _you thought_! You can't just tell me what to do and expect me to obey like your lapdog. I never agreed to anything, and I do as I please! Oh, and besides that, do you really think I'm here because I want to be?!" 

"Well then how about you tell me what you're doing here except for _standing_?" Iwaizumi snapped back at him. 

"Neither my parents nor his," Kageyama started to explain and pointed at Oikawa who was still standing in the middle, "are supposed to know that we aren't a happily married couple, so whether we like it or not, we have to suck it up and deal with it for as long as my parents are visiting. And believe it or not, you're not the only one who isn't exactly happy about this." 

There was a tense moment of silence between the three of them until Oikawa said something for the first time in a few minutes. 

"Oh so this is the thanks for doing you a favour! You're only here because you're too scared to tell your parents you're not living in a nice apartment anymore and can't host them!"  

Once the words had left his mouth, he briskly turned around and walked towards his room, slamming the door shut with a lot of force, leaving the other two alone.  

"Good luck explaining all of that to him," Kageyama said bitterly after the first shock had faded. 

He also turned around and started leisurely walking towards the kitchen again, making it very clear that he had no intention of carrying this conversation on whatsoever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story is now part of a series! From now on you can find all additional one-shots and short fics belonging to this AU in one place! If things go well, I might even publish something today, so stay tuned ~


	152. [152]

Oikawa was sitting in his room, heart pounding against his ribcage in a fast pace. Maybe it was just because he was overwhelmed by the situation or because it had only been a few hours and things had already started to go south again.  

After a while, he heard footsteps as well as the front door closing rather loudly, hoping the one who had just left was Iwaizumi. Although he was fairly sure about that since it absolutely wasn't Tobio's style to angrily slam doors. Moreover, he definitely wouldn't just leave the food on the stove unsupervised for too long. 

A part of him really wanted to go and take a look - just waiting in his room wasn't exactly going to fix anything - but on the other hand, he was too distraught and confused because of what had happened, and he was scared of learning about whatever agreement the other two had been talking about. 

He wrecked his brain trying to remember if he had actually known about this and just forgotten about it, but he was pretty sure that neither Kageyama nor Iwaizumi had ever mentioned anything, and he didn't even know when and how the two of them could’ve had the chance to talk to each other without him being around too. 

Oikawa was still lost in thought when there was a timid knock and Kageyama stuck his head in the door the moment after. It was relieving to see that he didn't seem to be in a particularly bad mood, so Oikawa managed to loosen up some of the tension in his muscles. 

"I need to get going and pick up my parents from the train station, so can you please watch over the food and stir a little?" he asked as if nothing had ever happened. 

"I-I don't know if that's a good idea," Oikawa replied meekly, "No one who is in their right mind would ever let me get close to the stove after all." 

"I never said that," Kageyama responded in surprise, "And I'm sure you'd do a great job." 

"You get an A+ for the effort you put into that compliment, but I guess I'll pass," Oikawa chuckled, "You're the cook here. I can be the driver and pick up your parents." 

"Are you okay with this?" Kageyama asked oddly concerned, and Oikawa slowly got up from where he was sitting on the floor. 

"Yes, of course I am! That's why I suggested it," he said with a nod, "And I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it." 

"It's true though, isn't it?" Tobio replied seriously. 

"But I said it to hurt you, not because it's the truth," he tried to explain, "I know that it wasn't your intention to hurt me with what you said, but it was a little harsh to hear it that way." 

"I'm sorry I hurt you, but what were you thinking? That I was looking forward to this?" Kageyama asked expressionlessly. 

"Not really, but I was hoping you would?" Oikawa responded uneasily and looked at the ground, "I was looking forward to this at least." 

"Thank you." 

"Thank you?!" Oikawa said in bewilderment and jerked his head up again, " For real?! That's all you have to say to this?!" 

"I think you're in no position to have expectations," Kageyama replied with a shrug and turned around to leave the room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By now there are already two additional one-shots available! Both are taking place after the main story, so if you need proof that there'll be a happy ending, go and read them ;)


	153. [153]

There was supposed to be something absolutely awkward about picking up your parents-in-law from the train station, knowing that you and their son weren't actually dating anymore; or that you never really had in the first place. Or had they _dated_? It was hard to tell since they had never really talked about their relationship. He figured that it would be normal to take pride in being able to call his partner "husband", but their relationship wasn't normal at all. 

While marriage was one of the last and biggest steps people took in relationships, it kind of had been their very first. There had never been a chance for an embarrassing love confession or an awkward first date. They hadn’t been able to surprise their parents with their plans to get married, and they hadn’t even had an engagement party at all. They hadn’t really had beautiful a wedding night, and no honeymoon either.  

They had gotten their awkward first kiss, though, and a nice wedding party. And they had experienced the mess of moving in together and trying to figure out how to live like sophisticated adults. With all their ups and downs, which are a normal part of a relationship, they had actually done a lot of normal couple things, and yet Oikawa had never thought of them as one. 

All he knew was that they were broken up now, that it was his fault, that he needed to fix it, and that he needed to safely drive Tobio's parents to their place to let the show begin. Oikawa wondered how far he should take their playing pretend since they hadn't actually talked about it. He was probably supposed to behave like he usually had when other people had been around them, but that was going to be hard. 

Firstly, he had never paid much attention to his own behaviour around Kageyama, so he wasn't exactly sure what he had been like, and secondly, his feelings had changed since then. Well, maybe they hadn't exactly _changed_ , but he was aware of them now, painfully aware, and that definitely changed a lot. He figured that it was a fine line between being kind of successful at wooing Tobio, and overstepping the mark and fucking things up even worse. 

It was a risk worth taking, though. He didn't know how many other chances like this he was going to get, if any at all. So when he had finally found a parking spot not too far away from their place and unloaded all the luggage, he continued his friendly chit-chat with his parents-in-law, hoping they hadn't noticed that he'd actually been spacing out and in deep thought for quite some time. 


	154. [154]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, hey! Sorry for the short break once again, I was busy with both OiKage and Tendou week on tumblr as well as some real life stuff. Looks like I'll be able to update quite frequently for the next 2-3 weeks though! I hope you enjoy <3

"Are you really sure you don't want more?" Kageyama asked and looked directly at him, "Or else I'm going to finish this off then." 

For a moment, Oikawa wasn't even able to respond to this simple question because he was too distracted by a bit of sauce dripping from the corner of Tobio's mouth. It was about to run down his chin, and Oikawa's first impulse was to lean forward and _lick_ , but even if they were happily married, he wouldn't dare do something like that in front of his parents-in-law. 

"Thank you, I'm full," he replied with a shake of his head and reached out with one hand to wipe Tobio's face clean. 

The touch was brief, and a second later Oikawa already licked off the sauce from his own thumb instead. Kageyama grimaced, and the look in his eyes was a mixture of embarrassed, horrified, and murderous, but he didn't say or do anything and just helped himself to the rest of the food. Fortunately, a quick glance at Tobio's parents confirmed that they hadn't noticed that anything was off. 

It had only been a few hours since they had arrived, and Oikawa was already terribly exhausted. He was hyperaware of absolutely everything - every movement, every gesture, ever word, every glance - and he was scared he'd be asked a question he had no answer to. He couldn't even relax for one second because he knew he might screw up once he'd let his guard down. Trying to please everyone - including himself - was hard, and it was a tightrope walk. 

The few minutes of alone time he got while doing the dishes and cleaning up the kitchen were the first and probably only real breather he would get to take today. Just thinking about what they were going to do for the rest of the afternoon and evening made his stomach churn. Maybe, just maybe, this hadn't been such a good idea after all, and he should've just left. But it was too late for that anyway, so he needed to make the best of it now.  

When he returned to the living room, he sat down on the couch next to Kageyama and decided to put his arm casually around the backrest. They weren't even touching, but from the corner of his eye he was able to see that Tobio immediately tensed. Once again, he didn't show any reaction besides that, but it already stung enough. 

"How about we watch a movie?" Oikawa suggested cheerfully, breaking the silence. 

"Not if you're deciding," Tobio replied with a smirk, and Oikawa found himself easily falling back into old patterns. 

"Ow! How could you hurt me like this?" he replied, dramatically clutching his chest. 

"Well, then I'll decide!" Kageyama's mother declared, and her husband's expression changed into a frown similar to the one Tobio wore a lot. 

"I feel like I'll be okay with this," Oikawa said with a triumphant grin as he heard the other two men sigh and groan. 

"I feel like I won't," Tobio's father mumbled scarcely audible and exchanged some sympathetic glances with his son.  

"Then go ahead and decide," Kageyama surrendered and threw his hands up in the air in defeat while getting up from the sofa, "I'll get some ice cream. Does anyone else want some too?" 

Both his mother and father shook their heads while Oikawa nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, but I'll just share with you," he said sugary sweet, giving Tobio puppy eyes and fluttering his eyelashes. 

"Got it. Just for me, then," Tobio responded expressionlessly and completely ignored Oikawa's complaints on his way to the kitchen, only allowing himself a little smile once he was completely out of sight.


	155. [155]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been at a family reunion over the long weekend, so this update is a little late.. but I hope you enjoy! ^-^

The playful banter had helped to ease the tension at least a little, but it was hard to take these things not too seriously. Usually, Oikawa was able to just shrug off that his taste in movies was bad or that Tobio didn't want to share ice cream with him, but at the moment, it just reminded him of everything that had gone wrong. Sure, none of these little things were the reason they didn't work out in the end, but maybe it was the sum of them. 

It was Tobio's birthday, and yet he had hardly smiled so far. He didn't look happy or excited but only worn out and gloomy.. and at times even uncomfortable. Oikawa knew he wasn't going to win him back by pretending everything was fine and forcing himself on him because he had never really been successful like that. Toning it down wasn't an option either, though, since Kageyama's parents weren't that easily fooled after all. 

Everything was a mess, and if he had been alone, Oikawa probably would've torn his hair out right about now to make these thoughts stop. There was this tight feeling in his chest, the one he had always felt lying awake at night, wondering if he had dodged a bullet or just lost the love of his life; wondering where exactly they had gone wrong and if they were damaged beyond repair; wondering if there was still a little bit of hope; wondering if it was time to eventually give up. 

Tobio sat down next to Oikawa again and made him snap back to reality. He was holding the promised ice cream as well as two spoons, one of them obviously for him. Oikawa jerked a little when the bowl was placed in his lap and the cold spread through his legs, but the sudden warmth of Tobio's body pressed closely to his side made up of for it at least tenfold.  

He wasn't even sure what was going on anymore, but he definitely wasn't going to complain. Maybe this was just a part of their pretending, but compared to a few minutes ago, Tobio didn't exactly look or  _feel_ uncomfortable, especially considering how casually and closely he had just snuggled up to Oikawa. His head was resting against Oikawa's shoulder, and his eyes were closed peacefully. 

Oikawa only hesitated for a split second before he put his arm around him, and not only around the backrest but really around Tobio's shoulders this time. Careful not to spill the ice cream, he pulled Tobio as close as possible and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of his head. He needed to savour every second of this moment as they were practically melting into each other, and it was some kind of mutual melting, not just him gravitating towards the touch of the one person he had tried to push away all this time. 

It was weird how his body wasn't used to something once so familiar anymore, but that just made it all the more exciting. He immediately noticed that Tobio had started using a new shampoo, one that smelled differently, but also made his hair softer to the touch. As the movie started playing and he kept running his fingers through Tobio's hair and up an down his side, he almost forgot that this wasn't going to last.


	156. [156]

Only now that they were lying next to each other, Oikawa realised that their sofa was rather small. It wasn't the first time they were lying with a considerable distance between them, but trying not to touch Tobio was actually pretty difficult. Not that he didn't crave touch, but he knew that he needed to restrain himself and let Tobio be right now. If there was one thing he had learned, then it was that things could neither be forced nor rushed, and he had already gotten more physical contact than expected today.  

It was heartbreaking to see how close Kageyama was to rolling down from the sofa instead of allowing them to be close, though. He looked tense and uncomfortable and completely different from just half an hour ago when they had been watching a movie. Oikawa knew enough about Tobio’s sleeping habits to be sure that being curled up into a ball was nothing he usually did. 

"Are you okay?" he whispered into the silence of the night.

He didn't get a reply for a while, and just when Oikawa thought he might have been ignored completely, Tobio decided to speak. "What do you want?" 

"To know if you're okay," Oikawa repeated himself calmly.  

"Splendid," Kageyama replied sarcastically, "Absolutely peachy." 

Saying that it wasn't pissing him off would've been a lie, but Oikawa didn't want to make things any more tense and complicated than they already were, so he just swallowed all his anger and frustration. "Do you want me to sleep on the floor?" 

"No, that'd be suspicious," Tobio responded after a moment of consideration. 

"We're alone now," Oikawa replied and furrowed his brow, "You're not making any sense." 

"Of course I'm making sense!" Kageyama protested, raising his voice from a whisper to a moderate volume, "What if my parents walk in and see us like that?" 

"You don't really think that it’s going to happen, do you?" Oikawa dismissed the statement. 

"I said _what if_ ," Tobio grumbled in annoyance. 

" _What if_ you enjoy being close to me more than you can admit to yourself?" Oikawa blurted out before he remembered that he needed to hold his tongue a little more if he didn't want to make Kageyama even angrier. 

"What if you just shut up?!" Tobio replied aggressively but instead of staying turned away and ignoring Oikawa, he actually turned around to face him. 

It was still dark, but now that their eyes were used to the light conditions, it wasn't hard to see the frown on Tobio's face. He definitely was angry, but he didn't quite look like he was going to kill him at least. Actually, Oikawa was sure he saw a familiar gleam in Tobio's eyes. And even though it was just for a split second, he decided to act on it. No guts, no glory, after all. 

"What if you make me," he whispered suggestively. 

And then, he waited for a reaction.


	157. [157]

A moment later, a pillow hit his face, and Oikawa was just happy that it hadn't been a fist. He absolutely had considered that to be a possible outcome as well, but things seemed to be just as he had interpreted them, so he simply grabbed his own pillow for a counterattack. A playful fight was still an excellent excuse for physical contact, and he could've sworn that he even saw a small smile on Tobio's lips.

"This isn't what I meant!" Oikawa complained in between dodging attacks and trying to fight back. 

He could've won their scuffle a long time ago, he was sure of it, but he enjoyed it too much to let it end just yet. The way Tobio was repetitively hitting him with his pillow and telling him to shut the hell up was making him laugh and relax as if everything was alright between them. They had always spent a lot of time rolling around, playfully fighting like little kids, and he had always liked it the best when they weren't even fighting over something, but just for the fun of it. 

After a while it was enough, though, and Oikawa just had to wait for an opening to seriously attack. It was easy to tackle and reverse their positions to gain the upper hand by pinning down Tobio's hands above his head and pressing him into the bed by lying on top of him. The atmosphere between them shifted immediately, and the silence surrounding them, only interrupted by their slightly laboured breathing, was maddeningly loud. 

Oikawa swallowed hard when he felt a lump forming in his throat, but he knew he needed to say something, _anything_ , unless he wanted this to get really, _really_ awkward. "My my, look at you," he said mockingly, "By now you should know that I'm stronger than you."

"Oh, just shut up!" Tobio replied, but it was a weak response, completely lacking bite.

They locked eyes, and for a moment Oikawa wasn't able to think straight anymore. Tobio was looking up at him in anticipation, but he didn't seem to be scared or tense at all. Actually, he had completely stopped struggling ever since Oikawa had gained the upper hand, now that he was thinking about it. It was confusing how ambivalent Tobio's behaviour was all of sudden.

Usually, his mood was stable and didn't change without any apparent reason, but today was entirely different from everything Oikawa was used to. One moment, it felt like Kageyama actually wanted to kill him, the next it was as if they were the happiest couple alive. He couldn't help but think that if he managed to read the mood just right and go with the flow, things might actually work out in his favour for once.

"Let me show you what I meant, then," he whispered and tried to observe Kageyama's reaction as carefully as possible.

He had expected some restraint or protest, but Tobio only let out a shaky breath before closing his eyes. It was too easy, almost like an invitation, and definitely too good to be true, but Oikawa slowly leaned further down until their noses touched. Tobio's face was warm, and so was his breath against Oikawa's skin, and the mere anticipation was already killing him. 

Oikawa was drinking in every sensation, howsoever small, to not miss out on even the slightest detail and to savour the moment. They were so close that he could've sworn he was able to taste the kiss before it had even happened, which made it even harder to comprehend that it never did. Suddenly, all air was driven out of his lungs by a punch to his chest, making it hard for him to breathe.

When he rolled over and landed on his back with his head hitting a hard part of the sofa's backrest, he simply closed his eyes, deciding he didn't need to see the kind of face Tobio was making right now.


	158. [158]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for my (once again) long absence. This time I've been on holiday without any real internet connection for almost two weeks ;D But I'm back now, and I have a few more chapters prepared in advance already!

Oikawa had known that Kageyama would yell, but he had expected it to be directed at him. So when it wasn't, he slowly opened his eyes, seeing Tobio sitting next to him with the blanket pulled all the way up to his chin as if he was trying to cover himself although he was fully clothed. 

"Mom, what the hell?!" he yelled at his mother, who was suddenly standing in the doorframe, her back turned to them. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" she replied conciliatorily, "I just wanted to get a glass of water." 

"You could've at least _knocked_ before coming in!" Tobio continued and did his best to let her know that he was truly appalled. 

"I thought that you were asleep already. I just didn't want to wake you up!" she tried to defend herself further. 

"Unbelievable," Kageyama mumbled still in shock, "Just get your glass of water and get out! We should've never let you sleep in our room." 

While his mother started to move towards the kitchen, Tobio slumped down and hid completely underneath the blanket. It probably wasn't even a minute, but the time it took for his mother to get something to drink and shut the door again felt agonisingly long. Even after she had left again, Tobio didn't move or speak. 

"That really hurt, you know," Oikawa broke the silence after a while. 

He was still lying just as he had landed after Tobio had shoved him away rather ungently and waited for a response. His reaction was a little slow, but eventually Kageyama pulled down the blanket a little and peeked out. His cheeks were still burning red. 

"I'm sorry," Tobio whispered back, "I was startled.. and panicked." 

"Oh yeah, I noticed," Oikawa replied with a chuckle, "For a moment I thought you hit me because I was trying to kiss you." 

"You just caught me off guard," Kageyama responded and averted his gaze in annoyance, "I totally should have. I just wasn't in my right mind for a moment, I guess." 

"Anyways," Oikawa tried to changed the subject when he felt that it was probably a little too soon to casually mention things like that, "Why are you so shocked? Have you never been caught by your parents having sex or something like that before?" 

"Uhm, no?! And I'd like it to stay that way," Tobio replied in confusion, "Why are you even talking about it as if it's something completely normal?!" 

Oikawa just laughed. "What the hell did you do during your youth?" 

"I played volleyball," Tobio replied to the rhetorical question very truthfully.  

"I did too, idiot," Oikawa said fondly, "But I'll take back that we're totally alone and no one will see us. You were right." 

"Since when do you admit to your faults?" Tobio jibed at him with a smirk.  

"You little shit," Oikawa mumbled, shaking his head, "I can't believe I married you." 

Tobio didn't reply immediately, but when he did, every tiniest bit of amusement and playfulness was gone from his voice. "I can't believe you married me either, considering how much you wish you would've never even met me in the first place." 

It felt like another punch, definitely stronger than the first one, and Oikawa cursed himself for not thinking about what he was saying. "Oh no, no, no, no, no! That's not what I meant!" 

He was instinctively drawn to Tobio, trying to make sure he wasn't really thinking things like that, but every attempt at reassuring physical contact was hopeless. Kageyama didn't even need to say a word since his expression was screaming _'don't touch me'_ into Oikawa's face rather effectively. 

The perfect moment had just passed. 


	159. [159]

"But it's the truth, isn't it?" Tobio said in a low voice after a moment of silence. 

Oikawa had neither dared to get any closer to him nor to say anything. He knew better than to overdo it, especially since they had some more time together. He needed to use it wisely after all. However, at least this fiasco hadn't been entirely his fault this time; things could've actually worked out quite well for once. Of course they hadn't, though.  

"I sometimes wished that I would've never met you, but that was mostly when we were younger. I wished for it almost every day during middle school, and a lot during high school," Oikawa said although he knew that the truth might be harsh and not exactly in his favour, "During the last years, I only wished for it a few times when I was angry at you, but I never really wanted it." 

"So if in one of those situations a genie would've appeared in front of you and offered to grant you your wish, you would've declined?" Tobio asked in all seriousness. 

Oikawa nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, of course I would've declined! I’d never do that!"  

"Are you sure about that?" Tobio said doubtingly, "I mean, people make a lot of very stupid decisions when they're angry."

"Are you crazy?! There's no way I could ever be so angry at you that I'd actually wish for you to completely vanish from my life!" Oikawa responded appalled. 

"But you were angry enough to tell me that you never want to see me again, which pretty much is the same thing, isn't it?" Tobio objected calmly. 

"That's," Oikawa started slightly flustered, "It's not the same! It's different because you're still here, and as long as you don't magically completely disappear from my life, there's still hope." 

"You mean, it makes you think there's still hope," Tobio corrected him, "Because it's too late either way, whether I still exist in your world or not." 

"Did you just reject me?!" 

"I taught you a life lesson," Tobio replied. 

"A what?!" Oikawa said in confusion and sat up to look at Kageyama who was still lying next to him, but he didn't see much since he was facing in the opposite direction. 

"Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it," Tobio whispered after a moment of silence.  

"Did you," Oikawa said in bewilderment, "Did you seriously just reject me by quoting The Pussycat Dolls?!" 

Kageyama's body started to shake, and for a moment, Oikawa wasn't sure whether he was crying or laughing or something entirely else, but when he finally turned around to face him, he was obviously giggling.  

"Oh my god, how am I supposed to take anything you said seriously now?" Oikawa replied scandalised and tilted his head back to look at the ceiling.  

He couldn't help but chuckle too. The whole situation was way too absurd, so it didn't hurt as much as it would've if they had continued their conversation in all seriousness, but it still stung enough for him to need a break. The slight nausea probably wasn't going to leave him anytime soon, but after a few deep breaths, he was sure he at least wasn't going to cry.  

When he looked at Tobio once more, he realised that the other was putting on a brave face as well. He was still giggling, but the smile never reached his eyes, which actually looked pretty watery too. The selfless thing to do would've been to just leave Kageyama be, considering that he was obviously hurting as well, and struggling to keep his distance and stay resolute.  

However, that was exactly what was telling him that there, in fact, was still hope, and he wasn’t just imagining it.


	160. [160]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it's obvious, but in case it isn't, the people talking in this chapter are Kageyama's parents. Since I don't know their names and don't want to make any up, I'm only referring to them with pronouns ;D

"You didn't get up to just get yourself a glass of water, did you?" he suddenly asked into the darkness once she had shut the bedroom door again.  

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I wake you up, honey?" she apologised, avoiding the question. 

"More like you kept me awake with all that tossing and turning," he replied, "What's wrong?" 

With a sigh, she sat down on the bed and took a sip from her water. "Don't you feel something is off too?" 

He looked at her questioningly and just waited for her to continue. After decades of marriage he knew that this rhetorical question was just the beginning of an explanation anyway.  

"I can't really put it into words.. it's just a feeling. I feel like something is not right. Don't you think they both look super exhausted?" 

"You know it's because of all the studying and practicing they both do. It's nothing unusual, is it?" he replied thoughtfully.  

"But they also don't really seem close to me!" she went on with her concerns. 

"But isn't it normal to not be all over each other anymore after a while of being together? Not that they even ever were like that in the first place," he objected once more, "And when we were watching the movie earlier, everything seemed to be just fine too."

"But don't you see that Tobio looks unhappy?" she continued, growing more and more distressed while talking, "It's as if they're just pretending that everything is fine when in reality it's not."

"Even if they had a fight and things are not entirely fine right now, that's just normal too, isn't it? We argued a lot too, we still do, and I definitely never wanted your parents to know either!" he opposed again, but didn't quite manage to calm her down, "They're both still here, so they're trying, and that's the only thing that matters." 

Suddenly, she got up from the bed, put the glass down on the nearby nightstand, stomped over to the wardrobe, and opened all doors. Half of it was filled with clothes normally, but the other half was nearly empty except for a few shirts, pants, underwear, and an empty sports bag at the very bottom. 

"Does _this_ look like _they're both still here_ to you?!" she said vigorously, pointing at the emptiness, "And Tobio's room is empty as well, except for the equally empty desk and shelves! Do you really believe that they're going to renovate the room and moved all his things to the basement because of that?! If he's studying so much, where are all his things?!" 

"I'm sure there is a very good explanation for this," he tried to reason with her, "And I can't believe you were prying about that much."

 "I wasn't _prying_ ," she replied scandalised because of the accusation, "I just happened to open the wardrobe, that's all!" 

Despite the tense situation, a little smile made its way on his lips, seeing his wife embarrassed like this. 

"What did you see, though?" he asked, and when he noticed her confused look, he added, "You didn't get up to get yourself a glass of water, you were spying on them." 

"I wasn't _spying_ ," she responded in the same scandalised tone of voice, "I just wanted to take a quick look to check on them. I thought they'd already be asleep!" 

"You're still avoiding my question," he said calmly, but also slightly amused. 

"I'm not avoiding anything," she protested, "There just isn't anything to say." 

"At least tell me, on a scale from zero to ten, how awkward is breakfast going to be tomorrow morning?" he asked with a smirk.  

"It wasn't that bad! They were still completely dressed at least!" 

"Still? At least?" he repeated and raised an eyebrow, but didn't want to think about it any further, "Anyways, that's good, isn't it? It means things are fine after all or are you still not convinced?" 

"I'm obviously still not convinced or else we wouldn't be having this conversation right now," she said discontentedly. 

"Maybe you should just ask Tobio about it?" he suggested after a moment of silence, "I'm still sure there is a good explanation for this and you're worrying for nothing. How about you come back to bed for now?" 

The look on her face was still a full-blown display of stubbornness and dissatisfaction, but after a moment, she reluctantly walked back over to the bed in defeat to finally go to sleep. The next day was hopefully going to be the day she was going to get closure.


	161. [161]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guess who's back

"That was delicious," Kageyama's father said and leaned back in his chair with a happy sigh. 

It was hardly noticeable, but Oikawa picked up on how proud Tobio actually was nevertheless. He wasn't even smiling or anything like that, but he looked slightly more relaxed and wasn't frowning as much as he had been all morning.  

"Tobio, why don't you show your father around the neighbourhood?" Kageyama's mother suddenly suggested, "You know how much he likes to take a walk after lunch." 

Tobio turned his head around to her in surprise. "You mean right now? Shouldn't we clean up first and go together afterwards?" 

"There's no need," his mother dismissed her son's objection, "You'll only be gone for an hour or so, and in the meantime Oikawa-kun and I can do the dishes and put everything away, right?" 

She faced Oikawa with a warm smile on her lips, but her eyes were telling an entirely different story. Oikawa knew he was going to suffer in case he agreed, but he also knew there was no way he would get away with saying no, so he nodded and smiled back in the same overly friendly manner. Whatever she was going to do to him, he probably deserved it anyway, but that didn't change that he had a really bad feeling about it.

Kageyama was obviously still a bit confused, but complied nevertheless and left the dining table to get dressed. Not really knowing what else to do, Oikawa got up as well and started to clear the table. Since they hadn't really talked to each other more than absolutely necessary since last night, he wasn't even sure whether Tobio was going to say goodbye before leaving for the walk or not. In case he didn't, it definitely wouldn't look like they were happy and fine, but maybe their charade was less important than being angry at him. 

A few minutes later Kageyama actually came back to the living room, now wearing his winter jacket, a scarf, a hat, and gloves. His cheeks were slightly flushed since it was too warm to wear winter clothes inside, but it was obvious that he wanted to get away as fast as possible for a whole other reason.  

Oikawa could've sworn Tobio's mother wasn't only looking at them, but intently observing them. When Tobio went for a kiss on the cheek, Oikawa turned his face in the last moment so that it ended up being a kiss on the lips instead. For a split second, Tobio's eyes widened in surprise, but it had only been a brief kiss anyway, so Oikawa was sure it wasn't too obvious that Tobio pulled back a little too fast. He didn't say anything, but he pressed his lips together in annoyance and glared. 

"See you later," he then said loud enough for it to be directed at both Oikawa and his mother and turned around swiftly to leave.

 Once he had left the living room and was out of his mother's but still well within Oikawa's sight, he turned around to look at him once more, pointedly wiping his mouth dry with his sleeve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're reading this: thanks a lot for still following this fic! i'm sorry for the veeeeeeery long lack of updates, but i'm not gonna bore you with all the reasons why. all you need to know is (that i'm pretty sure) that i can continue to update somewhat regularly again from now on! i really hope you'll enjoy the rest from here on out too~
> 
> besides that, i really love hearing what you think! if you have any questions/comments/suggestions/whatever and you definitely want a reply, please consider sending me an ask on [tumblr](http://atsumus.tumblr.com). i really don't have the energy or time to reply to all comments i get on ao3, and i'm suuuuper slow with replies to private messages too, but i absolutely always reply to tumblr asks (at some point at least), so that's definitely the best way to contact me at the moment.
> 
> also, tomorrow's chapter is going to be longer than this one, i promise ;)


	162. [162]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kageyama mama vs. oikawa (round 1)

"So, Oikawa-kun, tell me," Kageyama's mother casually said while they were doing the dishes, "How are you?" 

"Me?" Oikawa asked and immediately regretted saying something that stupid. Of course she meant him; no one else was even around. "I'm fine, really. Everything's a little stressful at the moment, but it's alright. Nothing I can't manage." 

She hummed affirmatively, but Oikawa knew that this was just the start of something way bigger and way worse. She obviously wasn't interested in how he was doing.  

"And Tobio? How is he doing?" she asked in the same chit-chat tone of voice as before. 

"Uhm, he's stressed too, but also fine," Oikawa replied and damned himself for already showing uneasiness. 

"And the two of you.. how are you?" 

"I just answered that," Oikawa replied and kept staring at the dishes in front of him. 

"No, dear, you didn't," she said as if she was talking to a stupid child, "I want to know about your relationship.. your _so called_ marriage?"

"Excuse me?" 

"Oh, come on, we both know you're not exactly happy. You're not even wearing your rings anymore," she explained kind of condescendingly but still with a friendly smile on her lips. 

"Wedding rings are just a symbol. You're not an unhappy couple because you don't wear them. And wearing them doesn't magically make your marriage happy either," Oikawa retorted, trying to pretend she hadn't hit a sore spot with that. 

"Good answer," she acknowledged, "But I already figured you’d be well prepared for this conversation." 

"Whatever you’re suggesting, it’s not true." 

"Why is Tobio's room empty? Where are his things?" she continued the interrogation. 

"We're planning on renovating the room. Most of his things are either stored in the basement or at Yachi's place where they usually meet up to study," Oikawa responded as nonchalantly as possible. 

"I see.. you're sticking to the story you thought up together beforehand. But what about this one: Where are his clothes?" 

"Did you search our closet or what?!" Oikawa asked scandalised, and he knew he was adopting the wrong tone, but he couldn't help it. 

"Oh, you didn't expect that?" she said triumphantly, "So you don't have a neat explanation for that I guess." 

Oikawa took a deep breath and tried to calm his nerves. He knew that she was provoking him on purpose, but if he could managed to keep the conversation going without screwing up long enough for him to come up with something to turn the tables on her, he was going to be fine. 

It was easier said than done, though, but he had an idea. 

"Actually," he eventually said and turned to face her for the first time since the others had left, "I do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was kinda scared no one would be interested in reading this anymore after the long break i took, and i'm incredibly happy i was wrong about it. so yeah, thanks a lot for all your support, it really means a lot to me <3


	163. [163]

"You do?" Kageyama’s mother asked amused, "Then tell me. I bet it's an entertaining story." 

"I don't know about that, but guess what, it's the truth," Oikawa said snidely. 

"What are you waiting for then?" she encouraged him again.

"Nothing," he said and shrugged his shoulders, "Or wait, maybe for you to stop prying." 

"Don't forget who you're talking to," she replied threateningly and for the first time dropped her friendly facade. 

"With all due respect, who do you even think you are?! A concerned mother? Alright, I get it; you want the best for your son. You can't stand me? Fine by me! But you have no right to harass me like this," Oikawa snapped at her, "I'm not judging you because if I was you, I would do the exact same thing, but that also means I know exactly why you're doing this." 

"You really think you have it all figured out, don't you?" she replied derisively. 

Oikawa wasn't even sure how he had missed it before. He remembered noticing that Tobio was very similar to his father, but he didn't realise how very similar he himself was to Tobio's mother. 

"You're trying to prove that you're right. If you really were doing this to make sure Tobio is fine, you would've just talked to him, been there for him. But instead you came up with a plan to get some time alone with me just to make me admit all the things you want to hear."

"This is ridiculous," she said with a snort and shook her head. 

"It's the truth, and now you're angry because I figured that out and won't play along," Oikawa continued confidently, "I am not going to tell you anything about our relationship. It's up to Tobio to  decide what he wants to share with you and what he doesn't, and I would never betray him like this." 

"Stop gloating and get to the point," she said sharply. 

"You will never try anything like this ever again," he demanded. 

"Or what? What are you going to do if I don't play by your rules?" 

"I will leave and go see a friend for the rest of the day. Tell Tobio that we had a nice conversation about nothing important and that you politely asked me to give you some family time today. I will stick to this story in case he asks me. He doesn't have to know anything about this," Oikawa proposed and looked her straight in the eye. 

She met his gaze head-on and eyed him suspiciously. "And why should I trust you? You have no reason to protect me." 

"I'm not protecting _you_ ," Oikawa replied matter-of-factly, "I'm protecting _him_. I'm sure he'd consider you going behind his back a betrayal, and I don't think it's necessary to hurt him like this. But if you don’t do as I say, I will tell him. You know he’s going to believe me, and he’s going to be heartbroken." 

For a moment, she just looked at him as if she was weighing the odds, but eventually she nodded. "I'm not going to apologise or anything like that, but well played. I might actually come to like you someday." 

"Not that I need your approval or anything, but if you would’ve tried to understand the situation before judging, you’d probably already like me," Oikawa retorted. 

"Didn't you say you'd do the same if you were me?"

"That’s true, but just because I'd do the same doesn't mean it's not a bad thing."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case you're wondering where this came from all of a sudden.... in chapter 9 i mentioned that oikawa is similar to kageyama's mother while kageyama is more similar to his father :D


	164. [164]

It was cold outside, and Oikawa had to admit he hadn't really thought this through. He was glad to get away from this insanity for a while, but he also felt like he was wasting precious time he could've spent with Tobio. And besides that, when he had said he was going to meet up with a friend, he had forgotten about the fact that he and his only close friend weren't actually all that close at the moment. 

Of course he had other friends, but Iwaizumi was the only one he could just visit out of the blue, especially considering it was almost Christmas and the holidays had just started. He wasn't entirely sure whether his best friend would let him in, but they really needed to talk about things. They couldn't stay angry at each other forever - or that was what he was hoping for at least. 

When he arrived at the building a neighbour held the door open for him to get inside, so he found himself in front of Iwaizumi's apartment door only moments later. He wasn't even sure whether he was home or not since he had been too afraid to call him, but now that he was there, he was equally afraid of ringing the bell. After going over what he was going to say in his head for the umpteenth time, he eventually pushed the button. 

He heard footsteps approach and then the door was opened only a couple of seconds later, and Iwaizumi actually looked surprised to see him. 

"What are you doing here? Don't tell me whatever farce is going on at your place didn't work out and now you need a shoulder to cry on." 

"Actually, things are good at home, thanks for asking. But between us," Oikawa said and pointed at his friend and then at himself, "Thing are not good. We need to talk." 

Iwaizumi huffed but stepped out of the way to let Oikawa in nevertheless, "What exactly do you want to talk about?" 

"Tobio didn't tell me what sort of agreement you two had, so I need you to tell me," Oikawa demanded, "And do me a favour and tell me the truth. You owe me that." 

"For the record, Oikawa, I owe you nothing. If anything, you owe me," Iwaizumi said coldly, "But you're my best friend. I always have your best interests at heart, and it has always been like that. When I told Kageyama to stay away from you and not take you back under any circumstances, I did it to protect you." 

"You did _what_?!" Oikawa said and just gaped at Iwaizumi for a moment, trying to process the information, "You.. you told him to stay away from me?! And you have the audacity to say it was for my best?!" 

"Oikawa, you dumped him. You told me that you can't stand being with him any longer," Iwaizumi defended himself, "I knew you weren't strong enough to stay away from him, so I wanted to make sure he wouldn't forgive you." 

"Oh come on, don't pretend you actually believed me when I said that!" Oikawa shouted at him with frustration, "You know exactly what I feel for him!" 

"Yeah, I do. You hate him, and your relationship had to end for good," Iwaizumi continued to explain, "And he deserves better than you anyway." 

Oikawa's head was spinning, and he was trying to understand what was going on. There had been a lot of times Iwaizumi had disapproved of things he had said and done, but he had never betrayed him or hurt him on purpose. And the fact that he was actually trying to tell him that it was for his own good was absolutely ridiculous. Something absolutely didn't add up.  

"No! You know it's not true!" Oikawa protested vehemently, "I don't hate him.. I-" 

"You what, Oikawa?" Iwaizumi asked encouragingly, and Oikawa suddenly realised that he was being manipulated. 

"I can't believe I didn't notice it sooner," he said and shook his head in disbelief, "You want me to say it? Okay, but if I do, will you finally tell me what the hell you think you're doing?!" 

Iwaizumi nodded and looked at him expectantly. 


	165. [165]

"Alright, Iwa-chan, I love him," Oikawa eventually said. 

He was surprised that his voice wasn't shaking at all and that he was able to look his friend directly in the eye while talking, but he suddenly felt like he had never been this sure of anything else in his life ever before. There was no need to be nervous or insecure simply because it was the truth. 

 "And contrary to what you were thinking," he continued confidently, "It's actually not that hard for me to admit it. I love him. I really do. I'm aware of it. And I mean it." 

"Well, took you long enough," Iwaizumi said accompanied by an acknowledging nod. 

"So what was the whole point of this?" Oikawa asked still slightly angry but already a lot calmer than just minutes ago, "I know you didn't do all this just to make me confess." 

"You told me that this relationship was driving you insane, but I knew you wouldn't be able to completely give up on him no matter what. You needed some distance and time to figure out a bunch of things," Iwaizumi explained, "Remember when you had your big falling out? You told me you didn't care about him at all. And sometime later when I ask you if you loved him, you couldn't admit it. Right now I was just trying to make sure you've actually made some progress." 

"Thanks, but I already have a psychiatrist, and this still doesn't explain why you thought going behind my back and talking to Tobio would be a good idea," Oikawa said, growing more and more impatient. 

"Isn't it obvious why I did it?" Iwaizumi asked instead of answering once again. 

"I wouldn't be asking if I knew, Iwa-chan," Oikawa replied and rolled his eyes. 

"People tend to do the exact opposite of what they're told to do," he finally explained, "I thought you knew that." 

"You thought he'd take me back just to spite you?" Oikawa replied with a disbelieving laugh. 

"Not exactly.. and yes, I was pretty angry at you when I talked to him and I really wanted him to stay away from you for a while, but I was sure he wouldn't actually do what I say in the long run," Iwaizumi responded and shrugged his shoulders, "And it apparently worked at least to some extent." 

"Okay, but why were you angry that he was with me yesterday when you wanted me to get back together with him anyway?" Oikawa asked, still slightly confused. 

"It's too soon, and he's not with you because he's giving you another chance," Iwaizumi said and looked at Oikawa as if he pitied him, "You're probably just going to make things worse again." 

"I'm not completely delusional, okay?" Oikawa protested, "I don't expect him to just take me back because I say I'm sorry. But it won't hurt to make sure he knows how I really feel about him, right?" 

"You really want to tell him you love him?" Iwaizumi asked and seemed to be surprisingly taken aback.

"Well, yeah, maybe? I thought that's what I'm supposed to do; admit things to myself and be honest with him," Oikawa replied insecurely. 

"But not like this," Iwaizumi objected and shook his head, "If you tell him now, he won't believe you. He'll think you're just trying to manipulate him." 

"And what else am I supposed to do then?" Oikawa asked with frustration. 

"Nothing," Iwaizumi replied calmly but urgently, "It's too soon." 

"Well, yeah, maybe now is _too soon_ , but if I don't do anything now, it'll be _too late_ , so it's not like I really have a choice!"  

"You are nowhere near being ready for this, and I'm sure he needs some more time as well," Iwaizumi argued against it, "I know you're desperately trying to hold on to what's left of your relationship, but you really need to let go. If you're going to make this work, it needs to be completely different anyway. You need to be patient." 

"But how can you be so sure that it'll be alright? I mean, what if he just gets over it and doesn't want me back at all ever again?" 

"He loves you way too much for that," Iwaizumi stated without hesitation, "And feelings like that don't just vanish overnight." 

"You think he loves me?" Oikawa asked totally caught off guard. 

"You think he doesn't?" 

"I.. I don't know," Oikawa said and furrowed his brows, "How do you know?" 

"Oikawa, you're extremely high maintenance and a pain in the ass. Do you really think Kageyama would've put up with so much bullshit from you if he wasn't madly in love with you?" 


	166. [166]

"Why did you leave today?" Tobio asked once his parents had gone to sleep and they were finally alone. 

"What did your mother tell you?" Oikawa asked instead of answering the question. 

"She said you met up with a friend." 

"Well, that's what I did, then," Oikawa said as nonchalantly as possible. 

They were already lying next to each other on the sofa, staring at the ceiling, but all of a sudden Tobio sat up again and shot Oikawa a death glare. 

"I can't even tell whether that's the truth or a lie or if you just enjoy being an asshole for absolutely no reason." 

With a sigh Oikawa sat up too. "Tobio, your mother told me to leave." 

"Wow, I've been gone for what? An hour? And you actually managed to make her hate you and kick you out of your own home," Kageyama replied sarcastically. 

"I didn't do anything!" Oikawa tried to defend himself, "And she just wanted to spend some time with her family, and I respected that." 

"You are a part of this family too," Kageyama objected immediately, "And this wasn't _family time_ , it was _interrogation time_ , and you knew it and bailed on me!" 

"I'm sorry, but it's not my fault your mother dislikes me and doesn't consider me family!" 

"Of course it's your fault!" Tobio accused him, "It's your job to make me happy, but you don't. That's why she doesn't think you're good enough for me."

"I'm sorry," Oikawa said and ran his fingers through his hair, "But you haven't exactly given me a chance to make you happy lately." 

"Are you fucking serious?!" Kageyama replied indignantly, "You had a million chances, and you blew every single one of them." 

"And I'm sorry about that too," Oikawa apologised again, "And I didn't mean to upset you by leaving you alone today. Believe me, it was better this way." 

"And why should I believe you? You haven't exactly proven to be trustworthy," Tobio said angrily, "And you have a nasty habit of doing things solely to hurt me." 

Oikawa hesitated for a moment. Generally speaking, Tobio was right about him, but at least today he had done everything to avoid hurting him. He wouldn't feel bad about betraying Tobio's mother and telling him the truth, but the reason he had suggested the deal in the first place was to protect him after all, so he couldn't just talk without thinking first.

"My conversation with your mother was neither friendly nor pleasant," he said eventually, "I was just doing damage control." 

Tobio eyed him and apparently searched for a sign that he was lying, but after a while he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He seemed pretty exhausted and stressed, and all Oikawa wanted to do was to hug and comfort him, but Iwaizumi's words were still floating around in his head and holding him back. 

"I'm sorry she gave you a hard time," Kageyama eventually said. 

His anger had completely vanished but so had all his energy, and of course Oikawa was happy they weren't arguing anymore, but he also felt like Tobio was really, _really_ tired of this and him in general. 

"It was nothing I couldn't handle." 

"You handled it by running away," Tobio retorted with a smirk. 

"Oh shut up," Oikawa said but couldn't help but feel a little relieved that some of the tension was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the songs that inspired this fic is "Haven't Had Enough" by Marianas Trench, and now would be a good time to listen to it :D


	167. [167]

 "What did you do today though?" Kageyama asked. 

"I talked to Iwa-chan," Oikawa said and lay down on his back again in order to avoid looking him in the eye. 

Tobio followed suit but lay down on his side instead.  

"Did you make up?" he asked when he realised that Oikawa wasn't going to talk without being questioned. 

"Kind of.. I think," Oikawa replied pensively, "I'm still angry, but now I at least understand his motivations a little." 

"And what did he say?" Kageyama asked kind of shyly. 

Oikawa knew that he was facing him, and it felt like Tobio's gaze was burning a hole in the side of his head. It was making him unnecessarily nervous and defensive even though he didn't have anything to hide. 

"Why do you even care?" he asked instead of answering the question and turned around to face him too. 

"It's because he thinks I'm bad for you, isn't it?" 

"What? No, not at all," Oikawa replied with a disbelieving laugh, "Why would you think that?" 

"Well, your parents think I'm bad for you, and my friends and parents think you're bad for me, so it's not exactly farfetched," Kageyama explained, "And besides that, when Iwaizumi-san came over to talk to me, it felt like he was your protective older brother. I was just waiting for him to tell me that if I break your heart, he'll break my neck or something like that." 

"Oh my god," Oikawa couldn't help but laugh at that, "I'm sorry, I know it's not funny. But I can assure you that his anger was directed at me and not at you. When did he come over to talk to you anyway? And what did he say?" 

"I thought you talked to him about that?" Kageyama asked in genuine confusion. 

"I did," Oikawa confirmed, "But I feel like he didn't tell me the whole truth." 

"Well, he came by the morning after.." Tobio started but trailed off, searching for the right word. 

"The game," Oikawa suggested, "Just say the morning after the game." 

Tobio nodded. "He came by the morning after the game, and he mainly told me to never forgive you again. And he asked me about what happened to confirm your story or something like that." 

"Well, he didn't tell me about the last part," Oikawa said and furrowed his brows as he wondered why, "But that sounds a lot like him. And I remember him leaving in the morning of that day and how he refused to tell me where he was going." 

"I also know that you lied to him and told him all about how I allegedly cheated on you," Tobio continued and the gaze Oikawa was met with was suddenly ice-cold, "The only thing you didn't lie about was that it's over."  

"Tobio, I-" 

"You what? You didn't want me to know that?" Kageyama asked derisively, "Do you know what else I know? That if you can't even be honest with your best friend, you'll never be honest with me." 

"Tobio, that's not true," Oikawa tried to convince him once more, "And everything that happened that day, and night, and the day after.. I kind of lost it. I wasn't exactly at my best." 

"Well, yeah, that's the point! Maybe I'm not bad for you in the same obvious way you're bad for me, but I totally bring out the worst in you. I'm sure you can actually be a decent person, but obviously not as long as I am around!" Tobio said and sat up again.

He looked absolutely furious and suddenly full of energy again, and Oikawa knew he was going to raise his voice to an inconvenient level at any moment. With Kageyama's parents in the adjoining room, this was possibly worst place and time to be having this conversation. Oikawa had to calm him down somehow and stay composed himself, but it was hard considering all his own pent-up emotions.


	168. [168]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i did not expect life to be busy and shitty, but turns out it is (i forgot how exhausting studying for exams is ahsdkjsdjfsdkf). so yeah, sorry, i should really stop promising regular updates..... anyways, happy new year! thanks for still following this story <3

"You and I might not be the best thing," Oikawa said as calmly as possible and sat up again too, "And you're right, I tend to self-destruct when I'm around you, but that's not your fault."  

"We might not be the best thing?" Kageyama repeated with a disbelieving snort, "We are a fucking disaster." 

"We just got the start wrong," Oikawa protested, still trying to de-escalate the situation. 

"And the middle and the ending," Tobio added bitterly, "I feel like you've nearly lost your mind because of me. And I sometimes can't even recognise myself anymore. I hate what I become around you!" 

"What do you mean?" Oikawa asked.  

There was so much frustration and desperation in Tobio's voice, and he looked as if he was going to cry at any moment. His expression was filled with hurt and regret, maybe even hatred, and Oikawa couldn't even imagine how overwhelmingly intense all these feelings were right now. He was certainly feeling a whole lot of different things too, but it was utterly frightening to see someone who rarely showed any emotions openly this beside himself. 

"Before I started spending so much time with you, I've never been petty and mean for no reason," Tobio said accusingly, "And now? I do things just to spite you and to hurt you and to pay you back. I don't want to be like that!" 

"Tobio, I'm sorry! I like you nevertheless. And it doesn't always have to be like this," Oikawa tried to appease him, "We can fix this." 

"What the hell even makes you think there's still something we could fix?!" Tobio shouted at him and had now officially surpassed room volume level, "You destroyed everything that was left of our relationship when you decided to make a scene and sent me that dumb video!" 

"Tobio-" 

"And don't you dare tell me I have no right to be hurt!" he continued, and Oikawa noticed that tears were running down his cheeks, "I know we practically never really dated, but it hurt. You fucking hurt me!" 

"I never-" 

"Do you think you could stop interrupting me and listen for once in your life?!" 

"Holy shit, keep your voice down!" Oikawa eventually snapped at him, "Your parents are next door, for fucks sake!" 

For a moment it seemed to work since Kageyama became silent, but Oikawa could tell from his expression that he was still as angry as before, probably even angrier, and that he had a lot more to say. 

"Do I look like I care about that right now?!" he snarled at Oikawa, but he really was talking in a lower voice now. 

"No, you look like you don't care about anything right now," Oikawa replied, "But I know that you will still care once you calm down, so you can thank me later." 

"I won't," he said grumpily and turned away. 

He dried his tears with the hem of his shirt. It seemed as if he had only just realised that he had been crying and was trying to hide it, and even though Oikawa couldn't see his face anymore, he knew he hadn't stopped. The sniffling gave him away, and it was heartbreaking. At least he had kind of snapped out of his frenzy.


	169. [169]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for some reason this chapter was incredibly hard to write.. i've rewritten it so many times, and i still don't really like how it turned out.. *sighs*

"I wasn't going to say that you have no right to be hurt," Oikawa eventually said, "I was going to say I'm sorry, and that I'm hurt too." 

"Aren't you always hurt because of something? What is it this time?" Kageyama asked, obviously not taking him seriously. 

"You took someone home with you, and the mere thought of what _you_ did with _him_ in _our_ bed makes it hard for me to sleep at night," Oikawa said bitterly, "And I know it's my fault because I told you to go to hell and you were free to do whatever you wanted, but it hurt."

"You're unbelievable," Tobio muttered. 

"Why? I'm not blaming you for anything. I can't help how I feel!" Oikawa protested. 

"No, that's not what I mean," Tobio said, "Before you suggested it, I had never even considered being with anyone but you. I was drunk and upset, and a friend made sure I got home safe. That's all it was until you came and gave me the idea. Was I aware of his ulterior motives before that? Yes, sure. Was I going to act on it? Never. But then you sent that video, and I didn't care anymore." 

Oikawa wanted to say something, but he just couldn't bring himself to. He had a lump in his throat and no matter how much he swallowed, it didn't go away, and his voice was going to break if he'd try to talk now anyway.

After a moment of silence, Tobio turned back around to him. His eyes were still reddened and his nose was running, but he looked a lot more composed than just a few minutes ago. 

"By the way, the things _I_ did with _him_ in _our_ bed were amazing," Tobio added derisively.  

And that was too much. There was a certain limit to how much he was able to take, and usually he would've just tried to hurt Tobio back, but that was out of the question right now. But without any easy way like that to vent all his frustration and pain, it was simply overwhelming, so he just closed his eyes and buried his face in his hands and cried. 

"I.. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you," Tobio stammered and the shock and slight panic in his voice were clearly audible. 

"Of course you did," Oikawa replied without removing his hands from his face, "This was absolutely unnecessary, and you only said it because you knew it would hurt me." 

Kageyama let out a shaky breath. "Yeah, you're right, and that's exactly what I meant when I said that I hate what I become when I'm with you." 

"You can be as nasty and cruel as you want," Oikawa responded, "It won't make me like you any less." 

"Wow, that's really fucked up." 

Oikawa nodded and slowly revealed his face again, looking to make eye contact. "And you feel the same way. I know you hate me right now, but you also still like me." 

"I'm actually not really sure about that anymore," Tobio admitted but didn't completely object, "All I know is that our relationship is a textbook example for unhealthy." 

"Our relationship _was_. That's all in the past now," Oikawa corrected him, "And that's why Iwa-chan wanted us to stay away from each other for a while, at least until we figure out how to do better than that. And he knew I wouldn't listen to him, so he hoped you'd be more reasonable." 

"And I totally failed," Kageyama said with a heavy sigh and let himself flop down onto the sofa once again. 

"I'm glad you did," Oikawa whispered. 

"I'm not sure I'm glad too," Tobio said in a low voice, "And I doubt we can do any better. Today was hell and yesterday was horrible too. And there are two more days of this. I don't feel like I can do it."

"Can I do anything to make it easier for you?" Oikawa asked instead of trying to argue with the rest of what he had said; they had talked enough about this for one day after all. 

"No, you can't. Let's just sleep now," he replied and turned away, obviously trying to get comfortable. 

"Okay, good night," Oikawa said with a sigh and lay down as well. 

Kageyama didn't even bother to say it back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> may i bring your attention to [this absolutely gorgeous cosplay](https://twitter.com/krackrac13/status/950686886455947264) for a scene from this fic ahsdjsldfsldf i'm in love


	170. [170]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, i wrote this instead of studying for my exams, and i hate myself a little bit for that, but i also want to finish this story at some point in my life (preferably this year, but we'll see about that lol)... so yeah, i hope you enjoy~

Kageyama woke up with the first rays of sunshine illuminating the room. Without even taking a look at the time he knew that it was still way too early to get up, but if he wanted to sleep some more, he definitely needed to close the curtains. He wasn't fully awake yet, and everything around him was warm and cosy and comfortable and he really,  _really_  didn't want to move. He was still extremely exhausted and just wanted this one pleasant and peaceful moment to last.

However, after a while he realised that his pillow was neither supposed to be moving nor to have a heartbeat, and he immediately jolted out of his sleepy trance. When he sat up and opened his eyes, he realised that Oikawa hadn't rolled over in his sleep, but that he was the one invading Oikawa's side of the sofa. In fact, they had been lying so close to the edge that the moment Tobio had lifted his head, Oikawa slipped down the side.

Instinctively, Kageyama grabbed his arm and was at least able to prevent his head from banging on the floor, but he fell from the couch nevertheless. He opened his eyes too, and looked at Tobio in utter confusion for a moment. 

"Did you push me off the bed?" he asked drowsily and yawned. 

His voice lacked all hostility, and Tobio wasn't quite sure if Oikawa was just too tired for this or knew that it wasn't the truth anyway.

"Yeah," Tobio lied and tried to sound convincing and casual, "I think I'd rather you sleep on the floor after all."

For a split second Oikawa looked genuinely hurt and upset, but the expression was gone as fast as it had appeared on this face. With a heavy sigh, he picked himself up from the floor, and Kageyama expected him to crawl back into bed, but instead he went over to the window and closed the curtains as if the light had disturbed his sleep too. 

But Tobio knew very well that Oikawa had no trouble sleeping in bright daylight and had obviously done it for him. After that, he came back to the sofa and sat down, but is movements were slow and sluggish as if he was barely strong enough to support himself. Now that he was thinking about it, Kageyama felt heavy and weak too as if he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Last night’s conversation had definitely taken a toll on both of them. 

"What exactly is it that makes you uncomfortable right now?" Oikawa suddenly asked and made Kageyama snap out of his thoughts again, "Is it really me? Or is it being here? Or the stress and pressure because of your parents? Are you worried about something? What is it?"

"Being comfortable around you makes me uncomfortable," he replied truthfully after thinking about it for a moment.

Oikawa chuckled a little. "I actually felt that way most of the time I was around you in the beginning too. If you ignore it, it'll be okay."

"It's not that easy," Kageyama protested.

"And why not?" Oikawa asked, "Why can't you just give in and enjoy it?"

"Because I need to stay resolute." 

"And what exactly is your resolution?" Oikawa continued to question.

"You know exactly what it is," Kageyama replied with a frown.

"I know vaguely what it's about, but not exactly," Oikawa said with a shake of his head, "So you’ll need to tell me."

Kageyama looked at him sceptically for a moment and considered it. Saying it out loud would make it more real, and that was a scary thing, but probably a good one too. 

"I won't take you back no matter what," he eventually said.

"Alright, so after Christmas, you're just going to walk away as if you've never even been here," Oikawa said completely unfazed, "But that also means that cuddling with me right now won't change a thing, so why don't you?"

"It won't change anything directly, but it might make me not want to go after all."

"But if it makes you feel like that, maybe it's a sign you shouldn't," Oikawa suggested.

"You know damn well it's not that easy!" 

"Yeah, I know it's not that easy, but maybe you should think about why you're _really_ here for a second because Tobio, it's really not that hard either," Oikawa said and lay down again, facing away from him, "But whatever, I'm going to get a few more hours of sleep now. Feel free to join me if you feel like it."

And then it was quiet again, the only noise being Oikawa's steady breathing and the muffled twittering of some birds outside, and all Kageyama could think about was how in the movies and books, the main characters stayed strong and walked away in situations like these. And for the first time, he didn't hate himself for being weak, but the characters for being unrealistic. 

He remembered lying in bed next to Oikawa and not being allowed to touch him although he'd been only an arm's length away, and how physically painful that had been. And then he wondered when the tables had turned. He couldn't really tell when savouring every time Oikawa had been slightly affectionate had turned into him depriving himself of what he was craving. 

And he still thought that Oikawa was wrong because this was hard, really hard, but maybe he was a little bit right as well because it shouldn't be, and probably didn't need to be. And it wasn't when he finally lifted Oikawa's blanket and shuffled closer, and Oikawa immediately turned around to embrace him like right there in his arms was the place where he belonged. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also, i made an **oikage/kageoi discord server** since the skype group chat i had with a bunch of others ended up being pretty dead. we're only a handful of people right now, and we'd be really happy to have you! we mostly talk about oikage and haikyuu but also about completely unrelated topics, and we share art and fics and headcanons with each other. no one is required to be active or whatever, so if you feel like joining the server, please do! just click [ this link](https://discord.gg/9Fr5uCK), and you're in! i'd love to talk to you guys more, but the whole being social thing isn't exactly my strong suit lol.. but in group chats it's easier for me, so yeah, hopefully i'll see some of you around! 
> 
> and as always, thanks for your patience, your support, and for reading <3


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